retired_amyslack

Well done Richey - a quality read :thup:

Raptor

Yeah, quality labels it well :thup:

retired_hern1001

ROFL, this is excellent stuff here. Deserved story of the week imo.

Keep it up

retired_hamawandi

Wow! Story of the week! Me?



More updates tomorrow - i left my notes at home today!

Rich

retired_embartl

This is brilliant - if only 'Yeast Extract' was available to buy

retired_hamawandi

July 22nd 2011

Milan

Michael sat around with the rest of the squad in one of those little street cafe's drinking those hideous Coffees with foam, and pondered for a minute.

The last year, he had been earning £30,000 a week and, minus tax, he had a considerable amount left, sitting around his house, in great big bundles. He decided that it may be worth investing. That way, he would still have the money, only it would be off somewhere else increasing, or decreasing in value, leaving enough room in his house for him to walk about without falling over a bundle of cash.

He called Horace:

Hi Daaaahling mwah, mwah, what can i doooo for you Mikey D?

Ignoring Horace's gushing stupidness, Michael placed his request.

Horace, I've got about a million quid to invest. Find me something useful to do with it.

Mikey Daaaaahling, simply fabulous. I'll get back to you, Ciao. Mwah.

Super. Michael sipped some frothy coffee, gagged, spat it out and went off to look at some designer boutiques.

Hopefully his money would start doing something useful for him.

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Brian of Nazareth:
This is brilliant - if only 'Yeast Extract' was available to buy <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'll try get you a signed copy.

retired_hamawandi

July 24th 2011

Inter Milan vs Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs put up a decent performance against Inter, but ultimately went down 4-2. Jamie Crosby shot Spurs into a 5th minute lead, collecting a Clark Keltie cross in the area, turning and firing past the stranded Pellizoli in the Inter goal. Inter then obviously took offence at this and stormed the Tottenham goal, eventually scoring through Antonio Cassano on 34 and 44 minutes. The first was a belting 25 yarder, and the second was a tap in after good work from the Japanese talisman, the evergreen Hidetoshi Nakata. The second half began with a goal for Inter on 48 from Nakata who headed in expertly at the near post from a corner. Tottenham pulled one back on 77 through Luke Chadwick after a marvellous cross field hoof from Michael Dawson. Inter sealed it on 90, with Nakata finding the target with a free kick from the edge of the box after Cristiano Zanetti had blatantly dived at Michael Dawson's feet.

Michael felt his performance smelled of old socks, and so did Keegan, who shook his head at some of Michael's defensive work. On the plus side, Gordon Lewis was also fairly poor. Keegan put the poor defensive performance down to lack of communication between efenders who'd never played together before.

Oh well.

retired_hamawandi

July 25th 2011

Milan

Michael had that morning recieved a phone call from Horace telling him that his wads of cash had been collected by a removal company for investment. They used seventeen skips, and blocked up the M25 motorway taking it into London.

Michael was intrigued to hear that his money was now firmly invested in 'Bobs Pianos Ltd', which was, according to Horace, a big name in the piano construction world, a business which was on the up. Happy with Horaces reasoning, Michael OK'd the deal and sat down to read the Gazetta Della Hair-gel in a piazza down a little cobbly street.

retired_hamawandi

August 1st 2011

Esther Rantzen Shot Dead on African Game Reserve!

Britain, and the world has today been mourning the loss of it's greatest television personality. Last night, on a large game reserve in Kenya, Miss Rantzen was found dead underneath a large tree, both gigantic front teeth removed. It is initially believed that she was shot for her Ivory, the substance wholly prevalent in her massive teeth.

Miss Rantzen was on one of her many tours of the Savannah of Kenya, where she roamed around with elephants, fitting in with her massive tusk-like gnashers. Unscrupulous poachers have been shooting elephants here for years for Ivory, and it is believed that Esther Rantzen met the same fate.

It is a sad day for all those who loved the star, with her 'heart of gold'. Vengeance will be had, and of that I am sure. Initial indications are that the Ivory has been dispatched to England by the poachers, most probably to be used on Piano Keys. We urge anyone buying a piano to be on the lookout.

Here's to the memory of our beloved Queen of Hearts.

Hermann Flicklehurst