Richey

April 14 2010

As England lined up to play Italy at the San Siro in Milan, there was one player in particular who felt honoured in the extreme to be there. Michael Dawson, released by Nottingham Forest in 2004 on a free, had salvaged the remains of his broken career and worked his way back to the very top. After the cruel rejection by his boyhood club, he had been picked up by Brighton, struggling at the foot of Division Two, where he plied his trade earnestly, for three years until the club were safely ensconced in Division One. To his surprise, a bid of £3million from Valencia of Spain, was enough to tempt him to try once again to climb the ladder that is the football hierarchy. After a difficult first season, he was loaned out to Real Zaragoza for a few months where he proceeded to come out of his shell, and play like a man possessed. After his two months was up, he battled his way to the forefront of the Valencia defence, dislodging the veteran drug test dodger Rio Ferdinand from the starting line up. The majority of his third season too, was excellent, and when the call to represent his country came, he jumped at the chance. With the managers blessing he made the trip to the England pre-match training camp in Sicily. Owing to an injury to reformed thug John Terry, the England Manager Richard Rowe, handed the 26 year old a debut at the centre of defence.

Richey

The match started at a furious pace, with Chris Kirkland, the goalkeeper tested repeatedly by Simone Pepe. Dawson struggled initially to get to grips with things, and his debut seemed to be heading down the toilet, when after 25 minutes, The young italian starlet Francesco Donatelli, freed Pepe with a searing ball down the left flank, which the pug nosed striker dinked over the advancing Kirkland. England roared back, with Joe Cole pulling the strings in the centre of the park, and equalised shortly after half time, when a deflected free kick by Wayne Rooney went swerving into the roof of the net, confusing the bamboozled Italian keeper, who later blamed the mishap, on the fact that his hair gel was oozing into his eyes. He fooled nobody, for everyone could see that he was bald. Nevertheless England surged forward in search of another, and Dawson found himself at the centre of a three man move involving himself, Southampton teenager David Bushell, and James Milner, which culminated in Wayne Rooney rounding the keeper and slamming the ball unnecessarily hard into the bottom corner of the net. The game finished off very sweetly for Dawson, as his chip into the area was handled by Stefano Esposito, the Juventus youngster, who momentarily thought he was a world famour goalie, not an overrated left back with bad hair. Milner rocketed the ball into the net, reducing the over emotional Italian keeper to tears, and at 90 minutes, it was game over.

Richey

April 15, 2010

Michael Dawson arrived back in Spain mid morning, and collected his car from the short term car park. He reversed the car out of his space, ferreted his way out of the aforementioned short term automobile depository and sped off to his house, a luxury villa nestled between spectacular orange groves in the heart of the Valencian countryside. He stopped off on the way, to pick up his English language daily paper and as soon as he found himself sat at his kitchen table, the dog chewing at his trousere, he opened the sports pages and read the write up.

Michael Dawson - 9A Rock at the heart of the defence. This is surely the future of English defending, even at the age of 26. Its such a pity this wonderful talent could not have been recognised sooner

He admired his first ever write, up and went to give the starving dog some food. It was then he remembered he didn't have a dog, and he called security to have the offending canine chum removed from the premises.

Richey

Dawson Linked with Tottenham move!

After his sensational display against Italy, our intrepid world reknowned sports writer Boris Broomstick can incredibly reveal the hottest story of the day. Dawson for Spurs. The North London giant's interest in the tall defender has been kept secret until now, but Manager Steve McLaren has declared that Dawson is now a £12m target to replace the departing Anthony Gardner. Such a move would benefit the defender, as he would be much more visible to the national team manager Richard Rowe, who refuses to fly because of his phobia of Air Stewardesses. tottenham, currently holders of the Premier League, refused to comment further on this story, mainly because their phone was broken and they are waiting for the bloke from BT to come and do a rush job and then overcharge them for it.

B.Broomstick

Richey

Quick as a flash Dawson called up his agent, Horace Hodgkinson, a flamboyant entrepeneur, and demanded that the most be made of the article, and to put the feelers out to angle for the move. Excited at an International debut, and a link to the biggest club in England, Dawson felt as if he was on cloud nine.

Around an hour later, Horace called back:

Michael daaaaahling, its true, its all true. They're faxing a bid to Valencia. Mwah, Mwah. Ciao

Dawson replaced the phone on the handset. Wow, a move to the Premiership, the holy grail. It was finally his time. He was headed for the big time (and hopefully a pop star girlfriend)

Richey

April 16 - Training HQ

Ok Mike said the manager of Valencia, Senor Mendieta, in horrendously fuzzy English, As you probably know, we accept offer from Totting-am 'Otspur

Dawson nodded, trying to act like it was all news to him.

