retired_carlos.jango71

Cheers fellas. Up and running again now after a long break

Wrexham (Home)

Back home for the first time in ages. After two away games and a free Saturday because of the FA Cup forth round, it's been a while since I've been to the Abbey. With no game for the U's, last Saturday was very frustrating, especially as there was no reason for us not to have a game. In fact not even one third division club made it into the forth round which makes the decision to postone the weekend's programme even more strange. Anywho that meant I was subjected to a day at the pub with Louise and her mates. It was horrible, like summer and its long football-less months had come early.

Since the Shrewsbury victory Luke Guttridge and his ego have departed to Manchester City. We received an initial fee of £350,000 for the young midfielder, who tried to curry favour with the fans before his departure by saying how much he would miss us, and that he wished he could've stayed to see us promoted. Well I'm sorry Lukey, but nobody forced you to go. At least now we won't have to put with him strutting around the town on a Friday night like he owns the place. As usual most of the money has gone on paying off our ample overdraft, but Fallon has spent a small amount, and recruited a replacement in the form of Plymouth's Kevin Wills. £16,000 is all that's needed to pry the 21-year old away from the Pilgrims, but their fans have been talking him up on our website this week, so he seems like a good signing.

After watching footy focus I meet the boys at the pub for the second half of Liverpool - Fulham. Unfortunately I've missed all the goals, as the Scousers fail to add to the 3-1 first half lead given to them by young Czech striker Milan Baros, who grabbed a hatrick. Of more pressing concern from an English point of view is the sight of Michael Owen being carried off clutching his knee. Apparently he could be out for the next couple of months, meaning he will miss our crucial Euro 2004 qualifier with Turkey at the Stadium of Light. Maybe Sven will call Omer Riza up. With his Turkish roots he could be our secret weapon.

We share our table with a group of London-based Wrexham fans, who have come down early and are enjoying their day in our fair city. Like me they expected the Dragons to be doing a bit better than their current 11th place, but according to them they've had a lot of bad injury problems and Denis Smith, their erstwhile manager, is a twat. He got the boot a few weeks ago, and former Grimsby boss Paul Groves has taken the helm. Our Welsh friends aren't sure Groves is the right man for the job, and there's certainly been no honeymoon period as since he's been in charge Wrexham have suffered defeats to play-off contenders Hull and Bristol Rovers. It's nice to have some friendly banter with fellow fans for once, and we leave them nursing a final pint and head up to the Abbey.

Before the game midfielder Simon Rodger receives the Division Three player of the month award, a fitting reward for a string of brilliant performances in the opening month of the year. 'The Rabbit', as he's known to the Abbey faithful (after Rodger Rabbit obviously, rather than the famous sex toy of the same name), has probably been our most important player this year, and his signing has proved to be a masterstroke by Fallon. Alongside him in midfield today are Wanless and Wills, while the only other change sees Tom Youngs return from injury at the expense of Paul Simpson. The visitors have brought in Alan Stubbs on loan in a bid to shore up their defence, while their main attacking threat will come from the right wing, where Trinidadian speedster Carlos Edwards will be giving Gareth Roberts a hard time today.

We make a sluggish start, and a clumsy challenge by the player of the month results in a free kick. With our defenders standing around watching, Mass Sarr chips it quickly into the path of Marios Christadoulou, who draws a good diving save from Shaun Marshall. Stubbs also stings Marshy’s fingers with a 25-yarder, and for the first 20 minutes it looks like a shock result could be on the cards with the Dragons totally in control. But, as has so often been the case this season, we weather the storm and hit the front. Tudor’s first run of the afternoon takes him towards the area before Ian Nolan tugs him back. From about 20 yards Rodger steps up and fires a bullet into the bottom corner.

Five minutes later we survive a real scare when Marshall seems to clip the heels of the lively Sarr, but the referee just waves the Wrexham claims away (we’ve been unbeaten for so long at home maybe the ref’s are beginning to confuse the Abbey with Old Trafford). Marshy stays on the field and is called upon again a couple of minutes later to claw away a rasping drive from Ian Nolan. At the other end determined play from One wins us a corner. Rodger’s delivery is inch perfect, Angus’ header is precise, and from looking under pressure we’re suddenly 2-0 up. Stev is such a regular scorer now he’s even perfected his celebration, sprinting over to the habbin and performing a dance his hair-a-like Snoop doggy dog would be proud of.

The second goal seems to have broken Wrexham’s spirit, and One goes close with a header (yes really) that clips the base of the post. Youngs also shoots just wide while Wills goes close to a debut goal with a 20-yarder that flies just over. As the ref blows his whistle for half time, a furious Paul Groves charges onto the pitch, and (much to our amusement) starts screaming right in the referee’s face. We later find out he was fuming about not getting a penalty earlier, but it’s an amazing outburst that results in him being sent to the stands in the second half.

