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For the record, I tried. But even Wikipedia couldn't help me find a punning thread title. Sorry.
Loaded South Africa, South Korea, Belgium, Denmark, England, France, Germany, Italy, Holland, N Ireland, Norway, Portugal, Ireland, Scotland, Spain, Sweden, Wales and Brazil - all down to the lowest available league.
Retained players from all those countries (adding Mongolia for a laugh) and then clicked 'Random Players' for a reason I can't remember now.
Picked Foligno from C2/B.
Season 1: Foligno, Italy, Serie C2/B
Hired a scout who could tell a player from a groundsman and sent him to scout 'Central Europe'. He started in France and pointed out a DC and 2 midfielders I promptly signed for nothing.
Serie C2/B Started with some reasonable form that improved (although never fully deservedly) until we were sitting 4th at Christmas. We stayed thereabouts until 7 games before the end when we slipped - firstly to 5th and then to 7th with a game to go. A 41st minute penalty won it for us; Spal and Cuoiocappiano both bottled it and we leapfrogged them to 5th.
Drew 2nd-placed Reggiana in the Playoff Semi; injuries were biting hard, but we still managed improbable home and away wins. My star striker was injured for the first leg of the final against Cisco Roma and we lost 1-0 (should have been much worse); he returned for the second leg and scored 2 headers as we somehow kept a clean sheet to win promotion. Final Position: P:34 W:14 D:13 L:7 GD:+5 Pts:55 Pos:5th. Promotion!
Serie C Cup Waste of time.
Star striker scored 24 from 44 games and finished top scorer in the league. No-one else in the squad got more than 4. The French DC was very good and his midfield compatriots were also good, even if one of them was injured more often than not. The league form is deceptive; we were a very mediocre team that got lucky. Serie C1 will not be pretty.
Season 2: Foligno, Italy, Serie C1/B
Did my usual round of trialling. Only 2 made the cut; the rest were either uninterested or merely dreadful. Scouts pointed a couple of other players out, but we ended up signing only 6 players in the summer, way below my usual number, so 5 more joined in the winter.
Serie C1/B As predicted, we struggled. We were poor until winter, at which point our form kicked in and we were appalling. We didn't score enough goals and we conceded far too many. The only consolation being that there were other, worse, teams than us in the league - three cheers to Teramo here, who didn't win a game until February. The run-in was ugly on paper and on the pitch as well. Pulling back from 2-0 down away at Perugia on the last day was the high point of the season. It ended 2-2. You get the idea.
Finishing 15th got us into the Playouts where we drew Teramo. In two even games, we got a 1-1 draw away and then a 93rd minute goal gave us a 2-1 home win and another season of floundering. Final Position: P:34 W:7 D:11 L:16 GD:-20 Pts:32 Pos:15th.
Serie C Cup Out at the group stage.
Italian Cup Got Cagliari in the first qualifying round...
Star striker top scored with 8, which says it all. We were poor defensively, poor in midfield and poor up front. My first-choice keeper somehow made it into the Team of the Year (albeit only the subs bench). In addition to a striker who joined just before the final Playout match, players are inbound who will hopefully make a difference. We're flat broke, so I can't afford them to be flops.
Season 3: Foligno, Italy, Serie C1/B
7 players joined on football's holy day (1st July) and 2 others signed on Bosmans in the following fortnight. Some remarkably good triallists came and went, but a reality check limited me to 2 (both left-sided players). My scout recommended an AMC who looked far too good to sign for us, but did anyway.
Serie C1/B Started off 3-0 down to eventual champions Foggia after 52 minutes. I literally jumped off my chair when one of my DCs scored the penalty that made it 4-3 to us. That signalled a good start to the season that saw us 3rd before Christmas. The aquaplaning stick hit us hard then, and we dropped to ninth before an away game to rivals - and promotion candidates - Ternana saw us pick up all three points from a tight match we just about deserved to win. In a league full of also-rans an average run-in (WDWLLLWWLW) was enough to propel us into 4th by the end of the 34th game.
Frosinone awaited in the Play-off Semi-Final; 1-1 at home and 3-0 away set up a Final against the dreaded Arezzo. We took a 2-1 lead into the away leg but it wasn't enough and the 2-1 loss saw us lose out due to our lower league position. Final Position: P:34 W:16 D:4 L:14 GD:+6 Pts:52 Pos:4th.
Serie C Cup Breezed through the group stages without any major problems. Played a 3rd string team in the qualifying rounds (apart from the odd first-choice on the bench) and scraped through against Potenza and Carpenedolo. Our bogey team Arezzo awaited us in the 1st Round proper and that was that.
Star Striker got 10 but unconvincingly, so I'm letting him go; my other 3 strikers should be able to pick up the slack. Our new defensive line-up 'looks' good, but a hare and a tortoise isn't as good on the pitch as it is on paper, so work is needed there. There are some promising youngsters coming through who I'll be looking to give some games next season, so I'm optimistic. Albeit still skint.
We couldn't even win the 'Worst Signing Of The Season' award - with a youngster coming second - but we were voted Overachievers. Which was nice.
Season 4: Foligno, Italy, Serie C1/B
With 13 players leaving, including the Star Striker, 6 players were signed immediately on Bosmans, followed by the sole triallist worth a damn and the only decent striker whose wage demands were both within my limit and also vaguely deserved. I also signed a new goalkeeper, having upset my previous first-choice by offering him around. A DM signed at the end of January for free; his £1.4m value being roughly what the rest of my squad were worth combined - until, that is, an Austrian U-21 SC signed a few weeks later and was valued at £500k.
Serie C1/B: The good news starts early, when my first choice DL breaks his leg in pre-season. He isn't immediately missed, but using my best ML as cover is a waste. Our early form is, nevertheless, good and we hover around the playoff spots until the inevitable Christmas slump, during which our opponents score from 8 consecutive shots on target. Go team. With our best 5 DCs out injured, I sign another in January and he helps us claw our way back up the table as an 18 match unbeaten run (8 wins) seals us a playoff spot with 1 game to go. We finish the league stage with the best defensive record and goal differences in C1/A or C1/B.
5-0 and 0-2 versus Sambenedettese took us into the final against Giulianova, who were searching for a second successive promotion. A poor first leg from the referee (one dubious penalty awarded against us, one dubious penalty not awarded for us) can't disguise the fact that they were lucky to win - the 2nd leg in particular was all one-way traffic. Immediate relegation beckons for their loanee-supported arses. Cnuts. Final Position: P:34 W:14 D:14 L:6 GD:+25 Pts:56 Pos:4th.
Serie C Cup: We got a bye and so avoided the group stages. That mattered little when I treated our next game with the contempt it deserved and we lost over 2 legs - despite being roughly equal to our opponents, SPAL.
Italian Cup: Drawn against Salernitana in the First Qualifying Round, we are their equal for 90 minutes in all areas, except that pesky 'Goals' column. 1-0 in the 85th minute and we were out.
The striker signed at the last minute was our star and won the league's Player Of The Season for his 18 goals, 9 assists and 6 MoMs. Goalkeeper is a real problem area; I've been unimpressed with my first-choice and his back-up is too young to expect much from. Midfield looks promising, with the valuable DM and another DM my scout thinks could be a 'leading Serie A' player forming a decent partnership. Up front is different, with no-one really supporting the main man, so major changes should be expected here. The club reputation is still too low to attract any good players and my own reputation ('Unknown') isn't helping matters either. Another season of building awaits. The only question being: How hard will injuries hit us?
Foligno 
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