retired_carlos.jango71

Bury (Away)

Greater Manchester again. I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve two visits in the space of two weeks to the land of the dark satanic mills. Bury is about as interesting as Rochdale, but without Gracie Fields. The football clubs one claim to fame is that Neville Neville, farther of Gary and Phil, is its secretary. He deserves a stupid moniker for inflicting those two on English football.

Three things have put me in a bad mood today. The first is that I’m driving, which means no beer. The second is that Shaun Marshall injured his shoulder during his heroic performance last Saturday, and will probably be on the sidelines for the next three weeks. Fallon has been trying to bring in a loanee all week, but if he hasn’t managed to on time Martin Brennan will be making his debut today with young George Clark on the bench. I have faith in Brennan, but Marshy has been a revelation this season and his presence will be missed. The third thing is that the board announced yesterday that they need to pay £500,000 back to the bank by Christmas to avoid going into receivership. This has come as a total shock to most supporters who thought the club was back on a sound financial footing. CFU have come up with a few ideas for raising the cash, but it’s likely the only way we’re going to pay it is by selling one of the ‘big three’ - Kitson, Youngs or Tudor. And that’s easier said than done in the current financial climate.

Bury are one of the few clubs who actively welcome away fans in their supporters club, and when we arrive Shakers and U’s are mingling happily together. By the time Mick’s got the first round in, we’ve already heard three transfer rumours, all involving Kitson, who, according to reliable sources within the club, is going to Hull, Sheffield United and Millwall for a fee ranging from £500,000 to £1.5million. It makes sense that Kits would be the one to go, as goalscorers are valuable even in these post-ITV digital days. It would be a shame if he left though, he’s just finding his best form.

Bury are one so-called crisis club who have been saved by their own fans. Although they’re still skint the threat of closure that was hanging over them last year has receded, and they’re making a surprising push for promotion. Currently they’re third in the table, and have built up a six-point cushion between themselves and fourth placed Hull. Although they’re some way behind ourselves and Swansea, they should provide a stern examination for us today. Their stadium is certainly worthy of a higher division. Gigg Lane is all-seater, and decked out on three sides with fairly new Blue and white seats. The only problem with the away end is that there are a lot of pillars. We try three or four different locations, all of which offer a restricted view, before settling on a row near the front. From here we can see the pitch at close hand. It’s another beach, although at least Bury have the excuse of sharing with a rugby league team and Man Utd reserves. One day we’ll play a side who can actually prepare a decent surface.

It turns out Fallon has managed to make a last minute signing, bringing in Leicester goalkeeper Simon Royce on a months loan. No-one seems to know much about him other than that he has Premiership experience with Charlton and the Foxes, so he should be decent. Fallon makes one other change, bringing in Wozzer Goodhind for the suspended Andy Duncan.

The first half is high on passion, low on quality. Bury are the hardest working team I’ve seen this season, always closing down and throwing themselves into tackles, which results in three yellow cards in the first 20 minutes. They also play a very direct game, but we seem to have learnt to combat this now and Angus and Goodhind in particular are looking unbeatable in the air. The highlight of the first half an hour is a Luke Guttridge free kick that clips the post and goes wide. As a result he leaves the next one to Kitson, who fairs better with a great curling effort that sails into the top corner. But the pitch is our undoing four minutes later. Guttridge executes a great sliding tackle on Maden, but the ball bobbles as he tries to clear, allowing Dave Borley to nick the ball off his toe and smash a shot past the un-sighted Royce.

Bury have two decent strikers in the form of Liam George and George Clegg, and in first half stoppage time George sprints past Angus and Goodhind and buries a shot into the net. No one can deny it’s a great strike (although I would question why our centre halves stood off George for so long) and it gives the home side an undeserved half time lead. It gets worse just after the break, when Goodhind up-ends Borley just outside the area. After a lot of messing about, Ian Kilford steps up and dispatches a great free kick round the wall into the far corner. Another great strike, and for the first time this season our unbeaten run is looking under threat.

Now we’ll see what Fallon is made of. The goal brings Omer into the fray in place of Youngs, as we switch to 4-3-3. Bury are understandably sitting back now, and Kitson’s header wide is a statement of intent from us. Seconds later Guttridge forces a good save from Steve Wilson, before Gareth Roberts hobbles off to be replaced by Adam Tann. Our lifeline comes in the 62nd minute. Guttridge wins a header in midfield and sets Riza away down the right. Omer’s first touch is poor, but he just manages to reach the ball before it runs out of play and cuts it back for Kitson to slam in his second. You can tell the home crowd are getting nervous now, but although we’re having all the possession the ball won’t quite run for us in front of goal. Twice Tudor skims in low crosses which are just too far ahead of Riza and Kitson, and when Wanny finally meets a cross with a towering header, the experienced Steve Redmond is on hand to block on the line.

