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Thanks Tyrone. Not sure about Jean Reno as Le Spliff; he'd be a bit old to play him. Still, it's a nice idea...


Game reports and team news (source: football365.fr -National updates section).


17th March 2004, Stadium Lille-Métropole (att. 2539).
Wasquehal 0, AS Cannes 3.

14. Free kick sent in by Moustaïd from 45 yards out. Superb header from the edge of the area by Diawara, which leaves the keeper no chance. 0-1.

33. Lafond is sent off for his second yellow card, and Wasquehal are down to ten men.

51. El Kadouri beats his man down the left touchline and sends in a great cross for Courtel, who sidefoots it into the right corner of the goal from the penalty spot. 0-2.

89. After a corner from the left, a goalmouth scramble ensues and the hapless Ballois hits the ball into his own net. 0-3.

A very solid team performance, which also saw Djibril Diawara designated as man-of-the-match. Dembelé will be out one week with a sprained ankle, but the other injuries (three in all during the game) were benign.



19th March 2004.

Jorge Vargas was called up to the Chile squad. He has made two appearances for them so far this season, both as substitutes.


20th March 2003, La Bocca (att. 2624).
AS Cannes 4, Angoulême 0.

22. A poor clearance falls to Mohammed twenty yards out. He lashes it into the roof of the net with his right. 1-0.

45 (+2). Gaborit pushes Lemaire over in the box. Magallanes blasts the ball diwn the middle and scores. 2-0.

53. Zoko's corner from the right is met by Chelidze's glancing header atthe near post. 3-0.

81. Chelidze runs into the box from the right side and delivers a perfect cut-back for Mohammed, whose header is parried by the Wasquehal keeper. Zoko scores on the rebound with an instinctive volley. 4-0.

Cannes were rampant in this very one-sided game. Mohammed was outstanding in the middle of the park, and Lascha Chelidze -a player warmly recommended to Spliff by his boyhood hero, current manager of the Georgian national side Alain Giresse- played his best game so far for the club, getting his first goal in the process. It was also the first time he played an entire game.

With closest rivals Valenciennes losing at home to Reims, Cannes officially become champions in the National for season 2003/04. Six games remain to be played in the competition. Cannes' record so far, from 32 games, is 26 wins, 4 draws and just 2 defeats, with 96 goals scored and 19 conceded.


3rd April 2004.

Six players were called up to their respective international squads. Mohammed, Mutiu and Lawal for Nigeria, Shereni for Zimbabwe, Dika for Cameroon and El Kadouri for Morocco.


5th April 2004.

Zoko tore a groin muscle in training, and is expected to be out around two months. He will therefore miss the whole of the end of the season.


10th April 2004.

Shereni, El Kadouri and Dika all played for their respective countries. After his first appearance for Cameroon, Jean Dika publicly thanked Le Spiff for giving him the self-belief to achieve this.


14th April 2004, La Bocca (att. 2687).
AS Cannes 1, Dijon 0.

13. Chelidze's free-kick finds Diawara near the penalty spot. His header is blocked, but Inkango is on hand to slot it in from six yards. 1-0

Far too many wayward shots for Cannes, who were once again unable to kill off a game when they should have. The last fifteen minutes were tense, with Cannes down to ten men after Dembelé injured himself (three changes had already been made at this point). Then Tournut injured himself, too, and Cannes were down to nine men for the last five. In the end, though, they still earned themselves a deserved three points.

Inkango's season is over, as he tore a claf muscle and will be out at least two months. Dembelé and Tournut's injuries were benign. With Zoko and Inkango both out for the remaining games, there is now a definite lack of cover up front for Cannes. Ludovic Viltard and 16-year-old Christophe Lemaire may get to play a more active part in proceedings.

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Transcript of recording from surveillance equipment (source: Organised Crime Unit, Criminal Investigations Unit, DAT audio file no. KF/3261-7, recording dated 22nd March 2004, 22:46 local time).

Attached note reads: "No visuals available. Unidentified voices numbered, with accompanying inferences where appropriate. Conversation recorded at the 'Le Belphégore' restaurant in Cannes". (signed: Detective Inspector Laurent Giacomelli, OCU)


(...)

Voice One*: I'm glad you could come, old friend.

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: I'm always happy to see you. And besides, we have something to celebrate.

Voice One: Indeed we do. Quite a job your nephew is doing, even though we did put a few extra cards in his hand, so to speak.

