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8am : Got up, do a pee but dont shake until i'm standing over the missus, that'll teach her for not shaving her legs.
Go back to bed because i want to be late, dont like that wee c#@t Strachan getting it all his own way. Tell the missus to get the breakfast on, the useless bassa.
8.30am : Get up again, use the missus razor...if she's not gonna use it i will, leave it all hairy. Have a shower and get ready.
9.00am : Eat my breakfast, its good....really good, but shout at the missus and tell her its crap anyway ha ha ha.
9.15am-9.45am : Drive to the ground, wee gingy is raging, ha ha ha, love it...but i blame the missus anyway. Park in disabled parking bay and push the wee baldy steward before questioning his parentage.
10am : Get to the training ground and head into the dressing room before heading out to join the bhoys. Ha ha ha theres wee Majeics clothes, throw them into the shower. Head out
10.10am - 1pm : Train, im obviously the best, but fanny about anyway. wee Gingy is raging again, he better watch himself, complain of a sore groin and bale out early, have a shower and stand all over Maciejs clothes. Steal all the pocket change outta every ones pockets and put it in Telfers pockets. He'll no look at me like that again.
1:30pm : Push a granny out the way as she says Hail Hail, NAW, ITS BLOODY RAINING STOOPIT...jeez ah hate these people, theres one that looks like Cleetus the Hick, but in all honesty wee Pearo is ok.
Tell one wee guy to go and take a fu.. but spot that wee bastard Quinn, "Hello Mr Quinn, nice afternoon eh"...ah hate that wee prick.
Head over to ma car, not before tripping up the baldy stewart and slag his shady shoes, "scheidtey shoes ya fanny"
2.00pm : Try to knock down the lollypop guy, but miss, thats twice this week since he got out of hospital....well, he shouldnt have been standing on the road like that! Mr Stefano, ma lawyer, says i'll be toppper, just say Hail Hail an they'll lap it up
2.30pm : Get home, fuggen hell, that lazy bassa is asleep on the couch, so i cut all her hair on her head off...ha ha ha she looks pure daft. Ahm pure starving, but ah dont want her in ma face, ahll have a wee lie doon.
6.00pm : fuggen hell, 6 bells, missed ma favourite cartoons...i'll boot her ho...HAW YOU, WHAT TIMES THIS. Tell her to shove her dinner, im going to McDonalds, that wee fanny doc at Celtic told me not to, but fugg him, he know who i am!
6.30pm : Get a happy meal, the toys pure scheidte, only one stamp and it was broke. Steal all the lego outta the weans bit and throw it at the staff...cheer up ya pricks.
7.00pm : Go round to Thommo's house, his missus is tidy as...i'd well...Thommo's in good form, we decided to go an bam up wee Naka, since he doesnt have a scooby what we're saying.
7.30pm : We call his room from reception then hang up, we do this 10 times...he calls us a fuggen plick. We head up and see him, "its flied lice you plick" i says pure funny. He doesnt understand, so Thommo gives him a chinese burn and tells him thats from Du Wei.
8.30pm : Drop Thommo and head home, she's greeting because her hair fell out. She asks if ah done it, who is she talkin to...feel like beating her, but tell her to go and lie down and ill come an see to her. Sit down to watch Minder on UK Gold, fugging magic..."...because i got a good idea.." Arthur is brilliant!
9:00pm : Goto bed, try to get a bit but she says shes got a headache, ahll give her a headache....zzzzzzzzzz
A Day In The Life Of Chris Sutton 
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