A quick read of the useless stats page in the programme reveals that Stev is now the top scoring defender in Division Three with four. These are strange times indeed. Stats also show that Simon Rodger has provided the most assists of any players in the league, and that Andy Duncan has made the most successful tackles. I’m always a bit wary about what these kind of statistics actually prove, but it’s always nice to see your own players at the top of any list.

The second half is dull. Wrexham can’t break us down while we understandably aren’t throwing men forward. In fact the most entertaining aspect of the half is the Newmarket Road End and the Habbin having a singing contest to decide who can sing the new Stev chant the loudest. It’s to the tune of the classic song, I just called to say I love you:

We just came, to see, Stev Angus,
We just came, to show how much we care.
We just came, to see, Stev Angus,
And we need him from the bottom of our hearts.

We were obviously much louder than that lot behind the goal, but then I would say that wouldn’t I. On the pitch we almost get a third when Wanless latches onto an One knock down but scuffs his volley with the goal at his mercy. Wrexham haven’t really threatened, but pull a goal back at the death through Dan Bennett, who heads in a corner from sub Lee Jones. But it’s too little, too late, and home win number 12 is already in the bag. And now we’re just the eleven points clear of Swansea. Happy days.

retired_carlos.jango71

Kidderminster Harriers (Away)

It’s always fun going to new places, even if they are near Birmingham. Unfortunately, like Hednesford, nobody seems to know where Kidderminster is. Mick graciously offers to drive us, but after consulting several maps we still can’t work out how to get there so decide to take the train. Of course this is much easier in theory but the Cambridge - Birmingham leg of the journey involves mainly travelling on a Virgin service, which is of course useless. As we crawl towards Brum at about 20 mph, the only thing to do is to consume expensive, warm cans of lager purchased from the buffet car. As a result Will, who is a notorious lightweight, is pretty pÃ*ssed by the time we get to New Street. This is hilarious for us, but not so much for the other people in our carriage who have to put up with his shouting.

After a couple of cups of coffee William is a bit more sobre, but the combination of beer and cafiene means he needs to pee on a regular basis, again much to our amusement. We change onto the smallest train in the world to take us to Kidderminster itself. Unfortunately West Brom are also at home today and to get to Kiddy you have to go past the Hawthorns. This means for the majority of our journey we're packed in like sardines alongside lots of smelly Brummies. To be fair on them they seem cheerful enough (although this is probably because their team are amazingly sitting 4th in the PremiershÃ*t) but it's a relief when we finally stop in the Jewellery quarter and they all empty out.

We pull into Kidderminster alongside a steam train which is quite cute, if very non-league. In fact Kidderminster itself is a non-league town. If indeed you can call it a town, because there's nothing here. It's literally just a station, chip shop and housing estate. It's not quite as bad as fellow Birmingham offshoot, Walsall, which is just a football team and a bit of motorway, but it's no wonder the Harriers have the second lowest average gate in the league. That said more people would probably turn up if the team weren't so rubbish. Kiddy are 16th, and while they won't realistically get relegated the best they can really hope for is midtable respectability. It must be sad knowing your season is over in February. At least with Cambridge life is rarely dull and we usually go into Easter with all still to play for. Granted it's normally because we're in a relegation fight but it keeps things interesting.

If more people did want to come to Aggborough I don't know where they'd put them. The capacity is allegedly just over 6000, but it looks fairly full today (with a crowd that is later revealed to be a smidgeon below 3000). The lego land-esque main stand is the only side of the ground that is seated, with shallow terracing on the other three sides. There are no friendly pubs in the vicinity, so we have a pre-match pint in the supporters club. This gives me a chance to read the excellent fanzine, which includes an amusing look at the various groups of people that make up Birmingham. Apparantly people from this area are Kiddymonsters, not to be confused with Brummies or Dingles. So now you know. The match programme isn't of a similar standard, as we're told Dave Kitson is still with us. He must have dyed his hair again.

Fallon has made one change from our last victory. One, who has been lacking goals lately, is replaced by the guile and pace of Riza the geezer. Personally I think One is more suited to playing up front on his own, mainly due to his size and ability to hold things up, but I'm sure Omer will do us proud. Andy Duncan is back in training so Wozzer will be looking nervously over his shoulder now, especially as we haven't kept a clean sheet for a while. For the hosts there's no sign of long-haired pest Bo Henriksen, so he's probably down in the town centre selling some lucky heather or something. They do have some interesting names on the bench, notably Inderpaul Khela and the scurge of division three tannoy announcers, Michael Xiourouppa.

New boy Kevin Wills, who was solid if unspectacular last weeks, almost provides us with the perfect start when his surge into the area is halted by a crude challenge from Danny Williams. With the ref turning away our penalty claims, Shane Tudor picks up the loose ball and draws a good save from Andy Woods. The ex-Scarborough keeper is highly rated in this neck of the woods, and has to be on his metal again minutes later to deny Riza from close range. Then, out of the blue, Harriers take the lead when Sam 'my dad's famous you know' Shilton delivers a fine cross which 17 year old Matt Lewis tucks away with ease. It turns out that Kiddy have their fair share of Burberry clad pikeys, who take great pleasure in running towards the away to antagonise us when they score. It's quite sad really, although I suppose scoring a goal against us ranks quite highly in the Kidderminster history book.

