retired_hollieo

EPL Challenge (The Ultimate Premier League Experience) Game Thread

Welcome to the Update thread for EPL Challenge.

Good news y'all. Yes, we're back with some familiar names and huge egos for the latest installment of our series of games in Football Manager 2006. It's time once again for the EPL gents to put their hard earned managerial reputations (ok, some easy lost ones there too eh, Mark? ) on the line and inspire their teams into a era filled with glory and plentiful shiny trophies. Failing that, you can always jump ship to Chelsea if Roman comes calling.

We'll be aiming to live up to previous games and therefore we anticipate thrills and spills, banter and slagging, trophies and sackings aplenty, in-depth manager interviews and of course some literally brilliant nights of virtual football.

The important information:

The Game:

The arena is the English Premiership. All current European qualified Clubs (including inter-toto) are disqualified at the outset of the game. Therefore, Spurs were up for grabs once again.


The Game Times:

Tuesday 7:30 - 10:30pm; Thursday 7:30 - 10:30pm; Sunday 7:30 - 10:30pm

The Rules (A Must Read):

The Rules (Please see a few modifications there chaps.)

The Application Form:

Applications

(We currently have 10 players and may not accept any more but feel free to register an interest or join in the banter on the EPL Challenge Forum).


EPL Challenge Gaffers FM2006

Sam Bouchard - Aston Villa
Niall Murphy - Birmingham City
Andy Nilsen - Blackburn Rovers
Dave Williams - Charlton Athletic
Mark D'Ardenne - Fulham
Rick Boult - Manchester City
David Pagi - Tottenham Hotspur
Richard Liggins - West Bromwich Albion
Danny King - West Ham United
Ben Jackson - Wigan Athletic

Some tough tasks there at the onset, I'm anticipating a few strugglers in the first season and given my own form on the demo, I'm expecting Birmingham to be one of them....

Game start date is currently patch dependent as there are match engine changes involved. This is also useful as it gives Pagi time to write an introductory report.

With all the sincerity I can muster, I bid my opponents good luck but most importantly lots of defeats over the next year or so. :thup:

retired_utyorc

King appointed West Ham manager

West Ham has confirmed that Danny King has been appointed manager.

He has been handed the task of following in Alan Pardew footsteps.
The 28-year-old Englishman has been given the Upton Park after his predecessor was shown the door following there promotion winning season.
King, who has quit his post at Chelsea to accept West Ham chairman Terence Brown offer, will take over immediate effect.
Sky Sports can confirm Danny King leaves Chelsea today to take up the position of team manager of West Ham Utd.
I have been in talks with West Ham over the weekend, will take up his new post from today onward.


King' appointment came as a surprise after days of speculation which has thrown the names of Trevor Booking to the top of the pile and the donkey Nilsen was also mentioned as an also ran.

The Chelsea boss had been mentioned as a candidate but was thought that he would never leave a team like Chelsea to taken on a small job within the premiership.

Newspaper reports revelation yesterday that Andy Nilsen had held talks with the hammers but after only providing 1 trophy in 8 years at Fratton Park the West Ham board wanted to go with a proven manager who wouldn’t sell off the whole team within a couple of seasons.


King said:



Player guide


Roy Carroll

West Ham United completed the signing of goalkeeper Roy Carroll from Manchester United in June 2004.
Carroll had joined United three years earlier from Wigan Athletic. Various injuries to Barthez gave Carroll a number of spells in the first-team at Old Trafford, and he rarely let them down. There were even calls for him to stay as first choice, due to the erratic form of the Frenchman.
In 2002/03, he started and finished the season in goal for United, covering for Barthez's injury in August, and replacing him in April and May after poor performances against Real Madrid. However, with the arrival of Tim Howard, Carroll found himself sitting on the bench again the following season, apart from a brief run in the team in 2004.
In 2004/05 he was first choice for most of the season after some mistakes by Howard. He was mostly solid, but made some high profile and costly errors, particularly against AC Milan in the Champions League. He was also fortunate when he dropped a long-range shot from Pedro Mendes over the goal-line, as the officials wrongly gave no goal.
However, these mistakes plus Carroll's unwillingness to sign a new contract led to him leaving Old Trafford in May 2005, and a month later he joined West Ham.

