retired_ajbrittney

Too say I was annoyed would be an understatement. The useless staff that my board signed would be with me for at least 3 years. Sutton have a low wage balance, so I would have to annoy the board, to bring in the chaps I want.
I personally searched high and low across the country. Many a pub was scoured for potential coaching stars. I met David Jarrett in the Local Supermarket of all places. I would like to state that nothing of an erotic nature took place following our meeting. It was all pleasure.
To cut it short, David Jarrett is a scouting machine. He has a good eye for talent, his youth gives him enthusiasm. At 22 he is very young to be in our position, I’ll give him a chance. David Jarrett, new head scout.
My attempts to get another scout were fruitless. Ray Clarke looked good but he wanted £400 a week. I offered him £200 and he turned up his nose.
Next in was Linton Brown. A very good coach, he also possessed a very good rapport with kids but would take no crap. I welcomed him into the fold.
I still needed another coach and an Assistant. Once again my dreams would come in handy.

What I saw was baffling. An old style 1960’s Action Man was stuffed into a crevice in the wall. Rocks would fling from out of nowhere, and bounce off the toy, away from the crevice. Meanwhile a small glistening beetle scurried around madly, defeating the attentions of a marauding ant.
I stood and watched this bizarre display, I had no idea what it meant. It would have to be spelt out to me.

“That Action Man was made by Palitoy, that beetle has a carapace similar too a hairstyle”.

The disembodied voice didn’t really help me. Its velvet tones were good to listen to though.

“For heavens sake, Beardsley and Pallister”.

Then it all made sense. Pallister = Palitoy and Beetle = Beardsley. I know that dreams are supposed to work in mysterious ways but that was just ridiculous. An action man defending a crevice, a scurrying black beetle evading an ant. Too tenuous.
However I never ignore my dreams. Beardsley became my assistant, Pallister another coach. I now had a very good core, my staff was still let down by three deadweights though. How would I dispose of them? Could I dispose of them?

retired_ajbrittney

With decent coaches on the roster, I could implement a proper training regime. The facilities at Sutton were decent for Conference South levels, I think they could be improved though. Now is not the time however.
The entire squad was put on a vigorous physical regime. I wanted them to be in peak condition for the beginning of the season. Once it had begun, it would be horses for courses, before then I wanted my side to have the stamina advantage.
My first team was aided by the addition of two players. Phil Salt completed my central midfield team. He added a quality, which my current crop lacked, creativity. Ricardo Beckford was signed to fill my Left Wing slot. Now either Brake or Akuamoah would find themselves out the door. I needed to make a lot of changes, the wage bill would have to come down.
I had Beardsley have a quick look at my team. He agreed with my impression of overall weakness in the squad, but disagreed as to who the key player were. He rates Ian Douglas and Lewis Gonsalves, which I disagree with. He also saw a lot of potential in Watkins. I remain to be convinced.
Our next friendly was a trip to Essex. Chelmsford to be precise. Chelmsford also play at a lower level than we do. I wouldn’t expect them to be a walkover however.
I made very few changes to the team that beat Halesowen. Beckford came in on the Left wing. I replaced Corbett with Salt. Salt was moved up into central midfield so in effect I was playing a 4-1-3-2. Chelmsford used a conventional 4-4-2.

Chelmsford v Sutton Utd

It was a dire game. Chelmsford made most of the play in the first half, and deserved to be 1-0 up. The goal was a freak. Iga gave a goal kick away to one of the opponents. Quinton brought down Ansell 35-40 yards away from the goal. Garry Cross floated the ball into the area. Ansell and Iga went to claim it. It bounced past both of them into the net. I could only fault Iga for the goal.
We did have two good chances in the half, both were missed at close range by Haylock and Watkins. Chelmsford had plenty more, for the most part their finishing was woeful.
Chelmsford shut up shop in the second half. I changed virtually the entire team but the half was a dull parody of football. The final score was 1-0 to Chelmsford and I was a very worried man.