With four minutes left we get our trillionth corner of the second half. Rodger takes it short to Riza, who scampers towards the area and chips the ball to the back post. For once the Bury defence have switched off, allowing Kitson to race in and get a free header on goal. Although Wilson does brilliantly to parry it, the ball rebounds nicely for Guttridge to tap in the equaliser! Cue pandemonium in the Cambridge end. At Rochdale it was the fans trying to get to the players, and this time it’s the other way round as Little Luke takes his shirt off and jumps into the crowd to the delight of the away contingent. He’s such a poser that boy, and he gets a yellow card for his troubles from kiljoy ref Pedro Dent.

There’s still time for one last Bury attack, from which substitute Gareth Seddon draws a top-class save from Simon Royce, and then it’s all over. Another last grasp goal, I can’t remember the last time we scored so many in a seasoon, and we’ve made up ground on the Swans who lost at Oxford. And if we avoid defeat next Saturday it’ll be 20 league games unbeaten. The national media will have to start taking notice soon.

Shermanez

This is first class LP. It might be time consuming to write but it's a pleasure to read.

retired_padiesi

give us an update on the league table pls...

retired_carlos.jango71

Er, I'll do a league table in a few matches time. I got a bit carried away actually playing the game

Scunthorpe (home)

Home at last. It seems like we’ve been on the road for ever and it’s nice to be back at the Wembley of the fens. It means I can have a nice lie in, take in football focus and on the ball, before heading over to Mick’s house.

Last night we went to John Taylor’s testimonial dinner, which was a great night. Guests included all the members of the hugely successful early 90’s team (including mssrs. Dublin and Claridge), Rory McGrath, Nick Hancock and various other minor celebrities. It’s amazing that footballers have the ability to turn grown men into gibbering wrecks. I was shaking like a leaf when I went up to say hello to Dion, who was my boyhood hero (along with Tony Dennis, who didn’t come/wasn’t invited). This greatly amuses the lovely Louise, whose only fault is that she doesn’t understand football. Maybe I’ll convert her one day.

Back to today’s game, we’ll have a new signing on view, in the form of Paul Simpson. You may remember him as the beleaguered boss of Rochdale from a couple of weeks back. Well, he was relieved of his duties at Spotland last Sunday in the wake of another defeat, allowing Fallon to snap him up as player/coach. He’ll probably be on the bench today, but his arrival has fuelled rumours regarding the future of the current incumbent of the left wing position, Tom Youngs. Apparently Crystal Palace are after him, and United are said to be in talks over a £1.5million transfer. Whether this is just paper talk or not remains to be seen, but their supporters have been on our website this week announcing it as a done deal so we’ll wait and see. Even if Tommy isn’t going, Simpson should be a good edition to our squad. We don’t have any other left-footed attackers in the squad, so he’ll be good cover. Plus he should be able to pass on some know-how to all our young strikers. As long as Shaggy doesn’t let him loose on our already brittle defence.

The possible departure of Youngs doesn’t overly concern Mick;

"He’s too lightweight. If we can get over £1million for him we should be biting their hands off."

Mick’s views on football do baffle me sometimes. I think he’d like to fill our team with 11 hard-working midfielders in the Terry Fleming/Ian Ashbee/David Batty mould and let them kick their way to promotion. Youngs is such an intelligent player that he’ll be a big loss, but at the end of the day the money is needed.

We get to the Abbey a bit earlier than usual, and are in position and ready 45 minutes before kick off. I don’t know how people can get here this early for every match, it’s so dull watching the players going through their warm ups. My boredom is such that I make the mistake of striking up conversation with fat ginger bloke;

"Youngs might be leaving then…"

"Yeah, I saw that. Not much of a loss really, he’s a bit lightweight don’t you think?"

Ahahahaha, Mick shares an opinion with Fat Ginger bloke, the wrongest person in the history of football-related wrongness. I manage to stifle my giggles but the fat boy goes bright red anyway. He’s not going to live this one down in a hurry.

Despite their home ground being like a morgue Scunny have great travelling support (sound familiar?) and even though things aren’t going their way on the pitch they’re in fine voice. Everyone expected them to be among the play-off contenders, but after a promising start the Iron have slumped to fourth from bottom and boss Brian ‘biffer’ Laws is under a bit of pressure. With players such as the mercurial Peter Beagrie, and the prolific ex-filth striker Martin Carruthers in their side, they should start climbing the league soon, just hopefully not today. For us, Gareth Roberts is sidelined by the leg injury he picked up at Bury, so Andy Duncan returns to the defence, with Goodhind switching to right back and Phil Warner moving to the left.

With a player like Beagrie in the opposition team the one thing you don’t do is give away free kicks around the edge of the box. So guess what Tom Youngs does two minutes into the match? A blatant shoulder charge on Paul Wheatcroft leaves the ref with little option but to award a free kick, but luckily the wall does it’s job, and deflects the shot allowing Royce to claim easily. Our first effort comes from Luke Guttridge, who goes for the spectacular overhead kick when a header would’ve been more appropriate. Needless to say, his ‘shot’ sails wide and spins out for a throw in.

