Emm

Took over Hitchin, (who had just been promoted to Conference South), at the beginning of the 2007/08 season. They had no players and no staff so I went about signing anybody who had 2 legs and wanted to play for little or no money. Ended up signing a bunch of big fat blokes who weren't very good at football but could kick the ball quite a long way. My biggest fattest bloke scored 24 goals, but only 1 with his feet. I sneaked into the playoffs, (finished 3rd) and then won playoffs without much fuss . Didn't win any cup games. I had a board takeover towards the end of this season but despite some inital concerns, I was allowed to keep my job. There was a transfer embargo for long periods of this season while the sale if the club was finalised. It didn't really make much difference as I didn't have much money and only really crap fat blokes who weren't wanted by anyone else seemed to want to join me anyway. I suppose I was just lucky that my biggest fattest bloke was bigger and fatter than everybody else's biggest fattest blokes.

2008/09. Conference National. My biggest fattest bloke was even fatter after the summer so I told him to go away and do a physio course and come back. Everybody else was still crap and I eventually finished 16th after a late season surge. I don't think I won any cup games this season either. My strikers were really crap and nobody scored double figure goals .

I got a couple of lads in on trial who had been a part of the N.Ireland U19 squad but who were released by their N.Irish clubs. I couldn't scout them but as they agreed to come on trial before I signed them I thought it would be ok.

My new Chairman won't let me have a parent club, I can't have a feeder club because I'm still semi-pro and I still haven't got a fitness coach because nobody has applied.

2009/10. Conference National. Another crap start saw be battle away in the relegation zone for much of the season before another late season surge saw me again finish 16th. The highlight of the season was my young big fat centre-half captain, receiving his 2nd senior N.Ireland Cap. I don't think I won any cup games this season either.

My new Chairman won't let me have a parent club, I can't have a feeder club because I'm still semi-pro and I still haven't got a fitness coach because nobody has applied.

2010/11 Conference National. After an appalling start, (and some harsh words from the Chairman), we rallied well before succumbing to the joy that is mid-table obscurity to finish 9th. I think I possibly won a cup match this year, but I wouldn't stake money on it.

My new Chairman won't let me have a parent club, I can't have a feeder club because I'm still semi-pro and I still haven't got a fitness coach because nobody has applied.

retired_meli

Your story has brightened my lunchtime. I thank you.

Several questions come to my mind like:
Are you a masochist?
Try employing thin people?
Don't be monopedist?
Shoot the Chairman?
Apply for the Fitness Coach position yourself?

But please keep me posted on whether you attain your goals (sorry).

Emm

Isn't a prerequisite of becoming a LLaMa?

Only fat useless idiots wanted to play for me. As I understand it, Hitchin have an appalling reputation in the game.

It's only a guess, but.... biased against people with only 1 leg? My big fat striker didn't need any legs. He hardly ever kicked the ball at all.

:cool:

Nah, unfortunately it's the job centre or nobody.

Emm

2011/12. Conference National. I once again sucked ass in the suck ass trophies, but I again moved forwards in the league, finishing a record 8th after I bored the rest of the league to death. I played out 13 0-0's in the league and had our fat keeper not kept a total of 22 clean sheets , we would surely have been down near the bottom again.

My new Chairman won't let me have a parent club, I can't have a feeder club because I'm still semi-pro and I still haven't got a fitness coach because nobody has applied.

2012/13. Conference National. We started well in the league for a change, and kept some semblance of form through the season to finish 3rd in the league, only to be well beaten in the playoff semi's. We even had the joy of reaching the 4th round of the micky mouse suck ass trophy, as my previously useless bunch of fatties, somehow lost some weight and remembered that you could actually pass the ball to a member of your own team rather than hoof it aimlessly up the pitch.

My new Chairman won't let me have a parent club, I can't have a feeder club because I'm still semi-pro and I still haven't got a fitness coach because nobody has applied.

2013/14. Conference National. We didn't start well, we started brilliantly, and led the league for much of the first half of the season. Our form stuttered after Christmas though and by the end of the season, I was just happy that our freefall had been halted in time to see us still hold a playoff position of 3rd. Again it was to be heartbreak in the playoff semi's, as we had a player sent off in the home first leg draw, and then were hit on the break trying to score in the away 2nd leg . Cup's sucked ass again after 1 season of relative success. My new fitter, younger keeper made quite an impact in his 2nd season, keeping an impressive 24 clean sheets in the league as I once again tried to bore the opposition and the fans to death. At the other end, my strikers remembered what they were being paid for and for the first time since my first season, 2 players reached double figure goals.

This doesn't sound much when compared with the halcyon days of FM06, but it pleased me enormously.

My new Chairman won't let me have a parent club, I can't have a feeder club because I'm still semi-pro and I still haven't got a fitness coach because nobody has applied.

If I was a Yank, I would give myself a new title, 'Defensive Co-ordinator' and get somebody else in to show the boys how to score goals. I can't believe the number of clean sheets I'm managing. Super Keepers do exist, they are just usually wearing the yellow/blue of Hitchin .

Have I mentioned that my Chairman........?

Oh, I have, sorry.

retired_tye1234

Jimbokav1971:- How often has your mother told you not to talk to strange men this one only posts in T&T and the Good Player thingy. Get away from him quickly before he contaminates you.

Oh and KUTGW :thup:

retired_chairman413

KUTGW. Nice consistency on the parent club, feeder club, fitness coach issue. :thup:

retired_seabury

I would like to say TG!KUTGW, but they are Bedford Town's closest rivals and have pinched a number of their best players over the years.

But apart from that, KUTGW

retired_yolanda

TG!! KUTGW!

~Mandy~

KUTGW

Just one suggestion, have you thought of trying to get in a fitness coach?

retired_lynn sweatt

lol brilliant thread. You have brightened up my incredibly dull day

KUTGW!