My view: I may hate Carroll in real life after cheating Spurs out of 3 points by conning the ref and linesman but Carroll showed what a good goal keeper he was on our last game playing well for both Fulham and Arsenal. Carroll will be my number one choice for the start of the season.


Thomas Repka

Former Fiorentina defender Thomas Repka overcame initial difficulties at Upton Park to settle down well into the team in his first full season, proving an excellent defender and showing fans his international class.
Repka was initially reluctant to leave Florence, citing his settled family as the reason. But once the cash strapped club could no longer afford to pay his wages, he soon changed his mind and made his £5.5 million switch to the Barclaycard Premiership. The Czech Republic international arrived in East London with a reputation as an uncompromising defender and was soon living up to his name after picking up a red card on his debut - another one was to follow within a few matches.
Nevertheless, Repka soon settled into the side and established himself as one of Glenn Roeder's most consistent defenders as West Ham entered their hugely successful second half of the season. He is now a key part of Roeder's plans for the future.

My view: This was one of the many reasons why Roeder was sacked imo paying 5.5 million for this load of crap. Thomas will start as first choice right back until I can bring someone better in. Seemed to give away a lot of penalties in the demo


Anton Ferdinand

When your older brother is the world's most expensive defender it must be difficult to avoid the inevitable comparisons, but young Anton Ferdinand is determined to step out of Rio's shadow and carve a place for himself in the Barclays Premiership.
Glenn Roeder offered Ferdinand junior a professional contract at the age of 17, the same week in which his older brother completed his £30million move to Manchester United.
After seeing huge improvements in his game over the previous six months, Roeder felt it was time for Anton to make the step up to professional level and rewarded him with a three-year deal.
Ferdinand is another product of West Ham's celebrated youth academy and can play centre-back or right-back. He broke into the team following their relegation from the top flight and established himself under Alan Pardew in 2004/05.

My view: Anton can be one for the future as long as he managed right. Can be make the old mistake now and then but hoping he will learn by his mistake with age and under my management.


Danny Gabbidon

Danny Gabbidon began his career at West Bromwich Albion before joining Cardiff City in September 2000. He quickly established himself as a mainstay at Ninian Park and made his Wales debut in March 2002. He made 217 appearances for the Bluebirds before leaving in July to join Barclays Premiership new-boys West Ham United alongside team-mate James Collins.

My view: Well he has a good first name and that’s a start . Danny will be able to make the spot his in the team if he plays like he did in the demo.


Paul Konchesky

A left-sided defender, Paul Konchesky holds the honour of being the youngest player ever to make a Charlton Athletic first-team appearance when playing against Oxford United during the 1997/98 season when only 16 years 93 days old.
In 2001/02, Konchesky made 41 appearances, scoring 2 goals for Charlton. He also made his England Under 21s debut in February 2002.
He started the 2002/03 season in explosive form, scoring against Chelsea before being controversially sent off. He then struggled to hold down a regular place in the Addicks team, despite some impressive performances, and grew frustrated with not being allowed to play left-back.
In the summer of 2003, he handed in a transfer request, saying that he needed to get regular first team football in his favoured position to help him push his way into the England squad.
Then on the final day of the summer transfer window, September 1 2003, he moved to Tottenham on an initial one-month loan deal, with Spurs defender Chris Perry moving to the Valley for a month. Both players were keen to make the move more permanent, but the managerial situation at Spurs and the closed transfer window make that a difficult possibility.
Perry's deal was made permanent after a few months, leaving Konchesky hoping that his could be too, though he had to make do with the loan being further extended in December 2003. However he was recalled just before Christmas as Charlton's injury problems meant Alan Curbishley needed him as cover.
He featured in almost every single one of the Addicks' remaining games of the season, and despite being linked with a move away from The Valley, Alan Curbishley wanted to hang on to the defender, take him off the transfer list and offer him a new deal.
However, it was not until February 2005 that he was finally taken off the list. His 2004/05 season saw him play 31 games and score once, in Charlton's 4-0 victory against Norwich at The Valley.
Despite all that, in July 2005, he left the Addicks to join newly-promoted West Ham United on a long-term deal.