Chelmsford 1)1-0(0 Sutton Utd.

We lost the ability to penetrate the defence of an inferior team. Our passing and distribution was excellent, we just lost ability in the final 3rd. Wilson had another good game, Ajoge also played well. Salt and Beckford had reasonable games but didn’t penetrate the Chelmsford defence. Watkins really struggled on the Right wing. I needed more options.
I was cheered up a little after the game by the signing of Sean Coburn. I now had a dangerous skilful right winger to go with the left. Maybe things were looking up.

retired_ajbrittney

Many faces paraded themselves before me during the next few days. I had a friendly coming up against Chesham. I didn’t want a repeat of the debacle against Chelmsford. I took on over 20 trialists, a few stood out from the crowd.

John Hodges. A goalkeeper who had previous experience with Plymouth and Leicester. Weaker in the air than Iga, but a much better shot stopper and not prone to wander.

Lee Marshall. Can play on the left or right of defence. Reasonable defensive stats, what stands out is his willingness to take one for the team. Can also be pushed into attack.

Vance Warner A superb tackler who can play in central defence or midfield. Along with Marshall came up through the Nottingham Forest youth system.

John Gibbens. Very creative and an excellent passer. May be a luxury for our midfield however.

Marc Heckingbottom. A determined player who can perform any midfield role.

Adam Buckley. Not the fastest or strongest left winger but he can beat anyone and then deliver a killer cross.

Ian Duerden. Very good at cropping up in dangerous positions. His poor scoring record for clubs like Altringham warrant further investigation

Kevin Larvin. A very good finisher. Knows where to be when the ball comes in. Was on Leicester's books, never played a game for them.

The team that took the field against Chesham was totally unrecognizable from the side that lost against Chelmsford. I played a conventional 4-4-2 with the wingers pushed up.

GK Hodges
DL Heathcote
DR Booth
DC Quinton
DC Warner
ML Buckley
MC Williamson
MC Gibbens
MR Coburn
FC Duerden
FC Larvin

Chesham v Sutton Utd

We didn’t get off to a bad start. Heathcote delivered a good ball to Buckley who whipped it in for Duerden. Duerden didn’t reach it but he must have really panicked the goalkeeper, for Hurst basically batted the ball into his own net. The rest of the half was all Chesham. Lombardo got into good positions for them but his finishing was awful. Both Larvin and Duerden had chances for us, but the shots went over. On the plus side Hodges was having a solid game and Buckley looked dangerous.
I made wholesale changes for the second half. I also gave my wingers freedom to roam. The most important change was the replacement of Duerden for Haylock.
Haylock played a blinder. His finishing vastly improved, in fact he went on to get a hat-trick. His first goal was provided by Hodges. Haylock ran into space and placed the ball beyond Hurst. The second was a fine free kick from 25 yards. The last was another clinical finish. The second half was ours, I was very glad.

Chesham 0)0-4(1 Sutton Utd

Every player was good, Hodges and Buckley were better and Haylock was superb. His performance in this game went a long way to raising my esteem for him, can he deliver more like it remains to be seen.
I immediately offer contracts to Hodges and Buckley.

retired_ajbrittney

The major aim of my pre season was to get my entire squad match fit. To that effect five matches to follow would allow the entire squad, including lacklustre reserves, to take the field. The next game though was a high profile tie against Nottingham Forest. So most of my expected first team would take the field.

Sutton Utd v Nottingham Forest

GK Hodges
DL Vella
DR Marshall
DC Quinton
DC Warner
ML Buckley
MR Coburn
MC Fear
MC Salt
FC Haylock
FC Larvin

Forest were by far the superior side, Sutton didn’t do themselves a disservice though. The first fifteen minutes were hairy. Kris Commons would be a thorn in our side for the entire match. His pace and interplay with David Johnson left our poor defenders for dead. On eleven minutes Hodges was caught on the edge of the area by Johnson. His cross was well intercepted by Warner, sadly the ball was put back in by Tebily, Commons found it very simple to score.
The U’s had a better run of the field after the first third of the game had elapsed. However it took well into the second half for us to make any real headway. Salt missed an easy rebound from a Larvin shot, Beckford put a free kick just wide.
The game ended 1-0 to Forest. We were outclassed, but I was not discouraged. Nobody put in a bad performance, even if nobody shone either. We actually had an equal share of the ball, though most of our possession was in our defensive area. The worrying thing was how easily our defence was shook off by marauding strikers. They lack the right blend of pace and positional know how. A major bonus was our gate receipts of £35.000.

