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cheers Tyrone

Season 2001-2

August 2001

With a completely changed side, Paul McGrath decided to start each match with a good mix of Godliness and mortals - with both mixing surprisingly well. The intimidation the others had initially dissipated as soon as they realised how nice Mohammed and God actually was - completely rubbishing this whole idea of "fearing God." A few, more ignorant fools were glad Mohammed wasn't threatening to suicide bomb them all the time. No friendlies were bothered with it was straight into good old action at the Casino Royale, well after Murcia had been defeated naturally. There, Brazilian winger Alessandro proved the star of the show with two first half goals, as he outperformed his more illustrious colleagues on the pitch.

Athene was guilty of literally shadowing the ball in the next match as she cloaked it in a cloud, picked it up and threw it to Alessandro to score an equalising goal against Barcelona in a friendly. However with a keeper like Massimo Taibi spaccering it up at the back saw them re take the lead and despite best efforts, not even the introduction of maestro Scott Sellars could help the Gods attain parity.

Despite the **** ups in the friendly, Taibi kept his place for the first home match of the season with Gandia . In a match where Gary Pallister , Nestor Fabbri, Scott Sellars and Derek Boateg all earned their first starts, the match began fairly evenly though Poseidon's early caution and subsequent booking for deafening the referee with his petulant roars didn't help. The match winner didn't arrive until the second half, but it was worth the wait as the majestic Scott Sellars formerly of Huddersfield and Bolton, swung in a long ranging pass for Derek Boateg to latch onto and score his first for the club. Athene received a yellow card late on for 'wing'-ball - a new rule devised by the cunning Spanish FA.

Poseidon was sent on a fishing holiday later on to cool down and to return to his anger management coach and mentor Dale Winton, after earning a further 4 match suspension for conducting unbecoming of a deity. There was further dispute in the camp too when in the last match of the month, the Gods were dispatched in the preliminary round of the Spanish Cup by Fuenlabrada who were in the league below. They lost 4-2 and some of the Gods were going nuts. At 2-1 down at half time after Taibi conceded a penalty, and then allowed the ball to pass in off his face, Athene had cheated to offer some hope, receiving a yellow card in the process. Achilles stormed out to make it 2-2 early on in the second half, but Pallister and Fabbri were struggling at the back, being crap and all, so God came on, performed the sign of the cross to himself, and promptly played a vital part in letting the hosts bang in brace late on. The defeat stunned almost everyone including the players and media - but at least they all realised their might actually be some frigging competition this time around - either that or the Gods would turn the heat up again.


Murcia 0 Gods 3 Alessandro 16, 41, Mohammed 59
Barcelona 2 Gods 1 Gerard 23, 25; Alessandro 24 - Nb - friendly contest
Gods 1 Gandia 0 Boateg 50
Fuenlabrada 4 Gods 2 Athene 13 Achilles 50


God Watch

Starting at Valencia where there are three Gods, there has only been two matches for the top flight side so far, and that was competing in the Super Cup with Barcelona , with the Catalans winning over the two legs. Allah was the more impressive in midfield, whilst niether Elephant God and Yahweh could be blamed for the goals. Most admirable of all however is Allah's wages - his playing in just 65 quid a week. Let's have a big up for Islam folks.

In that Super Cup tie, Grishnu was fielding in goal for Barcelona. He has also featured in the successful continental Super Cup win over Fiorentina In that match too, was Atlas - playing for La Viola. Given the Italian league hasn't started yet, that was his only start to date, it is no surprise that Jesus hasn't featured for Juventus yet. Prometheus has featured though for Parma - with an appearance in the Italian Super Cup loss to Inter. In the club's friendlies he has scored one, made another and earned two man of the match awards as his future looks to be burning bright.

In Germany, the league there is underway and forward Jupiter has made a positive impact with 3 starts, 1 goal and 1 assiist. As an added bonus he hasn't got into trouble with the authorities so far. Back in Spain and with Real Madrid we have both Aphrodite , lover of Athene and Mars Ultor . Both appeared in the 1-1 friendly with Bayern Munich with the latter setting up Figo for the hosts goal. The loss to Deportivo in the league saw both fail to make the impact you might expect of immortal beings.

