retired_punk_and_roses

Has sheppard gone mad!!!

Oh my god, has Freddy Sheppard lost his marbles?

This is the question all Newcastle Fans are asking now as Newcastle confirms the appointment of rookie Gordie JDC to replace Mr Souness. Souness, who was last seen punching JDC, is not available for comment but it is thought that he is a little upset, after all he has not even been in charge of a game yet!!!

So Newcastle face the 3rd manager in a season – before it has even kicked off.

Hope they know what they are doing.

retired_hollieo

Ok, I don't want to be harsh in singling one person out but I'm expecting better quality and a bit more effort than that last post, which must have taken all of oh, 2 minutes? :thdn:

Otherwise I'll be looking for fresh faces with a bit of enthusiasm.

And no, I'm not wearing my nicorette patch at the minute.

retired_punk_and_roses

ok

Waffle doesn't come easy as I lack imagination!

retired_ron

*** Sparky Jailed For 9 Years***

After recently taking over the hot seat at Ewood Park, Mark Hughes had been widely recognised as a man on a mission to rid the stereotype of, you know, doing rude stuff with sheep. Things seen to have been going well for the Wrexham born lad until being recently spotted in surrounding fields at his home with a prized winning sheep who cannot be named for legal reasons. Police have been looking into the case and have this morning charged Hughes with gross negligence towards animals. He had this to say...

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> 'Back in my country, this sort of thing happens all the time. I feel hard done by as i thought it was love this time, it wasn't purely just for the sex, she told me she loved me.' <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sources at Ewood Park have then confirmed to this journalist that the sheep, and his owner Rick Boult had been offered the key to the City. Boult is then known to have had further discussion with the board who, after some consideration, then gave in to his demands to let him run the football club. The yorkshire born, 3 time winner of 'shepherd of the year' award and known for his national tiddywink championship winning performance back in 1979 had this to say.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> '****** was a good sheep, always has been, always will be. I can only deny the claims of Mr Hughes which state she said she loved him. This is a blatent case of these welsh folk moving to OUR cities and taking advantage of OUR sheep. ****** felt very violated, and believed the key to the City was not enough. We came to the conclusion with would both fill my dreams of becoming once again involved in sport, as well as ******'s dream of cutting the grass at Ewood Park. I have little knowledge of the Premiership as electricity on my field is at a minimal. However, highlights have been seen whilst walking my sheepdog and Dickov is it, looks like he needs straightening out, disgusting player. After that, contacts such as Niall Murphy may come in handy, due to him being my coach whilst winning the national tiddlywinks tournament back in 1979.' <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

One things for sure, thing may turn pretty baaaaaaaaaaaad down at Ewood Park this season

retired_fastfoods42

Ooooo I think this Welshmans found his first rival :eek: Blackburn are going down!!

retired_ron

*** Boult Laugh's Of Birminham Warning ***

In the wake of Birmingham City manager, Chris Oestrich's recent outburt, Boult has once again stepped out into the public and issued this response...

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Who are You??
I mean seriously, i've been the best tiddlywinks player this countries ever seen yet your coming out and criticising me and my way of thinking. I think your better change your attitude sunshine or you may get your commupance <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Boult went on to talk about how Blackburn's season was going to end up with the premiership crown but the press noticed the empty bottle of vodka next to his chair and decided to leave. 4 hours later, Boult was found naked and tied to a post at spaghetti junction. This is not the kind of press the new manager needed.

retired_maggie123

Pagi and Okocha what a combination

Sky Sports News:

It's being reported that Bolton frontman Sam Allardyce has stepped down from his managerial post with immediate effect, citing ill health as the culprut. Apparently Allardyce has suffered major cruciate ligament damage and will be sidelined for twelve months after attempting to pull off the trademark African Raindance Jay Jay Okocha has been known to perform in celebration after a goal.

Sam Allardyce:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> It is with great regret that I announce
my resignation, This club will always be close to my heart etc etc...It was a freak accident but these things happen in life, hopefully I will recover and someday manage once again.

I leave the club in a stable position, a talented squad if a little old, a deluxe state of the art stadium and a ready made replacement for my position in my dear friend David Pagi, what a man, what a legend. I have no doubts he will do a splendid job, I have been teaching him all I know about managing a successful football club and he was the guy who suggested drafting in Okocha so he has an eye for a player. I wish him all the best <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

David Pagi:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Big Sam has taken me under his wing and offered me some great advice that i hope to put into practice I've arrived at the Reebok Stadium under unfortunate circumstances, but it's a dream come true. I wish my pal Sam a speedy recovery, I'm sure he'll return to football management sometime in the near future.

Theres a first rate core of playes here, able goalie, decent defence, quality in midfield although I really don't like the look of the forwards, Kevin bloody Davies,jees, Les what am I 42 Ferdinand and Henrik slower than a tortoise Pedersen. Complete clear out I think. Are we on air? what it's live..........oh sh*t <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

retired_sankanyo

Pompey strike lucky

Another premiership team appoints a new up and coming manager and this time its Portsmouth who have secured the services of possibly the best young manager ever seen.

At the Press conference…

Mandaric
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> After Redknapp crushed our transfer record on a crap player like Kamara we knew it was time to get rid of the old and bring in the young, with that said I introduce our new manager who has an eye for great bargains and who has got the charm to sell any players for way over there value, I bring you The GOAT, Andy Nilsen! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

(crowd cheers)

Nilsen
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Thank you, thank you
Lets get straight down to business, what I am planning here at Portsmouth will spread fear through the rest of the premiership whether it be our arch rivals Southampton or up north in Newcastle they will all fear the attacking play of the soon to be European Champions!…. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Reporter “European Champions?”

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> don’t you interrupt me, do you know who I am? I am the saviour of English football, I am the one who will once again bring exciting fast paced football back to the premiership and most importantly of all I am the one who will turn this club into the dominating force in world football. Now you can ask me a question ok.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

(crowd is in stunned silence wondering what Nilsen has been taking)

Reporter - How do you plan to achieve this

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Well first of all I will assess the squad to seek out the weak from the strong and sell those we don’t need asap. Then I will bring in a few new faces to help me achieve my aim of reaching the top 7 and having a good run in both cups. I promise the fans that these players that come in are the next generation of stars that will set the premiershp alight. Next season is the one that will transform this club from a midtable team to the top club in England and then the season after that we will conquer Europe.

O and to all the premiership managers I have one thing to say

BEAT US IF YOU CAN, SURVIVE IF WE LET YOU.

Goodnight all <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

retired_hollieo

Lads, could you get a reply to the email I sent out to me asap?

retired_punk_and_roses

We have heard from reliable sources that new Newcastle Manager Gordie JDC has spent the break scouting for new players.

Positions rumoured to require strengthening include midfield, defence and attach, so no existing player can afford to rest on past performances.

Speaking from his home in Manchester, Gordie JDC said ‘My air miles are on the way up, I’ve been to America, Brazil and Russia scouting for the latest talent’.

Good news all round then, let’s hope the Board get the hand in the pockets and back up JDC with a proper transfer budget. The excitement builds.