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: Yes, I'm proud of the lad, and I knew he had it in him. I wonder how he must feel right now...

Voice One: When was the last time you saw him?

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: Quite a while now. Two months, perhaps three. I've thought it best to keep a low profile and let him get on with it. We still have plenty of time to prepare the next phase, in any case.

Voice One: That is true. My employers are hoping for as quick a return as possible on their investment.

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: We've agreed on five years -remember that.

Voice One: But of course. And you still have my word on that, hermáno. Let's drink to the health of this young man, then. To your nephew. Salúd!

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: Salúd!

(clinking of glasses)

(...)

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: If the club were to make the Final, would you like me to get you some tickets?

Voice One: Hómbre! What an excellent idea! Thank you, hermáno!

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: And do you suppose your employers might be interested too?

Voice One: I shall certainly pass on your offer, which I am sure will be much appreciated.

Albert 'Bébert' Labourdette: Good. Now let's eat.

(...)


*Unidentified male, possibly Bolivian or Peruvian according to our translators. This is the same individual as the one labelled as 'Voice One' in DAT audio file KB/5294-13.

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Diary entry (source: David Le Spliff's personal diary) -dated 24th April 2004.


This week I seem to be spending more time speaking to journalists and doing PR work than with the squad on the training grounds. Weirdly enough, now that we've reached our goal -and since Christmas I've been convinced that we would- it feels like a bit of an anticlimax. What really keeps me going is the prospect of leading the team to the Stade de France, for a cup final against one of the Ligue 1 giants. Need to beat Mulhouse first, of course, but we'll be playing the semi-final at home and I'll be able to field my strongest side -barring injuries, of course.

France Football are doing a piece on us in next Friday's issue, and I spent part of my aftrenoon with one of their journalists, Denis Chaumier. The guy certainly likes his Leffe -must be widespread amongst hacks- and by the end of our conversation I was in no fit state to do anything useful back at the office, so I called Gabriel [Desmenez] to say I'd see him in the morning, and headed back home.

And here I am after a shower, strong coffee and a couple of spliffs, thinking about going down to Francesco's for a plate of gnocchi and a bottle of barolo. I wonder whether it will be more stressful next year, in Ligue 2, what with the stakes being higher and everything. But right now, the way I see it is that it gets easier with each passing day -in fact, it's already become a routine so comfortable that I'm becoming less and less capable of imagining doing anything else...

There are six games left, and we'll be going out to win every one of them, but it'll be an opportunity for some of the lads who have played less often than they had hoped, a chance to show what they can do. I'm going to have some tough decisions to make this summer, I think.

Right now, though, the priority is to get to that cup final, and then who knows what might happen...

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Game reports and team news (source: 'Bocca Vera!' fanzine, issues covering the last two weeks of April).


17th April 2004, Stade Paul Gasser (att. 2525). National.

Raon-l'Etape O
AS Cannes 1

Goal: Diawara (0-1, 26).
Shots: Raon-l'Etape 1(1), AS Cannes 11(7).

This was the third game in a row which Cannes finished with ten men or less, with Dembelé receiving a second yellow card with twenty minutes of the game left. Nonetheless, it was an easy victory and Cannes' back four were never really threatened. Diawara and Moustaïd were in particularly good form, and young Viltard put in a useful performance up front alongside Mutiu.

Nantes have won the League Cup, on penalties against Montpellier. The full-time result was a drab 0-0, and Montpellier will count themselves unlucky as they'd had the better chances.


24th April 2004, La Bocca (att. 1901). French Cup Semi-Final.

AS Cannes (Nat) 3
Mulhouse (CFA) 0

Goals: Toledo (1-0, 37; 3-0, 66), Diawara (2-0, 43).
Shots: AS Cannes 19(14), Mulhouse 2(2).

A good collective performance, capped once again by Toledo's brilliance. Mulhouse were too weak offensively to do any damage, and the Cannes midfield were given free rein to run proceedings. The attendance, inexplicably, was even smaller than in an average National game, despite the fact that this victory sends Cannes to the final of the French Cup, something which last happened in 1932, when Cannes won it.

In the other semi-final, Paris SG beat Marseille 3-2 after extra time in a breath-taking game at the Vélodrome. The final will take place on 29th May 2004, at the Stade de France.


1st May 2004, La Bocca (att. 2611). National.