The goal doesn't seem to effect us too much, and Wills goes close on too occasions, shooting wide then blasting straight at Woods when he should've done better. Lewis's pace is troubling us on the break, but other than that Harriers look happy to hang onto what they have. Their task is made a little harder when Rodger bursts through onto a pass from Tudor only to be tugged back by Dean Austin. Having given the foul referee Ganfield has no option but to red card the former Spurs man, and from the resulting free kick Stevaldo Angus heads over the bar.

Our start to the second half is almost as hot as the delicious balti pie I have at half time. It's getting wetter and wetter, which of course suits Wanny down to the ground. Two minutes in he controls a long ball forward, shrugs off a couple of challenges and pokes the ball through to Omer, who rarely misses in one on one situations. One a piece with 43 minutes to go against ten men and you have to fancy our chances, and a few minutes later another fantastic save from Woods stops Riza adding number two. Tudor hits the posts while a rare foray into the box from Gareth Roberts results in a header which is goalbound until it hits Wozzer on the back and is cleared. The impressive Wills departs injured with about a quarter of an hour left, and his replacement, Terry Fleming, proves his worth with a last minute goal line clearance to deny Lewis a frankly undeserved winner.

The kiddymonsters are understandably quite pleased with their point, but we leave the ground feeling a bit deflated. We should have won quite comfortably but it can't be bad when all we've got to worry about is dropping a couple of points away. Well that and getting home, which takes two hours longer than it should. Cheers Mr Branson.

retired_brinker317

Brilliant

I've been through Walsall, you're right, it's a very odd place

retired_embartl

as a part time Kiddy fan I must object! It is not that bad - pikeys are minimal and the town is actually a perfectly pleasant area - if you just gave it time! Kiddymonsters indeed!

That aside, it's still brilliant

retired_andrea4175

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lionel Perez:

Absence of Dave Kitson. Unfortunately the club announced yesterday they have accepted a £1.5million bid for Kits from Sheffield United, and he will be at Brammell Lane today [QUOTE]

WHAT!!!

Were you carzy to sell Kits, he's a f***ing GOD for the U's

Good to see someone being the U's though,
"We are going up,up,up"

retired_carlos.jango71

Cheers Guys

Stu, I would expand on my 'walsall is the strangest place in the world' theory here if it was relevant, but it's not

BoN, I'm sure it's not that bad. Having only seen a little bit of Kiddy I used some artistic licence

Martin, I had to sell cos I'd run out of money Riza and One are doing the business though

retired_carlos.jango71

Exeter (Home)

You may remember that Exeter is my favourite away trip, mainly because we always win there. Paradoxically, I imagine the Exeter version of me always enjoys his days out at the Abbey, because we can never beat them at home. Our last two meetings in Cambridge have ended in draws, both thanks to last grasp equalisers from the Grecians (one of which was scored by Robbie Turner, who later went on to be the worst centre forward Cambridge United have ever had). To make matters worse, it's family day today which means tickets prices have been reduced across the board to £5 for adults and £1 for kids. Being a season ticket holder this doesn't benefit me (if anything it makes my season ticket less good value) and it means the ground will be full of irritating little children squeeling and running around during the match. I know it's good for us to attract a new, younger generation of fans, but it would be better if they could do it without disturbing me. God I'm becoming such an old man, standing in the Habbin is finally getting to me.

We're at the Abbey early today for a special season ticket holders lunch, after which we will be talked through the plans for the Newmarket Road End redevelopment, which is on the verge of being granted planning permission. The original plan was to build the South stand, and then build a 4,000 seater, two-tiered stand at the NRE, with new club offices, executive boxes and other commercial space inside. However this proved to be too expensive (not to mention it would've looked ridiculous), so now we're going to have a smaller stand at the NRE, identical to the South Stand seating 2000 people. Behind this will be a hotel, flats, family restaurant and fitness centre, to provide us with some much needed commercial income. When this is done (and presumably when we find some more money) the main stand will be extended to include the club offices and executive boxes. Talk of hotels sounds a bit far fetched to a lot of fans, but chairman Gary Harwood assures us that funding is in place, so it might actually happen. The scheme has already been dubbed 'Abbey Village' or 'Harwood's hotel' on the website, and today the new edition of the fanzine has suggested some ideas for further developments. I don't think having a theme park on the allotments, or a wildlife park on Coldhams common would go down too well with local residents, but it made me chuckle anyway.

Harwood and Chief Executive Peter Salvage talk a good game as usual, and everything seems to be falling into place quite nicely. It seems they already have a hotel operator, a health and fitness company, and a blue chip nursery firm (whatever that is) ready to take on the various leases, so the project could actually fund itself quite well. They're hoping to get planning permission within the next couple of months, so that demolition can start at the end of the season. Personally I think that's a bit optimistic. Some of the miserable old gits that live on Newmarket are bound to object, even though the redeveloped ground would look infinately better than the current pot-holed car park and portakabins. All the same, financial stability for the club could be just round the corner at long last, and that can't be a bad thing.

