retired_ron

Boult Fired Up For Curtain Raiser

After 4 weeks out of football patching up his relationship with his Mrs, manager Rick Boult is back on the Blackburn scene and ready to take on any pretenders to his rightful Premiership crown...

'I can confirm myself and my wife have been attending a relationship clinic to sort out our troubled relationship. This is sure to bring up some speculation towards my sexuality but i love her and thats all that matters. As for Mr Murphy, i will not be drawn into comments surrounding the pending game and will only wish him the best of luck in this and any future games between ourselves.'

retired_hollieo

After learning of Rick Boults pre-match comments on Talk Drivel UK, Niall Murphy reponded in a similar vein to the Blackburn coach.

"For my part, I'd like to take the opportunity to welcome Mr Boult back into the football world after his recent sexual problems, as long as they aren't contagious.

I'm eagerly anticipating my managerial debut at Ewood Park later on this evening in what could either be a cracking tie or a dull 0-0 draw. I'm not one for cliches but at the end of the day, the side who is in the lead after 90 minutes deserves the points.

Aye and if ye believe that you'll believe anything. Up the Toffees, down with the Rovers -What? What do you mean it is still recording?" :o

retired_cycleman8

Super Start for Steels Saints

So 3 games gone, Saints sit 3rd with a game in hand to go top. Saints fans couldnt have asked more from there Rookie manager.

His wheeling and dealing has taken a mid table team into possible UEFA cup challengers. His current signings include :

Jamie Redknapp - 400k
Guy Demal - £55k
Emmanuel Petit - Free
Patrik Berger - £700k
Pierre Wome - Free
Martin Petras - $500k
Arnold Kruiswijk - £3m
Darren Ambrose - £1m
Milan Ivana - £600k

He has gone with experiance with a couple of young impressionable europeans. He tried to get Yobo from Everton but Niall was having none of it. Steel was asked if he was dissapointed with not capturing his main target, he replied "Nah not really, he aint all that, plenty more fish in the sea and seagulls always follow trawlers, dont they?" What he means no one knows!?.

It is certainly working dividends at the moment but we are still very very early in the season. Out has gone some of the deadwood including many youngsters, but significant leavers are :

Mikael Nilsson - £1m
Brett Ormerod - £800k
Marian Pahars - £750k
Guy Demel - £950k
Fabrice Fernandes - £1.3m
Rory Delap - £700k
Chris Baird - £750

On being asked on what happened with Demel, and his 4 day stint at Saints, Steel replied "Well the day after he signed for us, after training he offered all the lads to go on the beers with him, his treat. Obviously I cannot have this behavour at a professional club, so took him to one side and warned him of his conduct. He then abused me, calling me names so I sent him home. Next day his agent calls saying Man City want him, and after what happened I decided to let him go".

It seems Steels decision proved correct as he is already causing a stir in Manchester!!

After a good pre season, 1st match was on the horizon. Crystal Palace, fresh from promotion and eager to prove they wont be the whipping boys of the league. Tough match to call. Steel went with a defensive formation to try and keep them at bay and hopefully hit them on the break. It did the trick as Beattie and Jakobsson scored to make it a confortable win.

Crystal Palace 0 - 2 Southampton

Beattie
Jakobsson

The next game was much tought, Benitez brought his title chasing Liverpool to St Marys. Steel went more attacking in this game as he knew Liverpool are weak at the back. This nearly backfired as Liverpool totally dominated the 1st half and should of been at least 2 goals up. Only the heroics of Paul Smith kept the scoreline level. 2nd half liverpool were awarded a debatable penalty as Jakobsson was adjudged to have fouled Baros from a corner. Carragher duly converted from the spot. Steel then went 343 all out attack. Saints nicked a point as Phillips was sent clear by a great ball from the impressive Kenton, and Phillips made no mistake from just inside the area.

Southampton 1 - 1 Liverpool

Phillips Carragher

Next was a trip to Birmingham, who had a impressive start to the season and was 5th place coming into this game. Again Steel deployed the same tactic as he did against Palace. Again Saints went 2 up, Beattie and Svensson scoring break away goals. Brum immediatley hit back through Morrison and pressured Saints all the way to the final whistle> But somehow Saints survived and another 3 points in the bag!

