trotamundos

So I was at my Grandads funeral yesterday. Had a good innings etc etc, not what the thread's about. Instead it's regarding a chat I had with my dad when we went for a pint. Seems that my grandad had a sister I didn't know about (he had two brothers and one other sister I was aware of).

It seems that about 20 years ago, when my grandads father passed, he had altered his will so that only this mystery sister got anything, the other family members were excluded. Now I'm not sure of the exact resonings for that decision, other than to say that my mother is firmly of the opinion that said sister's husband was a nasty piece of work, and had used my grandad's father's rather frail state (he had Parkinson's) to bully him into changing the will. As a result my mother kept in contact with this sister over the years, only via birthday cards etc but it was still contact, whereas the rest of the family pretty much ostracised her completely.

Anway, my Grandad didn't die of cancer, but had been diagnosed recently with it. He had instructed my nan not to inform my sister of this in any way. On his hopsital bed, shortly before passing, he said the word "house" several times. My nan thought it was him being delirious and talking about their house, wondering if it was not locked up or something, but my dad believes he was talking about his parents house, and that he was still angry about it.

The point is this. My dad has kinda kept out of it until now, he was fine with my mother keeping in contact with the sister, but didn;t want to rock the boat with his dad in terms of mentioning it, hoping that one day they'd reunite. When my Grandad passed, he asked my nan if he could let the sister know, and she said no.

Now I know that my grandparennts had talked about the whole cancer thing and not letting his sister know, but to my knowledge nothing had been talked about regarding when he had passed. His comments about "house" could have meant anything, that he was still angry, or that the house no longer mattered, who can tell?

I guess I'm asking, if you were in my Dad's shoes, would you let the sister know? Does she not have some kind of right, as a direct member of his family, to know that he has passed? I'm inclined to think that she does in all honesty. She's already missed the funeral, is there really a massive harm in letting her know one of her brothers has passed away?

retired_katie14

Won't the solicitors get in touch anyway with her being the sole beneficiary?

retired_jabda

No harm in sending the information on a postcard, my mother had a vaguely similar position when her mother died, that is what she did.

trotamundos

She won't be though. Everything of my grandads will go to my Nan. Nothing to my sister.

trotamundos

My sister? His sister ofc.

retired_kaila4337

Blimey, she has every right to know, but tbf, i think it'd be pretty tough for my sister to pass away without me knowing.

Sounds like a very confusing and delicate situation

retired_bball3378

She was the beneficiary of their father (HB's great grandfather) not her brother (HB's grandfather).

I'd leave it with them, she probably has a right to know, but equally I guess you don't know the full story of what happen and should probably trust your dad to make the best decision...I'd probably mention to him that perhaps it'd be best to tell her, but leave it at that.

retired_therob

What would be the advantage of not telling her?

retired_nikealli

Thats a tough one. I think I would get in contact. But then you don't want him to alienate the whole family.
Not sure what the Sister has done wrong here over than having an estate left to her and having an apparent horrible husband. Other than that I'd say it would be best to contact her, and maybe he can find out some of the going on's.

there's always 2 sides to every story.

trotamundos

Indeed I don't know the whole story. And my dad feels he has done all he can by asking my nan for permission, and she said no. I know my mum feels quite strongly about it, as she firmly believes the sister was just a victim of her husband, but my grandad etc always blamed said sister.

Tricky, just personally believe she has some kind of right to know. They may have fallen out, but for 60 odd years before that incident one would imagine they were at least fairly close, as most brothers and sisters are.