Go to ze clubhouse. A contract is in zere, seems weasonable. Sign eet. We need ze monnei

Fair enough.

He walked into the clubhouse, looked at the contract. £30,000 a week, a signing on fee of £2.3m and a relegation release clause.

Yep.

He danced his pen around the bottom of the page, his elaborate, and higly ridiculous signature now emblazoned in black ink clearly visible.

The secretary Jose Franco announced he would send the fax back, and let him know of the eventual outcome.

Cool.

Dawson jogged out of the clubhouse and joined his team-mates in a muscle stretching session, and hoped for the best. Soon he would be playing back home, at the top level where he belonged.

Lets hope that nothing goes wrong.

*Ominous boom, followed by loud cackling, then a coughing fit, then cackling again, another boom, and silence*

Richey

April 17 2010

After his midweek exertions for the England team, Dawson found himself back in the Primera Liga mire, travelling to lowly Osasuna for a 'must win' game. The transfer to Tottenham was in the bag, and he'd be moving at the end of the season. He was sat on the team coach next to terminal recluse, the young Argentine, Pellegrino, who was vying for a transfer away from Valencia.

I hate Senor Mendieta the squeaky voiced youth chirruped, All I did was miss training last week, because I'd been out painting the town red, and I'm not getting paid for the next two weeks!

Dawson nodded understandingly, because he didn't want a punch in the face from the pedantic pipsqueak.

I've demanded a transfer you know, but nobodys interested in me! he wailed, You didn't even demand anything, and you're off to Tottenham. I hate you!

And with that, the ungrateful oik opened his copy of The Dandy and turned straight to the Korky the Kat cartoon.

Dawson made a mental note to enter on his personal profile, that he was looking forward to leaving the club, and to a lesser extent, that he was in need of a haircut.

Richey

Osasuna V Valencia

A horrendously dull game followed the big build up as a must win contest for both teams. The highlight of the first half was the flamboyant Portuguese striker Helder Postiga shooting just over from 10 yards for Valencia. The second half began better, with Osasuna going close twice and having a free kick rebound off the near post, but Valencia came up trumps in the luck stakes. The Miserable Midfield Maestro Pellegrino tapped in after a goalmouth scramble to give Valencia the lead after 58 minutes, and the action pretty much siezed up from there. Michael Dawson was noted for having snuffed out Osasuna's fearsome young striker Eduardo Esteban for the entirety of the game.

Osasuna 0 - 1 Valencia

Richey

May 18 2010

On announcement of the England Squad the previous week, Michael Dawson had taken leave of his senses and poured himself an extra large pineapple juice. For he was named in the squad for the friendly against Holland. He felt he had a good chance of making the lineup, as his performance in the last game had been nothing short of exemplary. On current form, he was bound to keep his place ahead of John Terry. Dawsons previous 3 games had finished with him recieving ratings of 8,9,9, while Terrys respective games had finished with the oddly coiffured warhorse achieving a 7,7,6. Any fool could see who deserved to be in the line up.

For the record, Valencia's last three games had ended with the results:

Valencia 2-1 Elche
Barcelona 3-1 Valencia
Real Zaragoza 0-5 Valencia

A mixed bag, but Dawson had been the rock at the heart of defence throughout.

He pored over a travel brochure for South Africa, and thought how super it would be come mid June when the World Cup started. He banked on being in the squad.

He then left his London hotel and worked his way across London to the New Wembley for a final training session before the game. He was feeling good.

Richey

May 19 2010

England and Holland Share Honours, as Rowe Makes Questionable Decision.

England and Holland shared two goals apiece last night in a game England should have sailed away with. Leroy Lita's two first half headers from Steve Gerrards corners put the Three Lions into an unassailable lead, but with in form Michael Dawson controversially left on the bench in favour of a partnership of John Terry and Andrew Davies, the defence collapsed like a deflated Jelly to allow Van der Vaart and Robben to make honours even. Dawson finally managed to prove his worth to the team as an 80th minute substitute, when he foiled Van der Vaart who was almost clean on goal for Hollands third. Leroy Lita missed a penalty late in the game too, when felled by a high tackle in the box, and the spoils were shared. England Manager Richard Rowe, when questioned on the Dawson decision claimed not to have seen the incident where he didn't pick Dawson for the starting XI. This disease seems to be catching, as Holland manager Frank Rijkaard claimed not to have seen the game at all. I was reading the advertising hoardings

B.Broomstick