retired_eneko5613

retired_workingmom77

Unspectacular!!!!!!!

That man won a champions league medal with United! He is a legend! good story btw!

retired_nikoo

Gricehead and Xenon, thanks for the support. I’m glad to know someone else is enjoying the story. Writing it has certainly improved my own enjoyment of the game. It feels more like managing an actual collection of individuals than a bunch of statistics.

The New Tactic

I have decided to try a new 4-5-1 tactic with the wide midfielders pushing forward to the left and right forward spots. Two central midfielders will push forward while one will play a defensive holding role. Hopefully, this new formation will provide a little more attacking ability without compromising our defensive integrity.

New Line-up

GKGiven (Harper)
DLBabayaro(Elliot)
DCBoumsong (Bramble)
DCTaylor (O’Brien)
DRCarr (Hughes)
CM (def)Butt(Faye)
CMJenas (Bowyer)
CMSneijder (Milner)
LMBierofka (Robert)
RMGeremi (Ambrose)
STShearer (Kluivert)

Newcastle 0 – 0 Crystal Palace

A less than noteworthy debut for the new tactic as a goal never seemed likely for either side. We dominated possession throughout and Crystal Palace was outshot 8-1, a marked improvement but not wholly satisfactory. Sad news in the form of a torn groin for Wesley Sneijder who will miss 4 weeks.

Final transfers

There was fantastic news awaiting me as a returned to my office to study the game footage. A letter had arrived containing the work permit for a young South African forward named Mokoena. After his initial permit was denied I was not optimistic about the appeal but fortune smiled upon our club and his signature for the sum of 350k pounds was confirmed. Immediately afterwards, international sources set a value upwards of 6 million pounds for the young star.

Unbelievably, later the same day even better news was in store. After suffering several key injuries in his squad Steve McClaren felt that a new bid for Craig Bellamy was in order. I readily accepted the 2.5 million pound offer but was not optimistic due to past problems with this transfer. Apparently his demotion to the reserves and Alan’s conversation with him (just exactly when on in that room I may never know) caused Craig to change his mind and he accepted Boro’s terms and joined them the next day. This time I did deliver the news to Alan in person and we proceeded to get well and truly sloshed. Even the inevitable sniping back in forth in the media over the next few days couldn’t dampen my spirits!

Charlton 1 – 0 Newcastle

Apparently some of the boys followed the less than illustrious example set by Alan and myself and did a little pub hopping of their own to celebrate Craig’s departure. The score line flattered us tremendously and is solely due to the superhuman efforts of Shay Given who apparently could hold his liquor a little better than the rest of us.

Newcastle 1 – 0 Aston Villa

This time the score line didn’t flatter us at all. The formation worked a treat and the five-man midfield dominated the ball and flowed forward like a tidal wave that threatened to swamp the Villa net. Carr missed a penalty and Shearer had a goal called back due to offside (he just can’t buy a break this season). The man of the match was undoubtedly Bierofka who was a demon on the left, scoring the match winner.

Newcastle 2 – 1 Maritimo

The Uefa cup kicked off with a match-up with Maritimo of Portugal. I wasn’t thrilled with facing Portugese opposition in round 1 but was confident of the boys. After talking things over with Alan, we decided to given some of the rest of the squad a run-out including the season debuts of Laurent Robert and Lee Bowyer. We dominated the match with Kluivert and Ambrose scoring and Robert coming agonizing close with a viciously swerving free-kick that rattled the crossbar. Unfortunately, we committed a foolish foul late in the game that led to Maritimo pulling one back after the ensuing free-kick. Geremi earned man of the match honours as his aerial prowess set up both of our goals.

Newcastle 0 – 1 Manchester United

Our third straight home date has given Alan and I the chance to really work with the squad to implement the new 4-5-1 scheme. The squad was in fantastic form again and the shots rained down on Tim Howard from all angles. He must have been inspired by his viewing of “Pearl Harbour” the night before because he stifled our bombardment with remarkable determination. Of course, in typical fashion Ruud calmly converted one of only 5 United chances on the evening and spoiled the night for our third successive packed stadium. Oh well, no point in dwelling on what might have been, onward to Portugal!

