Opposite Ends of the World - Page 3

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 05:21 PM

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | Q | England | | 8 | 7 | 0 | 1 | 19 | 8 | +11 | 21 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | | Poland | | 9 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 14 | 10 | +4 | 15 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Wales | | 8 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 17 | 14 | +3 | 11 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | N.Ireland | | 8 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 18 | 10 | +8 | 11 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Austria | | 8 | 2 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 16 | -9 | 6 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Azerbaijan | | 9 | 1 | 3 | 5 | 10 | 27 | -17 | 6 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 05:53 PM

Another Bit - Its Quite Important Though

The return leg in Australia saw New Zealand's dreams crumble as they were ripped apart by 3-0 and that was that.

Jamieson comiserated with his New Zealand counterpart and then went out and got pished.

Dave Black, shattered by the experience, retired from football and went to live on a sheep farm in Fiji.

HD · 01-02-2005, 06:14 PM

Sheeeeep

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 06:34 PM

The Bit Near The Bit Near The Bit That Could Be The End But Isn't

The big match in Belfast was all that written about in the UK press. Ok, was it bugger, but it should have been. The game looked like ending goalless, which would suit Wales & Poland, but a minute from time Northern Ireland stole the points and Wales were out. It had been a really pathetic effort, and Trotter was taken to just outside Cardiff and lynched.

Harsh, but fair.

Now Northern Ireland just needed to win in Austria, hoping that Poland didnt beat England in Sheffield. Which they didnt, as that match ended 0-0. In the end though, Northern Ireland found themselves outclassed by a crap Austrian side, going down 3-1 and their World Cup dream was over.

Paddy O'Brien retired from football and became a nun.

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 06:35 PM

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | Q | England | | 10 | 8 | 1 | 1 | 23 | 9 | +14 | 25 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | Pl | Poland | | 10 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 14 | 10 | +4 | 16 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Wales | | 10 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 20 | 15 | +5 | 14 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | N.Ireland | | 10 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 20 | 13 | +7 | 14 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 5th | | Austria | | 10 | 3 | 0 | 7 | 11 | 21 | -10 | 9 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 6th | | Azerbaijan | | 10 | 1 | 3 | 6 | 10 | 30 | -20 | 6 | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 08:10 PM

The Bit That Should Be The End, But Isn't

The play-off for Australia would be against Peru, a good chance to exchange some sheep for some hamsters. The Aussie's rather stupidly had high hopes going into the first leg, which was in Sydney. Although Peru are also crap, it turned out they werent quite as crap as Australia and they won 2-0. It was a wee bit of a blow, thats for sure.

In Peru, Australia did at least manage to get a goal, but Peru got two more and the Aussie dream was over yet again. Jamieson retired from football and decided to stay in Peru to become a hamster farmer.

And so this story should have been over.

But it isn't.

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 10:14 PM

The Twist In The Tale

With England safely into the Finals in Germany, Sven Goran Eriksson promptly up and died, thus leaving the England job vacant. Having a non-English national as boss seemed to have worked very well and so the English FA in their wisdom decided to appoint another one. To the astonishment of the world, they unveiled non other than.........

Berti Vogts.

I am deelighted to be geeven zee chance to manage zee Engleesh. I know many peoples are vondering iv I am having zee skilz to do zis job, because I was crap weev Schottland. Vell, zis iz see truth. It vos all Tommy Burns Fault!

Vogts went on to state that now was a time of rebuilding, and planning for the future so that England could qualify for the next cup. His squad for the Finals stunned everyone, not least the players he picked.

They were all 17 years old or under.

England Squad, 2006 World Cup Finals

Goalkeepers: Luke Douglas (Portsmouth), Alex Jennings (Crystal Palace), Zac Jones (Blackburn)

Defence: Seb Hines (Middlesbrough), Adam Clough (Middlesbrough), Mark Little (Clydebank), Bob Knight (Blackburn), Jarrad Hodgkiss (Brighton), Chris Riley (Spurs), Peter Hartley (Sunderland), Jack Pilgrim (Portsmouth), Adam Gusterson (Norwich)

Midfield: Aaron Allanson (Hull), Graeme Owens (Middlesbrough), Joseph Bye (Portsmouth), Andrew Fenton-Goss (Portsmouth), Micah Richards (Manchester City), Jamie Smith (Crystal Palace), Daniel Rose (Manchester United), Richard Heller (Spurs)

Attack: Febien Brandy (Manchester United), Jamie Mole (Hearts), Scott Bridges (Aston Villa)

Peacemaker7 · 01-02-2005, 11:20 PM

The End Bit

Despite the assertation of Vogts that his young side would do the nation proud, they didnt.

It started well enough as they took a 7th minute lead against Bosnia, but 83 minutes later they had lost 4-0. A 1-0 loss to Iran meant England were out, and there was no consolation in a 4-0 drubbing from Saudi Arabia.

Zis vos a vewy good learning experwience The German maintained, And ve vill be all the stronger for ze next vorld cup vhich I am zure ve vill vin.

The next day he was sacked.

binny · 01-02-2005, 11:35 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>It started well enough as they took a 7th minute lead against Bosnia, but 83 minutes later they had lost 4-0. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Other than that, I quite enjoyed the "story"

Peacemaker7 · 01-03-2005, 01:37 AM

Yes erm, stop being pedantic :p

After the match Fifa fined England a goal