“ Can we have a story daddy?!” “ Please! We really want to hear a story! We ate most of our food and, and mummy did give us an awful lot! Please Daddy! Give us a story!?”
“ Of course you can, anything for my children. However we’re not having any of this Winnie the Pooh bollocks you hear?”
“ Mummy said bollocks is a rude word – what does it mean daddy?”
“ Oh cra -! Erm Don’t worry about Heather, you’ll find out soon enough when you’re old enough! Now then – does anyone have a story they’d like me to tell them?”
“ Err..”
“ Yes George? Do ye wanna another historical epic?!”
“ Och no Daddy – you tell them all the time – I don’t really like them that –
“ WHAT DID YOU SAY! YE DONNAE LIKE ME HISTORICAL STORIES?!” Henry exploded upon hearing of his sons treachery. This was not right. “Right! That’s it, I was saving this for the future laddie, but I think we need to invigorate the soul! Get yer pride back! We’ll be having two wee epics tonight!”
“ Oh fuc –“
“ None of that around here Heather you hear! We don’t want your nursery teachers kicking up a fuss again do we! Now then. I swear you’ll like this one Heather and George. You may only be 4 years old, but you should learn about your homelands history. We’ll be having a double bill tonight. Let’s see – what time is it now? Half past seven… hmm. Ok good we should be done around about 1:30 tomorrow morning – that’ll give you what 5 hours sleep before the morning run… excellent – best be cracking on with it then…”
As Henry Cameron rounded up the evening supplements of milk and cheese biscuits, Heather and George simply looked at each other and groaned – it was going to be a long night…
“ Now then kids, you remember that time we went to Inverlochy Castle, you must have been about 18 months old then… you remember what I was telling you? By god there’s a story to tell here. You see in 790 the French and the Picts signed a treaty here…
… and of course that sodding Marquis of Argyll in 1645 had to start poking his face where he bloody well shouldn’t! But they didnae reckon with the forces of the Royalists who defended the castle! We struck hard and countering them with a pincer movement and your ancestors were there on that fine day as the blood of the highlanders spilled into the river! My what a day that was! Argyll’s men were slaughtered and as legend says, more than 1500 of the canny b*stards were killed in that battle! We were outnumbered by more than a thousand men yet we destroyed them. My what an event! Heather! Stop falling asleep it’s quarter to ten and we still have another battle to get through yet! Jesus Christ! Here just look at this
picture
we had the scúm on the run! The Cameron Clan had won – yes indeed! A magnificent victory for the Cameron Clan!
This Is Not The Greatest Title In The World, This Is Just A Tribute 
, although we always celebrate Burns Lunch so I'm not utterly ignorant ( but still ignorant enought o get his name wrong 
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