Maritimo 1 – 0 Newcastle

I almost can’t bring myself to write this entry but at least it might help distract me from the delirious ranting of my co-manager.

“Giant cats leaping everywhere toying with giant soccer balls…sumo wrestlers in hockey nets…”

“Alan, shush, I’m trying to record my thoughts on the latest match”

“Sprinting through quicksand…Leaping in lead boots…”

Perhaps I can’t ignore him after all. It seems Alan has completely cracked after our latest defeat sent us crashing out of Europe in the first round of the UEFA cup. Furthermore, he has now gone nine straight competitive games without scoring and I believe that a psychological block may have formed.

Once again the score line doesn’t do our club justice as we pressed Maritimo throughout the ninety-minute encounter in sunny Portugal. For a second straight game we were foiled by the superhuman efforts of the opposing keeper, this time it was the fantastic acrobatics of Gomes frustrating my attackers. Maritimo managed just two shots on net, yet Given’s clearance of a corner rebounded off Jermaine Jenas for the own goal that put them through.

I need to go now, since I think that I better call for some medical attention for Alan. I think I’ll send him away for a week or two to a quiet place where he can try to compose himself. Maybe this player-manager thing is just too much stress for him, I know just the managing part of it is taking a toll on me.

Next update is due on Monday when we hope to get our season back on track.

retired_tallgirl

Pretty much sounds like an atypical Newcastle season thus far, although with a username that involves Sunderland, one cannot help but feel that the underlying plan is for the Toon to go Doon

retired_nikoo

Secret_squirrel,

I was wondering how long it would take for someone to call me on my username. Needless to say, I do forsee Sunderland playing a role at some point in the future of this story but haven't decided exactly how. For now I am just letting the game take me where it willand enjoying the ride.

retired_amyslack

Nice writing style Mr. S_C but a great pity that you have been afflicted by the so-called "super goalie syndrome". I look forward to following your adventures with Alan :thup:

retired_nikoo

Alan’s Vacation

While I led the team against Manchester, Alan was relaxing on a tropical beach with his family. I had convinced the club that they had better spring for a first class holiday for our talismanic leader before he was completely reduced to an unintelligible gibbering mess.

I briefly considered tinkering again with the formation but I resisted the impulse for now. The reality is that we had seriously outplayed our opponents in every match since the unveiling of the new formation other than the Charlton game, but that can be dismissed due to the fact that three-quarters of the players were hung-over from Bellamy transfer parties. We were generating chances and giving up few in return, we just needed to start finishing in a more clinical fashion.

Manchester City 0 – 2 Newcastle

Once again the squad played with fire and drive and dominated the game, surrendering only a handful of chances to City. Surprisingly, Darren Ambrose netted a brace to become the co-leader on the club’s scoring chart this season (3 along with Kluivert). Robert again struck a divine free-kick that was only kept out by a stubborn post. The squad looked strong and I was hopeful for the future.

Newcastle 2 – 0 Fulham

I am very pleased with the way the boys have bounced back from their European defeat. Several midfield changes were made from the previous game as the 4-5-1 pressing tactic is demanding a lot of effort resulting in the need for frequent rest. Luckily, the three replacements all played prominent roles in the victory with Bierofka setting up goals by Bowyer and Geremi.

Birmingham 0 – 4 Newcastle

Alan returned from his vacation a new man. Getting away from the game for a few weeks gave Alan a taste of what retirement would be like and he returned hungrier than ever. I simply couldn’t keep him out of the starting line-up. Bierofka put the team ahead inside the first ten minutes and several more opportunities presented themselves but went unfinished. Early in the second half disaster almost struck when Birmingham were awarded a penalty in a highly dubious decision, but Shay stood up tall and slammed the door. This is the scare the team needed and after the introduction of Kluivert for a tiring Shearer we struck with three quick goals (Geremi and two from Kluivert) to seal an impressive away victory.

Newcastle 0 – 0 Portsmouth

It really does prove the point that just glancing at the result doesn’t tell the whole story. The squad again played well, out shooting Portsmouth 16-3, but once again we were foiled by a fantastic display from the opposing goalkeeper. That said, both Alan and I were pleased with our current form.

