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The start of something new... The Conference in 2011, unchartered territory for me. New teams, new players. Arsenal and Manchester United are still dominating, Arsenal won the Champions Cup 3 times in a row. Italy, Bulgaria and Argentina can call themselves World Champions in the past 12 years. Gillingham are holding their own in the Premier League, Hull City have got to Division 1. Brighton, Walsall, Rotherham and Wimbledon have all sunk to the 3rd, Stevenage have reached the 2nd Division whilst Halesowen and Canvey Island can now boast a league team. Here's how the Conference looks at the start of seasons 2011/12 after playing the game on holiday so far...
So, which of the three new teams to pick. Billericay, Folkestone or Maidenhead?
Billericay turns out to be in Essex, and here's their vital stats...
Club: Billericay Town
Ground: New Lodge, Billericay
Capacity 3,676 (600 seats)
Facilities: Adequate
Finances: -£282,622
Expectations: Battle bravely against relegation.
Squad: 19 players, all of which are cack, with a high value of a whopping £16,000.
Staff: Old, crap Assistant Manager, 2 OK coaches, 1 OK scout and the usual 20 rated physio.
A tough task!
I've played pre-season. Total disaster. Lost to Tilbury, Southend, Canvey Island and a last minute equaliser against Finchampstead. My Assistant Manager has retired along with one of my three centre backs. I have since appointed a new M RC Assistant Manager, a GK player coach and signed a namesake D C on loan for three months.
This should be fun. I start with a trip to Telford... or was it Southport? That much **** gone on I don't even remember!
Will update soon. Will play for as long until CM4 comes out.
After the pre season horror show, I was rather trepedacious about kicking off the season. With my motley bunch of footballing duffers, avoiding relegation would be deemed a success.
C1 (Conference game 1) Telford 3 Billericay 3 (3191). So imagine my shock when it took all of 3 minutes to score our first goal. The fantastic game ended with a point each. Encouraging start.
Message after game - [Player] has broken the club record with two league goals this season. Well, er... Later find out the top career goalscorer has 140 odd!
C2 Billericay 0 Crawley 4 (1275). Must have been a total fluke. Our first home game saw us get a total mauling. The goalie walked off with a warning for a 4 and a creaking back from picking the ball out of the net 4 times. Though the rest of the side weren't any better.
C3 Stockport 0 Billericay 1 (5208). Goalie comes storming back with a MOM 8. Club captain scores and a superb victory is ours.
The board inject £170,000 to help running costs after C5. Still £160,000 in debt, so it's not really made much difference.
C8 Billericay 2 Maidenhead 1 (1164). At the fourth attempt a first home win, though Maidenhead so far have a paltry 2 points. Either I'm doing a good job or Maidenhead are ten times worse!
C10 Billericay 0 Vauxhall Motors 0 (1570). New record high league attendance, first game in front of Sky Sports live camera, nice cheque from that. Shame the game was one of the worst ever, with only three shots all game.
C14 Billericay 2 Folkestone 0 (998). Sky must want to lose viewers, though this match was a lot better.
FACQ Grantham 2 Billericay 1 (3169). :eek: :o Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Dreadful. Would have played Second Division Wrexham away had we won. Now officially 'as sick as a parrot'. Decide I need to overhaul my squad, so I sign a winger on loan and send my scout to Scandanavia. My loanee centre back is the only player earning his wages. Thankfully, Plymouth are paying them
C17 Billericay 0 Southen 1 (1036). A Swedish 18 year old M RC makes his debut on the right. Doesn't make much difference and rated a 6. The Billericay fans turned up en masse to welcome him. In the coming week I sign an Englishman S C on a Bosman from Trelleborgs of Sweden and an Icelander S C on a free. Also sign my namesake loanee centre back on a summer Bosman. Boy I'll miss him in the meantime.
C18 Southport 2 Billericay 3 (2282). English S C got 7 on debut, Icelander got a 6 and my Swede scored and got an 8. Apply for the newly vacate posts of Northern Ireland, Wales and Cyprus on the off chance.
FAC1 Not in now, but Halifax beat Second Division Tranmere 3-0 and Scarborough overcome Macclesfield of Division 3 1-0 at the Chipfat, sorry McCain Stadium.