As Cannes 7
Pau 0

Goals: Tournut (1-0, 10), Toledo (2-0, 30; 4-0, 38), Moustaïd (3-0, 36; 6-0, 85), Emanuelson (5-0, 83), Viltard (7-0, 90+1).
Shots: AS Cannes 32(21), Pau 0(0).

Cannes overwhelmed their opponents from beginning to end, relentlessly, and Pau could not muster up a single chance throughout the game. Toledo and Moustaïd were superb, and Tournut was a rock at the back. This game was a real lesson in how football ought to be played, and further demonstration -if any was needed- of the qualities which have earnt Cannes their promotion from this level of the game.

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a shame that PSG beat Marseille but at least you've got to the final \o/

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Game reports and team news (source: football365.fr -National updates section).



8th May 2004, Stade Jean-Antoine Moueix (att. 2699).
Libourne 2, AS Cannes 2.

32. Diawara squares it to Mohammed, who blasts a thirty-yarder into the top left corner. 0-1.

43. Great crossfield ball by Theze which sends Otta clean through down the right. Otta calmly chips the advancing Filimonov from the edge of the area. 1-1.

54. Astier's through-ball puts Marchano in the clear, and the striker takes it into the box before easily slotting it beyond the onrushing keeper's reach. 2-1.

79. Magallanes is bundled over in the box. Moustaid steps up and fires the penalty into the lower right-hand corner. 2-2.

Despite twice taking the lead, Libourne were fortunate to come away from this encounter with a point. But Cannes, without Toledo who was suspended, seemed to rely on Suleiman Mohammed's long- and middle-distance shooting to cause any damage, and on the day the Libourne goalkeeper was equal to the task of keeping most of them out.

Of particular concern to Cannes will be the fact that, in a spectacular and accidental collision, Badr El Kadouri suffered a fractured cheekbone during the game, and will be unable to take part in the cup final. His impressive wingplay has been one of the determinant features of Cannes' title-winning side, and he is sure to be sorely missed at the Stade de France.

On the same day, Besancon were officially relegated from Ligue 2, Louhans-Cuiseaux won promotion from the National, whilst GFCO Ajaccio and Sete are both relegated from the National. Four teams, including Libourne, are fighting it out to avoid the two other relegation berths in the division.



12th May 2004.

Ludovic Viltard strained a groin muscle in training and will be unavailable for around three weeks, which effectively ends his season. Another option closed up front for the two remaining games (the last game in National and the cup final).



19th May 2004.

Dinamo Kiev beat Parma on penalties (4-3) in the UEFA Cup final in Goteborg. The full-time score was 1-1.



22nd May 2004, La Bocca (att. 2794).
AS Cannes 1, Nimes 0.

12. Lawal crosses from the left. Diawara jumps highest at the back post and heads it in from eight yards out. 1-0.

49. Toledo lands a right hook square on Massolin's jaw, earning himself a straight red.

Despite playing with ten men for almost half of the game, Cannes easily controlled the play and should have scored more goals. The most significant moment of the game was Toledo's sending off, which costs him his participation in the cup final. Another major blow to the Mediterranean minnows' dream of creating an upset at the Stade de France.

Saint-Etienne were crowned champions of Ligue 2, with Caen also promoted. Clermont were relegated from Ligue 2, whereas Nimes gain promotion from the National despite their defeat at La Bocca. Dijon and Libourne are the last two clubs relegated from the National.

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Statistical overview for the 2003/04 National season (source: France Football issue #3032, Tuesday 25th May 2004).


Promoted:

1st: Cannes (98 points; 31 wins, 5 draws and 2 defeats; 111 goals scored and 22 conceded)
2nd: Louhans-Cuiseaux (71 points; 21-8-9; 61-39)
3rd: Nîmes (66 points; 19-9-10; 58-44)


Relegated:

GFCO Ajaccio, Sète, Dijon and Libourne Saint-Seurin.