Newcastle 2 – 0 Wrexham (League Cup)

Given the demands the 4-5-1 formation seemed to be making on the players, Alan and I agreed that we would go with a weakened squad for what should be an easy game. That said, we decided leadership would be needed so Alan, Nicky Butt, and Shay were all included. The leadership paid off and, while Wrexham defended valiantly, eventually the 24 shots resulted in goals for Ambrose and Mokoena, who got off the mark with a powerful header that Alan had obviously been working on him with in training.

Blackburn 0 – 2 Newcastle

The squad was back to full strength to take on a Blackburn side who were also riding high early in the season, currently sitting in fourth behind the usual three suspects, one place ahead of us. The game was the type of hard fought gritty affair that caused past Newcastle sides endless difficulty. Today the lads fought with heart and Sneijder provided a sublime 30-yard strike to win the day. Kluivert added a second late in the game. Faye deservedly earned man of the match for a dominant midfield display.

Defensive Integrity

I should really mention the defensive efforts of the entire squad this season. The back four (Carr-Boumsong-Taylor-Babayaro) have not figured significantly in the attack but have provided a solid shield in front of Shay. Consistent displays that elicit little comment from the media are the mark of a solid defensive team; usually when defensive heroics are involved something has already gone wrong. Both Amdy Faye and Nicky Butt have excelled at the thankless midfield holding role and the more attack-minded midfielders have done their share of hard graft. I never thought that I would be able to note that Newcastle had recorded six clean sheets in succession.

Newcastle 6 – 1 Norwich

A master class in football was on display and the fans were in full voice. Alan was the battering ram that splintered the Norwich defence and the midfielders poured through the open gates with Ambrose (2), Sneijder, Jenas, and Geremi all scoring. Boumsong added a late goal from a corner. Nothing else really needs to be said but I will report a bit of fun I had with Alan after the game.

Me: Alan, we managed to score 6 but your name isn’t on the score sheet

Alan: I played an essential role in helping to create those opportunities…

Me: True, but Alan, you have scored exactly as often as I have this season

(both being happily married, Alan refrained from the expected rejoinder)

Alan: If you stopped subbing me off I could grab some of those late tap-ins Patrick has been netting.

(The opening I had been looking for)

Me: Fine, have it your way, Patrick will start from here on out and you can finish the games.

Alan: Good, I’m glad I could talk some sense into you…hey, wait a minute…

Me: Yes Alan, I made you make me remove you from the starting line-up

Alan: $*!!% @*!*$…

(I really was having too much fun, it’s amazing what a little run of form will do for your spirits)

Me: But a league cup fixture against Man U is up next so I think you should lead the boys out, besides do we really want to mess with a winning formula?

Alan: %*!# right I should lead the boys out…hey, wait a minute…

The fact of the matter is that even though he hadn’t been finding the net, Alan had been performing an important role occupying defenders and winning balls in the air. Besides, why mess with success?

Manchester United 1 – 3 Newcastle (League Cup)

This game seemed to be shaping up to be a carbon copy of the previous game where we rained down shots on Howard and Van Nistelroy stole the game with the clinical finishing of one of the few opportunities that were presented. This time, we fought back in the last quarter hour with a triple salvo from Kluivert, Sneijder, and Bowyer.

Middlesborough 1-2 Newcastle

Once again the squad fell behind, this time due to goal from Job, before storming back. I really believe that this game would have been lost without the confidence and determination a good run of form can provide. Wesley Sneijder scored for the fourth game in succession with another cracking shot from 30 yards and Geremi continued his surprising goal scoring form with a powerful late header. The man of the match was undoubtedly Shay Given who kept the squad in the game during a lacklustre first half.

Newcastle 2 – 0 Southampton

Southampton played a very odd formation (basically a 5-3-2 with wingbacks retreating with back arrows) that caused more problems than I expected. That said, the lads fought well and Steven Taylor scored his first of the season before an own-goal put the game out of reach. Sneijder was once again brilliant and deservedly received the MoM award.

Following the game, I was awarded the manager of the month award and Sneijder earned young player of the month honours. Life is good in Northern England, yet despite the success we continue to run neck and neck with Chelsea for third, a few points off current leaders Arsenal.