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September 2001

San Marino's end to their qualifying campaign provided a moment for the Gods to re-unite one more time to end the campaign on a high note, and though Croatia were still fighting for the 2nd berth, the match ended in a dour stalemate. The objective had long been accomplished however. Results elsewhere saw Belgium claim the second spot.

As if to try and make a point a full strength side were restored with as many Gods as possible for the home clash with Compostela as McGrath looked to make a point. With a stronger defence including Paul Ritchie and Jamie Carragher , a win was nicked with another solitary goal - this one dispatched horrendously fast by Hercules , whose first time volley from 50 yards gave their goalkeeper no chance of survival had he attempted to stop it. Whilst in some quarters it had been considered a little unsporting, Herclues took the bowing adulations in his stride.

On September 11th there was a little bit of a kerfuffle when some towers were sort of blown to bits, causing a few thousand deaths and a little bit of fundamentalist outrage, and it didn't aid the players in the next match with Osasuna as Allah and Mohammed were roundly booed by the idiotic elements of the crowd, whilst others asked what on earth God was doing in football training when the planes hit the buildings. The match ended in a draw as concentration suffered throughout. Athene equalised a first half strike.

With a few more mortals back in the line up, including Kiko and Alessandro for the next home match there was surprisingly a performance far more worthier of the team name, as 3 goals were rattled in against Lleida . Midfielder Alessandro continued to show his worth with the first goal, before God delayed Time for a bit to score in stoppage time in the first half. The display was complete with a touching third from Achilles who walked 110 yards from goal line to goal line just to show off.

Defensive weakness' were still evident and right back was a little short what with Poseidon's vicious and fatal temper causing suspensions as Paul McGrath decided to search for a right back. The first name he came across was Ulrich van Gobbel an out of contract 30 year old former international and he was sorely tempted. The sounded brilliant and would help improve morale in camp. Also - it'd take the flak of random striker Qu who'd suffered the mickey taking for the last three months now. Of course the down side was that Gobbel was utter poo, so as it turned out a compromise was drawn. [b]Gobbel[/n] was signed for a laugh, and nick-named Goebbels by Satan which was considered somewhat controversial in some sectors of the press. By way of compensation the Gods made a 20 million pound bid for an actual right back - Idrissa Keita .

Whilst those bids were in the making, the Gods were back on form once again with a smashing win at Pontevadra by 4-0, with Jimmy Flloyd Hasselbank scoring his first of the season, followed by an unpopular Mohammed . Kiko notched his first of the season, before right at the end that Athene scored to cap it off. The match had been marred early on however though with the dismissal of Satan early on. The red headed one caught up on a soul owed to him, their right back Gorka, and ripped out his heart. Ironically - the ref soon suffered a heart attack just after pulling out the red card. Paul warned Satan against such future activities - citing it was damaging to the club's reputation.

Gods 1 Compostela 0 Hercules 50
Osasuna 1 Gods 1 Ivan Rosado 7; Athene 45
Gods 3 Lleida 0 Alessandro 19, God 45, Achilles 67
Pontevadra 0 Gods 4 Hasselbank 12, Mohammed 34, Kiko 59, Athene 90

God Watch

Elsewhere in Spain, in the Primera Liga at Valencia the trio were excelling individually whilst their side were stuck in mid table in La Liga. Allah notched an assist in the win over Alaves whilst scoring a belting swirler in the 5-0 win over Champions League win over Gil Vicente . The defenders Yahweh and Elephant God were martialling a back line superbly. The side should be mounting a serious challenge on all fronts this year.

Up at Barcelona goalkeeper Grishnu is holding the fort superbly as an unbeaten catalan side look to be capable of honours season. They are 3-1 and 0 for the league campaign so far. Rivals Real Madrid hosts of Aphrodite and Mars Ultor have recovered from their poor opening defeat to remain unbeaten domestically and in Europe. [b] Mars Ultor [b] has been deployed in a holding role in midfield and is feeling the workload. Aphrodite , as well as dazzling the fans, demonstrated her prowess on the pitch with a first goal against Valladolid and an instrumental role in orchestrating the wins thus far.