My view: Paul will be a solid left back for my team and I’m pleased to have him in the team. Played well in the demo without ever really excelling


Matty Etherinton

Matty Etherinton is a rare breed of Englishman. A good young player who is naturally left-footed. He signed from Peterborough together with midfielder Simon Davies in January 2000.
The 19-year-old made his debut for Tottenham against Liverpool at Anfield in April 2000 before making his full debut at Old Trafford against Manchester United. He has featured regularly as a substitute for the seniors and fulfilled his pre-season ambition of staying in and around the first team scene.
Etherington finally felt he had made his first team mark when he scored his first senior goal for the club against Bolton Wanderers in the FA Cup fourth round tie at the Lane in February 2002.
It was a culmination of events for the young winger, who had only weeks before returned from a two-month loan spell at First Division Bradford City. He certainly made an impression at Valley Parade and was virtually ever-present in the first team 16 after returning. He enjoyed short spells in the starting X1 when Christian Ziege was missing and continued to progress under the Spurs coaching staff.
In the 2002/03 campaign Etherington played got the first Spurs' goal of the season against Everton and then went on to play in 25 more games. He continued to impress and although his first team opportunities were been restricted in the past, he began to impress all with his skill and determination down then left flank.
The 2003/04 campaign was billed as his biggest season yet but he was ushered out of White Hart Lane to join West Ham as part of the £3.5million deal that took Freddie Kanoute away from Upton Park. He has been a regular for the Hammers ever since and played a key role in their promotion in 2004/05.

My view: An old spurs player which again is a good start . In the last few CM/FM I have played him he is one moody git always wanting to move to bigger club so If a good offer came in I might be tempted to sell. Other than that he is a good wing man for West Ham and I know he can bang in a few goals along the way.


Hayden Mullins

Hayden Mullins became Alan Pardew's first new signing when he arrived on loan from Crystal Palace in October 2003. He had been at Selhurst Park since signing on as a trainee in 1996 and played over 200 games for Palace.
He impressed Pardew enough to earn a permanent move and has been a regular in the West Ham side since, playing an important part in their promotion campaign.

My view: Hayden was one of my best player on the gold demo doing a great job holding the midfield together. Mullins is class player who will be vital in my bid to stay up this season in the premiership.


Yossi Benayoun

West Ham manager Alan Pardew completed the signing of Racing Santander midfielder Yossi Benayoun in July 2005.
The 25-year-old Israeli international signed a four-year deal with the Hammers after completing his £2.5million switch to the Barclays Premiership new boys.
Benayoun started with career with Hapoel Beer Sheva, after two years at the Ajax Academy. He moved on to Maccabi Haifa, where he became a real star of the Israeli league, before being sold to Santander in 2003.

My view: Starman This was one of the main reason why I picked West Ham Utd for FM. This guy has it all passing, darting runs and knows how to put the ball in the back of the net. I will need Benayoun firing on all cylinders to stay up this season.


Nigel Reo-Coker

Nigel Reo-Coker came through the ranks at Wimbledon, making his debut in April 2002 and becoming a regular in the following season, scoring twice.
After an impressive first half of the 2003/04 season for the troubled Dons, he signed for West Ham. He quickly became a regular member of Alan Pardew's first team and scored three times to help them win promotion in 2004/05 through the play-offs.

My view: Reo-Coker will be my engine in midfield often doing the vital job in the team without the glory. Also a young man so I’m hoping his all round game will improve given time.


Teddy Sherinham

Born in Walthamstow, Teddy Sherinham started his career with Millwall as an apprentice and worked his way through the club junior sides before making his first team debut in January 1984 against Bournemouth.
After many years at the Den, Nottingham Forest moved in, paying £2m for his services but although he scored goals for the club he never really settled and 13 months later was back in London - moving to Tottenham.
The goals started to flow again and by the end of the 1992/93 Sheringham had rattled in 29 to become the Premiership's "Golden Boot" winner. Though his partnership with Jurgen Klinsmann was perhaps more memorable.
At international level Teddy formed another excellent partnership with Alan Shearer, particularly during Euro 96, when he was once more under Terry Venables, his manager at Tottenham.
When Sheringham moved to Man United he was initially given the unenviable task of filling Eric Cantona's boots, and not surprisingly he struggled. After a period in the wilderness Teddy came back to confound his critics during the 1998/99 run-in. After coming into the team which won the Premiership, he came off the bench in the FA Cup Final to play a key role in winning that trophy. Amazingly he came off the bench again in the Champion's League Final to alter the course of the game, and United's history, by scoring the equaliser and setting up the winner. From having seen no silverware in his long career, he picked up the game's three most valued trophies within a few weeks.
However, at the end of his contract in May 2001, he moved back to White Hart Lane and became a hero once again for the Spurs fans who had jeered him as a United player.
After two successful seasons at Spurs, his contract came to an end and it seemed Teddy Sheringham no longer featured in Glenn Hoddle's plans.
The newly-promoted Portsmouth were quick to sign the experienced striker on a free transfer, and he immediately became a hit at Fratton Park. In his first four appearances he scored four goals - including a his first hat-trick in three years.
However, as the season wore on, Sheringham was less involved at Pompey and with Aiyegbeni Yakubu and Lomana LuaLua forming an impressive partnership up front, it was announced in May 2004 that the England veteran would be moving on again in the summer. West Ham boss Alan Pardew moved quickly to secure the services of the veteran striker, who had been linked with moves to the MLS, Qatar and Coventry City.
It turned out to be a great decision as he scored 20 goals to help the Hammers win promotion through the play-offs and earned himself the Powerade Championship Player of the Year award. He will be looking forward to what could be his swansong season in the Barclays Premiership.

