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Yippers! The three years have been completed, and as promised (I'm sure a lot of you are on the collective edges of your seats), here is my update:
Season 2004/2005: Segunda División B3 – Benidorm C. D
As I pray at the altar of Frank for a nice destination, he hears my prayers and sends me off on a sun-drenched trip of the Western end of the continent, plonking me in with other pasty Northerners on the East coast of Spain.
On arrival at nearby Alicante airport, I realise that the players I have already are none-too-shabby. Nothing special, and incredibly biased towards the left-hand side and attacking areas of the field, but that makes a nice change. The problem of having no right-backs at the club will be alleviated thanks to the generous £200,000 transfer kitty. On further inspection of the rest of D2B, it looks as though I may well have to make that money stretch somewhat and also that my squad might not be as good as I first thought, especially with five reserve teams in my league. The media and board expectations of relegation only serve to reaffirm this. First things first: straight to the job centre. Unfortunately, the two hundred thousand may as well be two hundred million for the amount of players that I can recruit, and I start the season with only two new recruits and still no right back.
After losing the first game and settling in for a long, hard slog, the boys somehow manage to go 14 games without losing in the league (cups suck arse) and only a penalty to the second-placed team ends this run. The rest of the season plods along, winning a lot more than losing and despite losing to all the other top-four teams, finishing on top of the pile. In the play-offs, Ponferradina are despatched in the semis 3-2 on aggregate, and in the final, Real Mallorca’s B Team are beaten 1-0 away, and with five minutes to go, we’re 3-1 up. Then one of their young starlets who should by all rights in their first team pegs it back to 3-3 in the space of two minutes. A desperate tactical move back to ultra defensive, and thankfully, the Segunda División proper beckons for Benidorm after only one LLM season!
Segunda División B3:
Position: 1st - Promoted
Games Won: 25 Games Drawn: 4 Games Lost: 9 Points: 79
Goals Scored: 71 Goals Against: 35 Goal Difference: +36
Best Player: 30yo Spanish M L (7.73)
Top Goalscorer: 27yo Spanish F C (24 in 25(7) apps)
Spanish Cup:
Out in Second Round (Lost 3-1 at home to Levante)
NB. D2B team Conquense lose in final, to Osasuna
Players In: 5 (+4 arranged for close season) - £79k total cost
Players Out: 1 - £30k total income
Season 2005/2006: Segunda División – Benidorm C. D
Ridiculously, I sign up 15 new young players on frees over the summer (okay, okay, I got carried away) and lose last season’s top scorer for the minimum release fee of £800k to Sporting Gijón due to him demanding far too much money on contract renewal. One of his strike partners in rotation (19 goals last term) threatens to be sold likewise when he rejects a contract offer, before he comes to his senses and signs up. Shamefully, the same cannot be said for the star midfield lock, who rebels against signing a new contract and is let go for the shockingly low minimum fee of £325k to Alavés. Of course, I can’t use any of this filthy lucre due to both the club’s low stature, and the club’s low wage ceiling. I prepare mentally for a season of relegation – if I last that long. The bookies give me odds of 300/1. Erk.
I convince two players of some real worth (£55k midfielder, £400k striker both from D2B) to come to me at the half-way transfer window, both being more than needed with only five points and sitting rock bottom.
The second half of the season is twice as good as the first, and by that I mean that we picked up another 12 points, meaning a rock bottom finish, a horrific imbalance in goals and a return to the third tier. On the plus side, the club’s finances are now in a very healthy state, meaning that the club will be able to stabilise in the future (including a planned improvement of the training facilities) and hopefully actually compete in the Segunda División next time around.
Segunda División:
Position: 22nd - Relegated
Games Won: 3 Games Drawn: 8 Games Lost: 31 Points: 17
Goals Scored: 19 Goals Against: 85 Goal Difference: -66
Best Player: 31yo Spanish M L (7.15) – again.
Top Goalscorer: 25yo Spanish F C (12 in 39 apps)
Spanish Cup:
Out in First Round (Lost 3-1 at home to Barcelona)
Players In: 19 - £504k total cost
Players Out: 9 - £1.145m total income
Season 2006/2007: Segunda División B3 – Benidorm C. D
Scout gets off to a blinding start in his pre-season trek of Spain and turns up a striker, whose contract is running out, form a team that’s just finished top of the same league we’re heading into. He’s happy to sign and joins the ranks as the one of only three senior signings (I’m still convinced that the nucleus of the squad is good). Lessons are learnt after last year’s madness and all the young players that the scout recommends are only signed up on one-year deals, and only if they’re under 18 (we have no reserve side). And all this despite now being termed as “rich” with almost £3million as a transfer budget.
Employing a shockingly efficient rotation system, the team goes into the second half of the season in third place, with the new striker bagging 14 goals in 13 games and a crop of the youngsters signed in last season’s avalanche making a real impact in the first team squad. It becomes obvious from looking at the division that there’s a real rift in quality between the top seven and the rest of the league. A young Scottish striker is signed up in the transfer window for £55k from Novelda in the same league to provide competition.
I fear the worst 25 games in when, despite morale being high, I fine the top-rated left winger a week’s wages for a ridiculous sending off in a crunch match and the team rebel in solidarity with the blue-eyed boy. He then claims he has “personal problems” which makes me want to put him in the Under-18s and fine him every week for bringing his problems to work with him. I instead give him two months off one after the other to sort things out (he’s good, after all, but we’re still just about winning without him). He comes back, still peeved and now hates me. I decide enough is enough and transfer list him.
A superb example of what DMing can do to your game is when I boot up the next day, remembering vaguely agreeing terms with a midfielder for next season on a Bosman. He does indeed look tasty, except he’s on a four-year deal at £4,000 a week (That’s £800k salary, maths fans) and likes to drink Um Bongo (ie. He’s from The Congo). This means that unless I secure promotion (and then stay there for three years more) this means that I have a player I can’t play, because of the rulings on non-EU players in D2B. Bugger.
Luckily for old Um Bongo (and my chairman), promotion is indeed secured, with an outstanding play-off semi against bogey team Lleida ending in 3-2 on aggregate (lost first leg 2-0 away, won 3-0 at home) and then dispatching hapless Real Mallorca’s B Team (again) in the final with 2-0 away and 1-0 at home. Splendid.
Segunda División B3:
Position: 2nd - Promoted
Games Won: 22 Games Drawn: 8 Games Lost: 8 Points: 74
Goals Scored: 67 Goals Against: 30 Goal Difference: +37
Best Player: 31yo Spanish F C (7.71)
Top Goalscorer: 31yo Spanish F C (25 in 33(2) apps)
Spanish Cup:
Out in First Round (Whippersnappers lost 5-0 at home to Murcia)
Players In: 13 (+1 arranged for close season) - £105k total cost
Players Out: 10 - £30k total income
Sun, Sea, Sex, Sangria and Soccer 
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