retired_hamawandi

July 18th 2011

Sports Roundup with Boris

Yesterday's friendly action saw Bournemouth wallop a second string Manchester United 6-3, with talented young Dane, Per Olsen grabbing a hat trick... Esther Rantzen had a tooth kidnapped while watching Grimsby v Chester. Fortunately the thief was caught, castrated and hung from the cross bar by his feet. God bless Esther. Finally, Michael Dawson made a triumphant return from injury yesterday playing moderately well for a Tottenham team down in the doldrums. A source of mine, however tells me he smells quite bad up close. More on that as it happens.

B.Broomstick

cityonahill25

Better than Rio! Shame about Mikey playing for Spurs though...and also a shame he's s**t on the new CM.

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by LukeatNFFC:
Better than Rio! Shame about Mikey playing for Spurs though...and also a shame he's s**t on the new CM.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is he? I'll have to check that out when i get it! It'll be worth a look!

Rich

retired_hamawandi

July 22nd 2011

Gulbuddin Hekmatyar's Tea Shop

Glancing nervously at his watch, Michael sipped a cup of tea, and worried about meeting Minty. What would happen if she didn't like his choice of restaurant? He had asked Gulbuddin to provide some extra doilies, and to add more frilly bits to the fancy net curtains. Shortly after 10am, a large black Rolls Royce pulled up outside with a 70 strong armed guard squadron. They pointed their guns at passers by, and 3 little old ladies were blown to smithereens by shrapnel from an exploding grenade which bounced into a knitting shop 3 doors down. Minty sashayed from the car, as her guards protected her by mowing down the general public in the vicinity with high tech weapons. Entering the cafe, she gave a warm smile at Michael, and ordered a cream filled doughnut and a small mug of hot chocolate, frothed, with little sprinkly bits. She sat down gracefully in her chair, and extended her arm for Michael to lick if he so desired. His heart stopped. This was it!

retired_amyslack

Is this the new Benny???

Great stuff Richey :thup:

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BobBev:
Is this the new Benny???

Great stuff Richey :thup:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks, glad you like it! Hope I can keep writing until we get to the next phase of Michael Dawson's injury nightmare!

Rich

retired_hamawandi

July 22nd 2011

Gulbuddin Hekmatyar's Tea Shop

...The elusive Minty Tallulah whispered gently into Michael's ear.

I'm going on a world tour tomorrow, and then I'm going to live in Australia. Join me there. Or don't. Well, that's up to you really.

Michael was stunned. His football career was nearly back on track. He couldn't just leave. Being very brave and cool, he told Minty that he would not be able to go to Australia, as he wanted to resume his football career, and become a legend.

She nodded curtly, finished her doughnut, and left. The faintest trace of a tear trickled down her face. Oh the tragedy of unrequited, unfulfilled love. She left the tea shop, and quite obviously being upset, her guards made sure she was adequately protected from media intrusion by using their laser assault rifles to pick off seven journalists, who were in the fourth floor of a local book depository.

Distraught, Michael walked home, called his agent Horace, for a chat, and spent the evening drowning his sorrows in strawberry milkshake, holding his friendly Gnomal chum as a comfort blanket. Minty truly loved him, but he had ruined it.

Meanwhile Minty Tallulah arranged her next single release from her album as "Michael Row the Loaf Ashore", as a testament for her undying love.

Michael got his head down, did some weight training, and prepared for another friendly, this time against Inter Milan in Italy. It was a good excuse for a holiday too. He had to be at the airport early in the morning, so after he finished training, he went to bed, and read his favourite My Little Pony omnibus edition.

retired_hamawandi

July 23rd 2011

On a plane, going to Milan

Michael came to the conclusion that God hated him, as on the plane, he was denied a window seat. This wasn't too bad admittedly, except it was Hao Hao who was sitting there, and he had to sit next to him. The young Chinese starlet and Michael hated each other.

Almost as if he was doing it on purpose, Hao was listening to Minty Tallulah's new album on his MP3 player, with "Michael Row the Loaf Ashore" going at full volume. Michael couldn't help but hear the soft mournful lyrics:

Michael row the loaf ashore, Hallelujah, Michael row the loaf ashore, Hallelujah, Michael row the loaf ashore, Hallelujah, oh Michael, I want a farmhouse loaf with poppy seeds on top, Hallelujah...

It was too much for him and he snapped. He punched Hao in the kneecap, and a scuffle broke out in the plane.

After they had both been split up, Michael found himself seated next to someone who he liked, but was slightly on the immature side. Young prodigy Jamie Crosby sat next to him, blowing bubblegum and playing video games on a certain well known hand held device. He had his walkman blaring out the greatest hits of long-melted pop supremo Michael Jackson, who the previous year had melted while trying to get a roast chicken out of the oven for Sunday lunch.

He studied the team sheet handed round by Keegan and noted that he was playing in defence alongside a new signing. He must have been asleep when it happened, for the new signing was none other than the cheeky little imp who had usurped his World Cup spot, Gordon Lewis, now 19 and apparently a £2.9m capture from financially impoverished Notts County, who had avoided relegation from the Premier League by the hair of their buttocks. Not literally of course.

Michael sighed, and gazed out of the window at the Italian fields. Football was indeed a funny old game, he mused, echoing the words of the late Jimmy Greaves.

retired_hamawandi

Milan International Airport

Stepping through the main doors of the newly finished airport, (The old one had disappeared in a large tub of hair gel.) Michael breathed in the warm Italian hair. It was fantastic.

Waiting outside, already in the team coach waiting to leave for the hotel, was Gordon Lewis. Michael Dawson suddenly felt an urge to prod him vicously in the eye, but didn't, and smiled weakly at the young, excited looking, cross eyed defender.

Michael decided to prove what a good defender he really was.

shannon2007

Congratulations, new story of the week