Most goals:

1. Toledo (Cannes) – 30 goals
2. Sartolou (Pau) – 27 goals
3. Abiven (Brest) – 22 goals


Most assists:

1. Moustaïd (Cannes) – 24 assists
2. El Kadouri (Cannes) – 12 assists
3. Benhamou (Pau) and Toledo (Cannes) – 11 assists


Most FF Man of the Match awards:

1. Toledo (Cannes) – 14
2. Abiven (Brest) and Garin (Louhans-Cuiseaux) – 9


Best average rating (marks out of 10 from the FF match reports):

1. Toledo (Cannes) – 8.44
2. Moustaïd (Cannes) – 8.13
3. Mutiu (Cannes) – 7.68


National Player of the Year:

1. Toledo (Cannes)
2. Pamé (Raon-l’Etape)
3. Moke (Nîmes)


National Team of the Season:

GK: Klein (Louhans-Cuiseaux)

DR: Wargnier (Wasquehal)
DC: Vargas (Cannes)
DC: Guthleber (Bourg-Péronnas)
DL: Torres Mestre (Cannes)

MR: Duarte-Benito (Dijon)
MC: Mohammed (Cannes)
MC: Garin (Louhans-Cuiseaux)
ML: El Kadouri (Cannes)

SC: Toledo (Cannes)
SC: Mutiu (Cannes)

Subs: Leglib (Pau), Assemoassa (Beauvais), Cami (Pau), Cohade (Nîmes), Pamé (Raon-l’Etape).

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In real life France Football hold something similar to the 'Best Average Rating award' at the end of every Ligue 1, Ligue 2 and National season, but the marks awarded are out of 6 (I have no idea why).

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Diary entry (source: David Le Spliff's personal diary) -entry dated 27th May 2004.


Two days left to the Final. It's become very difficult to think about anything else over the last few days, and the thoughts are mostly tinged with frustration, despite the knowledge that we having nothing whatsoever to lose in the forthcoming contest, and that I ought simply to enjoy the position we have placed ourselves in.

But no manager can be happy with having to field a weak side in his first cup final. Tournut, Vargas, El Kadouri, Mutiu and Toledo will be missing -the latter, and most sorely needed, through the suspension he earned himself with his uncharacteristic moment of madness against Nîmes. I try to remain upbeat about it, but I'm failing miserably so far, and I really can't see us causing too many problems for the PSG back four.

Even last night, as I half-watched the dour, ultra-defensive Champions' League Final between Juventus and Inter, I was trying out possible combinations and lining them up against the Parisians' probable starting eleven. That was quite depressing, so eventually I just gave up, sat back and rolled a fat one to alleviate the boredom of Juve's 1-0 victory. I was certainly glad I hadn't made the trip to Dortmund. Even Zambrotta's goal was shïte...

Tomorrow afternoon, after the morning training session at La Bocca, we're going up to Paris where we'll be staying the night, not too far from Saint-Denis so we can get to the stadium nice and early on Saturday. Hopefully the lads aren't as tense and irritable as I've felt the last few days, or the journey could turn into a nightmare, which we certainly don't need on the eve of our biggest game to date. Djibril Diawara mentioned the other day that he knew a powerful marabout who'd be happy to give us a hand in the preparation, and we joked about it at the time, but I'm beginning to think that perhaps I should have at least considered enlisting the support of unseen and other-worldly forces. I wonder what Oncle Bébert would make of that...

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Press release (source: Agence France Presse, 29th May 2007).


Paris give the underdogs a lesson in realism
by Marc Hauser.

At the Stade de France tonight, Paris Saint-Germain did enough to secure their seventh French Cup, brushing off the challenge of National champions Cannes with some solid defending, as well as better composure in front of goal.

The game started brightly enough, with chances falling to both sides, and in the twenty-fifth minute a stunning goal broke the deadlock. Cubillier broke down the left and drew the defender before slipping it inside for the onrushing Boskovic, who hit a sweet first-time shot into the top left-hand corner from twenty-five yards.

After the goal the game changed radically, turning into a scrappy physical contest fought mostly across the middle of the park. Chances were few and far between, limited to hopeful long-distance efforts that troubled neither goalkeeper, and at half-time Boskovic's strike was all that separated the two sides.

The second half began in as fraught and frantic a manner as the first had started, and still the final ball eluded both teams in the final third of the pitch, until a superb weighted pass by Orteman sent Diomansy Kamara through to face Filimonov. The young striker calmly picked his spot from fifteen yards out, sending the ball hard and low into the lower right corner. With twenty-five minutes left to go, Cannes tried to rally in order to reduce the gap, but couldn't make their two or three half-chances count. Whilst Paris were happy to defend in numbers and preserve their lead, Cannes' heads seemed to go down in the end and there was a sense of inevitability about the final outcome.


Stade de France, Saturday 29th May 2004 (att. 42109).

Paris S-G 2 (Boskovic 24, Kamara 65)
AS Cannes 0