Up next: The league cup draw places Newcastle away at the Stadium of Light. Would the Black Cats prove unlucky for the Toon army?

retired_nikoo

The Dirty Little Secret

It was bound to happen eventually, and in fact I had been preparing for this day since I took the job at Newcastle. You see, coming from Canada nobody assumed I had any built in allegiances in the football world. That was until it was discovered that I had married into a family of rabid Sunderland supporters. The stories began to circulate prior to the league cup derby with Sunderland…

“Secret Agenda…”
“A spy in their midst…”
“A traitor in Tyneside…”

Well, how can one argue with the papers, particularly when they miraculously got something right? I had adopted my wife’s family’s support for the Black Cats but being raised oversees had developed none of the internecine rivalry that traditionally divided Newcastle and Sunderland supporters. I didn’t even really understand it, weren’t they both representatives of the local community?

As a result, when the management offer came from the Newcastle board, I couldn’t say no to an opportunity that not only gave me the chance to manage a powerful club but also provided the added incentive of reuniting my wife with family in England.

I had bigger plans as well. In order to combat the individual might of Chelsea and Man U, I wanted to establish closer ties between the two clubs to generate a symbiotic relationship where the clubs helped rather than hindered each other. After establishing myself at Newcastle, I intended to embark on a campaign where I would loan out some of the most promising youngsters on the squad to our rivals. This would allow me to keep an eye on them, keep them close to home, facilitate easy recalls, and allow the local population to follow their developmental years creating more popular future squad members. There would also be an added advantage to Sunderland that they would receive higher quality loan players than they could normally expect as well as adding continuity in the form of many players coming from the same team and knowing how to play together. Of course, the big issue would be the appearance of Sunderland being our farm club or youth team but the loan moves would only occur if both sides agreed that it was mutually beneficial. Finally, the players loaned out would benefit because they would remain in a stable environment, while receiving more first team action. It really seems like a sensible idea to me…it’ll probably never fly.

Anyway, in the meeting with the board that followed these revelations I defended my record and outlined the plan above. They were actually quite upfront with me and said that if the club was not lying third in the Premiership I would probably be sacked immediately; however, if I could maintain the club’s form, they might consider letting me try the plan in future seasons.

Needless to say, I felt more than a little bit of pressure heading into the Sunderland match. Luckily, Alan stood by me through the media circus and boardroom challenges. We were working well together, the squad was performing, and he was of the opinion that you don’t mess around when something is working. Besides, he humbly pointed out, I had stuck by him despite the fact that he hadn’t scored all season so he couldn’t really do less for me.

Sunderland 0 – 3 Newcastle (League Cup)

A glorious day; we won the match and my in-laws suggested that I may want to refrain from visiting for a while due my participation in the end of their cup dreams. Two prizes in one day! I fielded the same side that defeated Wrexham in the previous round, mostly second-stringers along with Alan, Butt, and Given. Alan was magnificent throughout and broke his scoring drought with a hat-trick in the first half! The atmosphere was tense, the media were buzzing around everywhere, the number of banners denouncing me in various unsavoury terms was surprisingly restrained… and my name was in banners! Does it really matter if you are loved or hated when you are a new manager from a football backwater if your name is strewn throughout the stadium?

A Run of Form

I will save you the details of the games through to the end of December. Suffice it to say that the club won six and drew two, outscoring the opposition by a combined total of 15-6. The holiday period was extremely taxing on the squad and every available player featured to some extent. Laurent Robert and Aaron Hughes took full advantage with several good performances that would ensure their future inclusion. Stephen Carr picked up a very dubious red card for a reckless challenge but Hughes filled in admirably during his three game absence. Despite the good run, the squad remained tied for third with Chelsea behind Arsenal and Man U. Finally, As of January 1, Alan had yet to find the back of the net in regular league play.

retired_tallgirl

If Fat Freddy Spazzer was still chairman there's no way you'd survive the media circus, he'd save his own skin first.

And tbh it's not like say Mets v Yankees, which are the same city or Maple Leafs/Flames which are separate states, it's 2 separate cities within 7, 8 miles of one another and with a plethora of former pit villages in between, the hatred/competition between the two clubs runs extremely deep.