Defences are on top for much of the first half, and the only half chance of note is an Angus header that flies over the bar. Scunny are offering nothing going forward, with Carruthers firmly in Andy Duncan’s pocket, and Beagrie cutting an increasingly frustrated figure on the left wing. The quality is not helped by referee Mike Dearing, who seems intent on being the star of the show. It amazes me that in this day an age a referee can have such a terrible grasp of advantage. This one just blows his whistle at any sign of physical contact. Luckily we manage to get our noses in front before half time when a typically inch perfect corner from Rodger finds the skipper rampaging in unmarked to ram a header into the net. Wanless hasn’t been getting forward much since his knee injury last season, so it’s nice to see him on the scoresheet for only the second time this term.

Tudor rattles the bar in the opening minutes of the second half, but apart from that the match continues along in its uneventful path. We seem happy to push the ball about across the midfield, while the Iron don’t seem to have the intelligence up front to break down our defence. That is, until the 72nd minute, when a good break down the right from on-loan full back Frazer Richardson sees him put in a good cross for Carruthers, who is unmarked six yards out. All the striker has to do is put the ball into the net, but he slips at the crucial moment, and Royce gratefully claims the loose ball. Whether its the jeers of our fans that get to the ex-scúmmer I don’t know, but for no apparent reason he lashes out at Royce, who reacts stupidly by flooring him with a short sharp head butt. The stricken striker escapes without punishment, and is carried off the pitch crying like a girl with what looks like a broken nose. Royce, meanwhile, is shown a red card. No complaints about that really, but Carruthers deserved at least a yellow for starting it.

Martin Brennan takes to the field in place of Youngs, as we switch to a less attacking 4-4-1 formation, leaving Kits to plough a lone furrow up front. Fortunately for us, Scunny still can’t break through, just hoofing the ball towards our area hoping to get a break. In the past we would have buckled, but Goodhind, Duncan, Angus and Warner are winning everything in the air, and on the counter attack Kitson is the master of holding the ball up. In one move he is on the left touchline faced by two defenders, and manages to flick the ball between both of them before racing into the corner to waste a few more precious seconds. He must’ve been taking tips from John Taylor.

The one time Scunthorpe use the dangerous Beagrie, we’re almost undone by a devilish cross that sub Matt Sparrow heads over. The final whistle sounds a few minutes later, confirming the 20th match of our unbeaten run, yet Swansea have won again so we’re still second. The Welshman are going to slip up sooner or later, but for now we just wander over to the supporters club, with Mick explaining his sudden love of all things Tom Youngs…

retired_carlos.jango71

Cardiff (Home)

One good thing about being in Division Three (aside from the fact that we keep winning) is that we left all the Division Two thugs behind. Swansea are the only real hooligans of this division, and with their team doing so well even they have allegedly calmed down a bit. So it was nice of the FA to give us a wake up call by deciding Cardiff should come to town. To add to the big match atmosphere, the BBC have chosen us as their live game, and the cameras are here to witness the best teams in their respective divisions do battle (Ok, we’re 2nd at the moment but it’s only a matter of time).

As far as I know this is the first ever Cambridge United home game to be played on a Sunday. You can tell that, as usual, Cambridgeshire police are bricking it at the thought of a large away contingent coming down (Cardiff have sold out their allocation of just over 2,000 tickets) and as a result every watering hole in the city centre is shut by 12:00. This is a shame as the game is a 4pm kick off, so there would have been plenty of time to get the bevies in. As it is we make do with chips from the shop on Newmarket Road before heading to the Abbey.

I generally like the BBC’s coverage of footy, but today the B-team has been sent out. Garth Crooks is interviewing fans in the car park, and once we get inside the heads of Ray Stubbs and that gormless wánker Mark Lawrenson are visible in the makeshift studio on the far side of the ground. I hate Lawrenson with a passion. No doubt today he’ll be spouting his usual bollocks about Cambridge and the long ball game, even though we abandoned it 11 years ago. I wish they’d deemed us worthy of Lineker and Hanson. Our defence would probably give Hanson a heart attack.

Big-spending Cardiff are finally fulfilling their potential and are leading the Second Division. Having already spent over £2million on players this season, it’s going to be a tough match for us today. Our task will be made even harder by the absence of Dave Kitson. Unfortunately the club announced yesterday they have accepted a £1.5million bid for Kits from Sheffield United, and he will be at Brammell Lane today to watch their match with Wimbledon before entering into contract talks. Obviously everyone is gutted to see big Dave go, but there’s no doubt he is a Division One quality player and was always destined to go onto greater things. Today his place will be taken by Omer Riza, who was excellent for us at the start of the season, and deserves his chance now. He is a bit short though, and Kitson’s absence leaves us with a distinct lack of height in the final third.

