BarryLFC

Press Statement

With the press deciding that losing to Bahrain was "unacceptable for Scotland" I decided to take a stance. In a carefully prepared statement I announced:

"If Scotland don't qualify for the World Cup I will walk away from the job. So shut the f*ck up. B*stards."

That should sort them out.

BarryLFC

Moldova

With Wyness and Teale unavailable I called up Stephen Pearson and David Clarkson to the squad. Remarkably Pearson rejected the call and the press were informed that I would never pick him for Scotland again. Christian Dailly filled the spot. We went 4-5-1 for the visit of the Moldovans. Marshall began in goals, Caldwell, Dailly, McGuire and Naysmith lined up across the back, protected by Fergus Tiernan with Paul Hartley, Barry Ferguson, Darren Fletcher and Ian Murray in midfield. David Clarkson got the nod in attack.

A goalless first half was not unanticipated and Clarkson's 62nd minute debut goal had us on the road to a victory we desperately needed if qualification were to remain a realistic goal. Paul Dickov replaced the striker with about fifteen minutes to go, but three minutes from the end disaster struck as the Moldovans tied it all up with a good strike from outside the box. They didn't deserve it, but they had it and qualification just became a little more remote.

BarryLFC

@ Belarus

Some shuffling for the trip to Belarus saw Ian Murray drop to centre back, Dailly step into the holding midfield role, Riordan start on the left wing and McFadden come in up front. This match was very much win or go home, and we weren't ready to fold just yet.

Once again a goalless first half ensued but this time we went behind to a deflected strike ten minutes into the second half. A second goal for the home side five minutes later was a sickener. Defeat followed. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

BarryLFC

Italy

Hampden, Italy, revenge?

No.

Defeat.

0-1.

BarryLFC

@ Norway

A chance for redemption, in Norway, but the team is by now disspirited. Leading through a Dailly penalty though we sense one last chance to save our dream. Solskjaer's leveller though sucks away any hope that remained.

The draw leaves us four points behind second placed Slovenia with a pair of matches to come, at home to Belarus and in Ljubljana. Amazingly we aren't yet eliminated, who'd've thunk it, eh?

BarryLFC

Belarus

This time it was for definite. Anything less than victory would see us eliminated from the World Cup with one match to play. Even three points would be insufficient if Slovenia were to be victorious in their game in Rome. Whilst that seemed unlikely, a lot had to go right for Scotland not to be shamed tonight.

Desperate times call for desperate measures so we went into the game with Craig Gordon in goals, Jackie McNamara at right back, Gary Naysmith on the left and the pairing of Aberdeen's Russell Anderson and Arsenal's Andy Webster in the middle. Celtic's Neil Janczyk debuted in the holding role, with Scott Brown in midfield alongside James McFaddem, Mark Kerr and Darren Fletcher. Rangers youngster Ross McCormack debuted up front.

McCormack stunned the visitors with a fourth minute opener as we looked strong in the opening exchanges and despite a late surge from Belarus we led at half time, with no player disgracing himself. There had been criticism of my tactics in the press of late, with many claiming that I was "happy to draw", or "playing not to lose". One biting comment stated that "even where his players play to the best of their abilities, Bartholomew's tactics do not put them in a position to win games."

With McCormack tiring I introduced Paul Dickov with about fifteen minutes to play, but a series of early missed chances made me question opting against a hungry Dennis Wyness. With two minutes to go though, McFadden made it 2-0, and with Italy producing a similar home win, all eyes turned to Slovenia where a win, coupled with Norway failing to take all three points in Belarus, would see us into the playoffs!

BarryLFC

@Slovenia

With James McFadden and Darren Fletcher pulling out due to injury our chances of making the playoffs were gone. Still we hoped to put up a respectable show in Slovenia, and despite trailing 1-0 at the break we felt we'd put in a good shift.

In the event Norway were winning heavily in Belarus anyhow, so victory would've been heartbreaking, but the final score of 2-1 to the home side, after Paul Dickov had levelled matters, meant that it was the Norwegians who had to suffer. Ultimately we had paid the price for our lack of ability. The other teams were better than we were and as manager that was down to me. At least we'd gone into the final game with a fighting chance, though never more than a fool's hope.

At a press conference the next day I announced that I was going to be true to my word. I resigned, Gordon Strachan was unveiled as my successor and the Scottish press and public hailed yet another "new era". Good luck to them.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> P W D L F A Gd PtsItaly 10 9 1 0 22 0 +22 28Slovenia 10 4 4 2 12 13 -1 16Norway 10 4 2 4 18 14 +4 14Scotland 10 3 2 5 13 12 +1 11Belarus 10 3 0 7 13 21 -8 9Moldova 10 1 3 6 8 26 -18 6</pre>

shannon2007

Well that was a bloody waste of time :p

retired_jgirl87

Do stories of Scotland management qualify as "short stories"?

BarryLFC

No, but do stories about dwarfs?