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After far too long as an LLM forum lurker, I’ve decided it’s only good and proper that I share the highs and, more often than not, lows of my lower-league career. LLM rules so firmly entrenched in my mind that I could probably recite them backwards in my sleep, Frank demanded that I pack my bags and head off to Yeading for the start of my career.
Expectations of the board and fans were not high, and thank goodness for that – average crowds of 300 and a wage budget of £130k meant that this would be a season of consolidation. At the turn of the year we found ourselves perilously close to the relegation spots, but the signing of a solid DC on a free helped to solidify the defence and move us up the table. Getting knocked out at the first hurdle in both cups proved a major disappointment both for me and the bank manager – even on such a paltry budget and with a paper-thin squad we were leaking cash badly. With further cuts to the playing budget necessary to prevent even more losses, the next season was going to be a tough one. Still, a decent start, and more importantly I was in the board’s good books. For the time being…..
Dear oh dear oh dear. Where to start? Well, due to the aforementioned imminent financial meltdown, major squad rebuilding was necessary to reduce the wage budget even further and stem the losses. Out went 7 players, including my star MC, who I flogged to Inverness CT for a tidy £50k. In came 12 frees, mostly youngsters on no more than £5k/year, all recommended by my two scouts.
With the wage bill down to a bare minimum, and expectations to battle bravely against relegation, I badly needed some decent cup runs to boost the squad. And lo and behold, a very kind draw took us to the second round of the FA Cup, eventually taking Shrewsbury to a replay before falling. My bank balance was looking a lot healthier.
But it was all too little too late. After an ok start to the season, a combination of a fixture pile-up (cups! ) and a complete lack of firepower up front saw me plummet to the foot of the table. Where I stayed. For the rest of the season. My toblerone-booted strikers' uselessness resulted in the side hitting the back of the net a mere 30 times all season in the league.
Oh the shame of relegation from the ECS! Thankfully, immediately after the final game Lewes offered me the manager's reins. Very grateful - but what's the chairman thinking?!
Thankfully I managed to restore some credibility to my managerial reputation by taking Lewes to the playoffs, where we were unlucky to lose out in the semis to Tamworth, 2-1 on aggregate.
I'd inherited a bloated squad that, like Yeading before them, required a sizeable cull of high earners and dead wood (they finished 15th the previous season). And, needless to say, the wage budget was meagre and transfer funds nil. Out went 16(!) and in came 4, leaving only 20 players for the forthcoming campaign.
Bottom of the table after nine games, i had a distinct feeling of deja vu at the intriguingly-named 'Dripping Pan' stadium. But just when I was packing my bags for the Peter Reid Retirement Home for Repeatedly Sacked Managers, an inexplicable turnaround in fortunes saw us rocket up to the playoff positions by March. Sadly it was not to be, but cash from improving attendances and a decent run to the last eight of the FA Trophy meant that I could strenghten in the close season.
The rise and fall of edgy Yeading 
) and a complete lack of firepower up front saw me plummet to the foot of the table. Where I stayed. For the rest of the season. My toblerone-booted strikers' uselessness resulted in the side hitting the back of the net a mere 30 times all season in the league.
Thankfully, immediately after the final game Lewes offered me the manager's reins. Very grateful - but what's the chairman thinking?!
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