Cindarella

I doubt anyone here will really care, but I just feel I need to get this out, so here goes.
Life for me is pure shit, sure I have friends, but most of them are false, shitty and idiots. Love life is crap, I used to have alot of girls, but rumours about me took that away from me.
At home, life is shit, I don't have a father, never had one, he doesn't even know about me, feels crap knowing you're a mistake, a fucking shitty mistake.
My mom can't handle me, we have alot of contact with the socials, wich is crap, I may get a new family just because she can't handle me and she's has alot of problems..
Money, also shit, my mom has to raise me alone, sure she has a boyfriend, but he doesn't do shit for me and even threatened to kill me.

If I think about it, football and the computer, yes a fucking computer is the only things that brings joy to my life.

School, well, I may have to repeat one grade, not because I'm bad at school, just because I've been more at home then there, and the rumours about me makes me wanna stay home even more, words hurt, people don't think about other peoples feelings, teachers tell me they only want my best, but I'm no fucking idiot, they're all idiots.

But when I think about it, why do I have to go to school, I think, no, I know I was meant for something big, something great.
The problem is, lately, I've gotten alot of suicidal thoughts, death would be better than the life I have, people tell me it's not that bad, but there's alot no one knows, fucking idiots.

May not be much of a thread, but I know alot of people feels the same, maybe even worse, so feel free to share your feelings. Anything, really.

PS. No one has to feel sorry for me, that won't make me feel better, instead of showing pity, give me advice, if you have any.

chica1985

I can kind of sympathise with you there, don't worry - ive been through a lot the last 5/6 months and ive thought of suicide as well. Hey I even dreamt of commiting suidcide a lot recently. Shit happens.
Only good thing for you is school, how well are you doing and how long do you have left?
My advice is just ignore them, hard as thats sounds but it works - dont let the bully beat you down. Do school know of your domestic problems? Talking to them may take the weight off your shoulders and you can get special help. Thats what I did and it help loads, also get a doctors note so when exam time comes, the exam moderators won't pressure you so. All ive got to beat is depression now :S
Can these 'false' friends help you? Could you ask them to stay with you for a while so your mum has room to breathe? I know it sounds silly but it's hard to judge how silly your mates are. Or could you stay with any relatives for a while?
Hey its good to have a joy in life, some dont have that joy at all but yea I know how you feel with the 'mistake, lucky etc' as i was lucky to live also, it's harsh thinking that you shouldnt have existed but have. Things in life happen for a reason and just dont throw your life please (i know i cant say much), life is special and we only apparently live it once. Just talk to people cause they might be able to help you, dont just sit there on your arse and mope all the time.

Cindarella

About the "bullies", they don't exactly bullie me, it's just i get reminded of these rumours about me very often, and about the friends, I have one, well two maybe that may want to come over to my place, but one of them is stealing from me and the other one gets on my nerves, but the thief is the only one I can talk about feelings with.

adobe

I know what u feel man,it's really shit..when i was sixth grade i was offended really much my life sucked and everything was ruined for me,i had a feeling someone can read my mind..my advice is to keep yourself above this things..just act and try to feel more comfortable at least when u're outside,be more confident and some day everything will become easier.It's a thing that i say to myself "Someday everything will be good,because it will be unfair otherwise"..Now 5 years later i have really pleasant life,love life too,friends i can trust,ofc there are problems,but i try not to think about them.I know about parental&money problems,it's shit,and i can't really suggest u anything!My advice is purely mental,but listen to Emma's advices,like to talk to the school principal about your problems,if they don't know about them they will treat u like everything's fine..well i just tell ya,try to keep yourself above these things,don't ever think of suicide,you live once,try to find more pleasures of it as u can,i know it's difficult especially in these situations..hope i helped and good luck!

retired_Monica

rule out suicide...life is the only absolute you'll ever have...

fuck the principals, teachers, counselors, students, etc...they know nothing more about you than what you may know about yourself...

look towards the psychiatrist...you're a candiate for prozac...

yeah, yeah...ignore the 'bullies'...right...no...tear in to whoever as they've torn into you...you'll get nowhere by simply brushing them off...it works well with those that you see on very infrequent occasions, but you will be with these people for presumably quite a long while more...you need to do something...take it out however you'd please (verbally, it seems as though you are one : many...you won't want a fight) but let them know who not to fuck with...become the most crass, sick, sadistic individual...you'll have no more trouble...grovel to no one...you aren't one to be fucked...live as you'd like...live on your own...'rise above' (as cliched and trancendentalist that may sound)

New_at_this

dude.. chear up.. we all here to support ya..
eventhough i dont know ya face.. or i will never meet ya..
but we're in this community... like borther and sister..(emma..)
we all can hear ur problems..
we all can be 'someone' that u can talk to..

btw.. plz..plz.. never thought of suicide..
life can be too painfull,.. and sometimes can be a happy days..
sometimes u are at top, and sometimes u can be at down bottom..
u must go trough all that.. WE must go trough all that...
be brave , look foward.. never cares wat others might say..
be proud of ur life... they are alwiz many things that we can discovers..
its ur life.. lead it proudly....

p/s: sorry if my reply doesnt seems an advice to u...
and remember,, u are not alone in this world..
we are all here to support ya..
Poffeman... all the best to ya..

Cindarella

Thanks guys, I should've made clear though that the suicid thoughts don't occure that often, just happened sometimes when I had gotten home from school and being really pissed. But I don't think I'd do it, it was just the heat of the moment.
Thanks guys.

retired_hollie

Amuro I was reading your post, reading, reading... and I've just realised that you can start in president election
but overally I think same as you.

New_at_this

fuh.. thanks god.. dude.. Poffeman, based on ur situation.. i cant do nothing much......

in internet.. if u wanna some advice.. we all can give ya..
but in your life... u must overcome it yourself...
take some advice,be brave.. change ur self,improve day by day
and u'll be a better person.. (lol im not saying that u are bad.. :p)
indeed u are in hard situation.. but.. just hang on dude... u can go trough all that.. i belive u dude..

ah btw.. about collab a *gif sig.. i would be glad too


p/s : yo levy agaghahah do i looked like a president? ahahh lol
i guess ur rite.. im a head of student representatif council in my university..
or i could say.. the head of the student in my university
ehheh im also a president of my University's soccer club ahhaha
ahahha im being corky lol

firoz

cheer up. remain positive. think about your future positively. cut out the fear and suicide thoughts. only advise i know.