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about 2 months ago i was over in london for my nephew's christening. it was on a sunday, lovely service and we all had a few drinks after. i was sharing the room with my nephew, him in the cot and me on a few cushions and a blanket on the floor. all went well and the next day my brothers wife said that that was the first time the baby slept right through the night. i like to think it was because i was in the room, but im sure the baby was just knackered after the christening.
anyways the next day was a monday, and also the main notting hill carnival day, so i arranged to meet up with some friends up in warwick avenue tube station (i was getting on at fulham broadway for you londoners).
i met up with my mates and we went down to the carnival and had a jolly good time. we drank plenty of red stripe and smoked some good grass. now im not a big fan of marijuana, it's the one drug that messes me up more than most other drugs, my achilles heel of drugs if you will. anyways i was in a bit of a state but was controllable. i bade goodbye to my friends at half ten and got the tube back home. now in my state i couldnt work out the tube situation, where to get off etc, so i was all over the place. i was getting off at deserted stations and thinking "hmm, this is wrong". anyways to cut a long story short i arrived at fulham broadway at midnight on what must have been the last tube. (someone up there lieks me).
my brother came and collected me. he could see my mwerry state, so just laughed and no explanation was needed. a bond between two brothers if you will. i stumbled into my nephews room and laid down for slumber.
now two or three hours later, i am unsure of the time, but i woke up gasping for liquid refreshment, anything. i crawled out of the duvet in my boxers, when in my half-awake/half-asleep state i saw my phone flashing. convinced it was ringing, i crawled over to it and started trying to take it apart. it felt weird, so i kept hitting it off the ground and then it really started ringing. all of a sudden the light came on and my brother and his wife were at the door staring at me half naked saying "what the **** are you doing?!" and right there and then i woke up and looked down at my phone; it was actually the baby monitor i had been hitting off the ground.
maybe not so funny, but it was a strange experience and one that i like to tell at dinner functions.
Seeing my 27 year old cousin get his ice cream shat on by a seagull, my aunt not believing him and pushing it into his face for refusing to eat it and wasting £1.20(!) of her monkey.
Location : Premier Inn, London Bridge. A nice little, modern hotel which I found almost impossible to find despite clutching a map when I left London Bridge station. It took me about 30 minutes when it should have been 5.
My reason for being in London on a wenesday night was that I was being corporately taken to the London Bierfest at Old Billingsgate market. Fun fun fun I thought as I poured stein after stein down my neck.
It would appear that strong German Lager actually helps your navigation as it would appear that I found my hotel without due concern later that night.
THe Bierfest closed at 10.45, we went to a pub over the road, it was there it dawned on me I could no longer communicate so I went for a slash and decided to head of to my hotel to watch some porn. I remember no more, until...
At an unknown hour in the middle of the night it would appear that I needed to urinate, so I stumbled out of bed, staggered towards the door, opened it then felt it shut behind me, I thought to myself, this toilet is very light, and very long and thin with lots of other doors, oh **** it's the corridor, I looked down at my flaccid knob and ever so slightly sobered up very quickly.
The only thing I was wearing was a Bierfest wristband, so just as James Bond would have done I ripped this off and tried to pick the lock on my door, after a couple of minutes I realised that technology has moved on and I really was still quite drunk.
I crept along the corridor and called for the lift (I was on floor 3, the top floor), it arrived and luckily was empty, clutching my bits I stepped inside and admired myself in the surrounding 360" full length mirrors. On the ground floor I crept further along the corridor and peered around the corner to see who was on reception. A young black gentleman glanced back at me (I suspect now, that he may have been perving at me on cctv), there was nothing else I could do, I breathed in, puffed my chest out and walked towards him. I slurred something about how I had unfortunately locked myself out of my room and could he give me a spare key, he produced a spare key but insisted on coming with me. So he led the way, I felt safer that way, back into the mirrorlift and let me back into my room. I then fell asleep very quickly again.
On checking out, the morning reception girls wished me a nice trip and in the questionnaire that Premier Inn sent me I made sure that the night reception man came in for special praise.
That is my latest AK overdoes it on booze story.
no monkeys involved, but my latest "amusing" story
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