Off pitch optimism + on pitch good form + large crowd = recipe for disaster usually. I don't remember us ever winning on any of the previous family days, but this hasn't stopped a 6000+ crowd turning up, much to the bemusement of the small band of Grecians who've made their way up from the South West. Like Kidderminster, Exeter are marooned in mid-table, and with movement in either direction looking unlikely, it's a good effort from the 200 or so who have made their way to what is effectively a nothing game for them. Since our last meeting manager John Cornforth has mysteriously dispensed with the services of Paul Harries, who caused us so many problems at St. James' Park, and instead prefers to rely on youngster Les Afful up front alongside Don Goodman. The funniest sight is that of subs Justin Walker, James Coppinger and Gareth Sheldon warming up together. All three have the same bleached blonde mullet hair cuts, and look like triplets. Warren Goodhind eat your heart out.

Fallon has been talking in the paper this week about going for the jugular more at home. With this in mind, he's made a plethora of changes, and switched to a 4-3-3 formation. This will please the small band of ultra-critical (and ultra vocal) whingers, who have been complaining that 4-5-1 isn't an attacking enough formation to play at home. With Tudor and Youngs both due a rest anyway, One and youngster Alex Revell will join Omer in a three-pronged attack. Terry Fleming replaces the injured Kevin Wills in midfield, while Andy Duncan makes a welcome return to the heart of our defence at the expense of Wozzer. We only take our spot on the terrace five minutes before kick off (Another recipe for disaster is putting Mick in the same room as a buffet) and I immediately know this is a mistake. The three wise monkeys are barely visible amongst a flock of small children, while there are another group positioned on the bottom couple of steps. We manage to squeeze in between them but it's not fun having to listen to their insecent chatter about anything but football.

The South Stand is full of small children too, and they emit a high pitched squeal in the 6th minute when a pass from Wanny sets Fleming free, but Tel's shot is inches too high and hits the bar and rebounds to safety. This is the highlight of a dull first half for us, which Exeter have much the better of. Our new formation may give us more attacking options, but we're looking very vulnerable down the flanks, with Andy Roscoe and skipper Neil Rimmer looking dangerous for Exeter. And it's from a Roscoe cross that the visitors hit the front, when Goodman climbs highest to head home from close range. I didn't think Goodman could still jump at his age, but he repeats the trick a few minutes later and almost scores a carbon copy goal. This time, however, his aim is slightly off and his header drifts wide. Shauny denies Afful with a good block, and right on the stroke of half time we almost grab an undeserved equaliser when the lively Fleming escapes down the right and crosses for Revell, who nods against the post. None of the kids seem to care too much about our crapness, as half time brings lots of activities including a penalty shoot out between Marvin the Moose and the mascot of nearby Huntingdon Racecourse. It's a shame the Grecian goddess isn't joining in, although having said that I'm not sure seeing her run in that tiny little dress would be particularly suitable for family day.

We're so narrow today its untrue. Our success this season has mainly been based on getting at teams down the flanks, but with all three strikers decling to take up wide positions we're looking fairly ineffective. Fallon's half time talk seems to have had a good effect though, and we've at least upped the tempo a bit, pinning Exeter back into their own half. Six minutes after the restart Kevin Miller denies One with a point blank save, but this only delays the inevitable, as from the resulting corner Fleming sweeps the ball home following a goalmouth scramble. The Grecians look rattled now, and One brings the crowd to its feet with a bicycle kick that flies just wide. I think the ground is still vibrating from the force of Armand's 6' 5" frame landing on the ground. Our pressure mounts, and from another teasing Rodger corner, the ball deflects into the net via a big cluster of players at the near post. Andy Duncan is credited with the goal, although the last touch could possibly have come from a defender. Andy's claiming it anyway, and I doubt the possible Exeter culprit will be too keen to get an own goal against his name.

And so we look set for another, slightly undeserved, victory. That is until Duncan withdraws clutching his troublesome thigh. Wozzer replaces him, but Andy has become a key figure for us this season, and without him our defence is at sixes and sevens. But we manage to keep the visitors out, and when the forth official indicates just a minute of injury time it's just a case of running the ball into the corner to secure the win. But Wanny inexplicably gives the ball away to Exeter sub Sheldon. He charges forward, shrugs off Goodhind, but hits a tame shot that Marshall should deal with easily. Unfortunately the error prone keeper spills the ball, and it runs back to Sheldon who gratefully slams it into the net. Shauny is a great shot stopper, but these mistakes are getting a bit too common for my liking. It's even more sickening as the final whistle goes as soon as we attempt to restart. Another two points dropped, and the chasing pack have moved a little bit closer again.