Birmingham 1 - 2 Southampton

Morrison Beattie
Svensson

Big derby game followed, and the war of words started between the managers, Steel started by saying "I hope Pompey fail in every competion that they enter", Redknapp replied angrily "I hope we beat saints convincingly", to which Steel again replied "You pike team is going down fatboy" Pompey started much the brighter as Saints defensive tactics where no match for a very attacking formation. It was not surprising that Pompey took the lead through a 25 yrd Quashie effort. It was what the deserved and Steel had a job to do at half time to save this game! So he brought on his new Czech signing Milan Ivana and went 343. The new signing was immediately brought down in the box. The 20yr old showed great composure to pick himself up and slot the ball away and sent the away support mad!!! It then became end to end with Lua Lua have 2 opportunites to score but then after a hefty challenge 35yds out, Patrik Berger, booed throughout the game and many people shouting Judas c**t, stepped up and buried one in the top corner. He then proceeded to run towards the Pompey fans and mocked them as he run past!!! Saints then went 5-4-1 and killed the game. Steel became a instant heroe on the South Coast!!

Portsmouth 1 - 2 Southampton

Quashie Ivana
Berger

So a great start, but can they keep it up?

Only time will tell!

UP THE SAINTS

retired_teresa assis

Slow start for Boro

1 win from the opening 5 games was not the start I had in mind, but the last 2 performances have shown that the team, which includes many new signings, is finally beginning to gel.

First the transfers, plenty of ins and outs so far, and with 2 days left until the transfer window closes there's still the prospect of more deals being completed.

IN

Nicky Butt - DMC - £2m from Newcastle
Olof Mellberg - DC - $4.8m from Villa
Radoslaw Kaluzny - DMC - £80k from Leverkeusen
Hakan Yakin - AMC - £300k from Stuttgart
Ernest Faber - DC - Free Transfer
Nicola Avitabile - Gk - £80k from Juventus
Stefano Maino - DC - £300k from Juventus
Patrice Luzi - Gk - £50k from Liverpool
Eddie Pope - DC - £950k from MetroStars
Sun Jihai - DR - £1.7m from Man City
Mikael Dorsin - DL - £1.7m from Rosenborg

Total spend - £12m

OUT

Notable exits:

Boudewijn Zenden - £1m to Bolton
Gareth Southgate - £100k to Spurs
Ray Parlour - £750k to Portsmouth
Joesph-Desire Job - £2.1m to Sochaux

Plus various other youth/reserve team players, bringing in a total of £4.3m

With a nett of just over £8m spent, expectations were high for the season opener at St Andrews.

Birmingham 2-0 Boro

After the original 1-0 win had been chalked off, the inevitable happened. On loan albino Forssell put them 1-0 up against the run of play on the stroke of half time, and as Boro pushed for an equaliser in the second half, on loan Aliadiere made it 2-0 after 76, to wrap up the points. Maik taylor continued to make save after save, earning the MOTM award.

Boro 1-2 Man Utd

A tough first home fixture of the season, and one that should have earned at least a point. The visitors took the lead after 21 minutes, when the referee gave the sort of penalty that only Man Utd seem to be awarded, Sun Jihai apparently having handballed. Giggs scored from the spot. The lead lasted just three minutes however, as Mark Viduka finished off a flowing team move to grab his first Boro goal. But in the 3rd minute of injury time at the end of the 1st half (only 2 were added on,) Saha headed home a near post Giggs corner. The second half saw Boro press but unable to beat visiting keeper Roy Carroll, who walked off with the MOTM award.

Portsmouth 4-0 Boro

Arse. Portsmouth took a deserved lead at the end of the first half, having already seen old boy Parlour miss a penalty, through Lua Lua (44), forcing Middlesbrough to rethink their strategy. unfortunately, going gung-ho from the 2nd half kick-off wasn't wise and further strikes from Cisse (55), Taylor (63) and Stefanovic (70) made Boro look very amatuerish.

