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Why did Steve McClaren go to the Christmas party as a pumpkin? He hoped someone would turn him into a coach.
Why did Steve MClaren return his sat nav system? He couldn't find England anywhere in Europe.
There was this guy in a pub, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trucker sits next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"It's not that" the man says, "This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to the office. My boss fires me. When I leave the building, I found my car was stolen, The police said that they can do nothing. So, I get a taxi home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The taxi driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my arsenic."
A drunk walks into a pub and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walks over to her, places his hand up
her skirt and begins fondling her.
She jumps up and slaps him silly.
He immediately apologises and says, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
How about a mid week joke thread? 
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