Breaking news from the Emirates Stadium
It would appear that Arsene Wenger has eaten his last frog legs in London. In a surprise announcement Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood has informed the Gunners faithful that Escargo is no longer on the menu. An apparent dressing room bust-up has left the Gunners board with no other option than to send Wenger back to France.
The announcement came moments after the frenchman was seen marching out of the stadium in disgust, muttering vague French profanities as he got into his car. No reports are available as yet as to the possible cause of this bust-up.
As the news began to sink in that Wenger was out the local press were invited into the stadium's lush conference room where the chairman was about to answer any questions regarding the days events.
Hill-Wood: Thank you all for coming today, as I'm sure you all already know, Arsene Wenger has been relieved of his duties here at Emirates Stadium. I am sure this has come as shock to all of you, and I would be more than happy to answer any questions you may have.
Reporter 1: I guess I will start with the most obvious question that everyoneis wanting to ask, what happened? We are aware that there was some kind of bust-up in the dressing room, but we have no idea what it was about or who else was involved, can you shed some light on that for us?
Hill-Wood: Well the problem really was a culmination of having too many Frenchman together in one dressing room. Apparently some of the players were arguing about the best way to eat frog's legs and a heated debate was started. Thierry and Mathieu were of the opinion that simplying boiling them in salt-water was enough but Gael Clichy and William Gallas hit back with claims that they should be fried off in garlic buter. Anyway, nobody was willing to accpet the other's recipes and all hell roke loose. Finally Arsene walked into the room and declared that the only way to eay frog's legs is raw. This was enough to incite a riot with all of the players turning on their manager. In the end it was seen that the only resolution to the debate was to send Wenger back to France to learn how to cook frog's legs properly.
Reporter 1: So that was garlic butter and just fried lightly?
Hill-Wood: Yes, that seems to be considered as the best recipe and the players at the moment are in the restaurant trying it out right now. Hopefully this will help rebuild the bond they had before the arguement.
Reporter 2: I think it is clear now why Wenger had to go, I don't think any of the fans will hold the decision against you. But understanably some fans may have concerns over who might take over and continue on the good work done so far with this team. Can you give any indicaions as to who might get the job?
Hill-Wood: Its a little early to say at the moment but we have our eye on some possible candidates.
Reporter 3: There have been some reports floating around the European football scene in the last couple of days that a lot of managers are coming and going. Most notably was the exit of Frank Rijkaard from Barcelona. Any possibility that he may move to London?
Hill-Wood: I'm afraid there is no chance of that happening. After the incident in Amsterdam I think Frank will have a hard time finding a new job. He has disgraced himself and I certainly won't be allowing that disgrace to tarnish the good name of Arsenal FC.
Reporter 1: Well how about Capello, rumour has it he has been kicked out of Madrid?
Hill-Wood: Ok, I will stop you all there. There really is no point in speculating on who the next manager will be. Let me just tell you that our focus will be on bringing in a British man to do the job in the hope of reducing the foreign influence on English football.
Reporter 2: Do you have someone in mind?
Hill-Wood: We have a few targets, but I won't mention any names today. Thank you all for coming. As you know I have a lot to do in appointing the new manager, so I'd best be getting to it.
Well there you have it folks, too many frenchman in the Arsenal dressing room and one had to be axed. Now the biggest question of all is who will take over. Rumours have already started to form after the hintthat it would be a British manager with the most talked about candidate being Alex Ferguson. But most people laugh at this idea as it is very unlikely that Ferguson would leave United and even if he did, I doubt he would join Arsenal. So who else could it be?
New manager to be announced in London
Well after weeks of speculation the Arsenal chairman has called a press conference to finally announce the new manager. With some of the top names in British footballbeing banded about in the press a lot of excitement has been growing, but nobody has been able to agree on a favourite for the job. So lets justsee what Hill-Wood has to say.
Hill-Wood: Thanks again everyone for coming to this unveiling of the newest member of the Arsenal team. It was unfortunate that things had to happen they way they did, but we here Arsene is coping fine with his new life in France, it is understood that he has finaly come to terms with the fact that frog's legs don' taste good raw. But anyway, I don't want to hold up this announcement for too long, so lets get on with it. As Isaid at the last conference I was looking for a British manager to take over the reigns here. And I think we have found just the man for the job. As a player he has won all of the top awards at club level as well as represnting his country a record 156 times scoring 100 goals along the way. Having started his career in Glasgow it wasn't long until he moved to the continent and became one of top stars. This will of course be his first venture into management but I am confident that he will have no problems adapting. So without further ado,let me introduce to you the new manager of Arsenal Football Club, Mr. David Johnston.
A light clapping ensues as most reporters are unable to contain their shock at this announcement. Johnston walks to the front and takes a seat next to the chairman.
Johnston: Let me start by saying that I am very excited to be here in London and I am looking forward to helping the club to win many trophies in the years to come.
Reporter 1: Um, Mr. Johnston, what makes you think you have what it takes to manae such a high profile club with such little experience
Johnston: I understand your fears, but let me just say, I have played under some of the greatest managers in the world, and I have learnt from them. I have all the required training to be a manager and I just ask that you give me a chance and I will guarentee silverware for this club.
Rerporter 2: So what are your initial plans for the club? Do you see any need for new players or are you happy with what you have been left?
Johnston: Well I have to say that without doubt, Arsenal FC have one of the best squads in the world, with some real talent throughout the entre line-up. On top of this we have an unbelievable youth system and I will look to bring some of those young talents into the first team sooner ratherthan later. But I do have some ideas as to players I would like to add to my squad. One of which I hope to have sorted very soon.
Rerporter 1: You have only been at the club for a few minutes how can you possible have a top signing lined up already?
Johnston: I don't want to give too much away at the moment, but le me just say that I have a good friend in the Liverpool area and we have discussed a deal that would be benificial for the both of us. It will involve a top star moving to London in exchange for a large fee plus another player heading north in a trade. The deal has been sorted and it just needs to be signed. I am very confident that everyone at the club will be delighted with this transaction. So I will keep you updated as things progress.
Reporter 3: Do you have any other transfer targets?
Johnston: Well let me just say, there is one area of the team I would like to strengthen. I think we are quite thin at the back and if I don't bring someone in then we may be forced to rely on the youngsters too early in the case of injuries. So look out for a defender coming to the club soon. And on the subject of youngsters I will looking to make use of my contacts by sending out some players to get some valuable first team experience. Look for the likes of Walcott and Vela getting some experience at the top teams across Europe.
Rerporter 2: Well Mr. Johnston, let me be the first to say, I have total confidence in you ability and I am looking forward to seeing you in action. Good luck.
Johnston: Thank you sir. And I look forward to getting into the action too.
What an announcement there. Johnston to take over at Arsenal. Does he have what it takes? Well we'll just have to wait and see. And the talk of a player moving from Liverpool down south, who could it be? Gerrard, Alonso or with the talk of defenders, maybe Carragher? Again we will just have to wait and see what happens.
Whoever it is I for one am looking forward to seeing Johnston in acion as manager here in London. So check back soon for the latst news.
il grouppo senza il nomo -The European Tour Version 
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