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While I’m no stranger to LLM In The Football (Championship … whatever) Manager series, having guided the mighty trio of Torquay United, Darlington and Swansea to glory in the past, I’d never decided to slip further into the realms of LLM until I stumbled upon this very forum again just before I started a new game of this illustrious series. This inspired me to drop my lofty League Two ambitions and plummet into the unchartered waters of the Conference North. Picking my team based on two factors, geographical closeness to my home and the fact that my mate supports them, I threw myself headfirst into the challenge otherwise known as Worksop Town. Ambitiously nicknamed The Tigers, I hoped to oust the more illustrious namesakes over in Humberside and, if all went to plan, reach the dizzy heights of, oooh, I don’t know, League One before I self destructed and defected to some fallen giant languishing at the bottom of the Championship (This is how these things usually end up right?) And so, without further ado …
Season 2004/05 – Worksop Town
I cautiously looked over my assembled squad of youngsters, postmen and Uzbekistanis (I kid you not…) and did that thing that builders do when they’re quoting you a price for some work./ You know, make a pained facial expression, suck air through your teeth and go ‘weeeeellll….’. Frankly, the £250 transfer budget (Why?! Why not 0?! What can I buy with £250 quid?! A new stereo?!) was insulting, the coaching staff non existent and the players inexperienced enough to need training wheels when galloping down the wing. Still, I had a sturdy target man grown from the Sheffield Wednesday youth system, an Uzbekistani winger with a great first touch, an abundance of ‘competent’ centre-mid’s and a trio of defenders who looked like they could take whatever was thrown at them from the assembled Conference North. I raided the Birmingham and Sheffield Wednesday reserves for some loan signings, snapped up a young Scottish midfielder and an 18 year old winger on a free and prepared myself for the oncoming season. The early signs weren’t good. After 3 early defeats, I decided that the only was I was going to get anything out of this season was abandoning any sort of style, packing the midfield and pumping the ball up my target man, a tactic which worked wonders, rocketing my bunch of misfits from a lowly 20th place up to the dizzy heights of 8th, then 5th and finally 3rd. A young striker from West Brom popped up on a short term loan deal and contributed 7 goals and an electrifying burst of pace up front for 3 months, another winger from the Owls tore up part-time defences until tearing cruciate ligaments and I sold my 37 year old reserve goalie for £1,000, boosting the transfer coffers by about another £200. Great, now I can buy an Ipod as well….
Still, my 3-5-2 formation was working wonders, with the Uzbekistani superstar weighing in with more assists than Z’s in his name and my target man banging in every loose ball this side of Alfreton. Come the last few games of the season, we were battling for automatic promotion with both Nuneaton and Southport, two teams who we had struggled to dominate throughout the season. Early pace setters Vauxhall Motors had dropped off the radar and Bradford Park Avenue couldn’t win a game if the opposition had turned up in wetsuits and flippers. A frankly shocking run of form and a handful of injuries to key midfielders however, coupled with my West Brom loan signings second spell of the season ending in nothing but an inevitable trophy for ‘Most 30 yard efforts gone horribly wide’ and we had dropped out of automatic promotion contention. However, all was not lost. Despite only picking up 4 points from a possible 21 in the run in to the season finale, we cemented out 3rd place spot and were drawn against Barrow in the playoff semi’s. An unconvincing 4-2 victory at home followed by a tense 1-0 defeat away saw us advance to face Southport, one of my most hated teams (despite me buttering up the opposition manager ahead of the game…). Yet, we steamrolled into a 3-0 lead within the first ten minutes only to be pegged back to 3-2 and a nail biting final ten minutes before sealing a place in the North/South Final against the …erm … ‘mighty’ Eastbourne Boro. Luck would have it, this was the easiest game of the season, proving that the south is indeed ***** compared to the north and a solid 3-0 win gave us a step up to the big time in my first season. The fans loved me, the board loved me, hell, the whole of Worksop loved me. Onwards!
In other news, Chelsea got rid of their illustrious manager to replace him with England, Newcastle and Man City’s favourite failed tactician, the Brum boss defected to Man United AGAIN and Arsenal retained the Premiership. Sheff Utd (scum!) scabbed the Championship but all was not lost as the mighty Owls won the League One play offs to continue their march to the top of the world
Season 2005-06 – Worksop Town
Was our promotion deserved? I think so. Consistency wasn’t our strong point, but clinching vital goals at vital moments certainly was, and that was what sealed our ascendancy. And so, to the Conference National. Those dizzy heights where all of England’s nearly teams congregate to threaten the Football League with their presence. Frankly, we had a ****ing struggle on our hands. We signed a couple of players at the start, nobody for any sort of money, including an ex-Chelsea youngster (isn’t every player in the lower leagues an ex-Chelsea/Man Utd or Liverpool player?) destined for midfield stardom, a young Scottish full back with a bright future, an 18 year old defensive midfielder with aspirations of Football League stardom and a fresh striker from Crewe hoping to cement a permanent place up front with our illustrious target man. Essentially, however, it was the acquisition of a number of ex-Premiership youngsters on loan contracts who impressed the most. A solid centre back with a penchant for penalties, a lightning fast striker who was clearly ten times too good for this division, but no one, not least himself, seemed to have noticed, a tricky winger and a solid defensive midfielder formed the core of our team. Eleven games into the season, however, and we were without a single win. Rattling Billericay in the FA Cup preliminary rounds, however, soon lifted our spirits and we soon went on a massive three game unbeaten run, including our first win of the season over relegated Cheltenham. As our target man was by far our best player last season, and probably this one so far, a change in formation focused the attack around crosses whipped into his lonely frame up front and the resulting goals and/or flick ons would hopefully see us rise out of the doldrums and up the table. Unfortunately, it fell flat on it’s arse and we found ourselves floundering at the foot of the division for much of the season. Only the frankly appalling Dorchester was below us, with Forest Green sandwiching us in the relegation zone come Xmas. Frankly, I’d had enough. Our under-performing Uzbekistani winger was dropped and replaced by a young Scotsman who I signed on a free last season, our target man was rejoined up front by the lightning fast strike partner and we reverted back to the 3-5-2 formation which served us so well last season, albeit with a few alterations. A new year saw us notch up the wins like they were going out of fashion, the highlight being a 6-2 thumping of Dagenham and Redbridge. However, come the season finale, it was all too little too late. We finished 4 points adrift of Scarborough and were subsequently relegated back to the Conference North.