Reasons to dislike Cardiff:
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>A lot of their supporters are violent, Burberry-wearing, Welsh nationalist numpties
<LI> Sam Hamman
<LI> Last time we played there I was nearly attacked by three of their ‘fans’ for daring to celebrate our 4-0 win
<LI> Sam Hamman
<LI> Like Hull they suffer from sleeping giant syndrome, and think they should be fast tracked to the PremiershÃ*t because of their large fan base
<LI> Sam Hamman
</UL>
There was a bit of rivalry between us in the 98/99 season when we were both scrapping for promotion, but that’s mostly forgotten now and the only remaining players from back then are Marshall, Wanless and Duncan for us, and veteran wingback Andy Legg for them. Marshy is back in goal today after his injury, which is good, and other than Riza for Kitson this is the only change from the Scunny game.

Kitson’s presence certainly doesn’t seem to be missed early on, as Omer is buzzing around like a man on a mission. In his weekly CEN interview yesterday, Fallon said he was looking for a replacement for Kits, so I guess Mr Riza wants to make the place his own before any new player is brought in. Even if Steve doesn’t think Omer is the up to the task, we have plenty of strikers in waiting (One, Revell, Chillingworth, Paynter,) so I’m not sure we really need another. That said, he’s rumoured to be after Steve Claridge, and it would be brilliant to have him back here.

Anywho for the moment Omer has no intention of letting his place to go, and doesn’t do his cause any harm by shooting us into a 7th minute lead, after neat approach play by Youngs and Tudor. Cardiff seem a bit shocked by the start we’ve made, and Tudor and Rodger both go close to adding to our lead. Andy Duncan is playing well to snuff out the threat of the prolific Rob Earnshaw, who doesn’t get his first sight of goal until the 29th minute when he draws a good save from Marshy. But we don’t heed the warning, and two minutes later a weak header from Phil Warner is picked up by Gary Croft, whose cross is dispatched by the ever alert Graham Kavanagh. Another blow for us is the departure of Wanless, who succumbs to what looks like a knee injury just after the goal. Terry Fleming is a decent replacement, but Wanny’s absence leaves us with a distinct lack of physical presence in the engine room.

1-1 at half time is hardly what the visitors deserve, and it gets worse just after the break when Warner concedes a free kick on the edge of the area, and Danish international Jacob Laursen steps up to curl the ball into the bottom corner. Laursen cost £1.2million, which is roughly 12 times the total cost of our squad, but this gap in wealth isn’t particularly visible as we push forward in search of an equaliser. Rodger and Angus are both denied by excellent saves by Neil Alexander, while Warren Goodhind is inches away from a first U’s goal with a swerving effort that flashes wide of the post.

This is a real cup tie now, and the BBC boys must be delighted with their choice of match. It’s even raining pretty hard now, so the players are getting muddy. It’s almost like the old days, but unfortunately our pitch isn’t quite bad enough to re-enact that famous Ronnie Radford goal for Hereford that always gets shown. I wonder if Radford does anything these days apart from being interviewed about that goal. I doubt whatever the beeb pay him lasts the whole year until the next FA Cup day, when he becomes temporarily famous again. It seems unlikely any goal scored today will be remembered in such high regard, but this is turning into a cracking match, and Riza caps another little spell of concerted U’s pressure with a shot that rattles the cross bar.

Cardiff looks dangerous on the break through Earnshaw, but they seem happy to sit on their lead, and keeper Alexander is in fine form. The recently capped Scotland international denies Guttridge with a great parry, before stopping another goalbound header from Stev Angus. The final whistle sounds after a minute of non-eventual injury time, much to the delight of the Cardiff fans who wave their inflatable sheep and sing their favourite song, "2-1 to the sheep shaggers!" I’m sure it was funny at some point in the mid-90’s, but, much like the Sheffield Wednesday band, it’s wearing a little thin now. Sam Hamman has somehow got himself onto the pitch, and is hugging Bluebirds manager Lenny Lawrence while simultaneously shoving his ugly muppet face into any available camera. He and Cardiff were made for each other.

retired_brinker317

Glad to see this updated LP. Regarding Cardiff, as much as I dislike them I want to see them promoted this season so we won't have to play them next year.

retired_carlos.jango71

Heh, I don't think anyone outside of Wales likes Cardiff

Torquay United (home)

Torquay at home is not traditionally a game that excites the Cambridge public, but this week it has been the main topic of conversation in many of the city’s pubs and clubs. This is because today’s game sees the return of the prodigal son, the one, the only, Colin Alcide. The epitome of everything that was wrong about the second coming of Beck, big Col signed from York for £30,000 the summer before last on a massively high weekly wage (rumoured to be over a grand. I don’t know how our directors can sleep at night). At the time cynics said he was a typical Beck clogger, signed for his strength rather than skill, and unfortunately they were proved right. His sole contribution during his 7 appearances for us was to flick numerous long clearances on for his smaller, nippier colleagues such as Youngs and Tudor to chase. He is without doubt one of the worst players ever to pull on an amber shirt, and most of our fans are relishing the chance to give him some stick today. I still can’t believe Torquay paid us money for him. Maybe Leroy Rosenoir is John Beck in elaborate make up.

