retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

12.36pm

Dawsons Motorcade

On waving to his adoring public, Michael heard a loud grunt of exertion in the distance and saw a tall fat thin small Russian fall out of a window and land in a bush.

He then became aware of an incoming projectile.

The tennis ball veered towards Michael, viciously spinning from the drunken hand of Vladimir O'Vodka. He saw it and ducked. The ball sailed past his head, bounced on the tarmac and hit a bearded man square in the forehead who had just stood amid a heavenly fanfare up on a grassy knoll.

The man let out an audible groan and fainted.

7 equally bearded men made a concerted effort to bung the poor chap into a Chevy and sped off, pursued inexplicably by a film crew from the God Channel.

That was the last thing Michael saw before 9 bodyguards leapt into the car to save him from any more rogue tennis balls, should they be aimed in his direction.

Brad Hribnuts watched his best laid plans disappear in a puff of incredulity as Michael Dawson was manhandled into a security van and whisked away.

One word crept into Michaels head.

Bugger.

retired_amyslack

I'm going to have to start wearing incontinence pants when reading this - nearly peed my pants this time. :thup: :thup:

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BobBev:
I'm going to have to start wearing incontinence pants when reading this - nearly peed my pants this time. :thup: :thup:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thats the idea!

Glad you enjoy!

Rich

retired_sarahbear

think i'll stick to my regualar pants,those incontinence pants make my bum look big, nonetheless easily the funniest thing i've read in a long time...

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by brianb:
think i'll stick to my regualar pants,those incontinence pants make my bum look big, nonetheless easily the funniest thing i've read in a long time...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Many thanks for the compliment

retired_hamawandi

April 8th 2012

George W. Bush Memorial Trauma Ward, Dallas Hospital

Michael awoke after a hard nights sleep, absolutely shattered by the events of the previous day. After the assassination attempt he had been rushed to the trauma ward as the shock of it all had caused his body to go rigid, and his bladder emptied all over the place. Mr. X, the previously tough looking bodyguard was in the bed next to him suffering from urine related trauma related directly to Michaels own trauma, which was traumatic, to say the least.

Michael stared at the end of the bed, where a cheery notice stared back at him.

"Don't forget, every hour you spend in hospital costs a fortune!"

He groaned.

One of the curious events of the preceding day circulated around an alleged second coming of Christ, which by some form of universal co-incidence happened at the same time as his assassination attempt. Several people had seen it, including the God Channel who reputedly had prime footage of the saviour of mankind being knocked unconscious by a tennis ball. Even more remarkably, the van he was carted off in disappeared during pursuit.

It was all a bit of a mess really. On the plus side, the publicity generated was extraordinary, and out of sympathy for him, the general public of America bought his book in droves, to ensure his place at the top of the bestsellers list. In the UK too, sympathy had been generated, with the book at number one there.

Michael was only too glad to be on a plane home tomorrow, to the relative sanity of his own house. He was leaving America in absolute chaos however, since he'd become 'Man of the Year' in Time magazine, and was in demand.

retired_Kemp

Finally caught up with this one.

Fun and quality. Definately HoF material.

KUTGW Richie :thup:

retired_hamawandi

April 9th 2012

Dawson Survives Assassination Attempt - But What About Jesus?

As we all know, Michael Dawson, the best injured defender in the world survived an assassination attempt in Dallas the other day, but who was the mysterious figure on the grassy knoll?

Some say that the man was none other than Jesus Christ, who had scheduled his second coming at perhaps the most inopportune moment since the year dot.

This has caused outrage around the world, with the fall out being akin to when Mel Gibson released the follow up to his controversial 2004 film about the man, splicing Jesus with Mad Max. (The Passion of the Christ II: Beyond Thunderdome)

Bookies have odds at the moment as to who the mysterious figure was, but the smart money's on old J.C.

4-6 Jesus

10-1 Shergar - probably dead.

12-1 Ade Akinbiyi - mysteriously vanished while playing for Leicester in 2001-2

It is clear Michael Dawson will be taking a couple of days sabbatical while he summons up the courage to face the world again, but he will be pleased to know that the suspect has been caught. Vladimir O'Vodka, a 65year old drunken fat, thin, tall, short Russian was taken into custody... (continued on pages 61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69,70,71,72,73,74,75,76,77 ,78,79,80, but not 81)

B.Broomstick

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Doctor Who:
Finally caught up with this one.

Fun and quality. Definately HoF material.

KUTGW Richie :thup:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks, praise means a lot!

Rich

retired_hamawandi

April 13th 2012

Spurs v Lincoln City

Nearing full fitness Michael Dawson sat just behind the dugout, and received a warm reception from the fans before the game between 17th placed Spurs and 20th placed Lincoln City.

The game spluttered in the first half, with each team having a grad total of two shots each on goal. Lincoln hit the bar through Ryan Grand on 33 minutes and Spurs had a good shout for a penalty when Ruslan Mostovoi tripped over the outstretched boot of John O'Shea. The second half was marginally more interesting but the game bore the typical hallmarks of a tight relegation battle. Lincoln drew blood in the 71st minute when Zlatan Ibrahimovic poked in after a melee resulting from a corner which Spurs failed to clear. They were back on level terms a minute later though when substitute Ben May raced clear of the defence and deftly lifted the ball above Predrag Bonev in the Lincoln goal. Nothing much of note happened, apart from a flurry of yellow cards in the last five minutes.

Spurs stayed in 17th, and Lincoln City rose to 19th as it became increasingly tight.