Middlesbrough 2-3 Blackburn

Fair play to Rick Boult, if you can win by cheating then well done. In an entertaining game that Boro edged, Blackburn's thuggish tactics caused Nicky Butt and Stewart Downing to both be stretchered off injured (Butt out for 4 weeks, Downing for 2.) Rovers led through Tugay (16) only for Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink to grab his first Boro goal 3 minutes later. Paul Gallagher (34) gave the visitors the advantage once again, only for Hakan Yakin to bag his first in the Boro red (40). 4 minutes after the break came the winning goal: Barry Ferguson's off target shot struck a Boro defender and fell perfectly into the path of Matt Jansen, who had the simple task off passing into an empty net. This was the sort of luck that had thwarted Boro in the opening few fixtures. Despite all that Boro could throw at Blackburn for the remaining minutes, the visitors held on to take a good victory back to Lancashire.

Newcastle 0-2 Boro

4 games gone, 4 games lost, so the one team you don't wanna face is Newcastle, the summer's big spenders, in their own back yard, in a local derby, with the pressure really on. Jay Da Costa had been giving it large in the press, spouting his usual tripe about how Newcastle would steamroll Boro, but that only riled the visitors.

To be fair, Newcastle were unlucky in the first half. They started off the better, and after only 5 minutes Mark Van Bommel rocketed a shot against the upright. But 18 minutes in, Boro put together a wonderful flowing counter attack, which was sublimly finished by big Mark Viduka. 5 minutes before the break Newcastle were given a lifeline, when Boro conceded their 3 penalty in 4 games, sub Robinho fouled by Sun Jihai, only for James Milner to show everyone how he'd been to the Jaap Stam school of penalty taking.
The 2nd half started in the same fashion, but Da Costa made an attacking change that Boro were able to exploit. Yakin had already fired a shot from 25 yards off the crossbar before Radoslaw Kaluzny finished off another superb attack (64) to put Boro on their way to their first points of the season. The disappointed home fans made their feelings known to new boss Da Costa, leaving well before the end.



Well 5 games in I'd have hoped to have more points, but the performances in the last 2 games have been very encouraging, and hopefully the lads should build on their derby success in the upcoming games. Hopefully the UEFA Cup doesn't prove too much of a distraction, and indeed the tough draw against Maritimo could prove a blessing in disguise if Boro were to go out (always good to get the excuses in early)

retired_hollieo

Well the new season finally arrived and it was off in the old team bus (yes a subtle reference to our lack of cash, get used to those ) for the opening fixture of the campaign away to Rick Boult's Blackburn Rovers.

Amazingly, the pre-match headlines were stolen by Boult who was suddenly rushed to hospital complaining of a rash on his arse. That Paul Dickov had been seen in the vicinity aroused much suspicion, but on this occasion Murphy declined to comment on the strange goings on under Boults helm. :eek:

Having not had much opportunity to build a side in pre-season, Niall Murphy's first Everton team sheet contained just two debutants and had a very familiar look about it.

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>GK. Wright. R
<LI>LB. Naysmith
<LI>RB. Hibbert
<LI>CB. Hughes (Aaron)
<LI>CB. Yobo
<LI>CM. Gravesen
<LI>CM. Cahill
<LI>RM. Watson
<LI>LM. Kilbane
<LI>AM. Osman
<LI>CF. Zurawski
</UL>


Blackburn Rovers 1 - 1 Everton

This tricky assignment ended in disappointment for the Everton management team, as a man of the match performance by Brad Friedel in the Blackburn goal prevented us turning a good point into an excellent three.

Everton played with purpose throughout the game but fell behind against the run of play midway through the first half. As Murphy encouraged his lads from the dugout to quicken the tempo and the attack, Friedel was compelling us again and again.

That was until the 74th minute, when Irish wing wizard Kevin Kilbane (a thorn in Lucas Neill's side all afternoon) blasted home the equaliser to earn Everton a well deserved point. An encouraging start from the lads and Murphy declared himself satidfied with the result and the performance.


Everton 0 - 2 "Lucky Lucky" Newcastle

Murphy arrived for his first home fixture at Goodison Park eagerly anticipating the match against Newcastle after a pre-game war of words between both managers. DaCosta had proved in the build up to have a fantastic ability to fire up a few of my players by opening his mouth without engaging his brain on more than one occasion. A trait I'm sure the Geordie fans will get used to over the coming months.