Sutton Utd 0)0-1(1 Nottingham Forest


Sutton Utd v Kidderminster Harriers.

Kidderminster fielded a side that lacked many of their regulars from the previous season. It became apparent though that many of their veterans had moved on. So in effect Kidderminster fielded a full strength team. However we did not.

GK Hodges
DR Gibbens
DL Gonsalves
DC Warner
DC Ajoge
MR Clarke

ML Buckley
MC Heckingbottom
MC Salt
FC Duerden
FC Douglas

A better performance from us, against a team two leagues above Sutton. We kept the ball for as long as Kidderminster did and had almost as many chances. It took a wonder free kick from Richie Appleby to put them ahead.
We were 1-0 down at half time, so wholesale changes were made. Larvin impressed me with his ability to create danger and scored for us from a cross. The game finished 1-1 and we were well worth the draw. Kevin Larvin and Phil Salt had impressive games, Hodges was the only weak point.

Sutton Utd 0)1-1(1 Kidderminster Harriers

Sutton Utd v Coventry City

A re-run of the famous 1989 FA Cup game, incidentally also another money spinner. I decided to play another weakened team. I wanted to see how my fringe players performed.

GK Hodges
DR Booth
DL Heathcote
DC Scarborough
DC Ajoge
MR Watkins
ML Beckford
MC Quinton
MC Tydeman
FC Haylock
FC Martin

Once again we were outclassed by higher league opposition The only difference was the scoreline. 2-0 to Coventry. We did have our chances, indeed Haylock demonstrated a good ability to make space for himself and an inability to put away sitters. I wouldn’t say the score line was inaccurate.
Once again there were no bad performances from our team. Iga had a good second half, which makes me feel better for him. Some promising signs but I think our strikers need some vigorous training

Sutton Utd 0)0-3(1 Coventry City.

Next was a trip to Staffordshire, to face Stafford Rangers. It was a very strange game. My squad of fringe players and no-hopers played well but were completely outmaneuvered. We managed not a single shot on goal, Stafford had most of the ball and fourteen shots on goal. I think their 2-0 win flattered us.
Stafford Rangers 2)2-0(0 Sutton Utd

I wasn’t very encouraged for the visit of Everton's reserve team. Once again my fringe players took the field and proved to be more dangerous. Everton won 3-2 but the signs were encouraging. We effectively shut them out in the second half, Martin proved dangerous in the air and Beckford played well on the left wing. However our defence still has Weaknesses. Ajoge and Warner aren’t great in the air, that deficiency let Everton in twice.

Sutton Utd 1)2-3(3 Everton

With our pre season over, we now have a fit squad of players ready to take on Basingstoke. A few injuries have muddied the waters somewhat. Lee Marshall is out for a week with a groin strain and Craig Watkins is out for a month with fractured ribs.
When I took the reins at Sutton, I noticed how weak the squad was in vital areas. I have brought in a total of ten players to improve the squad but it still needs to be built up. Central defence is an especially worrying area, which I must strive to improve.
Most of the trialists managed to impress me. The following players have joined the Sutton family.