There’s even talk of Alcide banners on the Newmarket Road End. We usually have a few banners and flags floating around at away games but never at home. Even when Lionel Perez was here, the ‘god with a perm’ banner only ever used to come out at away grounds. I’m still a bit sceptical when Tommy turns up at the pub with a plastic bag filled with what looks like one of his mums old sheets (another reason Tommy can’t be considered a hard man is that he still lives at home with mummy). He refuses to show us what’s on it until the grand unveiling at the game itself, so as to ‘maintain our anticipation’ apparently.

We are now officially concentrating on the league, after Southend beat us 1-0 in the LDV trophy, thus ending our last chance of cup glory for the season. I wasn’t in attendance, as Fallon made it clear he was going to field a reserve line up and I didn’t fancy a trip to Sarfend on sea to watch a reserve game. I’ll save the delights of Roots Hall and its miniature seats for later in the season. It was a dire game anyway by all accounts, and none of our players came out of it with much credit. It would’ve been nice to have at least one cup run this season, but Fallon thinks the less extra the games we play the better our promotion chances are, and who are we to argue with the new messiah.

As soon as we get into the ground we look to the Newmarket Road End for the banner. There it is, on Tommy’s side of the goal, a big sheet with ALCIDE FOR ENGLAND written on it in big letters. That’s it?! I was expecting some kind of comic genius. I should’ve known Tommy wouldn’t come up with anything original. Torquay became a Cambridge rejects club when Roy McFarland went there a couple of years ago, but most have them have moved on again now, and our only former player on show bar big Col is podgy keeper Kevin Dearden, who I’m told played for us for one season back in the 80’s. It’s a shame Alex Russell is injured, it would’ve been good to give him some stick. He’s a talented player, but he left on a bosman a couple of years ago claiming he wanted to play in Division One. Then he found nobody wanted him so he ended up at Torquay. Wanny’s Knee hasn’t recovered in time, so Terry Fleming deputises with Andy Duncan taking the captains armband

Of course the big fear is that Alcide will score the winner against us. Surprisingly he hasn’t hit the net in ten outings for the Gulls so far, but he’s bound to score a hatrick today. And sure enough, a fourth minute long ball from Canoville catches Duncan unawares, allowing Alcide to waltz through on goal. Luckily Colin’s total ineptness comes to our rescue, and he kindly rolls the ball into Marshy’s arms to cries of derision from the Newmarket Road end. Two minutes later Shane Tudor shows a keener eye for goal, but is denied by a good save from Dearden. Tudes hasn’t scored since signing his new deal which is a bit of a worry, but he’s trying his best today and forces another good save from the Torquay keeper soon afterwards. We take the lead when a Rodger corner finds the head of Andy Duncan. Although Dearden makes a good save the ball rebounds into the net off Duncs’ knee.

Torquay are 10th in the table, and on this showing look one of the better footballing sides in the division. Although Alcide is useless, his striker partner David Graham is causing our defence all sorts of problems, aided and abetted by young wingers Graham Killoughery and Jimmy Benefield. Benefield has the ball in the net on 31 minutes, but Alcide comes to our rescue again by straying offside in the build up.

Simon Rodger doesn’t re-appear after half time, with Warren Goodhind taking his place in midfield. The second begins in a similar vein to the first, with a shot from Alcide. This time his volleyed effort has a bit more power, and draws a good save from Marshall. Without Rodger we lack a bit of quality in midfield, and while Guttridge, Fleming and Goodhind are all trying hard, none of them have skill of Torquay’s Jason Fowler, who is now pulling all the strings. Graham shoots wide from a good position, while Shaun Hankin heads over and Fowler hits the bar. But as time ticks by, and the visitors grow more and more frustrated, we start to edge our way back into the match. Omer crashes a shot off the bar before Tudor wraps our victory seven minutes from time with a crisp strike from just inside the area. Everyone’s even forgotten about taunting Alcide, as Swansea have lost at home to Bury! TOP OF THE LEAGUE, TOP OF THE LEAGUE is more the order of the day.

retired_carlos.jango71

Rushden and Diamonds (home)

Hopefully we can keep hold of top spot for longer than one game this time. However being league leaders does put a bit more pressure on our boys, because everyone wants to beat you. Rushden and Diamonds, our local ‘rivals’, shouldn’t need any encouragement anyway after we beat them at their place.

But there’s a bigger match going on today. An 11am showdown on Jesus Green between our group of Friday night footballers. We usually play throughout the summer on Friday evenings, and occasionally have a game during the winter to keep our skills honed. Most of us haven’t played since September, so the standard is bound to be a bit crap. It gets me out of Christmas shopping though, so that’s got to be a good thing.