My view: What more could be said about Teddy this man has been there and done it. I only wish he was 15 years younger as being 39 years old in the premiership will take it toll on one of the games truly great legends. I will be looking to bring in another forward to help ease the pressure on Teddy but hopefully he will set up some vital goals for my team when he plays.


Marlon Harewood

Marlon Harewood is a graduate of the Nottingham Forest youth system who spent time on loan at Ipswich in 1999 prior to breaking into the Forest side on a regular basis.
He played almost 200 times for them before moving to West Ham in November 2003 for £500,000. Since then he has been a regular for the Hammers, scoring 22 goals in their 2004/05 promotion campaign.

My view: Again another player who played well for me in the demo. Marlon will be my main source of goals in the premiership and if he struggles to get them then in will be a long hard season for West Ham.


What more can be said other than bring on the Sam, Niall, Slim Dave, Frenchman, EPL Legend Rick , Pagi, Ligs, ET and those 6 easy points that is the Goat.

Also revenge will be on the cards for my Carling cup defeats at the hands of Niall and Rick this time around.

retired_hollieo

Murphy rides into the second city to usurp the Villa

So I've got the Birmingham (cough, spit, look angry) job after Stevie Bruce was given one broken nose too many when Karen Brady slapped him about the chops with her handbag. Brady was muttering something about spending a lot of money and not producing the desired results, the usual palava. Bruce was swiftly out the door and a new era is about to begin. Well, either that or Birmingham were the last decent side left after the vultures had swooped on their favoured sides while the AWOL Murphy was getting used to married life. All part of a cunning plan to send me to Sunderland but heh guys, you failed. Miserably

I did hear though on the grapevine that Andy Nilsen was turned down for the job for only winning one trophy in eight years at Portsmouth. Apparently Brady thought that since O'Leary was doing a decent job down at the Villa, the best course of action was to bring in another Oirishman instead of a failed Englishman. I can see the sense in that. Therefore, here I am. An Evertonian no more.

In accepting the job I was aware of two things.

My first task will be to try and overcome the language barrier. I'm already booked in for thrice weekly sessions of "An idiots guide Brummie" in the local college. This will also provide a handy excuse when things inevitably go wrong on the pitch. But heh, I took a wee spin down "Broad Street" and oh my God but there were loads of bars, perfect for an Irishman to relax and contemplate matters relating to football. Unfortunatley, my first evening out on the town was interupped by a young drunk hooligan, who kept abusing me by calling me "Beaky". Such arrogance.

I had no idea what the hell he was on about but I was amused to later learn that the hooligan was none other than my new rival down at West Brom, Richard Liggins, who clearly has an eye for the bottle and not football players. Well with him and rumours of the arrival of mad Manc Sam Bouchard at the Villa, the midlands derbies should be interesting this season.

Secondly, a quick bit of research before accepting the job discovered a few facts about the club I now represent. They have won sod all in their history bar the 1991 Leyland Daf Trophy but apparently did reach a Fairs Cup Final back in the 50s. I am also following in the footsteps of previous "greats" such as Gerry Pendry, Terry Cooper (no not the comedian, but Brum were a joke) Willie Bell and Fred Goodwin. Therefore any success here will make me an instant managerial legend at the club and more successful than Danny King.