Ricardo Beckford
Phil Salt
Sean Coburn
John Hodges
Adam Buckley
Vance Warner
Lee Marshall
Jonathon Heathcote
Jon Gibbens
Kevin Larvin

I think we can do well this season. Realistically promotion is beyond us though.

retired_ajbrittney

One of the laments of a non-league manager is the lack of a decent budget to play with. Many teams such as Hornchurch and Telford get lots of money to play with. Ultimately their big backer pulls out, the team sinks or swims. Telford has been dissolved and AFC Telford may never reach the heights achieved by their predecessor. Hornchurch risk going the same way. I was amazed to see that despite their debt, none of their high earners have been sold on. In fact they have made further savings.
Which brings me to my predicament. Sutton will never go bust. Bruce Elliot is very good at managing the finances and will always make sure that Utd are balancing the books. The bad thing is that I will get little money to purchase replacements and the wages on offer are poor. Sutton has gained a rep in non-league for being particularly frugal. That is a barrier I’d have to find a way around.
It became obvious that my coaching staff could offer a way to boost the club coffers. Gary Pallister and Peter Beardsley have both played at the highest levels. They have plenty of fabulous anecdotes to divulge. It was with that in mind that I raised the idea of hosting an event in the clubhouse. Bruce Elliot was interested in the idea.
So on Wednesday the 11th of August, my coaching buddies held forth. Bruce Elliot managed to obtain lots of cheap tables and chairs, from somewhere. Our hastily printed tickets sold well. Just over one hundred people packed into the clubhouse to listen to the greats.
Our main speakers were Pallister, Beardsley, Garry Haylock and Peter Fear. Bruce Elliot also gave a short speech outlining the difficulties of running a non-league club. I topped and tailed the whole presentation.
The night was a success. Some people had a little difficulty understanding what Peter was saying, despite the scripts we had handed out earlier. By far the most interesting speech was from Haylock. He has played throughout Ireland and even had a short unpublicized stint in Turkey. Peter Fear looked a little uncomfortable, the fact that he was staying of the Dutch Courage may have had something to do with it.
The night ended, with happy people streaming out of the clubhouse. The bar had been drained of drink, profits were good. Total takings came up to roughly £8971, not that much was spent on booze or misc costs, so we were expecting at least £6000 profit.
I went home happy. However when I came in the next day, my good humour was dampened. Most of the money would go into paying the overheads. No money at all would be made available to strengthen the squad.
So I was back where I started!

retired_ajbrittney

My inability to locate a decent Centre Half was really beginning to annoy me. I’d have to modify my formation to suit my surplus of quality Central midfielders. For my first game at home to Basingstoke I would go with a 3-1-4-2. For away games that would change to a 3-2-3-2. That way I would always have at least one defensive midfielder covering my vulnerable defence.
At least I’d solved my Goalkeeping situation. I may have been dismissive of the abilities of Andrew Hawkins but at least he found me Sean Allaway. Allaway is very good in one on one situations and has good reflexes. Very important considering my defence has shown an ability to get caught flatfooted. His addition sent my wage bill above Bruce Elliot’s fancy, so the process of offloading players would have to begin.
By the time Basingstoke visited Gander Green Lane three players had departed the club. Eddie Akuamoah went to Frickley, Phil Wilson moved to Hayes and Steve Douglas became a professional and signed for Boston Utd. I wasn’t sorry to see Wilson go but had mixed feeling about Akuamoah and Douglas. They both had their good qualities, they just didn’t fit into my plans. At least Douglas has the chance to blossom at a league club. Poor Eddie Akuamoah has just slipped further down from his peak days at Kingstonian.

Sutton Utd v Basingstoke Town

Now was the time to see if my managerial style had borne fruit. Basingstoke were another team expected to finish mid-table. This is what is known as a bread and butter game.
Hodges got the nod over Allaway in goal. My defence picked itself. Marshall, Heathcote and Warner are my best defenders. The only worrying weakness is a lack of height in my backline. That is why I had Peter Fear play in front of them to break up the opposition’s attack before it reached the goal area.
Coburn and Buckley play on the wings. Coburn is the only real option on the right but Buckley may have real competition from Ricardo Beckford. The Central Midfield pairing consists of Gibbens and Salt. Only one of these will get to play every game and they also have Paul Honey breathing down their neck.
My strike force consists of Martin and Haylock. Martin is excellent in the area and Haylock is a good finisher. Hopefully they can set each other up.