Teams usually vary between 5 and 15 players, and today it’s about seven a side, which is pretty good for a cold December morning. I should say now I’m not a very good footballer. I play in defence, and like to think of myself as a Stev Angus-type player, apart from without the pace, aerial ability, and quality of passing. In my defence (hoho), I’m a good tackler, and am generally quite brave/stupid, meaning a lot of people will bottle out of going in for a 50/50 tackle with me.

Every now and again I have a little foray up the field and do something good (sadly, I can still remember goals I scored three or four years ago), and one of those moments happens today. We’ve got a corner, which Smelly Dave (no-one dares tackle him either, for different reasons), is taking on the right. Seeing as we have a lot of defensive (ie those who can’t be bothered to move around too much, so stay back) players on our team, I’ve been going forward quite a lot, and have positioned myself on the edge of the box for this corner, ala Luke Guttridge.

The corner is played into the goalmouth and cleared to me on the edge of the box. My first touch off my thigh is good for once, and I smack a great half volley back into the box, which creeps through about a million pairs of legs into the bottom corner.

It deserves a Shane Tudor-esque shirtless celebration, but I manage to keep my excitement to a minimum, clench my fist, and jog back to the half way line. Fallon will be giving me the call any day now. Unfortunately there’s no time to relive my classic strike with the boys over a post-match drink, and I head up to the Abbey via my house after having showered and changed.

Rushden, one of the pre-season promotion favourites, are right down in 15th at the moment. Looking at their squad, it’s hard to see how they ever got that label in the first place. Their team has very little pace, particularly up front where Duane Darby plays alongside the offside machine Onandi Lowe. Today, Brian Talbot is parading his new signing, Greek international Spyros Maragos who is skippering their side. Apparently Talbot’s job will be on the line if he doesn’t get some results soon, but lets hope the Dire-ones don’t start their revival today. For us Simon Rodger is out with a broken toe, leaving us with a fairly weak looking midfield of Goodhind, Guttridge and Fleming. With Wanny still a couple of weeks away from a return, the Christmas period is going to stretch our squad to the limit.

Mick has been summoned to the Grafton Centre today by the girlfriend (Louise knows better than to try that kind of thing as the trauma of going to an indoor shopping centre on a busy Saturday would give me nightmares for weeks) so Chris is here again in his place. The silly sod is wearing his Man United shirt though, and once we get inside he immediately gets pounced upon by fat ginger bloke, who spends much of the next half an hour discussing the various merits of Van Nistelrooy, Scholes et al. Actually discussion is the wrong word as Chris’ part is limited to nodding and umming and arring. He’s never encountered fat ginger bloke at close quarters before, and I’m afraid that he may be put off coming to United for life.

Rushden still look tactically naïve, relying on the early ball to utilise the pace of Paul Hall and youngster Andy Burgess and the big ass and free kick-winning abilities of Lowe. And it’s one such early ball that leads to us going ahead in the 6th minute. Barry Hunter launches a pass forward looking for Hall, but only finds Gareth Roberts who moves the ball onto Goodhind, who brings it into their half before laying off to Guttridge. Finding himself in a bit space, Luke takes his time and threads a great pass between the centre half and the left back for Shane Tudor, who caps a great move with a shot across the keeper into the far corner. Another contender for goal of the season, and it came through our very under-strength midfield which was good to see. Roberts is doing a good job on the dangerous Hall, but on the other side Burgess is doing a bit better against Phil Warner, who looks to be struggling a little with some sort of injury. And just after our goal the left winger almost provides an equaliser for Lowe, but his header lacks power and Marshy makes a simple catch.

Hall finally gets a decent pass in the 20th minute, and shows how dangerous he can be by turning Stev inside out and whipping in a great cross for Lowe. But once again the big Jamaican shows he is about as good at heading as Thierry Henry, and his tame effort is clutched at the second attempt by the grateful Marshall. Two minutes later it’s 2-0, as Omer bursts into the area and hits a low shot which squirms away from Turley allowing Terry Fleming to tap in a rare goal. The Terrier was much maligned during the days of Beck, but since the prince of darkness left he has worked really hard and forced his way back into the first team squad. He’s become one of my favourites because despite not being the most skilful of players, but he always gives 110%, and it’s nice to see him getting a little run in the side.

Anyway our second goal completely knocks Diamonds out of their stride, and they resort to their bog standard long balls looking for Lowe and Darby. Although both the strikers have the beating of our centre backs in the air, our well-drilled offside trap is tailor made for days such as this, and the half ends with a flurry of offsides, mostly against Lowe. I remember back in the summer the Rushden fans were all raving about how he was a Premiership quality striker, but from what I’ve seen this season he’s just fat and lazy. Kitson, who is making his Sheffield United debut today, is a far superior player if you ask me.

