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Yes it's that time of night again where I get bored and randomly think of things. We were relaying funny stories at work today so I thought I'd share mine.
It was Christmas and someone had been given a quiz game. Basically one person would spin a wheel and it would land on a letter of the alphabet, then ask a question and the answer would have to start with that letter. So I spun the wheel and it landed on 'C'. The question was "Name something that you would find underground". After a couple of seconds my sister (nearly 14 years my senior) says "Carpet!". Cue incredulous expressions and me saying "That's not underground". She then said "Oh underground? I thought you said on de ground".
It's not great and maybe not even my best but it'll do at 4am.
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane with a rabid wolverine in my underwear when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes. I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie? Is it Bob or Joe or Walter? Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"
I probably would have kept on guessing but about that time we crashed into the truck and as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt, finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me "Everything you know is wrong."
I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams when I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension and soon I was abducted by some aliens from space who kinda looked like Jamie Farr. They sucked out my internal organs and they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport. And as a way of saying thank you they offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go. And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night so I could pay my phone bill on time.
Just then the floating disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling "Everything you know is wrong."
I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin when I got a nasty papercut and, well, to make a long story short it got infected and I died. So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates and it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing. He tells me that they've got a dress code.
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway but I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity and every day he runs by screaming "Everything you know is wrong."
Tell your best (or funniest) story 
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