In Italy Jesus was struggling to live up to the role as saviour of Juventus despite notching a debut goal in the UEFA Cup and his club side are currently 15th after the early rounds of the league season. Fiorentina mind were certainly benefiting from the presence of Atlas whose 4 goals in the first 3 games help the club lie 5th with games in hand in the league, whilst the European campaign continued on foot. At Parma , their midfielder Prometheus has hardly lit league alight with no goals in an average start for his club who are in the bottom 4 at this stage.

Jupiter meanwhile was scoring for fun in Germany with 4 goals in 5 league matches and no doubt Hertha Berlin are doing well in their league so far to accompany their current UEFA Cup run.

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October 2001

The Gods kicked off the latest month controversy free thanks to a two nil victory over Tenerife - although Satan had been spotted during the day spending his suspension chilled back in the bars knocking back excessive amounts of Sangria. Poseidon and Mohammed - who had placated many of the booers with a well worded article in the spanish equivalent of the Daily Star - scored the goals to win it, preceding a welcome break for Internationals - with no San Marino game on the cards.

Massimo Taibi was returned to the squad for a joke against Cordoba but he shocked all and sundy by keeping a clean sheet despite actually having to repel shots. It was a magnificent achievement. The rich vein of form had seemingly returned to the Gods as a 3-0 scoreline was rattled in. Scott Sellars ever a contributor to the assists column notched his first for the club when Achilles battered all the defenders out of the way with his face. Kiko doubled the lead before half time as Poseidon showed ever increasing signs of maturity to ignore a rash challenge on him and swing in a superb cross. The finishing touch came from young Derek Boateg whose second goal arrived from a 'flighted' ball from Athene . The match also saw a fine performance from Fabbri in the match to the relief of the Gods fans.

The win pushed the Gods belatedly to the top of the table before Keita's transfer was all agreed - though it wouldn't be confirmed until mid December along with van Gobbel's . The side didn't really celebrate the signing very well - with a dour 0-0 draw at home to Salamanca coceding top spot in the process. Whilst that was uneventful - for Paul McGrath there was personal elation in being able to take charge of his national side. Perhaps some sadness that the opportunity arrived after the country failed to qualify for the impending World Cup, but all the same, Paul would enjoy working with relatively sane mortal folk.

Back domestically, God continued to fill Satan' s shoes at least in the left back role - the social side could take some time. A tough trip to Extremadura again saw the combined side made to work hard, though Zeus got into trouble for breaking Jan Kortina's legs with his trident after an exchange of words. The referee though was too scared crapless to do anything about it, leading comments in the press afterwards of allusions to the Roy Keane inspired Manchester United days of ref control. The match was won though and another mortal - Jamie Carragher volleyed in an Achilles cross before the situation was reversed late on to seal the win.

The month ended with a clash against mid table Numancia and a match which had seen Satan return to action once more after his devilish antics, but this was a routine affair with Athene walloping in an Alessandro cross soon after half time to seperate the match, and leave the Immortals and Co. sitting in a comfortable position by the end of October. All Paul had to do was answer the inevitable journalist questions of promotion prospects, only punctuated by the odd nutter from the Christian Science Organisation who were apopletic as per usual. Athene managed to rule herself out of most of November though after frolicking once too many times with Aphrodite , and the details were unfortunately caught on camera and sold to the News of the World.

Tenerife 0 Gods 2 Poseidon pen 30, Mohammed 70
Cordoba 0 Gods 3 Sellars 12, Kiko 39, Boateg 59
Gods 0 Salamanca 0
Extemadura 0 Gods 2 Carragher 49, Achilles 77
Gods 1 Numancia 0 Athene 50

God Watch

Starting in Spain with the Valencia trio, there were 5 victories for the side, with Elephant God scoring two in succession, in the league against Bilbao and another in Europe in the Champions League against Celtic . His fellow defender Yahweh continued to be threat at right back, ever dependable with a few timely interventions. Allah meanwhile continued to boss the midfield with absolute authority as Valencia look capable of enjoying a highly successful year. Moving to Barcelona and Grishnu has kept goal earning three clean sheets easy enough, whilst the three conceded came in a draw with Udinese in Europe and in a league win over rivals Espanyol. Other rivals Real Madrid and their pair Mars Ultor and Aphrodite were also involved in a 4 match unbeaten run with the former excelling in particular with two belting drives against Alaves and Santander . The winger is also enjoying life there, though she has flown back frequently to meet up with her lover Athene .

