retired_Fit

You talk yourself up nicely and then kinda bring it down with that last line for me. The rest of it you sound like you know your stuff and then start talking about data processing, which as you say, aint no rocket science !

You've done all this cool stuff, "improve as you see fit", "set up helpdesk" and then go into the data processing thing.

Not sure how senior the job is compared to your data processing but just be wary that they may consider your current role a step down from what you were doing previously (?)

If you're mentioning data processing i'd mention something a little more positive than being able to stay awake

Speed, amount of work you covered. Anyone else doing ?
Were you in charge of more junior people, show them what to do ? Did you input the most, etc

It generally reads ok though

retired_debrad

</BLOCKQUOTE>
Change that word in bold the sentence doesn't make sense

retired_Steeler

that was "take" and i changed it.

retired_smithy1

id change and re-word that bit to include "given the responsibility" instead of allowed.

retired_nila12

I think that statement is lacking a bit in terms of what qualities you believe you have and would bring to the role.

You've filled it with some pretty impressive relevant experience etc, which implicitly makes clear you are reliable, take responsibility, show initiative, have drive etc, but I think you would benefit from stating some of these more explicitly up front. These sorts of statements often get skim-read so sometimes you just need to be a bit obvious.

Eg you could re-word the lead-in to say something like

"I believe I would be the ideal candidate for this position due to my initiative, reliability and ability to take responsibility, which I have demonstrated during my three and a half years experience working in a similar capacity for Ireland’s largest pre-fabricated building manufacturers.".

Obviously you can amend the skills you choose to talk about to reflect the needs of the job.

Good luck with it!

retired_kathydonatto

change I 'would' be the ideal candidate to 'i am' and change i would bring to 'i will bring'

sounds more positive and firm. The last sentence sucks, for one it sounds as if you are moaning and its just bland.

something like ' my current role as a data processing operative has given me valuable experience in working under pressure to fixed deadlines as well as having to maintain high standards of accuracy and focus'

remember you are selling yourself and any salesman worth his/her salt will tell you its all about features and benefits, for example i am selling you a car - the feature is 'high miles to the gallon' the benefit is 'it will save you money' you have to emphasise both.

All you have so far in your statement are the features i.e 'i would go out to users houses' you should then firmly state the benefit of this to your potential employer 'this shows that I am dedicated and hardworking' and so on. Obviously do it not as bluntly and with better language.

Do not expect your employer to read between the lines, if you cannot be bothered to state why what you have done is of benefot to them, do not expect them to spend time trying to work it out. Its far too factual and matter of fact, even dull. You need to state why the things you did in your pervious roles are of benefit to your potential new employer.

retired_kathydonatto

id change and re-word that bit to include "given the responsibility" instead of allowed. </BLOCKQUOTE>

not given, earned the responsibilty is the way you want to pitch it......

due to my consistent high standard of work and enthusiam I was entrusted with the overall responsibility of improving the network, this was something i relished as i was able to devise and implement my own ideas.

or something, for christs sake man jazz it up you are selling yourself and competing against others for this job!!

retired_kishnata

If I was employing you I would be wondering why you went from being and IT Technician to a data entry person. Now I know that you moved and all that, but to an untrained eye, it leaps out as being sacked. So you may wish to put something down to moving etc, between that job description and your final sentance.

Your final sentenance I would adjust to something along the lines off.

After leaving x company, due to moving to Dublin I took a position as a data procesing clerk. Although this provided me with a fine eye for detaill and the ability to focus on the job in hand, I believe my skills and experience are more suited to the role of an IT Technician which I would like to utilise.

Something like that anyway.

retired_Steeler

cheers guys, gonna write it up now. many thanks

retired_Steeler

that's it done, now i can relax.

just have to find an envelope to hand it in in!