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As every one writes i will try to keep this short, i have been married for over 12 yrs, we have generaly got on well although i feel that he is trying to undermime my confidence. At the begining if things went wrong he would leave or tell me he would i soon got fed up (2yrs) and said go on then. we had a kid and things settled for a while.
He was always lazy but got worse and for the last 9/10 years sex has been an issue, he does absolutely nothing to help even when i was working. He lost his job and done the basics which ment on my 1 day off i was tearing around trying to get up to date with things. He cannot understand why i dont feel like sex (sex goes on for a few hours each time) he wants to talk about it all the time, keeps grabbing "bits" and thats supposed to make me get turned on i think.
He said he'd had enough and i should get councelling, the 1st session i was told he was to write a list of good and bad points he refused counciller said she could not help! Apparently further down the line i lied and had never been. i tried to explain i need to feel loved and he said Bulls**t. i was then informed if it wasnt for our kid he would have left ages ago we went without sex for 6 months. I couldn't do it his comment hurt! We decided to try again but i explained to him certain things i need help with like decorating etc. he agreed!
He would help (decorate, prune the big tree in garden, built a pond) and would then expect sex. I feel so pressured! next day he would be tired he'd sit in his chair smoking spliffs and i would cook clean etc he would then do something the next week, have sex here we go again. I tried to explain my body/sex is not a bargaining tool he then demanded i go see a counciller again ( i didnt want sex!)as there was something wrong as i had a hang up with sex or a v. low sex drive. a marriage is all about sex - no sex no marriage. During this time i had done a social work course, during this we had a test to do on 2 people so we both done one, my tutor asked whoever filled this form see him after, it was my hubbies. the form indicated someone with disorder possibly Psychopathic tendancies! Actually it does fit!!!
The sexual counciller tried to get him to do a few things he never came to sessions but he was amased there were no books etc (was it the pictures?) she eventually after 6 hour long sessions told me the only problem i had was a direct result of his actions as i fancied other men and sex just not with him she thought it was time for him to see someone! he told me i had to fix up an appointment, this cannot be done through me. He is a liar and has lied about many things even when caught he still denies it and finds it funny.
I don't know what to do, i still think he can be so sweet and kind, i enjoy his company and would realy miss him, how can i deal with this...
I have only dealt with women and he said they are biased.
He says he shouldnt have to work all week and then all weekend, his hrs are 8-6 mon-fri about 20 mins away but he leaves the house 6.15-6.30 gets home 5.45-6.30. The only f/male is awful so no affair! Other men who take a pride in their homes decorate and diy stuff at weekends, i dont expect every weekend for him to do diy.
I resent i have to do everything even clear up after him, (he does put his dirty clothes in the basket now!!!!
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