At least we didn't lose, so the part timers seem quite happy as they leave the ground (especially as most of them had left before the end anyway, so missed the equaliser). We'll see how many of them return on Tuesday night. Not many I'm willing to bet.

retired_carlos.jango71

Bristol Rovers (Home)

We could do with being in better form because in the next couple of weeks we've got a difficult little run coming up. After this game against 7th placed Rovers, we've got tricky looking trips to Hull and Sarfend, who lie 4th and 5th respectively. If we can win tonight I'd be happy with drawing the next two, especially as Hull's home record is second only to ours. Bristol Rovers are also almost unbeatable at home, but much more unpredictable on their travels, and it's this inconsistency which is preventing them making an assault on the top three. Hopefully we can take full advantage of this tonight.

I've always prefered evening games to Saturdays. When I was a nipper that was probably because I was allowed to stay out late, but the novelty hasn't worn off yet. It seems much more of an occasion walking up Newmarket Road in the dark and seeing the floodlights shining in the distance. Plus there's the smell (the aroma of hotdogs and bacon rolls always seems stronger and more appealing on a cold February night) and the atmosphere, which is usually a bit more lively despite crowds being generally smaller. A few years back we used to play quite a lot of Friday night games but had to stop because season ticket holders complained. I always thought it was quite a good idea, especially for local derbys, but we never got them back, so I have to make do with the odd Tuesday.

Exciting news, brought to us via the pages of the CEN, is that Fallon is close to pulling off a bit of a coup in the transfer market. Apparantly we're in talks with axed Coventry boss Gary McAllister with a view to bringing him in as player/coach. Before his sacking McAllister was still doing the business on the pitch in Division One, so there's no question he'd be an asset to us following the departure of Guttridge. Also another experienced head on the coaching staff is welcome, although it's a bit worrying that we seem to be collecting failed player/managers. We probably shouldn't get too excited though - the Cambridge Evening News's United correspondant, Randall Butt, has been known to base his stories on the vaguest of rumours. In fact last year there was a competition on the website to see who could get him to publish the most ridiculous story. The guy who won convinced Randy that Ian Ashbee was on his way to Premiership strugglers Sunderland. Oh the hilarity.

As I've already mentioned, tonights visitors Bristol Rovers are hovering at the fringes of the group chasing the play-offs. It wasn't so long ago that Rovers were challenging at the top of the Second Division, but after selling a who's who of lower league striking talent (ref: Hayles, Roberts, Cureton, Zamora, Ellington et al) they are only now beginning to recover following a couple of years at the wrong end of the table. Tonight their goal threat will be provided by ex-scúm pillock Guilliano Grazioli, who hails from the little known Italian province of North Barnet. No ex-U's on show for once, but Grazioli is joined by another ex-Posh player, in the form of left winger Mark McKeever. For us the 4-3-3 experiment is over before it really began, with Youngs and Tudor rejoing a more familiar five man midfield. Andy Duncan's injured again, meaning there's a surprise start for Richard Smith, who has been very much a perhipheral figure this season

Brizzle have got a young left back by the name of Tom Lloyd making his debut tonight, and it's possible facing Tudor at full tilt will ruin his fledgling career before it's really got started. The orange one is back to top speed after his break, and a blistering run and shot in just the second minute draws a good save from Scott Howie. Although Rovers deal with the resulting corners fairly comfortably, they can do nothing about the 7th minute goal that gives us the lead. Slick interplay between Youngs and Tudor results in the former sending the latter away, and he makes no mistake with a rising drive just inside Howie's left hand upright. Rovers hit back with headers from Paul Tait and Robert Quinn which fly wide, before Tudor almost grabs a second with a good shot that's turned over the bar by Howie. This time Rovers don't deal with the corner well, and Paul Wanless makes his familiar later run to the far post to plant a header in for our second. Grazioli spurns a couple of half chances, but there are no further goals and an enjoyable half ends with Terry Fleming just failing to connect with an incisive Rodger.

I should point out that Mick's not here tonight (work commitments is such a lame excuse) so I'm all on my lonesome and thus at the mercy of fat ginger bloke. To pass the time during the interval I suggest we try and do ten to tackle. Ten to tackle is the only item that has been in the matchday programme for every season that I can remember. It's basically a quiz which always takes the same format. The first question is invariably 'Who is the manager of...', the second 'which club is nicknamed...' and the third 'in which country would I be if I saw an X verses Y match'. The problem with it is that the guy who submits the questions obviously has a sadistic streak, and always puts in at least one question which you have absolutely no chance of getting. It's usually 'What was Hartlepools aggregate attendance last season (to the nearest hundred, as if that's any help)' or 'which England manager had the record of P30 W12 D8 L10'. Between us me and fat ginger manage to score a respectable 8 out of 10, as neither of us knew the name of Wrexham's mascot (Desmond the Dragon) or Macclesfields average attendance from 1999/00 (2,345).