Expectations for season one are realistic. I don't rate the squad that highly and they lack strength in depth. There are some good players in the team, the obvious ones being Upson and Forssell. However, weaknesses have been spotted and it's going to take cash to cover all those spots. Realistically though, on paper the club will be aiming for a spot around the top 10 and anything above that will be considered progress. I'll just rely on Heskey to batter the sh1te out of everyone else's defenders.

So looking forward to renewing my long standing rivalry with Nilsen, King, Pagi etc in the near future. Fingers crossed for Frenchie's Fulham at St Andrews on the opening day for a morale boosting easy three points.

Bring it on.

retired_espeon

The Great One Has Arrived

After the hasty departure of Paul Jewell after a breach of club policy, Dave Whelan has moved quickly to bring
in a manager of proven experience. New manager Ben Jackson has previously managed Middlesbrough, Birmingham City
and a short spell at Liverpool.

Jackson won the UEFA Cup with Birmingham along with reaching the UEFA Cup finals on two other occasions, although sadly he couldn't add more trophies to his CV.

A clearly delighted Jackson had this to say -

But off the record, the manager had plenty to say about some of the other managers in the Premiership -


Squad Overview

Goalkeeper

Gary Walsh - GK
John Filan - GK
Mike Pollitt - GK

With a combined age of 105, there'll be no lack of experience in the goalkeeping department. I'll still be trying to bring in a good younger keeper in the summer to be the number one goalkeeper for the club after we manage to retain our status in the Premiership hopefully.

Mike Pollitt is the best of the three goalkeepers, due to his great reflexes and shot stopping ability.

Defence

Arjan De Zeeuw - SW/D C
David Wright - D RC/DM
Emerson Thome - D C
Leighton Baines - D/WB L
Matt Jackson - D RC
Pascal Chimbonda - DR
Ryan Taylor D/WB/M R
Stephane Henchoz - D RC
[b]Stephen McMillan - D/wB L

A good mix of youth and experience in the defence, althought a lack of pace in central defence could be a problem. I'll be looking to add at least one central defender to the squad with an abundance of pace to compensate for the problem.

The left back Leighton Baines looks very good and could be a future England player if he continues to progress the way he has been.

Midfield

Alan Mahon - AM LC
Damian Francis - M C
Gary Teale - AM R
Graham Kavanagh - DM
Josip Skoko - AM RLC
Jimmy Bullard - AM RC
Lee McCulloch - AML/ST

A good mix of youth and experience again in midfield, with plenty of players capable of keeping the ball on the ground and passing it around. There's also a willingness to work hard which will be an enormous help in the bid to stay up in the first season in the Premiership.

Graham Kavanagh is the pick of the bunch, with an ability to score long range goals and act as a effective barrier in front of the defence.

Attack

David Connolly - ST
Henri Camara - AM RC/F C
Jason Roberts - ST

There's pace to burn in the attack with Roberts and Camara and Connolly is capable of acting as a targetman, holding up the ball and bringing others into the game. I'll be looking to add another striker as I think we'll be lacking an out and out goalscorer to get us the 20+ goals we'll need if we want to have any chance of staying up.

Explosive striker Henri Camara is the best of the strikers, capable of running with the ball at great pace which is bound to scare many defenders this season.


Really looking forward to getting my Wigan managerial career underway and will be taking great pleasure in beating many of the EPL managers along the way :cool:.

All I can say is - BRING IT ON!!! .

blgstocks

D'Ardenne roles into Craven Cottage on particularly large wheel of Camenbert-Season ticket sales at Fulham plumet to record low

Yes it can be exclusively be revealed that Mark D'Ardenne has been tempted out of managerial retirement, at the ripe old age of 19, by promises from rival manager Niall Murphy of photos of his missus :p. D'Ardenne who had been working in a stage production of "deux baguettes, sans beurre mais avec du jambon" alongside Eric Cantona, had previously stated his desire to never return to management in england due to the racial intolerance and general malaise that is the english premiership. However he has answered AL Fayed' call due to longstanding manager Mo Illyas' decision to try for a place in the womens curling team at the next winter olympics, leaving him little time to steer fulham towards inevitable relegation.

