retired_kris1971again

Think I’ve got some stable leagues running now so I’ll give in and start an update thread to give me something to do on this bloody cold evening here in Southampton.

*Sits down with a glass of Malibu and starts to type*



2004/2005

Took charge at dangerous D@rkies in the South African first division. Slightly more cash available than in the English Conference divisions, but a much closer league. Started the season as cursed as Norwich with 11 draws in a row, tried out a random striker from my U18s which enabled me to start winning games, despite a cheese grater defence. Battled to promotion scoring 90 goals in the league (still the record), clinching the Championship on the final day by 1 point. Top 12 teams were separated by 4 points at the end of the season :eek: .

SAFA Cup Quarter Final loss to a strong Wits team, running high in the top division, 1-0.

Forced to sell my two top players to bigger clubs as I got ready to enter the Premier League.



2005/2006

2000-1 odds on winning the title :cool:, minus my two best players but holding on to my star defender (at least till the end of the season). Main problem this season being I couldn’t even get a one-legged donkey to sign for me during the close season.

Relegation Battle the whole season, helped by an unlikely double over the high flying Moroka Swallows, which saved us and wrecked their title hopes. Kaizer Chiefs pick up the title for the 3rd year in a row, we escape relegation with 4 games to go due to a strongish finish to the season, where we took away 10 points from our last 7 games.

SAFA Cup….Out first round we played, got the Kaizer Chiefs away and stood no chance.

Main problem with season….end of season came, and not one player would sign a new contract, or even consider signing for us??? Left with an 8 man squad as a Premiership team, got annoyed with board not giving me any money to spend despite the excellent finances, left the club in a fit of late night anger .



2006/2007

Found myself at the start of the season, an unemployed Guamean manager with an obscure reputation, and one title under my belt. Where to go?

Searching the job shop I notice my local town, Braintree are looking for a manager, having been freshly promoted to the Conference South. Naturally I jumped at the opportunity and two weeks later I’m sitting at the head of a shaky Southern Conference side, lacking any real defence, but a promisingly solid midfield and a strike force at least bulky enough to make their presence felt in the Southern Conference *fingers crossed*.

Enter the season looking to escape relegation at 100-1 favourites for the drop, pick up a 16 year old schoolboy to strengthen the defence (and pigs will fly), and a couple of other youngsters to put some pressure on our other players. Best news is that my oldest first teamer is 25, so I won’t be needing extra space for the zimmer frames on our team min…..make that team Ford Escort, this is Essex after all.

Start the season, shock horror the 16 year old defender can actually do his job , also pick up a cheapo loanee from Charlton Reserves, who we’d freindlied pre-season, who turns out to be an absolute genius, and we end up marching to a 17 point lead by the 20 game mark, and sleep for the rest of the season, clinch it by 7 points, racking up 88 points for the season, score 87 goals, and my loanee Charlton reserve picks up 16 MoM awards, ending up with me dancing round our flat kitchen and confusing my hallmates.

Did nothing in the cups with first round exits in all.

Up to the Conference National, and replace Canvey as the main Essex representatives in the Conference. Now the 5th team in Essex and looking to be number one, if Leyton Orient would just quit getting promoted every damn season.

Now getting ready for the 2007/2008 season by signing every schoolboy my scout can find, so hopefully I can copy Scots mod bloke and stay up.

Will update this next, probably on Sunday, as I’m halfway through 2007/2008 season now.

KingsbayYHPE

Malibu? I know LLaMas are poofs, but isn't that taking it a bit far? :eek:

KUTGW!! , btw.

retired_kris1971again

Only alcohol I got in the house, drunk the other £85 worth in a mega late night session Monday, didna get to bed till 11:00am.

KingsbayYHPE

Now, that's a session

retired_kris1971again

Touch of a late update but been almost 2 months without FM back home

2007/2008

Upto the Conference National, 250-1 odds, and favourites to go back down again, this time I believe the odds. Bring in 20 youths, sell 4 key players, get ready for a tough season. First game of the season sees the visit of the Daggers, we happily cream them 4-1, leading to a drunken, naked manager dance on the pitch (This was at the end of the Monday night marathon).

The next 15 games saw us draw 11, and lose 4, and subsequently lose 4 of my main MCs for the 2nd third of the season, leading me to promote my youth star to the first team, as soon as he hit his 16th birthday. Northampton proved to be the pace setters sprinting to a 9 point lead after 16 games.

Thankfully my youth repaid me with a strong performance, and a lack of injury, and we got the win, leading on a run of 15 wins, 1 draw and 3 losses in the league, seeing us rise from 16th to 7th with 8 games to go and a game in hand. Bury had by this time replaced Northampton at the top, and were 15 points clear at the top, but with 2nd-12th being separated by 4 points, the playoffs spots still seemed up for grabs.

Our good form also saw us make it to the 3rd round of the FA Cup, where we drew Stoke at home. They held us to a 0-0 draw at our fortress of Cressing Road, despite them having a man sent off, and we hitting their woodwork 9 times in one match.
We lost the replay 1-0 to a strong Stoke side but the gate receipts were certainly welcome from the 20000 crowd. We also made progress in the FA Trophy despatching Conference opposition at every stage.

Back in the league, Bury then went on a strange losing streak to all of the bottom 4, which saw us close with 4 straight wins, to within 3 points with 4 to go, but with another 6 of our older players moving out, our squad age is now an average of 19, and I’ve been forced to use 41 players so far this season due to injuries (largely groin strains, including 6 in one training session)

Unfotunately Bury then won their last 4 games and we finished up still those 3 points behind in 2nd place, playoff semi draw against our favourite victims Northampton (9-1 agg. Lead during regular season) but shock of shocks we crashed out 2-1 on agg. After losing a man in the home leg.

Looks like another season of torment…

Midtable target for next season but keeping our key players is putting us 30k over budget, bye bye expensive striker, hello youth team strikers....now impress me.

retired_kris1971again

Almost forgot to mention, won the FA trophy with a reserve team. Sent my under 18s out to dispatch Kings Lynn 3-0 in the final having knocked out all higher league opposition in earlier rounds.

retired_merri13

KUTGW :thup:
Conference is a fun league, stay there for like 17 more seasons

retired_lizthibert

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TtD:
Almost forgot to mention, won the FA trophy with a reserve team. Sent my under 18s out to dispatch Kings Lynn 3-0 in the final having knocked out all higher league opposition in earlier rounds. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bragging?

Good work though

retired_kris1971again

More laughing at the fact Kings Lynn got to the final knocking out all the higher league opposition. Methinks I coulda phrased it better in the last post.

retired_crazybonejr

That's far from bragging, he's only telling us what occurred.

KUTGW!