Ray Graydon has obviously had harsh words with his boys during the interval, and they begin the second half with much more purpose. A great tackle from Tel denies Tait a shooting chance, but minutes later they're back in the game when Boxall's cross eludes Marshall and Warner allowing Martin Garratt to tap in at the far post. Fortunately we don't try and defend our lead, and go back on the offensive, with Rodger and Omer Riza heading wide from good positions. Omer had a quiet first half by his standards, but he's perked up now, and gets his reward ten minutes later. Tom Youngs, who's been outstanding tonight, is the provider, evading two challenges on the left wing and crossing to the near post where Omer keeps his cool to slip a low shot under Howie. Rovers try to comeback for a second time, but when Marshall makes an athletic one handed stop to foil Grazioli they know the game is up. And we're unlucky not to get a forth before the end when Omer's shot from distance clips the bar on its way over.

But none the less it's a convincing victory, and a welcome return to form. I'm a lot more confident about Saturdays journey to Hell, sorry Hull, now.

retired_carlos.jango71

Hull (Away)

So here's a quiz question. What is the name of the largest City in Europe never to have had a top flight football club? The answer as I'm sure you know (or have guessed by now) is todays destination, Hull. This is possibly the most interesting thing about Hull. Apart from being big and having a bridge, there's not much else to note about the city, although it did produce Paul Heaton and Dave Rothay, the driving force behind the Beautiful South and their 80's predecessors the Housemartins. I quite like the Beautiful South, so we have their greatest hits blaring out for much of the journey north. The rest of the travelling party aren't such big fans, but an ancient law dictates the driver of the car gets to choose the music so they can't really complain.

Getting to Hull is a fairly straight forward, if not very pleasant, journey. Basically you just have to keep going north via the A14 and A1 until you see signs for Doncaster, then turn right. South Yorkshire really isn't very nice, and it's not surprising Hull invariably comes top of the yearly survey to find the worst town in Britain (Peterborough isn't allowed to enter on the basis that it wouldn't be fair on the other contestants). Driving alongside the humber we pass such lovely places as Goole and Barton. I offer to stop to let the others have a look round but surprisingly they're not so keen. There must be more power stations per square mile here than anywhere else in the country. Everywhere you turn there are big grey concrete buildings with accompanying cooling towers belting out steam/smoke/toxic fumes. With retrospect it's probably best we didn't get out, I didn't bring the gas masks with me.

Hull don't really play in Hull anymore, having moved out of the quaint but crumbling Boothferry Park to the new purpose built Kingston Communications Stadium. As with most new grounds this is built next to a motorway on the outskirts of town, and is meant to be very impressive. I do feel a twinge of saddness as we pass the old stadium, which is now being pulled down to make way for a supermarket, as Hull was the first away game I attended without my Dad. Tommy and I came up on the supporters coach because it was the last game of the season, and although we lost it was an enjoyable day, with Tommy getting Matt Joseph's boots at the end of the game. He's still got them at home, complete with authentic 1996 mud on them, the sad git. The people of Hull seem quite shocked to see a car with no dents and a full set of hub caps. Teenage mothers take time out from collecting their benefit to stare as we pass. Rabid-looking stray dogs run alongside the car, while a group of small children leave the pensioner they're beating up for a few minutes to gaze in wonder. Ok so I made that last bit up, but it is a bit of a hole, and it's a relief to get out of the city and back on the open road.

Like a lot of these new stadiums, the KC stadium is in the middle of nowhere. The stadium itself may be finished, but they've barely made a start on the surroundings, except for to tarmac the roads and car park. Apparantly it will eventually be the centre of a thriving retail park and leisure complex. I think a certain amount of artistic licence is being used here because it's hard to imagine anything thriving in Hull, but we'll let that pass. The stadium itself reminds me of the Madjeski Stadium in appearance, but unlike Reading's ground there isn't an accompanying hotel in which to have a beer. Oh well, I guess you can't have everything when the council builds you a new stadium and lets you live there for free. Inside it's very very impressive. The view and accoustics are top notch, and the pitch is even looking pretty good despite the fact that it's shared with the Hull egg chasing team. Plus as with most new grounds they sell beer in the concourse. It's warm and ridiculously over priced, but it's better than nothing none the less.

It turns out the speculation about Gary Mac was true, and he put pen to paper on a monthly contract with us last night. He signed too late to be involved today but he'll be on the bench helping Fallon in his coaching capacity. The ex-Scotland international has indicated he's eager to get back into management hence the short term contract, but hopefully he'll hang around long enough to help us to promotion. We could've done with his passing skills today as Simon Rodger is out again. With Wills still struggling young David Bridges comes in for his first league start. I've got a lot of time for Bridgo, a U's fan who has developed into a handy attacking midfielder, and although he hasn't been involved much this season he should get his chance in the next few years as a lot of our central midfielders (Wanny, Tel, Rodger, Gary Mac) are 30+. Also missing is Phil Warner, who sustained a nasty cut to the leg against Bristol Rovers, so Wozza deputises. Andy Duncan is fit again but only gets a place on the bench with Smith retaining his place. Ian Ashbee starts in midfield for the home side, looking decidely thinner than his last appearance for the U's, and recieves a decidedly mixed fortunes from the travelling fans. Some misguided fools like Mick cheer their former hero, while the majority give the useless money grabbing twat a nice round of abuse. One player who fortunately isn't available is flying left winger Stuart Elliott, who's injured.