After a good point at Blackburn, I trusted the same eleven players to take on a team that had abused it's already favourable position to a great extent in the pre-season, spending what now must be close to £50m.

On the day, fate conspired against us here. Lowly Everton mainly outplayed the Toon with Tim Cahill and Leon Osman in a particular missing some great chances to put us into the lead. Newcastle looked dangerous on the break with Kluivert and Crespo both putting in very good performances, but in the main Wright was untroubled in goal.

That was until Crespo took up a position on the far Newcastle right, not far from the corner flag early in the second half. With Naysmith tracking there appeared little danger, until Crespo looked up to cross into the box. With an off balance swing of his boot, Crespo sliced across the ball, and both I and Richard Wright watched with barely hidden bemused anger as the ball floated into the far corner giving Newcastle a lucky lead.

This was the turning point and not long after, as we chased the game, Newcastle added a second goal to take the points.

At the end of the game, Murphy's war of words with DaCosta continued, the Everton manager who is usually so graceful in defeat was heard to comment.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Newcastle have spent an absolute fortune this summer and yet they struggled to beat our lads who perform on a shoestring budget week in and week out. Newcastle have had lady luck on their side today, and to be honest I can't see them having any chance of lifting a trophy this season if they continue to play like this. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


West Brom 2 - 2 Everton

West Brom have made some good signings in the summer, but were let down by their manager Morris in this fixture, who decided he's rather go out on the lash than watch his side entertain the Toffees.

At the end of the day, that was probably a wise decision as a 90th minute equaliser by Leon Osman denied the Albion a good victory and provided Everton with our second away point. The game was also notable for the first goal in an Everton shirt by the Pole Dancer, Zurawski, who twisted his way through the Albion defence before slamming a great goal past Russell Hoult.


Everton 2 - 1 Tottenham Hotspur

The pre-game news was poor as Kilbane was ruled out of the match and Spurs had made a very good start to the season under Sam Bouchard. In a fantastic game where both sides just spent the entire 90 minutes going at each other, Gravesen gave Everton the lead after 10 minutes.

For most of the game it looked as if Everton would win as Robinson made inspired save after save, until with around 15 minutes left, the dangerous Holm slalomed through our defence to equalise.

Both sides were going for it now and indeed there was to be a winner as in the final minute, substitute Nicky Chadwick fed Zurawski inside the area. The Pole neatly rounded the inspirational Robinson to slot home a probably just deserved winning goal.


Chelsea 3 - 0 Everton

4 games in and already the top of the Premiership read Chelsea, Arsenal, Man Utd and er, Southampton??? Pretty predictable, as was this result at Stamford Bridge.

On reflection, it was probably a mistake to choose this game to recall Nigel Martyn to the goalkeeping position. Especially as we were without both first choice wide men in Watson and Kilbane, the 3 week injury to Watson being a particular blow to morale.

Chelsea fully deserved the victory in a totally dominant display. Two goals from Kezman the highlight of the game.


So 5 points from 15. Not a bad return considering I've been to Stamford Bridge and played the big spenders Newcastle at this early stage. We probably were the better side against Blackburn but were fortunate to equalise late on at Albion, so all in all, fair enough so far.

I continue to be optimistic about Everton's future, especially now I've added young Italian Emmanuele Calaio to the attack, giving me more options and more firepower to aim at my opponents.

retired_punk_and_roses

Excitement, Frustration and Jealousy - A few months in the life of Geordie JDC

Excitement- Geordie Transfer News

So over the course of the close season, JDC states his intent to run a tight ship and out go all the troublemakers, namely -

1.Steve Harper
2.Titus Bramble
3.Robbie Elliott
4.Aaron Hughes
5.Kieron Dyer
6.Jermaine Jenas
7.Nicky Butt
8.Laurent Robert
9.Alan Shearer
10.Shola Ameobi
11.Lee Bowyer
12.Craig Bellamy

Not a bad team, but not good enough for the high standards that are expected.

