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Walter Smith's nervous breakdown couldn't have come at a worse time. Under the circumstances it was felt that managing the national team could only add to his problems and so it was with heavy hearts that the SFA turned to me. My only decision was how long to leave them hanging as retribution for opting for Smith in the first place. I held out for about four seconds.
With my long coat and unkempt hair dancing enigmatically in the Glasgow breeze I marched into the Hampden offices with plans for world domination. Were it not for the National Stadium's lack of nuclear weapons it could have been literal the way I was feeling that morning. I could've walked through a brick wall. Sadly the brick wall didn't agree, and only luck prevented my tumble being broadcast live on Reporting Scotland.
Assembling a top class staff was going to be vital. Rainer Bonhof had agreed to remain u21 boss for the time being, and I was persuaded to allow Walter Smith to take an honourary coaching title. Tommy Burns and Jimmy Calderwood were recruited as my top team coaches, providing experience and balance, as well as great knowledge of the Scottish game. Gordon Strachan was to be my assistant insofar as I thoguht he was a great coach and he wanted to help Scotland. If a top club position were to arise he had my blessing to take it on. Dundee United manager Ian McCall completed my team by accepting the task of Youth Development Director and manager of the under 19 squad.
The list was slipped to Chick Young in advance as I sought to get the meeja onside, and a press conference was arranged. With games against Uruguay and Slovenia fast approaching we had precious little time to build a team. I opted, and stated this base openly, to go for form over all other considerations, thoguh with the season so young this skewed the selection somewhat.
The goalkeepers chosen were Inverness stopper Mark Brown, Jamie Langfield of Dunfermline and Norwich City backup Paul Gallacher. Admittedly the last choice was not ideal, but in the circumstances it was not a slot I had a lot of options for. Defensively we went for David Lilley and Gordon Greer of Kilmarnock, Hibs' veteran Gary Smith - a former international - Hearts captain Steven Pressley, Arsenal new boy Andy Webster, Inverness full back Ross Tokely and Gary Caldwell, another Hibernian player. There was my first mistake - no left back.
The midfielders remaining after calloffs were Mark Kerr of Dundee United, Paul Hartley from Hearts, Aberdeen's Fergus Tiernan, Killie starlet Gary McDonald, Ian Paul McShane of Grindav*k, Manchester United prodigy Darren Fletcher, Jim Paterson now at Motherwell, Barry Robson, like Kerr from Dundee United, Scott Mckenna Ramsey of Keflavik in Iceland, former hot prospect Stephen Glass of Hibs and another Killie man, Paul Di Giacomo. Barry Ferguson, naturally, withdrew.
In attack we were limited and opted in the end for Everton man James McFadden, Derek Lilley of Livingston, Dundee United's Jim McIntyre, Robbie Winters of Brann Bergen in Norway and the SPL's top scorer Dennis Wyness of Hearts.
The reaction was altogether underwhelming, and despite playing not at all badly a 2-0 defeat at home to Uruguay in my one warm up friendly was not at all well-received. The South Americans defended well throughout and we couldn't break through. The XI fielded consisted of Brown in goals, Caldwell, Tokely, Smith and David Lilley across the back, with Webster and Greer replacing Lilley and Tokely at the interval, Kerr, Fletcher, Robson and McFadden in midfield and Derek Lilley paired with Dennis Wyness in attack. Paul Di Giacomo replaced Lilley at the interval and allowed McFadden to move up front, to little effect.
Slovenia was just a few days ahead and the pressure that I had hoped to avoid was mounting. It was bound to set the tone for my managerial reign, so it had to be the right performance on the night. These were the players I chose, the buck would, rightly, stop with me.