FAT1 Billericay 4 Accrington 0 (165). Absolutely pathetic crowd, absolutely brilliant performance. If the crowd can't be arsed, bollocks to them, we're still playing. English S C scored and got an 8. Swede scored, got 9 and MOM. Inspired signing perhaps?
The club is now only £33,000 in debt despite not selling anyone because nobody wants my cack players. Two TV appearances have boosted the finances no end though.
And shock horror, :eek: I have been appointed the manager of Northern Ireland! Best avoid Coalisland...
As for my home and away form... I'm at a total loss as to why I am miles better away than I am at home. The away goals record reflects my style of play, so why are there so few goals at home?!
This turned out to be quite a good session.
My first act was to sign a fourth Scandanavian based player, this one being a Norweigan D/M L from Bodo/Glimt. He'll fill the troublesome left back slot nicely. This scout search is proving fruitful.
I'd decided to call my English striker from Sweden 'Sven' so I don't have to keep typing English striker from Sweden. His real name is very English, but not Smith. C18 Billericay 2 Doncaster 1 (1107) Norweigan makes his debut, getting an 8. A fine win over the third placed side.
I then defeat Grays 3-0 and sign a freebie centre midfielder from Frickley. C20 Billericay 2 Kidderminster 3 (1259) New M C scores on his debut and gets a MOM 8. Our only defeat in a run of ten games, a run that saw us climb to 11th. We have vertigo! C21 Billericay 3 Stockport 1 (1272) Icelander scores his first goal for the club in six games. Swede scores his fourth in seven and says he's happy to be at a successful club. C23 Huddersfield 2 Billericay 2 (5030) New M C scores his third in four games. This was our third game in five days and all my players are now knackered. Lay off those bloody pies! C24 Billericay 0 Aldershot 2 (2307) Record league game for a match who are our rivals, despite from being on the other side of London and have been in the Conference for years.
Four Conference teams reach the FA Cup 3rd Round. Hayes unluckily lose at Plymouth (D2) 3-2. Vauxhall Motors lose 1-0 at home to Leicester (D1). Halifax travel to First Division West Ham and lose 2-0. The fourth is very spooky. Dagenham go to Norwich, of the First Division... and lose 1-0. Shame it wasn't Round 4! FAT3 Billericay 3 Aldershot 1 (730) After a dour first game, revenge is ours in the replay on a snowy pitch. The former Scandanavia players are right at home and my Swede and 'Sven' both score. C26 Hastings 2 Billericay 4 (2987) Four of my new signings score in the first half, including the dodgy Icelander! C27 Billericay 2 Chester 0 (1376) 'Sven' goes from goalscorer to prize fighter when he is sent off just before half time for punching a defender in his face who had tripped him. Banned for 3 games but will play in the next FA Trophy match. He's now half a grand worse off as well, I don't pay him to punch! FAT4 Billericay 0 Southport 1 (701) Despite dominating the entire game, we do everything but score and to make matter worse, Southport score a last minute winner and 'Sven' now starts his ban. Arse! C32 Billericay 1 Sheffield United 1 (1251) 'Sven's' first game back is in front of the Sky cameras, probably hoping for him to perform more fisticuffs. We hardly get a sniff for 70 minutes before a late rally, a goal from a sub and nearly a winner shares the spoils.
Our position in the table is quite healthy, and it should be noted that Scarborough were 16 points clear at one stage but a now on a run of away form that Middlesbrough would be proud of!
Of my signings from Scandanavia, they've all settled in nicely and are playing well, except for the Icelander who has scored just three goals in 16 games. He's now on the list for £50,000 with six interested clubs.
I have a problem spot - someone to partner 'Sven' and still some decided average players. I do have five summer Bosmans on their way, including the centre back I had on loan at the start of the season and a striker from Port Vale who looks like he'll make a good partner for 'Sven'.
With only 10 games to go, I look safe enough to avoid relegation, which is all I really expected this season, and my board are pleased. With the players that are on the way in the summer, I expect to be higher up the table next season.
Finally for now, attendances have risen from around 1200 at the start to around 1400 now, and are currently £60,000 in debt. And it's good to see my home form has picked up.
