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Frank sends me to Gainsborough- Conference North.
Ambition: to last 3 seasons without getting sacked.
SEASON 1- 2004/05
Had no transfer budget, my squad had one decent keeper, so of course my players in were...2 free keepers. Sold the first one for a few dollars, but my scouts failed to find anyone that I was willing to part with the money for.
6 free transfers in, 1 player out for $2k (Australian $), 4 loanees
League- finished 8th. Pts61 W16L13D13. Suffered from delusions of possibly making the play-offs for a while.
FA Trophy- 3rd round
FA Cup- 4th qualifying round.
SEASON 2- 2005/6
3 free transfers in, 8 players out for $80K, 3 loanees in
One striker from the original squad did well and was 1 or 2 short of getting the league top goalscorer.
League- worse than last year- 9th. Pts62 W16 D14 L12, Board seem to be quite pleased though.
FA Trophy- 1st round.
FA Cup- 4th QR.
SEASON 3- 2006/7
5 free transfers in, 6 out for $47K
Decided at the start of the season that a major tactical overhaul was in order. The success of this is indicated by the boards’ decision to sack me without so much as a vote of confidence after 32 games spent in the drop zone. Nothing to report in the cups.
After a few weeks I successfully applied for the post at Weston-super-Mare in Conference South. With 6-7 games remaining they were in the drop zone. I felt confident when we scored in the first five minutes of my first game in charge, sadly the lead was soon lost and we managed to rack up a total of 2 more points before the end of the season.
One sacking and one relegation in one season. The smarmy git who took over at Gainsborough managed to keep them safe.
Season 4- 2007-8
Over the break, I landed the job at PSNI (which stands for Police Service of Northern Ireland- no wonder no one will join the club) in NI Div 2. When I was offered the job there was a massive $2K transfer budget on offer, but this was cruelly snatched away as the next season transfer budget was announced about 3 days later- $0. Not a player in the squad is valued over $0. The club is nearly half a million in debt.
3 free transfers in, 8 out on frees to cut the wage expenditure.
We won the first three games in the Intermediate League Cup, but failed to get enough points from the next 2 games and did not progress. I felt it was a reasonable start, although it was hard to identify a player who we would be turning to for any kind of success through the season.
After a season hovering around 10th spot (11th and 12th go into a relegation play off against two other clubs from even lower divisions—which PSNI had survived two of the previous three seasons), we ensured survival on the second last day of the season. On the last day, we also scored an injury time equaliser against our rivals Lurgan Celtic to deny them promotion. This was the highlight of the season as I had released a media statement before the game saying I wouldn’t mind if we got in their way. :cool: (In a club like this, I will take the petty pleasures).
NI Second Division- 9th Pts 25 W6 D7 L9
Irish Cup- 5th round Lost to Premier Division Ards at home in front of the clubs biggest ever crowd of 981.
NI Steel & Sons Cup 3rd round
Season 2008-9
Same transfer budget as last time.
Only managed to convince 2 new free signings, and let go of another 6 through the season for $0.
Very similar to last season. Again ensured survival on the second last match of the season, this time finishing 10th. Scored one less goal this season with 14 from 22 games, compared to 15 last season. The board continues to indicate it is pleased with my performance, but we are now over one million in the red, despite staying well under the wage budget.
Highlight was signing a retired star player from my favourite club as a coach. I didn’t look at his stats, just saw he had applied and signed him on the spot.
Intermediate League Cup- didn’t progress past group stage
NI Division Two- 10th- Pts 24 W6 D6 L10
Irish Cup Third round
Steel and Sons Cup- Third round
The squad is whittling away to the very bare bones as I try to keep the wage budget as low as feasible- not that anyone will sign for a Police team in Belfast anyway (why would that be?)
I plan to fool heartedly repeat my strategy from Gainsborough, and completely revamp the tactics in an effort to improve next season. I hope I can get through a third season without sacking or relegation, which will be a major landmark in my career.
Season 2009/10- PSNI
3 players in for $0, 4 players out for $0. Couldn’t get any loan listed players to come near the club.
A spark of excitement was getting $1K for a sell on clause on one of my old players.
New signings included a MC who the fans were sure would ‘lift’ us- he was OK. I had high hopes for a new striker but he failed to make an impression.
This season we had to wait until the very last match to secure the coveted 10th spot and avoid the relegation play off. We were playing our relegation rivals on the last day and had to avoid losing by 2 goals or more- we managed a 1-1 draw, they went on to lose the relegation play off.
Poor start to the season, keepers couldn’t seem to even see the ball. Let one get signed off to move at the end of his contract and brought in a free transfer. He rated 8’s for his first few games and it was good. Ups and downs, major loss was a young DMC who had been performing brilliantly all season- out for four months from December for surgery. Had an unexpected run of results and with just 4 games remaining we were flying high in 5th spot, but we got nosebleed and almost crashed. Scored an impressive 22 goals though (that is one per game, a proud achievement for the lads).
NI Division 2- 10th W6 D6 L10
N Irish Cup- Third round
Steel and Sons Irish Cup- Second round
NI Intermediate League Cup- failed to progress from Group stage
Board- Delighted
That is 3 seasons keeping PSNI up, so I might be open to offers in the coming months, although I would miss the uniform.
Gainsborough and then some 
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