retired_navy0614

Yes my friends, Thursday sees yet another opportunity for fun-filled japes live on your TV as Everton once more enter the fray. This time it's against former starlet Larisa Oleynik at the Old Lady as the UEFA Cup kicks off proper. After winding up her sterling work on the wonderful Alex Mack, it seems that Larisa has fallen on hard times, and has had to move to Greece to take up a life of crime alongside former Everton legend Ibrahima Bakayoko.

Incidentally, whilst looking for pictures of Larisa, I came across this, which may or may not make the thread worthwhile all by itself. Looks a bit ropey on the legal ground, but allegedly it's all okay. Top stuff.

Baka, to his mates, is now claiming he is the ripe old age of 30 years old (...that's actually about 45 in human years ofc) and has seen his career fall apart after going on jollies to France, Italy and back, and back. Remembered fondly by Toffees up and down the land, he will be commemorated with a statue outside Goodison this Thursday in memory of the best free kick ever (against Bristol....City or Rovers, who cares) and a sublime brace against Blackburn one cold, dark February night when he was playing alongside 7 centre-backs. Ironic, as he appears to like scoring against Blackburn, netting against them as he and Larisa performed a lovely smash and grab over them in the First Round.

It would appear that Larisa and Baka are the current Greek Cup holders. No doubt Ms. Oleynik swiped the cup whilst the racist shop owners were distracted by Baka buying a pogo stick. Disgraceful.

As for Everton, after the wonderful refereeing performance on Saturday, some selection questions will pop into Moyes' mind. Namely - who is going to hoof the ball on Sunday with both Captain Pointy and Hibbert out? (I need a deregotary nickname for Hibbert, someone) This may see Jagielka and Carsley miss out against Ms Oleynik, as to protect them for Sunday's game as our only remaining right-back and defensive midfielder, respectively. Tim Cahill is likely to be on the bench, as is James Vaughan, both now fit and back in training. Mystery surrounds what exactly has happened to Thomas Gravesen, but he may put in an appearance. So, a possible team/squad?

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> HowardHibbert Yobo Lescott Baines Neville Arteta Pienaar Osman Yakubu McFaddenSubs:Wessels, Stubbs, Valente, Carsley, Cahill, Anichebe, Vaughan</pre>

This is also the team I think I'd like to see. (Yes, it's true, I actually want to see Hibbert play a game of football for some bizarre, bizarre reason. Maybe it's because I'm into BDSM, I don't know.) Expect some hoofball, Moyes being overheard telling someone (Hibbert, Captain Pointy) to "hit the frontment" and Toffee indignation at another royal screwing by a referee :thup:

I think I'll skip the BBC crap this time, it's just boring.



* Disclaimer : I know full well it's two s' in the name, and for the record Larisa Oleynik's name is pronounced completely differently anyway. However, I am allowed leeway as quite frankly Larisa Oleynik is ffb, and deserves every and any opportunity to put in an appearance.

retired_slk55

I used to love larisa oleynik. but that's a terrible photo

retired_el_chanclas

Why is there seemingly a tiny picture of a nude person in that linked picture (from My Girl 2 iirc?).

retired_navy0614

...I have absolutely no idea.

retired_wwl77

Now I won't have my home town team being compared to some second rate bimbo...

We are coming to Liverpool for the win, to secure our qualifying for the next stage. We are arrogant, we are cocky, we wear a girly colour (our website to get the idea)

Our lineup is expected to be: Kotsolis (the future Gk of the Greek national team), Galitsios (a RB that will prove to be better than Seitaridis), Venetidis (a European champion with our national team), Dabizas (of former Newcastle glory) and Forster (a German center back known for his nobility and calm, collected character).

In midfield, Sarmiento (a Spaniard that tackles like a Greek), Fotakis (a Greek that passes like an Argentinian) and Kyriakidis(a Greek that marks like a German).

Upfront, in our 4-3-3 formation wherever we play, is going to be the all mighty but not so usually scoring player, Kalantzis on the right side, Clayton on the left side (a Brazilian who dribbles like... a Brazilian) and at last the one and only, the major threat for Everton, the player who returns to England just to sink the whole island and be done with it, Ibrahima Bakayoko (isn't your mouth full when you are pronouncing his name?).

Not to forget that our coach and the next first coach of Panathinaikos, Blackburn and the Greek National team, is Giorgos Donis, world-renowned for his pace, acceleration and his deadly accurate, pin point crosses...

COME ONE LARISSA!

retired_navy0614

Larisa Oleynik is not a bimbo

retired_smilin916

Well this should be exciting. Good opening post Zaitsev :thup:

I expect Jags to be at right back and probably Anichebe up front in place of Faddy.

retired_wwl77

The question is not whether Larisa Oleynik is a bimbo...

The question is whether you think you stand a chance against Larissa...

retired_navy0614

If you pass the ball on the deck, the answer is "probably not."

retired_annmariealexander

I must know: How much are you guys paying for a ticket for this match?