Combined total = 20m

In come the quality big guns


1.GK – Still be be filled.
2.Jankulovski
3.Buxton
4.Billy Jones
5.Sylvain Distin
6.Michael Dawson
7.Mark Van Brommel
8.Damiano Tommasi
9.Daniel Omoya Braaten
10.Herman Crespo
11.Robert Davidson
12.Neil Janczyk
13.Robinho

Combined total – 37.5 m

Money well spent.

Frustration - The season starts

So off the season started………

Record W1 D1 L3!!!!!!! (reports to follow)

Manager JDC nominated for the worst Manager in the Game award…and living up to his reputation again!

‘It’s so not fair’ JDC was heard to mutter as yet another shot hit the post.

Jealousy

With the stress of management getting to some of the other managers, the mind games started and accusations and animosity spilled over into the pre and post match interviews, with particular envy coming from Smallwood and Murphy.....


What will time hold for JDC..... Watch this space.

retired_kdanclair

Good Start for City

Well, 5 games played, 3 games won, 1 drawn and 1 defeat. Its been a good start for Hardy's Manchester City and the supporters have been given a surprising glimmer of hope from their new rookie manager.

Here's the Man City transfer news so far with only 3 days of the transfer period left.

Person From Fee
Guy Demel Southampton £950k
David Weir Everton £50k
Titus Bramble Newcastle P/Ex
Fabrice Fernandes Southampton £1.3M
Kevin Campbell Everton Free

Total £2.3M

Hoping to sign 2 more players before the transfer window closes.

Players Out:-

Person To Fee
Sylvain Distin Newcastle £2M-P/Ex
Kasper Schmeichel Everton £250k
Sun Jihai Middlesbrough £1.7M
Kevin Campbell Free Transfer Free
David Sommeil Bordeaux £575k

Total £4.5M

The Competetive Fixtures

Man UTD 3-0 Man City

A very hard first fixture for City at Old Trafford as Man UTD hammered them 3-0 and should have been more.

Manchester City really didnt deserve anything from the game as they were played off the park all match. A very dissapointing start.

The United goalscorers were Van Nistelrooy, Scholes and Giggs.


Man City 1-0 Portsmouth

A well hard-fought victory for City in Hardy's first home game incharge.

It was quite even for most of the match before substitute Robbie Fowler won the game in the 76th minute with a simple tap-in.

Man of the Match, Shaun Wright-Phillips ran the game for City out on that right wing.


Blackburn 0-0 Man City

This game was built-up by the Blackburn manager Rick Boult by him saying that Blackburn will definetly win at Ewood.

Blackburn competly dominated the first 20mins or so with De Pedro dominating the game and Lucas Neill winning everything in defence. They should really have scored about 5 goals before half-time with John Stead andBrett Emerton missing several easy chances between them. Towards the end, Anelka had a brilliant chance to win the game with a 1-on-1 but put it over the bar. The only 2 players that kept Man City in the game were MOTM David James and solid defender Richard Dunne.


Man City 1-0 Newcastle

After seeing the summer signings that Jay Da Costa had made, which boasted players like Van Bommel and Robinho, Hardy and the City fans not surprisenly expected the worst.

The game started with Newaslte controlling the game with Van Bommel hammering the post from 30-35yards outs and Robinho creating a few good chances but the Man City defence played well al game and deserved another clean sheet. Hardy's cautious aproach to the games seems to be paying off recently after a formation change against Man United.

The winning goal came for City in the 94th minute and was the last kick of the game. It was a sloppy goal for Newcastle to conceed as it quite a mad scramble and super sub Antoine Sibierski nodded in his first goal for Man City. New man Fernandes put in another great performance in this match and receiving the man of the match award.


West Brom 0-3 Man City

The first convincing victory of the season and the 4th consecutive clean sheet. This was the kind of match where WBA had to perform and they didnt, so I dont think they can survive the drop, sorry Chris

The match was won by 2 goals from Fernandes and another from substitute Sibierski.


So, with performances by the defence like these of late, good counter-attacks by Anelka and co., and a bit of look, Manchester City should do allright this season with their new manager Leo Hardy.

It's Sam Bouchard's Spurs next and with confidence high at the City of Manchester Stadium, hopefully its going to be another 3 points for us and further improve on our 5th position in the league.