The Fulham fans although not alltogether overjoyed with the appointment of the ingenious D'Ardenne, have found solace in the fact that relegation seems a certainty anyway, so D'Ardennes skills of offending fellow managers into selling there players should come to the fore in the championship. Also the chance of seeing D'Ardenne in conversation with Neil Warnock, after the historic "i spit on you" moment after a league cup 3rd round encounter, has the fans drooling. The prospect of some error riddled interviews,Ranieri-esque in there nature, in broken english, should provide some welcome comic relief to the fans during a difficult season!

The fans were however ecstatic to hear that living legend Eric Cantona will be accompanying D'Ardenne to Craven Cottage, taking the vacant assistant managers position, with the hope that he will provide a calming influence over the volatile D'Ardenne.

Rather than doing an extensive list of the players in my squad i will summise in a sentence or two...GK options are bloody awful with Batista providing promise for the future. defence is ok but could do with strengthening. Midfield is strongest part of my team but true to form expect ALL my good players to demand to leave . Strikerwise John has potential and the oafish McBride may get some goals with his mal-coordinated style...so in summary...championship here i come

At this point in time im expected to "have a dig at rival managers" but there is plenty of time for that in the comeing season, all i will say is Ben you look like/are ET, and Niall even though your team is vastly superior in every way(except equipped with a worse manager ) if i do manage to take even a point off you...HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Ireland are not going to the world cup :cool:

retired_teresa assis

New man bounces into Baggies hotseat

West Bromwich Albion have announced that Bryan Robson has had his contract terminated with immediate effect, despite his heroics in keeping the club in the top flight last season. Replacing him is former Middlesbrough and Manchester United manager Richard Liggins, who has a good pedigree but has been out of the game for a few seasons. Can he pick up where he left off, or will he be following Murphy and D'Ardenne down to the Championship? Liggins had the following to say:

"MORNING! It's great to be back in management. It's going to be a long hard season, we could finish anywhere between 10th and 20th, but the aim is to stay in the division and build for the future. It's my hardest challenge to date but one I feel I'm ready for."

Robson has left the Baggies with a squad that epitomises mediocrity. On-loan sicknote Kirkland is the only shining light, and his fitness will be key to West Brom staying up. The one hope that the fans can cling onto is the fact that Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn, Fulham, West Ham and Wigan all have new managers of dubious talent, so there might be more teams worse than Albion over the course of the season. Let's hope so

Boing boing

retired_kimberlysmith

Heart Opperation A True Success For Ellis

Doug Ellis was whisked into Hospital two weeks ago for immediate heart surgery after his tripple by-pass, put in 5 years ago, began to fail.

Ellis was taken through to Birmingham City Hospital where it was unfortunatly full to the brim, however it wasn't when Ellis was picked up from his home but unfortunatly during the 20 minute ride to the hospital the news had spread and hundreds of people swarmed the hospital in search of a whole range of aids from staff. Some wanted the flu jab, others claimed broken bones whilst people were aparently going in with tomato sauce all over their shirts trying to play it off as blood just so that they could get in.

The madness at the hospital surely wasn't caused by the news of Ellis heading their way, and the abundance of Aston Villa shirts on the people must surely be a coinsidence....but the 'we want Ellis out' chants could've tipped any jury over as to what the cause was.

As Ellis was rushed through the hospital the staff attempted to find a room to perform the surgery, but it just wasn't possible. The only free bit of space was in the relatives room where only one man was sitting in the corner looking quite sad. The crew rushed Ellis in and tried to remove pieces of equipment from other rooms which weren't in use to place on the 80 year old. It was a right kerfuffle and in the end a whole host of odd's and sods were brought in to try and help the surgeons. Jumpers were being unsown by staff insearch of material for stitching, a needle was removed from the turntable in reception, a bedpan was used as a pillow for the patent whilst perhaps the worst bodge of the lot was a lie detector that was used as a heart monitor!

As nurses stripped Ellis of his clothes, pieces of paper fell out of his pocket and span their way across the floor in the direction of the man in the corner. He carefully leant forward and picked up the pieces of paper, but didn't really pay much attention to it. Moments later, the bleeps were coming from the machine and all seemed to be under control with Ellis, then the man's Son walked through with his wife.

