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Okay, as I’m a lazy git, I decided to choose my nearest club for the start of my lower league career, Hyde United. The board would be happy with mid-table obscurity by the end of the season, and I would be happy with just making it that far. Pre-season preparations were severely hampered by a mutiny over low performance bonuses in the league, and our inability to attract a single scout to work for us, so it wasn’t until mid-October before I could finally start looking for players to replace the existing garbage I’d inherited. By that time, we were 2nd from bottom and struggling with an ageing back line whose lack of pace was being exploited like a Pole in a pizza shop. I managed to bring in four loan players, and 1 free transfer to tide us over, but couldn’t afford anyone else, as despite being well under our wage budget, we were losing an alarming £10k a month. A change in formation in February made us a little more solid, and we climbed to a satisfactory, if not pleasing 14th place finish in the league.
Well after the debacle of last year’s finances, I decided that none of the 7 (yes 7!) members of the board could count, so I decided to ignore the wage budget they’d given me and slash costs in an attempt to turn the finances around. I got rid of a load of deadwood from the squad, and foolishly my scout, which left me in the same position as last year, desperately trying to recruit a scout during pre-season. A lack of interest in the job meant I started the season with a 16yr old goalie, and 2 16yr old centre backs, and it wasn’t until October (again!) where I was able to strengthen the team with a number of loan signings. At this stage I was in mid-table, but thanks to the fresh blood in the team, I somehow gradually got myself into a nail-biting two horse race for the title. In the end, we needed to win the last game away for the title, and despite being 3-1 down at halftime, a fantastic second half comeback saw us win the game 5-3 and take the BSN title. I signed a new 3 year, double your money contract, but the champagne was quickly put on ice after the board paid out annual bonuses totalling more than our annual wage bill, and put the finances almost right back to where we started. I’m beginning to wonder whether Peter Risdale is our accountant.
Another poor start to the season, as we struggled to adjust to the step up in class of the BSP. On the positive side, our financial future started to look bright again, as I managed to keep our wage bill down through my complete inability to sign any players at all. By October we were now in our traditional slump, but this time there was no miraculous improvement. I tinkered with numerous line-ups and formations but nothing seemed to work. By February we were second from bottom, and whilst we put in a brief run of results together after I signed an unattached striker I’d been scouting for months, we soon resumed our old habits and failed to take advantage of those floundering around us. The season ended with us relegated in 23rd place, my confidence and morale shattered, and I began to seriously consider whether I could face another battle for promotion with Hyde, or whether I should look to jump the sinking ship.
Cheers guys. I've turned down the overtures of Rochdale (just relegated to the Blue Square Premier) to try and get Hyde back up again, so we'll see how it goes.
A Good Hyding! 
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