P 42 W 9 D 13 L 20 F 57 A 85 Pts 40 20th
By the last 3 games of the season, I had lost interest in my under-performing Worksop side and my restless eye was wandering. I had already been offered the Yeovil and Aldershot jobs, but I had turned them down in order to concentrate on survival with Worksop. I was beginning to regret those decisions, especially seen as neither team took kindly to me re-applying on hands and knees and told me exactly where to stick my grubby CV (and rightly so). However, salvation was to come in the strangest form. Serie B newcomers Benevento had risen through the ranks and were sans-manager. I applied and, much to the presses bemusement was given the job. Italy here I come!
Sorry, maybe im getting a bit carried away. Ha. But I tend to go off on one when detailing my seasons exploits! It's touch to sum up a year of highs and lows in a few short sentences. heh
Season 2005-06 – Tamworth
This was more like it! No money, no staff, a few promising stars and a couple of quality golden oldies, a relegation struggle predicted and an uphill struggle ahead of us. I love it already.
Despite winning the Conference last season, Tamworth were distinctly worse than most of the teams in their former division. In fact, on first glance, I would have taken half of my Worksop side over this bunch of misfits. However, after a few pre-season friendlies, an opening day 5-2 drubbing to Mansfield and a massive 2 points from 5 games, I had identified both my strengths and ample weaknesses. Again, I took my 3-5-2 formation from the Worksop ‘glory’ days and moulded it around my new side. Like Worksop, we had a powerful, confident and prolific target man, a number of sketchy strike partners, two promising wingers, a young Scottish AMC who could turn a game in the drop of a hat, another ex-Sheffield Wednesday superstar enjoying his early thirties shoring up the Lamb’s back 3 and two aging goalkeepers, one of whom regularly defied his 36 years on this earth by rolling out a number of solid, if unspectacular, displays between the sticks. Due to me spending all my £20,000 budget on staff (it was either that, or train the bastards myself), the only signings made in pre-season were a double-barrelled Swedish right winger who my scouts had alerted me to at Worksop and a young defensive midfielder with that perfect lower league combination of appalling technical skills and superb physical attributes. . As it turns out, these were the only signings made all season, and they were the only players we needed. With a little help from a staggeringly consistent centre-back from The Owls again (an absolute goldmine of lower league talent, I swear), a talented midfielder from Forest and an exciting Irish striker from Derby, we soon began to challenge Swansea for the title. The Welsh outfit were running away with the league and it was soon between us, Wycombe, Colchester and Chesterfield for the other two promotion spots. Or so I thought….
In the complete opposite of last year, January saw us slump into a nine-game losing streak, leading to a 6th place spot at the end of the month. However, the play-offs were still in sight. That was, until, a couple of key injuries to our captain and our left winger saw us slowly slip into a bout of distinctly average football, resulting in way too many draws at home and humiliating defeats away. To be honest, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder and Douglas Bader would have formed a more effective strike force than the one we employed during the closing months and eventually, our New Year slump cost us a play off place. However, 8th spot, one from that tricky play off semi final, was a stunning achievement for a side tipped as relegation fodder at the seasons beginning.
P 46 W 20 D 10 L 16 F 79 A 71 Pts 70 8th
League Cup – 2nd Round (Lost 2-0 to Everton)
LDV Vans – 2nd Round (Lost 7-1 to Brighton … ouch!)
FA Cup – 2nd Round (Lost 1-0 to Gravesend)
Whoops! I missed a bit there ..... This should go before that (anyone wishing to edit it so it makes sense would be more than welcome! heh)
Season 2005-06 – Benevento
And so, to Serie B. The squad was assessed, our aspirations realised and a relegation dogfight predicted. However, it wouldn’t get that far. I had spent the whole 9 days since my appointment feeling uncomfortable about the board’s decision to hire me. And so, as Championship side Burnley snapped up Mark Cooper from newly promoted Tamworth to replace their wayward boss, I was approached by League Two’s freshest arrivals and after roughly 20 seconds deliberation, I ended my brief holiday in Southern Europe and scampered back to Lower League English Football. Phew! That was a close one….
Tiger Feet and Lambs To The Slaughter 
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