The Hardest Job In Football? I Don’t Think So

BobBev · 12-04-2007, 05:17 PM

OK, now that PM has killed off Sir Bert it leaves the field clear for me to give this a go.

To say that the English media were gobsmacked when I took charge of their beloved national team would be the understatement of the Millennia! When the English FA were backed into a corner and forced to sack Steve “Ginger Nuts” McClaren after he was caught “doing a Sven” with a one-legged transsexual prostitute there was the usual fierce speculation about who would be appointed as his successor. The usual suspects were trotted out – Big Phil, Big Sam, Gobby Martin, Slimy Tel. But no one expected me, a 39-year-old Scotsman with no previous managerial experience to be given the nod. Of course what they didn’t know was that I had a stack of photographic evidence that Stevie-boy wasn’t the only one at Soho Square who had been up to no good!

Anyway, I left old fatty Barwick and the rest of his cronies to face the assembled press corps and set about doing my job. Now the English press would have you believe that looking after their precious team was “THE HARDEST JOB IN FOOTBALL”. But really, how hard could it be? I mean it’s not like the England manager had just a few hundred blokes between the ages of 15 and 40 to pick from like San Marino, Luxembourg, Lichtenstein or Andorra. Nor did he have to deal with the expectations of the Brazilian supremo who was expected to win every match at least 5-0 playing “samba-style” and never breaking sweat.

He didn’t have to have a team that wore alice bands and erected a brick wall in front of their goal whenever they took the lead like Italy. Or put out a team that never knew when they were beaten like Germany. He was not in charge of a new country that had only been in existence for a handful of years like a bunch of unpronounceable former Soviet states, the Baltic countries or the former Balkan provinces.

No – all he had to do was cajole a bunch of overpaid, underperforming, uncommitted, money-grabbing nancy-boys into playing as a team for once. How hard could it be?

I took over from the late-and-not-lamented-at-all McClaren on July 2nd 2006. My new team was ranked 5th in the world and my first match in charge would be a friendly at home to Greece in mid-August. Competitive action would not begin until the beginning of September when we started our Euro 2008 qualifying campaign. We had been drawn in Group E and there was little doubt that it was one of the easiest of all the groups.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Pos | Team | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | Andorra | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | Croatia | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | England | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | Estonia | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | Macedonia | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | Israel | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 7th | Russia | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>
Looking at the group it was clear to me that only Croatia and Russia would present any sort of challenge at all. Andorra, Macedonia and Estonia were all easy six-pointers. Israel would offer a bit more of a test whilst Guus Hiddink was a wily campaigner and his Ruskies might put up a fight. The Croats were our only realistic competitors as group winners and booking our place in Austria and Switzerland in 2008 looked like a foregone conclusion to me.

My own homeland had been handed a much tougher draw and would face both of the last World Cup finalists in Italy and France, together with a Ukraine side that reached the last eight in the same competition. The other home nations faced an uphill struggle as well – Wales would play Germany, the Czech Republic and Ireland whilst Northern Ireland had to battle against Spain, Sweden and Denmark. The chances were that England would be the only one to make it to the finals in two years time.

As July drifted by I had a lot of time to reflect on just how ridiculously easy life as the England manager was. No daily training sessions to oversee, no transfer targets or wage budgets to worry about. Free entry to just about any football match that I wanted to attend – life was sweet indeed.

My thoughts turned idly to the composition of my first ever England squad to face the Greeks at Old Trafford. I had already decided that I would likely follow the example of good old Alf Ramsey, the only England manager that had ever managed to win anything. His “wingless wonders” utilised a free-flowing 4-3-3 formation with a rock-solid back four, five midfielders who knew exactly what their jobs were and a free-scoring centre forward. If it was good enough for Sir Alf then it would be good enough for plain old Mr. Bob!

As any manager will tell you success is built from the back and no one is further back than the goalie so I decided to start there. It seemed to me that there were some decent options to pick from. Paul Robinson had established himself as number one choice and at 26 he had already amassed 32 caps. Other contenders included Chris Kirkland, Robert Green and good old Calamity James himself.

At left back the obvious choices included Cashley Cole, Wayne Bride and Phil Neville with Nicky Shorey and youngster Leighton Baines also having their supporters. Gary Neville had long been a fixture at right back with Wes Brown another name in the frame. Of course there was always Scouse utility man Jamie Carragher who could play anywhere in the back four, a versatile option to call upon.

There was an embarrassment of riches to choose from in central defence, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Sol Campbell, Jonathan Woodgate, Ledley King and the aforementioned Carragher amongst them.

In midfielder the usual suspects always included Owen Hargreaves, Michael Carrick, Steven Gerrard, Frank Lampard, David Beckham, Joe Cole and Shaun Wright-Phillips. The goals were expected to be provided by the likes of Michael Owen, Wayne Rooney, Peter Crouch and Jermaine Defoe.

There was little doubt that my early squad selections would include a healthy number of familiar names but I had some ideas about one or two lower profile players who could perhaps be called upon to come in and do a job. If nothing else I certainly wanted to ensure that the senior players clearly understood that no one had any automatic right to selection and each and every one of them would have to work hard to earn the privilege of playing for their country. In my opinion there was no higher accolade for any sportsman than to represent their nation and I wanted to rekindle that feeling of pride and determination that should come with the honour. Talent is a wonderful thing, but on its own it is not always enough. However when combined with passion, determination, a work ethic and a willingness to win and lose as a team then it becomes so much more.