Hull are one of the strongest home sides in the division (their record is second only to our good selves in actual fact) so it's a bit of a surprise that their defence is looking a bit sleepy, allowing us to take the lead with our first attack of the match. The goal stems from an elementary mistake from Luke Guttridge-alike Dean Keates, who gifts the ball to Omer about 40 yards from goal. The little wizard is onto it in a flash, and his pace takes him away from Keates and Paul Byrne, leaving him clear on goal. As Paul Musslewhite advances, Omer decides to take the shot early for once, and slides an accurate daisy cutter past the stranded goalkeeper into the far corner. We and the rest of the United fans have been fighting a losing battle against the Hull stewards, who take exception to us standing on their shiny new seats, but even they can't dampen our celebrations. Tommy gets so excited he jumps on the seat in front of him, which snaps sending him tumbling forward a few rows. Luckily he's not badly hurt, and is helped to his feet to much amusement. The seat is totally ruined though, and will need to be replaced by the looks of things. Oh well, Hull won't forget our first visit. Tommy is pleased as breaking a seat will give him kudos amongst the hard nuts he stands with in the NRE, despite the fact he now looks like a plonker. It's been raining so his jeans are covered in wet patches from landing on the ground, while there's already a big bruise forming on his forehead where he bashed it against a seat.

The Tigers dominate the rest of the half, and it's only thanks to dancing Shaun that we take our lead into the break. A blinding double save denies Lawrie Dudfield what looked like a certain goal, while he also saves well from Ian Ashbee and Justin Whittle. Richard Smith also makes a brave block on the line to thwart Ryan Williams, but this comes at a price as he injures his thigh and has to be replaced by Duncs. Half time comes as a welcome relief. We're being over run in midfield today, with Bridgo and Tel looking lightweight against Keates and Ashbee, who is showing the form of his early days at the days. This is fantastic ammunition for Mick, who will no doubt be raving about his brilliance for the next million years.

Another ex-U enters the fray at half time, with Lee Philpott replacing Paul Byrne. I always liked Philpott when he was a young flying left winger for us back in the day. He also scored the best goal ever - a 25-yard volley against Bristol City in an FA Cup tie. But it seems age has taken its toll, and he's now a fat balding central midfielder. Hull already have a capable flying winger in Williams, who draws another top save from Marshy with a curler that Shaun finger tips round the post. We haven't really created a lot since the goal, but we're denied a penalty when Bridgo's run is halted by a crude challenge by Andy Holt. Hull are soon back on the offensive, but our defence stands firm and only allows them one more clear cut chance. One again Williams embarks on a jinking run, skipping past Andy Duncan and beating Marshall with a low shot across the goal that rolls wide of the post. The final whistle sounds, to much Cantabridgian relief, seconds later.

So that's two out of three tricky games successfully negotiated. Hull looked a handy side and I'll be surprised if they don't make the top three come May, but for all his faults Shaun was top notch today and on that form he looks unbeatable. We'll travel to Southend in confident mood, but before that there's one more tough test to beat, and that's getting out of the KC Stadium. The Car Park may be large, but it only has one road in and out. We'd heard the stories before the match from visiting fans, but didn't imagine it could be this bad. By the time 6-0-6 begins we still haven't moved, and the car park doesn't look significantly emptier than it did an hour ago. It's going to be a long night by the look of things.

retired_carlos.jango71

Southend United (Away)

Ever been to Essex? If you have you’ll know that the legendary Essex girls still roam wild around the county, getting pregnant, getting drunk, and harassing poor unsuspecting men (although not necessarily in that order). With this in mind I should’ve known it would be a bad idea to go on Tommy’s birthday do to Sarfend. We (Me, Tommy, Will and three of Tommy’s hardcore mentalist mates) came down yesterday afternoon, booked into a cheap yet very classy B+B and started drinking. I was doing ok, sticking to lager, until after dinner, when we started doing tequila. Tequila fúcks me up - it’s the drink of the devil and I can’t remember any occasions where drinking it has led to good things. Anyway, to cut a long story short we eventually went onto a club, where an Essex girl I was happily chatting up in my drunken state (Tequila also conveniently makes me forget things such as having a girlfriend) puked on my shirt. Being covered in vomit is never a good look so I took it as a sign that my night was over, and that’s where the memory gets a bit hazy.

I woke up this morning with a blinding headache and a throat like the Sahara Desert. It doesn’t help that lightweight Will is apparently unaffected by last nights excess’s and is downstairs tucking into a massive fry up when I join him in the dining room. According to his version of events, on the way home last night I wanted to go down to the beach and have a swim, which wasn’t a wise move as the Thames Estuary in the middle of a February night isn’t very pleasant. We left Tommy and the other two in the club and they haven’t been seen since, but even though Tommy’s phone is switched off I’m sure they haven’t been murdered. That said I seem to remember one of the nutters talking about stealing a souped-up Fiesta and having a race with some pikeys they met in the club, so they could be dead in a ditch somewhere.