It turns out Warner was injured, as we see him hobble out after half time with a large ice pack strapped to the back of his thigh. Looks like that’s a hamstring problem then. Adam Tann replaces him, and slots straight in at his less favoured position of right back. Not that it should be a problem for Tanny, who is as composed a player as you could wish to see.

The second half isn’t a great spectacle as we’re not trying too hard to extend our lead and Rushden don’t seem to have the intelligence to break us down. The best moment comes from Riza, who beats two defenders and hits a low shot that Turley scrambles round the post. Omer is playing really well again, and although reports this week have linked us to prolific Methyr Tydfil forward Andy Mainwaring, I imagine Fallon will be thinking about calling off his search for a striker if Riza keeps this form up. The most entertaining moment of the half is provided by mssrs. Maragos and Guttridge. The Greek has looked pretty tasty, strutting around in the middle of the park and playing a few good passes (He must be wondering what he’s done signing for such an inept team) but he takes offence at a typically robust challenge from little Luke, and a scuffle ensues, resulting in bookings for both.

An advantage of bringing Chris along is that he can drive me home, as two hours of standing in the wind and rain has already started to take its toll on my poor legs. One of these days I’ll try warming up before I play.

retired_carlos.jango71

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> ************************************************** ********************************************** English Third Division - Saturday 22nd December 2001********************************************** ************************************************** Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st Cambridge Utd 22 9 3 0 19 6 6 4 0 31 20 52 2nd Swansea 22 7 3 2 28 14 8 1 1 20 10 49 3rd Bury 22 7 2 1 23 15 7 3 2 21 16 47 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------4th Southend 22 5 6 1 18 11 5 3 2 19 13 39 5th Leyton Orient 22 5 5 2 19 13 5 1 4 21 16 36 6th Lincoln 22 5 1 4 19 15 6 2 4 17 15 36 7th Hull 22 8 3 1 26 11 2 2 6 13 17 35 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------8th Bristol Rovers 23 8 1 3 21 13 2 4 5 19 21 35 9th Boston Utd 22 6 2 3 18 13 4 3 4 18 17 35 10th Wrexham 22 5 2 3 17 14 4 5 3 21 21 34 11th Torquay 22 4 2 4 19 15 5 3 4 16 15 32 12th Carlisle 22 7 2 3 21 16 2 2 6 8 17 31 13th Oxford 23 6 2 4 19 13 1 6 4 13 20 29 14th Rochdale 22 7 0 4 22 18 2 2 7 13 25 29 15th Rushden 22 5 4 1 23 10 2 2 8 13 25 27 16th Darlington 22 4 5 2 17 11 2 2 7 8 18 25 17th Hartlepool 22 3 2 5 13 15 4 2 6 15 19 25 18th Kidderminster 22 5 2 5 16 16 2 2 6 8 16 25 19th Exeter 22 5 1 6 21 20 2 1 7 9 18 23 20th Shrewsbury 22 2 5 3 12 12 3 0 9 13 26 20 21st Bournemouth 23 2 3 6 13 20 2 4 6 11 20 19 22nd Scunthorpe 22 4 2 4 12 17 1 2 9 7 22 19 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------23rd York 23 3 1 8 16 27 1 5 5 10 18 18 24th Macclesfield 22 3 3 4 14 15 1 1 10 6 21 16 </pre>

retired_carlos.jango71

Hartlepool (Away)

As you’ve probably worked out by now I’m a bit of a sad case. It’s 6.45am on boxing day, and right now I could be tucked up in bed, enjoying a few hours sleep before getting up and heading to my parents/Louise’s parents for a day of eating nice Christmas food and watching crap Christmas TV. Instead I’m standing in the freezing fog on Newmarket Road waiting for a coach to come and take me to Hartlepool for a day of football related fun. My family threatened to disown me when I first went to a boxing day away game, but they’re used to it now, and Louise is surprisingly understanding (not too sure what her Mum and Dad make of me but you can’t please everyone all the time).

Tommy has no girlfriend, and sees his mum everyday so he’s excused as well, but Mick and Will have family duties so it’s just the two of us. As it’s the festive season and Hartlepool is a long way away and neither of us want to drive in this god-awful weather, we’re taking the supporters coach. Surprisingly we’ve managed to fill two coaches today, the glory hunters are even coming out of the woodwork for away games it seems. Back in the pre-drivers licence days I used to do long coach journeys all the time, but I’d forgotten how boring they can be. I’ve read the Xmas edition of 4-4-2 by the time we pass Nottingham at 9am-ish, so I have to make a start on one of my Christmas books. Tommy is wrapped up in one his Christmas book; Cambridge United: The complete League era. Every now and then he pipes up with a useless piece of information such as "Did you know we almost installed a plastic pitch in the mid-80’s." Apparently the book contains information on every game in our 32 year football league history. Tommy is going to be spouting more bollocks than usual over the coming weeks.