GK Hodges
DL Heathcote
DR Marshall
DC Warner
DMC Fear
ML Buckley
MR Coburn
MC Salt
MC Gibbens
FC Haylock
FC Martin

Subs
Allaway, Booth, Beckford, Corbett, Larvin
If this game proved anything, it was that our defence is weak but the opposing strike teams are utter bilge. Basingstoke had almost a 2-1 advantage in shots on goal, but only managed to hit the back of the net once. We scored three times. Haylock and Martin combined very well. Martin made his presence known to the Basingstoke defenders, Haylock was very clinical in front of goal.
Basingstoke were always chasing the game, Haylock scored on two minutes, slotting in a shot from a Buckley cross. Before 30 minutes was up, Haylock added an almost identical goal. The third came just before half time from Martin. He headed i a Coburn corner.
My team played well that day but let themselves open at the back. Basingstoke utilized a pair of speedy strikers, who combined their pace with useless finishing. Hodges was busy this day.
All the team played well but a few names stand out. Hodges had a very good game in goal. Warner was stalwart in Defence, despite being dragged out of position a few times. Buckley was dangerous on the left wing and Haylock was deadly in the six-yard box. A promising tie, however it raised worrying points.

SUTTON UTD 3)3-1(0 BASINGSTOKE
Haylock 2,30 Whiddett 64
Martin 35

retired_ajbrittney

So the season had got off to a decent start. However much work was still to be done. There was still a defence to fortify and useless players to offload ASAP.

Loui Fazakerley moved down the Non League pyramid to Gloucester City. I wish him well, he was a personable chap. Meanwhile my scouting machine, David Jarrett, located a decent young striker by the name of Leeon Poole. I imagine his parents must have been fans of the early 80’s pop group Imagination. Leeon helps to cover an area which I think is weak, right side of defence. At £10 a week he is very cheap as well. Those sixteen-year-olds come cheap.

I was forced to remind some of my players that it would be nice to have their issues reported to me. I heard from Peter Beardsley that Adam Buckley is unhappy playing on the left wing. His preferred position? Left wing??? I had a little conversation with young Mr Buckley and he failed to give me an adequate answer as to why he was lacking contentment. I have no idea how to keep the guy pleased. Thank god I still have Ricardo Beckford to deal with any Buckley idiosyncrasies.

Next game saw us make a midweek trip to Thurrock. Some of the squad wanted to travel early, to take advantage of the shopping centre. Thurrock of course was formerly known as Purfleet. Many followers of the non-league game still call them that. They are not a team expected to challenge.
I made a few changes, both to the lineup and to the tactics. I moved one midfielder back into a defensive midfield position. This is the formation I’d always play away from home. Hodges made way in goal for Allaway. Hodges had played very well in the previous match, I just wanted to see how Allaway performed. Gibbens was moved to the subs bench, to make way for the more defensively minded Quinton. Martin wasn’t fully match fit, so I replaced him with Larvin. Joff Vansittart made his first appearance on the subs bench
Thurrock gave us a good battle, however we were superior in all departments and they couldn’t finish for toffee. Things did get off to a bad start however. I had to take Buckley off within the first ten minutes due to a knock. Beckford took his place. Two minutes later Thurrock scored. A poor clearance from Allaway was intercepted. A ball was floated through to Bowes, who evaded the defence and slotted home.
Allaway had to make two good saves after that. Our only chance was a Haylock run. He basically made the opportunity for himself, his shot was easily changed.
With nothing going for us I decided to make some tactical changes. However Thurrock presented us with a chance. Larvin was upended needlessly on the edge of the area. Haylock and Coburn discussed between themselves who’d have the honour of taking the free-kick. Coburn won, he stepped up to the ball and put it into the net. 1-1 and we are back in it. I count my lucky stars that Sutton have at least two good free kick takers in the side..
I decided not to rest on my laurels. I pushed Fear into Central Midfield. Only Quinton would provide cover for Warner.
My change had an almost immediate affect. My team retained possession in midfield a whole lot better. On 45 minutes we scored another. Larvin and Beckford interchanged well. Beckford got free on the Left Wing and delivered a fine cross to Haylock, who headed home.
2-1 at half time and I was happier than I thought I would be. Still changes needed to be made. Peter Fear was having a somewhat quiet game, so I took him off and replaced him with Corbett. I reverted to my standard defensive formation.
If anything we had it easier in the 2nd half. Thurrock tried to attack but they went 3-1 down when they fell prey to a classic counter attack. Coburn received the ball from Heathcote and played a superb long ball to Larvin. He beat the last remaining defender and sweetly struck the ball home.
Thurrock were disheartened by that goal and faded from the game. Defeat turned into a rout during injury time, when Haylock scored his second of the game. A nice easy header from a Corbett cross. Booth made his first appearance of the Season, near the end. He replaced a crocked Coburn.
Virtually the entire team put in a Sterling performance. The exceptions were Buckley and Fear. Buckley was injured before he could make an impression. Fear was poor, he hardly made any impression on the game at all, Corbett was much better in the second half.
I was pleased to see Haylock continue his good form. Larvin looks good as well.

