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After lurking on the site for a few weeks I finally pluck up the courage and in no time, with the help of Frank, find myself in the south-eastern Sicilian town of Gela, home of the Mafioso association Stidda and now a very nervous-looking Geordie manager.
Running the English and Italian leagues.
Season 07/08
Sell 4 pieces of dross for a pittance and bring in 2 less drosslike freebies.
Start off with a 0-3 home loss and then it really goes downhill. I amass a total of 10 points by Christmas (3 wins and a draw) and the natives are decidedly unfriendly.
For no discernable reason things begin to improve and we go on a good run (including 3 wins on the trot) and by season end Gela are in a comfortable 10th spot.
As the media were predicting us to finish 3rd I half expected to be soon sleeping with the fishes bit it doesn't happen and it's (hopefully) onward and upward.
Season 08/09
Got rid of 6 clodhoppers for an even smaller pittance and bring in some cultured ball-platers (well less clodhopperish thugs) for next to nothing.
A topsy-turvey season sees us drop as low as 16th and rise as high as 4th before finishing once again in mid-table - 9th.
The Board are lukewarm in their praises.
A crap defence including a blind, ancient goalkeeper didn't help our cause but a 16 goal-scoring teenage striker helped brighten the Sicilian skies.
I resolve to bolster the defence.
Surprisingly, rather than put out a contract on me, the Board offer me a new one to sign and I cannot wait for the coming season.
Season 09/10
I should have waited....
I finally find a decent looking keeper and along with another 3 newbies to bolster the defence it's off we go again.
But unfortunately we never really got going at all- the decent looking keeper might have been quite handsome but he couldn't stop my granny scoring and she's dead.
He made our old, arthritic goalkeeper look like a contortionist. The bolstered defence were useless as well and so in murky early January, when occupying 17th position I found the horse's head in my bed and before I had the opportunity to resign was brutally sacked,
Now on the Sicilian equivalent of the dole I sit waiting and hoping for another opportunity to ply my trade in the depths of Serie C.
Unfortunately, due to a combination of managerial ineptitude and the fact that for some unexplained reason I set myself up with German nationality ( Leo Da Vinci the German!) I can't get another job for love nor money- maybe I'm on a Stidda blacklist.
Have a horrible feeling I might have to go back to Frank.
A Trip to Sicily 
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