To the extent I know of families split over football allegiance and not speaking to one another because of it

retired_nikoo

January Transfers

Alan and I sat down together for a well-deserved pint after the holiday period to assess the team and plan for the run-in. The discussion was quite brief; it is really easy to have a lot to say when things are rough but when times are good it’s best not to mess around with things. The 5-4-1 tactic was functioning well and the club was on a run of 18 games unbeaten. We still had 10 million pounds in the transfer kitty but no pressing needs. The most major concern was the fact that Patrick Kluivert had yet to re-sign and his wage demands were putting him out of reach. That said, neither Alan nor I saw him as a long-term solution for the club so we decided to let him play out his contract and hold on to our remaining cash to splash out the following summer.

Titus Bramble and Robbie Elliot had yet to feature more than a couple of times and I had little confidence in them. Titus was offloaded to Chelsea for 500k and Robbie was demoted to the reserves. Like virtually every foreign manager in the premiership these days I felt the need to purchase some talent from my homeland to strengthen the squad and after a little negotiation Paul Stalteri joined from Germen side Werder Bremen for 2.5 million pounds. Alan wasn’t sure about our acquisition.

Alan: Who the hell is Paul Stalteri?

Me: I’ve followed his career closely, he is a key member of the national squad and has played at a high level in Germany.

Alan: All internationals are not created equal. Being a key member of, no offence intended, a crap national team does not a Newcastle player make! What Canadian has ever made an impact in the Prem?

Me: Tomasz Radzinski

Alan: Are you trying to make my point for me?

Me: Alan, he can help, I swear. He is two-footed, plays both defence and in the midfield, is sound in the tackle, possesses a mean cross, has a great work rate …

Alan: Okay, shut up already. If I didn’t know you were married I’d swear you were dating the guy!

Anyway, Stalteri was added mainly as a versatile player to have available on the substitutes bench. We pocketed the rest to use on a summer shopping spree. Oh, almost forgot, we came to an agreement with Marc van Bommel to join the club in the summer.

Cup Fever

Our first two matches in the New Year were our first outing in the FA cup, we were drawn at home against Middlesborough, and the first leg of the League Cup semi against Fulham. Alan continued the building of his reputation as a cup specialist this season by netting a brace in our 4-1 victory over Boro and another in a 2-0 victory over Fulham.

Sadly, in the final minute of what had been a joyous FA cup victory, Amdy Faye took a nasty tumble injuring his hip in the process. After the game the medical staff informed us he would miss the next three months of action, or essentially the rest of our season. An injury to Faye does not scream disaster to the majority of football fans out there but careful observers of our games this year could not help but note the key midfield holding role he performed. He would certainly be missed but we were hopeful that Nicky Butt could provide adequate cover. Just in case we scooped Jeff Whitley off the transfer list from Sunderland as cover. Needless to say, I took a lot of flak for purchasing a player deemed surplus to the requirements of our wallowing rivals.

After two league games, an uneventful 0-0 draw at Aston Villa and a spectacular 2-0 away victory at Chelsea (in which Alan finally scored in league play) we were back to cup action. First up was a comfortable away tie at West Ham in the FA cup. I say comfortable because I don’t think anyone bothered to get up off of their *$%@# to actually play the game which we lost 2-1. Thus our illustrious 22-game undefeated streak was ended and the aura of invincibility we had been building took a serious hit. The League cup game against Fulham was a truly drab 1-1 draw, but it was enough to put us through to the final.

In the final we were pitted against Blackburn, another club performing far above expectations this season. It is hard to describe the glint in Alan’s eye when he led the boys onto the field. Finally, in what could be his last year as a player he had a shot at some silverware with Newcastle. There was no mistaking his desire on the pitch as he threw his body about with reckless abandon, inspiring the squad to a fantastic attacking performance that left the Rovers reeling. A breakthrough seemed inevitable as shot after shot was rained down upon Brad Friedel, while Shay had to do jumping jacks in our net just to stay loose. Then it happened, Matt Jansen darted onto the end of a long pass to beat Shay, who was perhaps a little too relaxed by the lack of previous activity. Despite redoubling our attacking efforts we were repelled by a stubborn defence and spectacular goalkeeping. We finished second best on the day and fell 1-0 in the cup final.

Well, maybe we’d win the league championship! (hah! Not bloody likely the way Arsenal were playing).