Today’s main business is the U’s against the Shrimpers at Roots Hall. Mick wasn’t allowed out last night so he’s driving down today and giving us a lift back (we came by rail yesterday) so we’ve got to go and meet him in the pub asap. Pub, yuk, beer, yuk, Mick, yuk. The fat one insists on a big lunch and Will obviously didn’t have enough at breakfast so he’s tucking in as well while I sit there nursing my Lemonade feeling like death warmed up. I’m gonna kill that little fúcker Tommy for making me feel like this.

The pub’s not particularly nice, so the boys are happy to leave as soon as they’ve eaten and we begin to make our way up to Roots Hall, which is a fair distance away. Southend are one of a cluster of clubs trying to catch us at the top of the table, and currently lie 4th. Like us they have an impressive forward line, with wingers Danny Maye and Barrington Belgrave providing pace down the flanks and Graeme Jones and Rodney Thomas banging them in for fun. Our team is boosted by the return of Rodger to midfield, alongside Wanny and the debut-making Gary Mac. Tel and Bridgo drop to the bench, while Andy Duncan replaces Richard Smith at the back.

While being far from the worst ground in the league, I don’t like Roots Hall. They made it all seater by bolting seats onto the existing terracing, which means, like Luton, there’s hardly any leg room. Everyone’s standing up anyway so it’s not that big a deal, but it still means every attempt at movement involves bashing your shins. Another worry is that it’s 2.55 and Tommy isn’t here. He’s never missed kick off as far as anyone can remember so we’re begin to get a bit concerned about his well-being. But just after the teams run out a dishevelled little figure appears and comes to stand beside us. Tommy claims to have spent the night with a busty blonde, but judging by his clothes it seems more likely he slept on a park bench.

Maybe the players were out on the pÃ*ss last night too, as they start sluggishly while the hosts buzz around looking fresh as daisies. Danny Maye was a player who impressed me at the Abbey earlier in the season, and his first run bamboozled Wozzer, still standing in for the injured Warner. Maye gets to the by line and arcs in a superb cross to leave Jones with the simple task of nodding past the helpless Marshall. Our previously buoyant fans are now a bit subdued, and the Sarfend fans (mainly West Ham supporters on their day off) come to life. Oh well, only four minutes gone, plenty of time for a comeback. Almost straight from kick off we proceed to give the ball straight back to the Shrimpers. 15 year old (yes that’s right, 15!) midfielder David Bryan feeds Maye again. This time the winger crosses from deep, but the result is just as accurate, finding Thomas, whose instant control is bettered only by his precise finish. Oh well, only seven minutes gone, plenty of time for a comeback.

Fallon is going ballistic down on the touchline, we’re giving them far too much respect. And as usual our best form of defence turns out to be attack. With Tudor charging at their left back, Maye has to track back and help out, and as a result Sarfend are far less effective going forward. Omer almost scores with a shot from 10 yards, Gary Mac (who is having a blinding debut) goes close with a free kick and a Tudor header (yes really) is blocked by Flahavan. Our deserved break comes in the 28th minute. Youngsie crosses from the left, Tudor’s first time shot is blocked but Omer tucks away the rebound.

Despite still feeling rough I’m beginning to get hungry so chance a pie from the ‘snack bar’ (read trestle table staffed by two oily teenagers). It doesn’t do much for the state of my stomach, and I spend most of the break in the toilets regurgitating it. What a great weekend this has been, United are gonna need about six goals in the second half to improve my mood.

Given our domination of the first half (excluding the first seven minutes) I’m fairly confident of us getting at least a point, but Rob Newman has injected his charges with renewed vigour, and Dancing Shaun is called into action early on to stop a shot from Thomas. Gary McAllister is really dominating proceedings now, spraying passes all round the park despite rarely breaking into a run. His workload increases when Rodger withdraws after a heavy blow to his foot. It’s McAllister who sets up Youngs for a 65th minute ‘goal’ which is ruled out for a marginal offside, while another free kick misses the target by inches. And when Flahavan makes a brave/lucky save with his legs to deny Tudor from about two yards, it seems our unbeaten record could be under threat.

But this team never know when they’re beaten, and get their reward with eight minutes left. Inevitably McAllister begins the move, bringing the ball into their half and threading an inch perfect pass inside the right back for Roberts. The left back fires in an angled drive, which Flahavan blocks but can’t hold, allowing Omer to sneak in and poach a second from close range. Of course judging by his celebrations you’d think he’d scored a 50 yard overhead kick in the world cup final, and his jump into our jubilant fans earns him glares from the stewards and a ticking off from the ref. We have chances to win it before the end but can’t force a third, so have to settle for a much deserved draw. In the end I’m just praying for the ref to blow his whistle so I can get away from this god forsaken place. I 've had enough of Essex this weekend to last me a life time.