retired_katie14

Ah right get you now.

Should probably just tell her really. If your mam's kept in contact with her she'll be the one who gets the flak once she finds out.

retired_g_stull

Send a letter, I think telling her is the best course. She has a right to grieve as well.

retired_slk55

I think she deserves to know more than anything. you don't know the whole circumstances of her being ostracised, and clearly very few people do, but however bad things would've been, not telling her about his death seems to be a spiteful decision more than anything.

retired_heidigoebel

Had something kinda similar once happen in our family.

My uncle (Dads brother) only ever got involved in my Grandads life when he got old and frail, and my Grandad changed his will close to death to include said uncle, anyway my dad and uncle fell out big time, "never want to see you again, etc etc" as happens.

My Dad died in an accident and my Mum didnt want him informing, the rest of my mums family said it was my mum acting out of sorts over the loss of her husband and my dad so i should do what i could to get in touch with him.

Ended up having all sorts of problems getting in touch with him, used the Police in the end and they contacted him. He came to the funeral but stayed well out of the way, Mum noticed and didnt say anything. Later she found out it was me who went behind her back, wasnt too impressed but since got over it.

Anyway, back to Hermies dilemma, personally i think the sister should be told.

Ventil

You could just wait on the off chance that she contacts the family to find if anyone else is dying/ has died, for her to get her share of the will....

retired_bec8643

Should be your Nan's decision imo, she'll know more about what went off than anyone else in the family.

retired_start66

So you've got a family of greedy, selfish turds who won't let go of year's old jealousy about missing out on some money. You should tell them to grow up, get over themselves and let this women know that her brother has died.

It's not a moral dilemma, it's a choice between doing what's right and decent or doing what's petty and bitter.

trotamundos

And if it turns out the sister is also greedy and selfish and telling her leads to some kind of distress caused to my nan etc?

I'd best not call her a turd so so after her husband's passing btw, though it's an interesting suggestion.

retired_therob

If you just send a brief letter or card I can't see what distress that would cause. Just my view as an outsider though.

retired_start66

Good point. Upon hearing that her brother's died her first thought will probably be to start winding your gran up a bit. Maybe she'll set up a bucket of water above the front door so she gets drenched on the way to get her pension.

The sister got the money, everyone else is gutted because they wanted to get their grubby little hands on it, they hold a grudge and now they think they can teach her a lesson by not telling her her brother's dead. It's pathetic.