Thurrock 1)1-4(2 Sutton United

Next up is a home game against Maidenhead, who has recently assumed bogeyman status for Sutton.

retired_brinker317

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lord Crumb:
I imagine his parents must have been fans of the early 80’s pop group Imagination. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>



I was thinking exactly the same thing when I noticed him.

This is superb. Don't beat Lewes, Eastbourne Boro or Bognor though

retired_ajbrittney

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by displaced_seagull:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lord Crumb:
I imagine his parents must have been fans of the early 80’s pop group Imagination. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>



I was thinking exactly the same thing when I noticed him.

This is superb. Don't beat Lewes, Eastbourne Boro or Bognor though <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bugger Bognor!

retired_ajbrittney

"Urrgh lurggh mnnurggh"

I have no idea what type of language the Neanderthals used in their daily life. Meaningles mumbo jumbo is the usual stereotype that is used to describe their speech patterns. I think that whatever tongue they conversed in, it was more meaningful than imprecise grunts and groans. I'm sure that if they were alive today, the Neanderthal people would be most offended at such a horrific general slur on their linguistic abilities. I can imagine Bear Tooth or Mammoth Hide standing erect and proud in Parliment, bemoaning the fact that they are classed in the same category as the sallow youths who enjoy congregating outside McDonalds across the country, every Friday & Saturday night.

One thing I do know however, is that the Neanderthal species died out. They failed to adapt. The Earth entered an Interglacial period, the woolly mammoths died out, the dreaming people , as Stephen Baxter liked to call them, could not change their preferences. They carried on dreaming about hurds of Furry Elephants, whilst Cro Magnon man took over their old stomping grounds, and drove them out. Neanderthals were much stronger than our ancestors but much less creative.

Truth be told, there is stil much conjecture as to why this rival to Homo Sapiens died out. The lack of adaptibility was the image that played itself out in my dream. The Neanderthals strangely resembled Peter Fear and Vance Warner. A horde of modern men were rushing them. The first few were easily clubbed down. The horde seemed to pause in collective thought. Two of them scrabbled in the dirt. Fear and Warner looked on, their faces were comically stupid. The stupidity remained but their life bled away. The spears saw to that. The Human archers had loads of material to play with. Human material. They scavenged their dead comrades for bones, and sharpened them into wicked points. My two Neanderthal players looked on bewildered, as dozens of improvised javelins pierced their skins. They did nothing, they died becase they could do nothing! I woke up in a sweat, the major imprint that was left on my conscious mind was a 3-2-3-2 carved on Peter Fear's Apeman corpse.

The message was clear, adapt or die. It wouldn't be long before the other teams figured my formation out. All honeymoons have to end!

The message was clear, do I have the ability to act on it though?