After a little while all three members sat down with a cup of tea quite oblivious to what was happening just a few feet away from them. The little boy took the pieces of paper from his dad's hand and began to write on them, copying something from a badge of a coat he saw on the side. The family then left the room and headed their way out of the hospital. As they turned from the exit the wind from the outside blew the pieces of paper from the boys hands back into the hospital and to the feet of the main doctor of the hospital, Doctor Bouchard. He picked up the paper and began reading the sheets carefully. Whilst reading he peered into the window in the door of the 'Relatives room' where Ellis was laying'.

He walked in and was informed of the situation before he looked at the equipment in use. He put the pieces of paper down on the lie detector and picked up a chart showing Doug's progress. After a short chat with other doctors he turned around to pick up the paper only to see the needle joult and go over it

Bouchard looked over the papers again and saw that the lines had replicated Ellis' signature to an absolute perfect match. He then went and picked up his jacket from the side which he left on a chair from earlier and left the room leaving the papers by the man's clothes.

AAAAAAAANYWAY.....today it turns out that Doctor Sam Bouchard has been hired as the new gaffer of Aston Villa Football Club. Ellis who is now recovering from his operation said that he couldn't remember if he'd signed the papers or not, but that it had definatly gone through his mind about getting rid of O'Leary and that he was set to give him his P45 that very evening. As for hiring Bouchard, he said that he must've seen something in him due to putting his name at the top of the sheet, filling out his details and then signing his own name perfectly at the bottom.

Bouchard who was quite baffled yet excited about his new job had spoken to Ellis on the ward after the news and agreed to take the club to 'dizzy heights' whilst taking personal care of the chairman if needed at any time. Ellis seemed more than happy with the result that was made...even if it was a somewhat dillusional one.

So.....Dr Sam Bouchard Monday, Manager Sam Bouchard the next...

retired_maggie123

Spurs prays are answered

Well it's what the fan's wanted, and who can argue with the fans? They demanded the lengendary Pagi be reinstated as the Spurs manager and thats exactly what has materialised. Jol was sensationally asked to clear his desk by Daniel Levy yesterday reasons why are still very much unclear but rumours are the Dutch Numpty was caught red-handed prowling the dark side of Amsterdam and enjoying the "delights" the city has to offer. An on-looker had this to say "Blimey....Oh yeah he was enjoying himself alright, you know the old mushrooms, ladies of the night, haha.....Hic...I even saw him enter this brothel called "Phoawwwwwww...sure" (think about that one ) came out of there with a real big........smile on his face"

Pagi had this to say:

GK = QUALITY DEFENCE = QUALITY 100000000000000+ MIDFIELDERS = QUALITY although I am gonna target a true no.10 ideas man/playmaker and an orthodox left winger STRIKERS = QUALITY Although I'll have to negotiate with Roma to purchase Mido on a permanent basis, and maybe another young striker to keep every1 on their toes, competition for players all that crap.

TARGET: 6th - I demand Europe at the very least

COME ON THE SPURS!

retired_ron

-Insert Funny Punch Line Here-

There i was, a 20 year old good looking lad with the world at my feet, sat in my cosie executive office in Manchester's Health & Safety office. The world was my oyster, fast cars, money, job prospects. Whilst thinking about the current events of the day, including Mrs Norris the tea lady tripping over a cable, i came accross a rather disturbing folder, On the front, a rather large Manchester City logo was upon it, so immidiately, without thinking, i spat at it. After shouting at my personal seceratary, Ms Brook, for putting utter $hite on my desk, i proceeded to read on. It seemed to be a story covered in controversy, with great health and safety risks taken obviously. Stuart Pearce, current Manchester City Football Club boss was the main culprit, along with the entire football team. The dirty bastards hadn't cleaned the City Of Manchester Stadium for 2 years since moving there from Maine Road. Silly really as they didn't pay a fcuking penny for it in the first place. As well as this issue, there had been obligations of gay $ex going on in the male changing rooms after every home defeat (pretty much every game). Now, being an open minded yet full blooded straight male, i can understand every man needs to get his end away, be it inside a male or female. But when neither party is protected, not only is that disgusting, its a breach of Health & Safety act 271.G which states;

'No Unprotected Anal $ex In The Manchester City Changing Rooms After Defeats '

This news meant that, to the joy of United fans everywhere (including myself), Manchester City Football Club would need to be shut down.
Now, at first, i thought obviously about money, with riniging the Sun and other leading papers coming to mind. But, being the smart lad i am (notice the executive office) i decided to crush the ba$tards even more by exposing Stuart Pearce to the Chairmen and demanding his job or else i'd be informing the press and closing the place down. A phone call to 118 118 and minutes later i was yes 6 quid out of pocket, but more importantly on the phone to John Wardle, Chairmen of Manchester City Football Club.