Lets just hope that the good fortune keeps going and we dont start slipping down the table then

retired_punk_and_roses

Simply not good enough

That’s the verdict so far from the first 5 results…….

Newcastle 0 Charlton 0

So with expectations high after a pre-season spending spree, Newcastle took to the field to play the re-started game at home to Charlton. Expectations of the near sellout 46,000 crowd were raised even higher given the 3-1 score of the previously abandoned game a few days earlier.

BUT, down they came in true Newcastle style as a boring 0-0 draw opened the season of expectation! ;Why why why do I have such bad luck?’ DaCosta muttered to anyone who would listen.

Everton 0 Newcastle 2

Get in!!! Those that travelled down the M6 got the reward as the team thrashed Everton, however DaCosta was too distracted with some of the messages in the media to notice some of the problems Everton exposed, but luckily failed to capitalise on, in the Newcastle defence….

Newcastle 0 Aston Villa 1

And those problems were exploited by Aston Villa

So the crowds poured into St. James, and with a near full house witnessed the lack of luck that has had DaCosta complaining about in his sleep. Newcastle failed to score despite the best efforts of Robinho, Crespo, Braaten, Miller and Kluivert.

Man City 1 Newcastle 0

And for the second game in a row Newcastle unbelievably failed to score.

Newcastle 0 Middlesbrough 2

In flocked the crowds to fill St James for the first time this season, and the home crowd witnessed unbelievable bad luck once again. With Middlesbrough 1-0 up, Robinho was fouled in the area, and St. James held it’s breath as Miller stepped up……

And the young midfielder ballooned over the bar….

With Van Brommel running midfield, no one was surprised that he popped up in the area, only to hit the post with a fantastic shot. Middlesbrough exploited Newcastle on the break late on and Newcastle failed to score for the 3 game running.

Lets hope DaCosta puts in the overtime on the training pitch to show the strikers where the goal is and lady luck turns up for the next game…..

retired_sweetfitchic

Changes in the team, but not in the results

Young WBA manager Chris Morris' intense dealings in the transfer market has shocked everyone in the footballing world. Over the past weeks he's gutted out the entire squad and brought in a mix of international talent. Unfortunatly it appeared to take its toll as he disappeared for four weeks, missing the start of the campaign, and stupidly leaving assistant manager Frank Burrows in charge. Burrows went on to get just the one point from four games, simply not good enough for Morris incredibly high standards. Match reports coming up...

But first, heres a breakdown of the transfers:

IN

Scott Agnew - 120k
Scott Brown - exchanged
Dwight Pezzarossi - Free
Bogdon Lobont - 525k
Argel - 26k
Vasilis Tsiartas - Free
Daniel Bierofka - 400k
Thomas Zdelbel - 120k
Jan Kristiansen - 1.3m
Miroslav Matusovic - 1m
Nicky Hurt - Exchanged
Zdenek Pospech - 700k
Freddy Guarin - 775k

Morris declared himself particularly happy with the transfers of Guarin, Bierofka and Tsiartas as these were players being chased by 'higher profile' clubs. Luckily the lads made the right choice in the end, all declaring 'Morris' charm' was a major influence in their decisions, their words, not mine

out

Lloyd Dyer - Exchanged
Rob Hules - 1m
Artim Sakiri - Free
Bernt Haas - 500k
Paul Robinson - 250k
Scott Dobie - 100k
Joe Murphy - 250k
James O'Conner - 100k
Zoltan Gera - exchanged

And so all those who were deemed not good enough packed their bags, and off they went....

Match Reports

WBA 0 Chelsea 1

A good effort from the lads here, as we kept Chelsea out for the majority of the game, until Kezman broke the deadlock on 45mins. It looked as if the floodgates could open, but the baggies didnt give in and left with their pride intact, that wouldnt last long

WBA 2 Everton 2

A lucky escape for Everton when they visited the Hawthorns, Matusovic getting his first goal for West Brom as it looked as though they would hold out for the victory. But last minute equaliser salvaged a point for the toffees (lucky sods) I wasnt there but was assured Osmans goal was a fluke :eek:

Villa 3 WBA 0

Then it got worse... Goals for Vassell, Angel and Vorisek gave Villa the win as west brom rarely threatened. The big man in the sticks Bogdan Lobont looked shaky, Morris has said should stop buying players with silly names. He then denied rumours of being interested in Spanish younster Banana.