Jesus was involved in three league matches for Juventus , a win loss and a draw as the Old Lady continues to find her feet in Serie A this season. Prometheus was finding it similarly tough going. He was getting annoyed with the diving Italians and was red carded for setting fire to one such perpetrator. Amid league losses there was one win in Europe against Celta as Parma currently lie 15th. Fiorentina and Atlas are by far the most successful team with a God, as they are presently 4th in the table with games in hand. Atlas literally carried the side through 5 wins with just one conceded and 16 scored. He belted two against Bari whilst setting up another against Red Star . In Germany Jupiter helped Hertha to more league wins, whilst the side went out in UEFA to Galatasaray.

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November

Paul began the month having to decide an Ireland squad but being drunk he couldn't be arsed to change the present one. He was sure they'd be fine anyway. After all - it was only a friendly. Then it was back to business as usual for the Gods as Hercules bored from his twelve tasks around the club's training ground ( washing out the mens changing room was a bloody nightmare ) came in to replace Athene to face Eibar and the side were exceptionally lucky to get out of a jail after a woeful performance.

With shots fired high and wide, there was speculation some excessive and malicious praying as affecting them as only a Zeus strike separated the sides in the first half. Thereafter the hosts were in control as all the Gods were going crazy - shouting at each other, yelling at invisible enemies and generally acting completely unfocussed. The home side scored and looked good value for a point if not better, until in the dying moments they were hit with a cruel blow when Derek Boateg not affected by the Gods woes got his head on the end of an Achilles mis-hit to restore the lead at a timely moment. Boateg also had to receive medical treatment at the local infirmary for head wounds. He celebrated his winner the following Monday.

Soon after AC Milan tried to sneak in on the God act with a 30 million pound move for God however the man who claimed ( read lied ) he made the world in 7 days wasn't interested in a move - he knew where his loyalties lay. He as still dropped for Jamie Carragher for the home match with Elche that followed though along with Kiko and Alessandro as the 3rd placed side came to visit. As it happened though not even Taibi in goal had to worry as the side, roared on with full support walked to a 3-0 victory. Two goals from Mohammed and one from Hercules won it, with all three goals coming from the splendiferous Scott Sellars .

In the next match there was a bit of vitriol as an anti Islamic fundamentalist Christian streaker came on and attacked Mohammed for being an 'evil lying bastard', which actually caused an injury to the Prophet, but that aside Zeus was the man in a 2-0 triumph over Getafe as dominance was being asserted once more on this division. God was kept quite busy that afternoon too - his thoughts quite pre-occupied with the prayers of men. Since 11.00 around the world various countries had been paying respect to the dead of World War 1 on November 11th but God managed to get through them all eventually, with Jesus and Allah kindly helping out.

After Paul got back from Greece - flown personally by Athene - where his Ireland side drew 1-1, the team were off to Recreativo where a vindictive atheist surprisingly booked almost all of the Gods eleven at the soonest opportunity, but not even he could stop Derek Boateg nicking a winner shortly before half time. That continued the run of good fortune - however that was about to end at second placed Sporting Gijon in the league at home where defeat red cards and injury were on show. Gijon were already a goal up after Satan decided he'd rather have a smoke at the back post. Then, 25 minutes later Massimo Taibi punched Kamatcho got sent off, with Satan congratulating him, and Rivarola making it 2-0 from the spot. Despite the visitors then having a man sent off for trying to somehow prove God 'didn't exist'.


Eibar 1 Gods 2 Arrieta 70; Zeus 33, Boateg 90
Gods 3 Elche 0 Mohammed 41, 59, Hercules 67
Gods 2 Getafe 0 Zeus 51, 68
Recreativo 0 Gods 1 Boateg 44 [/i]
Gods 0 Sporting Gijon 2 Kamatcho 2, Rivarola pen 28


God Watch

Once more it is with Valencia we start this round up. Three wins and two draws in all competitions keep Valencia in touch in both the league and the Champions League. Yahweh darted a ball to Allah in a victory over Gil Vicente whilst all three maintained their dominant roles within the side. The trio were certainly enjoying their position of reverence. At Real Madrid the two players Mars Ultor and Aphrodite were flinging in the assists for the side despite a shocking loss to Lazio in Europe. They are currently only second to Barcelona in the league for whom Grishnu has been a sterling combatant, conceding just the one late goal in 6 matches in a tie game with Roma as the mortals such as Kluivert were able to inspire the side to crushing league victories.