Wardle - Hello?
Boult - Aight G, t'is Rick Boult ere from down local HSE office
Wardle - How'd you get my number you ****
Boult - Swear at me again, and i'll be round yours with a bat you ****
Wardle - Bring it you *****
Boult - I swear, your mine yo
Wardle - Who the **** are you?
Boult - Who am I? Who are you mofo!!!

Similar conversation went on for around 30 minutes before sense provailed ;

Wardle - You theiving Gypsie Ba$tard
Boult - Yeah yo mam
Wardle - You did not just call my mother!
Boult - What if i did homes??

Ok, so after an hour it calmed down....

Boult - It goes like this G, i've got documents stating batty boy Steart Pearce been giving it to the team after home matches, without protection, innit.
Wardle - You must be joking. Stuart Pearce? Batty? I've been $haggin his wife?
Boult - And you never noticed the peni$
Wardle - ********
Boult - Well, enough of that, you either give me his job or the boys and I will be round
Wardle - Is that a threat?
Boult - You ****** bet it is
Wardle - I will **** you up you **** *** *****

More drivel went on before we eventually compromised ( i went round and broke his legs ) and i was later giving the job of Manchester City. By now, your probably wanting to know a little more about myself, well, here goes.

Manager Profile :

Name - Rick James Boult
Age - 20
Location - Manchester
Team Supported - Manchester United
Women Slept With - 7,411
Favourite Tipple - Vodka & Red Bull
Likes - Booze, Chicks, $ex, Drugs, Rock & Roll, Sam Bouchard
Dislikes - Niall Murphy, Ben Jackson, Danny King, Andy Nielsen, Mark D'Ardenne, David Pagi, Dave Williams, Richard Liggins

Managing Profile

Ability To Handle Pressure - 21
Ambition - 34
Loyalty - 1 (Will fcuk off to Man U when Glazer comes a calling)
Media Handling- 31
Professionalism- 43
Temperament - 23 - 21

MANCHESTER CITY NOTIONS

Having been the manager of Manchester City for little less than an hour, here are the latest notions i've put forward to the board. If my demands are not met, i promised i'll $hag all there wives (or husbands).

1 - There's only 1 real club in Manchester, we should therefore locate to somewhere more convenient, say Salford, no clubs there.

2 - Changing locations would mean a change of name, to which to be decided, but Salford United sounds good.

3 - Changing locations would mean a new ground, which should be nicknamed the Palace Of Dreams.

4 - Changing grounds would mean 4 new stands, to be named The 'Cantona', The 'Robson', The 'Sir Alex Ferguson and The 'Sir Matt Busby' End.

5- Changing names would mean a change of nickname, Salford Devils for example

NEW GROUND RULES

NO blasformy of the manager

NO wearing of the old 'blue' colours on matchdays

NO ex players / managers to visit the ground

SILLY SPIKE outside the ground to be cut down and chopped into little pieces to be used when burning down the old ground.

sange

OUT IN THE STREETS THEY CALL IT MUUURDERRRR

Welcome to Charlton.

Or so the sign said as I rolled in, I could go into how I ended up in this situation, but, with me just getting out of Hospital with suspected Kidney Stones, the old noggin isn't in a creative mood, sufficed to say, Curbishley was taken out by a Uzi wielding Psycho by the name of Noreen, and I was given the job mainly because no one else wanted it.

The Squad

3 good Keepers, looks like 1 will go but injuries will force me into postponing their departures.
Defence looks OK, possibly be able to let a couple go to create a little poundage.
Midfield seems to good to be true, and it is, too good to be true that is, too much fluff and not enough gruff, plenty transfer potential so should be some changes in personnel.
Strikers, 1 good 1 bad and 3 old, I can see major changes afoot.

Expectations

The CM/FM tide definitely needs turning, I think my personal progress will be determined by the ability of the other Managers, having always done well with my personal games, I cannot seem to carry it over to net play so 'twill be interesting to see how things pan out. top of the bottom half would be a realistic target I think.

All in all I'm pretty happy with my lot, until I get sacked that is, then I'll do the usual "well if I could have had Liverpool" speech.