retired_hamawandi

April 6th 2012

Tottenham v Sunderland

Michael attended his second game in a week for the first time since fish began crawling out of rivers and opted to try a spot of walking. Spurs were undergoing a mini-revival and were a point off 17th place, and besides all that, it was perfectly feasible that Michael would be back in action in two weeks (if the manager picked him). The game began tensely with both sides giving everything to do nothing but sit in the midfield kicking each other. The kicking competition found a victor in the 33rd minute when Spurs centre back Ian Cross got sent off for pushing Sunderlands recent signing Michael Owen onto his backside in the mud. Michael Owen then proceeded to score on the stroke of half time with a spinning turn and shot from inside the box. He then managed to get himself sent off in first half injury time with a second bookable offence after a mistimed tackle. Spurs reshaped and regrouped and came out with a bit more purpose in the second half, and even played with a degree of buoyancy not seen too much this season. Landon Donovan scored a deserved equalised on 60 minutes with a header from a Ruslan Mostovoi corner, and the midfield general Clark Keltie toe poked home a second on 62 after collecting a through ball from Adu after he had robbed the ball off lardy Argentine Vaccarezza. Sunderland got a penalty on 65 after a handball by Nico Kranjcar in the box. The young Italian Luca Ripamonti fluffed it high over the bar which was the cue for Spurs to tighten things up, and to also get two further sendings off. 'keeper Richard Evans was sent off after a foul on Mario Longo in the box on 76, which resulted in a penalty that Ripamonti again missed. Dmitriy Karenko rounded things off nicely for Spurs in the final minute, giving the card happy referee a chance to send him off after a blatant foul. The final score was 2-1 to Spurs with a 3-1 victory on Red Cards too. The good news however, was that Spurs now sat in 17th place, and White Hart Lane went into party mode.

After applauding, Michael went home to pack for his publicity trip to Dallas. He had a flight at 0230 in the morning from Heathrow. The plus of that was that he was flying in a recently commissioned Gulfstream VII Jet so that he wouldn't have to sit with the poor people.

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

George W. Bush Memorial Airstrip, Dallas

The plane touched down with barely a bump at the new George W. Bush Memorial Airstrip at 11am local time. Michael gazed out of the window at the clear blue sky and saw a large sign, with a personal message from the former President.

"Welcome to Oklaho...Texas. I, we welcome you, the foreigner to our humble land, of course. Unless. Like my father said, you live here. My father. Live here. Like Me. George W. Bush. Former President, I, you...we Oklaho...Texas the people welcome you with warm feet...hands open wide."

The plane taxied past the sign and pulled up by the small terminal. He collected his hand luggage and stepped out into the hot dry heat and fell to the floor.

He made a mental note to wait for the staircase in future.

retired_pahuja_satish

Easily the best story on here, keep it up Richey.

retired_hamawandi

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoS:
Easily the best story on here, keep it up Richey.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thankyou! I appreciate the compliment!

Rich

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

Downtown Dallas

The crowds were gathered in anticipation under the baking sun, and lined the streets as far as the eyes could see. Police made sure that everyone was behind the specially erected cordons. Police helicopters whirred around in the sky along with several news helicopters. All the major networks were covering the spectacle, and CBS, ABC, FOX and MSNBC were out in droves, mingling with the public and providing up to the minute coverage. For some inexplicable reason The God Channel were in attendance, although they looked slightly confused as to whether they were filming the arrival of Michael Dawson, or the second coming of Christ. When asked, a God Channel spokesman simply replied, "Ah hell, whichever comes first."
The Shopping Channel was in attendance, wildly promoting the Dawson novel with special offers aplenty, and to round things off neatly the Dallas Association of Rhino Lovers Cable TV Channel turned up to see what the fuss was about.

At the far end of Main Street nobody noticed a drunken fat, thin, tall, short Russian stumbling into an old book depository, and open a window on the 6th floor.

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

12.34pm

Brad Hribnuts Book Emporium

His shop was packed with throngs of the lucky who had managed to get to the front of the queue, and that queue spiralled away all the way down Main Street past the book depository. He was already doing great business, and had made a years turnover in one short morning. He was on the front cover of Newsweek under the heading, Is this the shrewdest man in the U.S. today? He really was headed for the stratosphere.

His phone rang, and he learnt that Michael was in the open top limousine that had been comissioned, and was only a few minutes away.

Brad Hribnuts closed his eyes as he listened to the blissful sounds of his till opening and closing happily.

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

12.35pm

Dawsons Motorcade

Michael sat in the centre of the back seat of the limousine as it began its turn into Main Street. On one side was his agent Horace Hodgkinson, who had the worlds largest cigar clenched between his teeth. On the other was a large man called 'Mr. X' who looked highly uncomfortable in a suit 3 times too small for him.

Nobody noticed a drunken Russian lean out of the 6th floor window, shouting incoherently of Michaels sins against the Motherland.

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

12.35pm

Grassy Knoll, opposite Brad Hribnuts Book Emporium

Right lads, this is it. I'm going to reveal myself to the world 2012 years after my death. Sorry I'm about 12 years late by the way, my car got stuck in a terrible traffic jam outside Slough Bus Station. said Jesus, to a motley crew of bearded men assembled around him.

The apostles (7 had turned up, and Mark had been detained at customs with 14kg of novelty biscuit shapes) stood around Jesus looking perplexed and a bit knackered, having dropped everything to come to Dallas.

The reason I'm going to do it here is that there's a guaranteed audience. Max exposure and high spec. footage. Then I'll disappear and everyone can talk about it for another two thousand years. Next showing is in 4012 outside Beefy Joe's Fried Chicken in Aberdeen.

The apostles all nodded, and made sure their robes were all looking dapper.

The final countdown to the second coming was underway.

10...
9...
8...
7...
6...

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

12.36pm

Dallas Book Depository, 6th Floor.

Vladimir O'Vodka swigged a large mouthful of Listerine. It burnt his mouth so badly he wanted to scream. Never again would he make the mistake of buying antiseptic mouthwash instead of Vodka, although he conceded it was harder than expected to tell the difference between the two.

He watched as the motorcade began to pull up near to the bookshop opposite the grassy knoll and he took aim.

He kept his hand steady until the last possible second, and unleashed his vengeance.

retired_hamawandi

April 7th 2012

12.36pm

Grassy Knoll

5...
4...
3...
2...
1...

And Action.

Jesus stood up.