Abroad, in Italy, Jesus was losing faith amongst his Italian followers as his crosses weren't finding their target, and the nails really quite far from the head, as a scraped victory over Viking in Europe and just the one league win over Siena were all there was to cheer amid some tame league draws which keep Juventus in a hilarious 16th spot. Just outside the drop zone in 13th [b] Parma haven't enjoyed the best of years so far either as Prometheus' contribution from the left wing has been patchy at best, and concerns of burnout have been meted in some quarters of the media. As usual Fiorentina and Atlas are carrying the God flag with pride. Atlas has been weighing in with goals and assists in their league and European charge though a loss to Vicenza at the end of the month has kept their title charge in check.

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December 2001

There were a few changes in the next match against Ceuta following the horrific loss to Gijon which had left the invincible aura shattered just as it was beginning to reform. Atheists had enjoyed a cheeky impromptu celebration, which involved taking the mickey out of every serious religious nuts they knew. With their hosts having only won one match all season and on course for probable relegation, the resulting 1-0 defeat was taken as a mauling, and Paul wasn't too happy as he told the post match press afterwards.

" That was pathetic, they call themselves high and mighty and they put in a display like that. Well, the whole infallible idea is clearly boll*cks isn't it? Ah well, anyway I'm sure they'll get back to form soon enough. At the moment it's the mortals who are impressing me the most so far. We only looked like threatening when Scott Sellars came on for God in the second half - which some might say is a pretty damning indictment of God's performance - no disrespect to Scotty of course."

The cause hadn't been helped by an injury to Luis Garcia in the ninth minute and when Satan picked up yet another red card for decapitating a fan, the situation was admittedly hindered. However with the likes of Hercules and then Athene on in the second half, more could have been expected. In defence Fabbri was just like Fabreeze - wafting into thin air - leaving a foul smell behind. The goal arrived in the ninetieth minute when Buddha left his goal to ask a supporter for a light, leaving the net unguarded and in it went.

With a Sporting Gijon victory having seen Gods lose their top spot there was a spell of pressure mounting from a series of critics, including Pope Benedict who demanded the Gods pulled their finger out and burn all the gays. He didn't realise until later he'd mixed up his speech with his sermon for the Church of Tennessee. There was further controversy as TV critic Jose Bandaras decided to take a pop at Satan for his unethical displays and lazy attitude on the pitch, claiming smoking on the goal line 'sends out all the wrong signals' to the kids watching. Soon after, he was reported as missing by his distressed wife. It seemed so obvious it couldn't have been true until Satan casually admitted to having eaten Mr. Bandaras that evening. An outraged populace demanded action - and it soon came with an EXTRA three match ban in the league. Some felt this was a somewhat understated punishment.

A victory over Palmas a few days later helped re focus the side on footballing matters as Achilles struck twice to hand the points to the Gods. It should have been by a larger margin but for some reason compassion had been creeping into certain elements of the players minds and they casually played out for a respectful victory. Scout Ignacio Moron then carried on the good work, signing a contract for doing bugger all before Kabba Samura signed on the dotted line. The Swedish striker has plenty of potential and should excel under the excellent coaching and stewardship of immortals. However Taibi helped ruin the day by returning from injury as Paul wanted to play him in goal with a broken finger for the next match. Alas it wasn't to be.

Also in was Ulrich Van Gobbel whose name still provoked laughs amongst Jesus and co. Albert Martinez was back again, whilst the Keita deal was cancelled as the price was a stupidly high. Those who did arrived were thrown into the side to face Real Sociedad and a win duly arrived thanks to stand in left back God and Kiko with the goals - the latter scoring with the help of a divine interception from Mohammed whose gift for the pass was almost prophetic, so well was he able to read the play. Just as God, Jesus and Satan prepared to depart for the festivities ( a very very busy week for the trio indeed ), Carlos Puyol arrived for just under 5 million quid as recompense for missing out on Keita. The out of favour full back would be very tentatively battling it out with Poseidon for the right back slot.