Not even service station staff are up at this time on boxing day, meaning we can’t get a decent breakfast for love nor money when the driver stops for a rest. Trevor, one of the old codgers who goes to every away game on the coach, tells us Hartlepool are holding a pitch inspection at 12 noon because of the frost. That’s all we need. By 12 we’ll be pushing on towards the frozen north east, and if the game is called off it’ll take all afternoon to get home. I wish they’d hold pitch inspections a bit earlier for matches such as this. Hartlepool will have to go some to match Swansea, who a few years back declared our match at their place on, off, on again then finally off again. The coach driver that day was practically doing U-turns on the motorway. Everyone’s a bit tense as the clock ticks past noon, but thankfully we get the call saying the match is on, and the atmosphere lightens once more.

As it’s boxing day the roads are fairly clear, and we’re in Hartlepool by about 1.10pm, giving us almost two hours to explore the town where they once hung a monkey because they thought it was French spy. Last time I came to Hartlepool I was shocked that places like this still existed, and while the naff terraced houses and the shell-suits and the teenage mothers are still prevalent, the local council have at least made an effort to tidy up the town centre. There’s an art gallery, a little museum, and the shops around the Quayside have been refurbished and actually look quite smart. There’s not an open pub in sight though, so we have to blag our way into the supporters club (despite our lack of Geordie accents) to get a drink.

Hartlepool were another of the bookies pre-season title favourites, and unlike Rushden it’s hard to see why they’re struggling so badly. Ritchie Humphreys is still fat yet quality, while the likes of Gordon Watson, Paul Stephenson and Eddie Newton are all more than capable of playing at a higher level. They have also recruited a good experienced keeper in the form of ex-U Keith Branagan, who gets a warm round of applause when he appears for his pre-match warm-up. Our travelling contingent numbers about 400, and on the pitch we’ve made one change, with Adam Tann coming into the side to replace the crocked Phil Warner. Apparently Warner will be out for a month or so, but Tanny is a quality player and I don’t think he’ll be missed too badly.

I’m sure our players didn’t relish getting up at six this morning, and it appears they are still on the coach in the opening few minutes as Hartlepool rip our defence to shreds. Gordon Watson is allowed a free header after just two minutes but puts it wide, and then squanders a similar chance seconds later. The conditions aren’t helping us, with strong wind and driving rain blowing in our faces making accurate passing difficult. But with our first quality move of the match we go in front. Warren Goodhind plays a good ball down the left for Youngs, and his cross bounces up nicely for Omer Riza, who hooks the ball in at the near post. As usual we’re boosted by the goal, and it takes a brilliant save from Branagan to deny Riza a second. Youngs also goes close before Hartlepool score a spawny equaliser. A Humphreys free kick deflects up off the wall and spins into the path of Paul Smith, who beats Marshall from close range. Omer has another goal ruled out before half time, but considering Hartlepool’s possession it wouldn’t have been very fair if we’d gone into the break ahead.

At half time H’Angus the monkey appears. He carries out the duel role of being Hartlepool’s mascot and also being the town’s mayor. He got elected last year on the back of a promise of bananas for all, which says a lot about the relevance of local government in this part of the country.

Much to our amusement Humphreys scuffs a shot wide from close range in the opening minutes of the second half. He gets his revenge minutes later, delivering a teasing cross which Watson heads into the net. Watson must be trying to take the title of the most offside footballer in history from Onandi Lowe, but if we keep giving him free headers he’s going to punish us. He almost puts the game beyond our reach a few minutes later with another header that Marshy claws over the bar. At the other end our only threat is the pace of Omer, as Youngs and Tudor are struggling with the energy sapping conditions. One mazy run from the little wizard results in him being hauled back by Tommy Widdrington 25 yards from goal. With Simon Rodger out injured, no-one seems keen to take the free kick, and in the end Omer takes responsibility. This time luck is on our side, as Riza’s shot goes through the wall, takes a flick off someone’s leg and beats the wrong footed Branagan.

After this the match descends into a kicking contest. Hartlepool seem determined not to lose the match, and Widdrington and Eddie Newton are conceding free kicks all over the place. Terry Fleming and Luke Guttridge are not the type of players to shirk a physical battle, and both go into the book for stupid tackles. Wozza and Andy Duncan are also booked, and it’s a miracle that card happy referee Clingo doesn’t send anyone off before the final whistle goes.

Then it’s straight back on the coach to begin the long journey home. I don’t think I’ve ever been this far on boxing day before. God knows what time we’ll be back in Cambridge. Having witnessed a not particularly good game played on a terrible pitch in pouring rain and a gale, you begin to wonder if it’s all worth it. I decide to ask Tommy:

"Tom. Do you think we’re a bit sad coming all this way when we should be at home with our families?"

Tommy looks at me as if I’ve just escaped from a mental hospital.

"Nah mate, the ones who aren’t here are the sad ones. Look at the feast of football they’ve missed out on today."

The worrying thing is I’m fairly sure he’s being serious.