There couldn't be wholesale changes to the lineup for Slovenia, but I did spend many hours talking to Gordon, Jimmy and Tommy about the options available. The lack of a natural left back was a blow, but Gary Naysmith and Steven Hammell should play a part in future squads. In the end it was decided to play Steven Pressley in the role and he was shîte, I'd rate his performance at about four out of ten, abysmal. Caldwell, Smith and Webster completed the back four though and they, along with Brown, were immense. More than enough to sustain a clean sheet for ninety minutes.
Mark Kerr anchored the midfield as he had against the Uruguayans, with Fletcher and Robson ahead and Di Giacomo coming in to support McFadden and Wyness up front. The Manchester United player opened the scoring after ten minutes and from the resulting kickoff we robbed the Slovenes of possession and embarked on a swift attack culminating in Dennis Wyness' first international goal. A McFadden double before the interval completed the scoring, as we took 45 minutes to reflect on what we had achieved in the first half without breaking much more of a sweat. Barry Robson was the outstanding performer, but it was an all-around top level performance, with the exception of that nonce Pressley. I instructed him to get a man's haircut or risk never playing for his nation again. Ever. Gordon Strachan felt I was being unkind and told me to "shut the f*ck up you big f*cker". Such a nice man.
David Lilley and Gordon Greer weren't even considered for my next squad, with Jim McIntyre, Ross Tokely, Gary McDonald, Jim Paterson and Fergus Tiernan also dropping out. The replacements were Kenny Miller(Wolves), Steven Hammell(Sheffield Wednesday), Gary Naysmith(Everton), Barry Ferguson(Blackburn), Robbie Foy(Liverpool), Christian Dailly(West Ham) and Gary Teale(Wigan) replacing them.
Stephen Glass subsequently withdrew to be replaced by Darren Young of Dunfermline, then he withdrew to have his place taken by Ian Murray(Werder Bremen). Paul Dickov(Blackburn) came in for the injured Kenny Miller and Robbie Nielson(Sheffield Wednesday) was selected when Gary Caldwell got hurt, but through some miracle we made it to matchday without having been deprived of the services of Barry Ferguson.
As a result we lined up in the familiar formation with Brown in goals, Neilson and Naysmith in the full back positions and Webster teaming up with Smith once more in defence. Kerr, Fletcher, Robson and Di Giacomo continuted in midfield, with Ferguson on the bench, whilst the attack was also unchanged, Wyness and McFadden having earned another start. Norway were waiting as once again we stepped out at Hampden Park, deafened by the best fans in the world...
An early scare put the crowd on edge as a John Carew header was knocked off the line by Barry Robson, but luck was smiling on us and we survived. Another huge break followed as a hoofed clearance sent Di Giacomo through on goal. The defence caught up to him, but the ball spun to McFadden 10 yards out on the angle and he lofted the ball over a stunned Rune Andreassen to hand us a vital lead. Set plays were always expected to cause us a problem, and so it proved as another corner saw Tommy Berntsen rise highest and nod home the leveller.
It wasn't the freest flowing game in the world and with halftime approaching I suspect both I and my opposite number would've been happy to go in tied and regroup, but in a freak moment of deja vu Paul Di Giacomo was tackled on the point of shooting. This time the ball broke to an unattended Dennis Wyness 3 yards out and the little striker prodded home our second goal of the afternoon. The 50008 inside Hampden, at least those of them who were there to cheer on Scotland, rose as one to acclaim a new hero, and the half time reverie was truly effervescent.
Little did they know that 13 minutes after the interval Norway would have forraged ahead with two scrappy goals and we would be reeling. The only sub-standard performer at this stage was Barry Robson, so Barry Ferguson took his place on the pitch as my side looked to regroup. Time though was ticking away and when Darren Fletcher missed a great chance in injury time our chances looked close to nil. So it proved, we were defeated by an at best average Norwegian side in a game where if we deserved a draw it was the best we could have hoped for. Neither side was on form, neither keeper looked impressive, we lost. That was the bottom line and the group table looked somewhat dodgy as we boarded the plane to Moldova.
Misty watercoloured memories... 
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