WBA 0 Man City 3

Another 3-0 loss completed a disappointing start to a promising season. In a fairly balanced match fortune smiled on City as they hit a few long rangers which beat Lobont for the 9th time in four games. Man City Leo Hardy was later reported to say that WBA are favourites for the drop, sounds like he was a bit jealous of the potential he saw in the West Brom team.

It can only get better from here on in!

retired_kimberlysmith

So So Spurs

Well...5 games gone and currently the mighty Tottenham Hotspur are living up to expectation, with 7 points from 15, placing them a slightly fortunate 8th place. I'm very sorry to say it but the chief at Everton, Niall Murphy (emphasis on chief :p), is currently onto a winner with predictions. Personally, i believe with the right amount of quality and and the sheer driving force that i can put into the team, can push us beyond mid table and into europe. Hey, if De Costa can have some of the best talent this world has to offer, and still manage to pull a 0-0 draw against the MIGHTY Charlton outta the bag, then AAAAAAANYTHING'S possible!

Anyway, onto the transfer goings on at White Hart Lane.....

Transfers In

Daniel Fredheim Holm - Valerenga - £1m
Alan Shearer - Newcastle - 800k
Pablo Thiam - Wolfsberg - 200k
Gareth Southgate - Middlesborough - 100k
Tim Cincken - Feyenoord - 300k
James McFadden - Everton - £1.5m
Fredy William Thompson - Comunicaciones - 150k

Players Out

Jamie Redknapp - Southampton - 400k
Paul O'Donogue - Accrington - 45k

Soon after Alan Shearer arrived, we spoke about him having a future role within the club, maybe as a coach and even one day progressing to Assistant Manager. His eyes lit up and must've seen it as a good oppertunity to 'speak his mind' so to speak and well, i let him. The thing is, he impressed me. I'll hold my hands up and admit when i made a mistake and this was a mistake. For the two hour period that we were talking for, he had shown such an appreciation for the chance that i'd given, and even began talking like a manager. So much infact that the next morning, when i arrived at training, i was greeted by two new faces, of which Alan introduced me to as Tim Cincken and James McFadden. The initial thoughts that entered my head were quite obscure.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>An agent and a presenter here....but why?
Friends of Alan? He's only been here a week, why is he introducing me to his friends? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'd taken this into account and ever so slowly began to think more about who they actually were. I'd seen Tim the previous week on Blue Peter, whilst watching it with the youth squad. As for McFadden, the wife had just bought Kerry's album and thought it was a disgrace so i felt i had to say bring it up. Looking on the brightside, i'd had to cancel Ken Dodd for the pre-season party, because the local Travel Lodge didn't have enough rooms for the diddy men. So, i had a bit of a notion (no i'm not quoting the Beach Boys) that a person from scouseland with a big pair of jublies that try's to sing now and again, and somebody that can make a papier mache Tracey Island could bring the team's enthusiasm for the upcoming season!

After being told that they'd cost me well over one and a half MILLION to buy and place on contract for over 4 years! Well.....after hearing it was Shearer who 'invested' in such 'talent', i knew he'd gone on a power oversurge. Well...

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Is he having a laugh? I'd have had a few diddy men stay with me if i knew i'd have to pay that much. Blinkin hell, i'd gotta sell em. Why not offer Shearer too. Bloody cheak offering my money for useless so called 'talent'. The 'Zie shize is about to hit zie fan' as the Germans would say. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

After placing signings on the transfer list as soon as they came in, i was ready to get down to football. Days passed, and the interest flew about for the footballers in question, and soon enough i'd made a few sales, potentially selling players, recouping the money i'd lost through Shearer. With that in mind, i was able to assess the squad and pick a team for the season.

After Friendly's against the Soccer AM Badgers, Wattenscheid, and ULM, i felt the team had enough enough energy and spirit there to take on anybody. The world's giants were calling, the premiership elite, even a Chinese XI rang up, but i opted to hang on until the league season where the heights of Norwich City were calling.

