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To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ANGRY!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
But THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes youu think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.FINALLY:IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!
The late Lord Mountbatten came back from the States and an interiewer asked him what his impression was of the US. "Oh," he replied,"I was really very impressed. I never ever visited a country where people are so well educated. You won't believe how well parents obey their children over here!"
My 3 1/2 year old son is driving me crazy right now!! My mother has had her curse granted -- "When you have kids, I hope they act just like you!" He does!! [bustagut] 8}
Yes, children are a blessing and a curse all wrapped up into this little bundle of energy. Damon runs around like there is no tomorrow. But he does behave when told to do so -- in that respect, he's a good boy!
It's just when he acts way too much like his old man (muahha ha ha ha!) -- his mother gets furious about it!! he he he [sly] 8}
Hah! Thats a keeper. No, not theKeeper, a keeper. I keep a file of funny and true tidbits which come from the web and e-mails. They have to be good to make the cut. That one's a keeper. Here's one of my favorites.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
PAT BUCHANAN ~
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
JERRY FALWELL~
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrase like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
DR. SEUSS ~
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY ~
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. ~
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA ~
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE ~
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX ~
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN ~
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN ~
What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK ~
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER ~
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD ~
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES ~
I have just released chicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.
EINSTEIN ~
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON ~
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
GEORGE W. BUSH ~
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN ~
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE ~
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, And there was much rejoicing.
If you have kids... (or not)... 
-- his mother gets furious about it!! he he he [sly] 8}
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