I'll take them there as a treat assuming we avoid relegation. :cool:
I always thought SWYCT was a loose rule... I've always sent scouts to Europe no matter where I am. You can get cheap Ryanair flights for as little as a tenner and most of the countries are EU, making access unrestrictive . Accommadate the scout in a cheap B&B or YMCA equivalent and you have a cheap scout trip.
After all, I've noticed that at the start of the game there are a few foreigners knocking around the Conference. They must have come from somewhere!
Now off to bed. Hope we can tour Scandanavia next year...
With ten games to go, I had a healthy gap over the relegation zone and was way behind leaders Scarborough. With no real pressure I was free to try some younger players and experiment with my side a bit. This freedom from pressure helped my side as we won half of our remaining games, safety being guaranteed with a 2-1 home win against Southport with four games to spare. Two matches prior to that, we were 3-0 up at half time at home to Scarborough. However, a headbutt from my M C early in the second half enabled Scarborough to mount a come back with the game ending 3-3.
My Swede had been performing well, as had my Norweigan. My Icelander had long been dropped and 'Sven' was beginning to go off the boil as one of my original strikers was beginning to impress. This striker finished top scorer with 11 league goals, whilst my Swede ended up picking up a groin injury and being sent to rehab, returning for the final game. Fans Player of the Year went to a long serving D/DM RC who rated 7.40. He is now aged 32 and played 406 league games for Billericay, holding the club record.
I played my first two matches with Northern Ireland, a 2-0 friendly win in Macedonia and a 1-1 friendly draw at home to Lithuania. We were drawn in Group 9 of the World Cup Qualifiers with Azerbaijan, Belgium, Germany, Greece and Malta. Qualification will be far from easy.
In the end, Billericay finished 12th, a position I'm happy with and the board are delighted with. League table to follow, but elsewhere...
League Cup: First Division Sunderland surprised Manchester City by winning 3-1.
FA Trophy: Southend stopped a non league double by beating Scarborough on penalties at Pride Park.
FA Cup: With Arsenal and Manchester United losing semi finalists , West Brom defeated Leeds 2-0 in the final.
UEFA Cup: Barcelona triumphed over Lazio 3-1 in Brussels.
Champions Cup: Dortmund beat Roma 2-0 at Hampden Park.
European Championships: Currently being played in Denmark at time of save, England defeated in the group stage.
Premier League: Manchester United champions over Liverpool. Stoke, Norwich and Southampton relegated.
Division 1: Hull champions, Derby & QPR promoted. Coventry, Nottingham Forest and a bankrupt Oxford relegated.
Division 2: Bournemouth champions, Scunthorpe & Notts County promoted. Cheltenham, Torquay, Swansea & Preston relegated.
Division 3: Swindon champions, Macclesfield, Brighton & Woking up too. Halesowen relegated.
Conference...
I was the only survivor of the teams promoted last season!
End of season news...
Manager ranking is poor - 84th in England and 724th in the World.
The Icelander was finally sold for £26,000. Royal Navy Portsmouth are his new team.
Our training facilities have managed to get worse. They now need some investment and the board won't invest.
However, despite this season's good performance, the board still expect a brave battle against relegated next season.
The club is currently £36,548 in debt which includes prize money and TV rights.
Altrincham, Basingstoke and Weymouth have been promoted. This now means I start the season in 4th place.
Friendlies have been arranged against Aldershot, Maidenhead, two Swedish teams (there you go Iajafer and another non league team, though I forget which one.
Five Bosmans have arrived, just the striker from Port Vale to come. A few deadwood have now left too, either on Bosmans or sent packing at the end of their contract. My squad is now 34, which includes 12 young reserves and 2 older ones.
Where the hell is Billericay? 
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Dreadful. Would have played Second Division Wrexham away had we won. Now officially 'as sick as a parrot'. Decide I need to overhaul my squad, so I sign a winger on loan and send my scout to Scandanavia. My loanee centre back is the only player earning his wages. Thankfully, Plymouth are paying them 
In the coming week I sign an Englishman S C on a Bosman from Trelleborgs of Sweden and an Icelander S C on a free. Also sign my namesake loanee centre back on a summer Bosman. Boy I'll miss him in the meantime.
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