Saturday 14th August

Tottenham Hotspur [2]: Carrick(61), Defoe(69)
Norwich City [0]:

A very confident opening day display from Spurs, showing glimpses of pure quality along the left wing through debutant Fredy William Thompson, and the extremly adiquate centre of defence with King and Southgate bossing the defensive zone. If it wasn't for Man of the Match Craig Flemming, the scoreline may well be extremly different, with Kanoute being shut down everytime he stepped near the edge of the area. Overall, a good display and and impressive debut for Gareth and Fredy.


Wednesday 18th August

Chelsea [2]: Geremi(11), Lampard(52)
Tottenham Hotspur [0]:

After the previous display i beleved the team would be in great shape to face the team i felt would go on and win the league title, and to some extents i was right. Shots bombarded Robinson's goal, but he stood tall, keeping whatever he could well away from the back of the net, until the game was taken out of his hands so to speak. Moments into the game Steve Bennett the referee, took it upon himself to stamp his authority on the game, much to the annoyance of the Tottenham defence. At half time the home fans were getting the tinsel out in the belief that it was Christmas time already, as they too were surprised by the ammount of cards the team had recieved. The 6 Yellows and one Red, given to Tarrico, turned the second half plan straight upside down, turning the attacking thoughts into those of a defensive nature, ruining anychance of a Spurs comeback. Adding to the international duty that called upon a couple of the stars from the previous game, and the sheer quality gleaming from the Chelski teamsheet, the chance of walking away with 3 points was that of a pipedream, as the game finished 2-0.


Saturday 14th August

Tottenham Hotspur [4]: Carrick(6), Defoe(19,20,61)
Charlton Athletic [0]:

3 goals in the opening 20 minutes killed the game off completly, with Charlton losing hope by the minute. Curbishly instructed the kit man to drive the team coach onto the field and park it just infront of Kiely, as to which put a slight end to the goalscoring, that until Defoe managed to knock it into the roof of the net via the wingmirror of the coach. After the previous defeat, the lads weren't going to lose this London derby, and proved it in some style with the final score. After the game, i checked the e-mail in the office before leaving, and caught a glimpse of the pitch, where i saw the Charlton squad pushing the bus out of the penalty area and towards the gate. I thought they'd worked hard enough today, so i told security to open the gate.


Saturday 14th August

Everton [2]: Gravesen(10), Zurawski(97)
Tottenham Hotspur [1]: Fredheim Holm(75)

After a glorious match full of flourishing pieces of attacking play and moments of marvelous defending, the game finished deep into the 97th minute, after Niall Murphy removed his hand from the 4th official's ass after sorting out the time added on board. A Fantastic piece of thinking from the man from Northern Ireland, clearly using his charm along with half a tube of lube to get the result he needed. Must remember to do that next week against Villa.


Saturday 14th August

Tottenham Hotspur [0]:
Aston Villa [0]:
This game seemed to wizz by really, with the only activity coming at the ref's whistle as he blew for half and then full time. Neither side could pull a move together, and the ball stayed pretty much in the centre citcle. As the time ticked by and it aproached the 90th minute, i eyed up what i thought was the 4th official. Following on from Niall Murphy's move the previous week i attempted to change my team's fortune's. The time was signalled out to be two minutes added on, not what i had in mind at all. The further my arm went in, the quicker the time seemed to fly, and as the whistle blew it was only then that i'd been touching up a steward. After removing my arm, i offered the man a couple of weeks off fully paid to recover, as well as the chance to take Dean Richards away with him for free to use as a 'poofe' for the lounge. He refused saying he'd come into contact with one to many of them recently. I didn't really get it but anyway...

Final Thought

Well, were 5 games in, i'm still with the TV star and the singer's sister, as well as the wanna be dictator Mr Shearer. Spurs have one of the worst discaplinary records the premiership's ever seen, with 12 bookings and 2 yellow cards. On the positive side, Defoe's top of the scoring charts, Robinson's playing out of his skin and the steward that was assaulted has returned back to work, all be it on the opposite side of the stadium.

Tis a funny old game really, i take my Spurs side to Manchester next to face an inform, no i'm not joking, that's an inform Manchester City at their new council paid gaff.