Whilst there was no more football until January there were the usual shenanigans surrounding exuberant celebrations, and in a re-union of the Gods on New Years Eve it had all got hectic, as photos in The Sun revealed Jesus dressed in Athene's wings, whilst Mohammed - whose drink had been spiked by Satan was seen impersonating Elephant God with a ridiculous grey costume. Buddha had been arrested on the street selling weed and passing "the message" out to all bored youths, whilst worst of all was the sight of Mars Ultor in bed with God . The girls had done their usual naked strip but that was yesterday's news, despite the stunning sight of the buxom blondes causing male and female passer-by’s to feint out of incredulity. Paul McGrath meanwhile was out of the limelight for a change, relaxing with a crate of wine in Tuscany.

Ceuta 1 Gods 0 Castano 90
Gods 2 Unversidad de las Palmas 0 Achilles 33, 90
Real Sociedad 0 Gods 2 God 25, Kiko 41

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December God Watch

Aside from the end of season frolicking all the other Gods have continued their respective career paths at the same clubs. As per usual, starting with Valencia the trio of Yahweh, Elephant God and Allah have been inspirational in their sides form, sitting comfortably in second spot of the Primera Liga. Yahweh still hasn't found the net, but has set up the others on several occasions. Above them at the top of the table sit Barcelona whose impenetrable defence with Grishnu between the sticks seems them 5 points clear. Below those two, alone in third unsurprisingly are Real Madrid . Though Mars Ultor has had to return to anger management classes after a few more dead people, Aphrodite has continued to excel and impress all, including a virtuoso performance in the 2-0 success over Oviedo .

Over in Italy, there is still concern for Juventus as an under performing Jesus has not been able to inspire them, with the club still lying down in 14th spot, just off the bottom 4, and indeed down there with Jesus is Parma and Prometheus . Although some fine displays recently, including the Euro win over Valencia and an excellent goal against Vicenza , the side as a whole haven't latched onto his skill yet. As normal it is Atlas who is hitting the headlines for the way he is leading Fiorentina at the moment. Explosive runs, accurate finishing and deadly crossing, have helped him keep the club in touch at the top, whilst also maintaining their Euro charge. In Germany, Jupiter is going mad scoring goals for fun at Hertha . 15 goals in 19 league appearances ensures he is the most talked about player in Allemagne.

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January 2002

After the mother and father of all hangovers keep the Gods subdued in training, the press continued to hover around the ground for more news of bust ups, and fine busts, but nothing was forthcoming. At least not from the Gods. The sight that met their eyes when Paul staggered into the high security training complex lashed off his face, muttering incomprehensible nothings was remarkable.

The first match of the new year against Leganes saw a sober Paul lead his side out and then fine effort secured 3 points for the team with ease. Star of the show was Zeus with two thunderous strikes, and a penalty from Poseidon . However it must be said, the fishy god smacked his original penalty against the crossbar so hard it smashed into pieces. Whilst a replacement was swiftly called for by Athene, Zeus managed to convince the ref to award a penalty as soon as he moved into the area on the next move, and then it was 1-0. Puyol seemed happy enough on his defeat, whilst Gary Pallister continued to prove to everyone he wasn't quite ready for a pension, though it wouldn't be too long.

The next match had more interesting from the start when a TEAM LOTTERY was announced. This was where all the players picked a scrap of paper out of a hat, if it had no number on it the player missed out, whereas the others were numbered 1-18 and that would be where you would start for the home match against Murcia . The first time around proved good fun as enough Gods had been fortunate enough to survive the lottery. Achilles had been picked as goalkeeper which he felt was exciting, whilst Athene and Buddha [/b] were full backs, with Hasselbank and Fabbri as centre backs. Hercules nabbed the holding role. Garcia, Alessandro and Carragher were the three human midfielders, whilst God partnered youngster Gonzales up front.

The result proved to be really quite amusing as the first goal arrived when a miscue from Gonzalez deflected in off Buddha who managed to score somehow - as the goalkeeper showed them how to do it. An equaliser soon followed though when Achilles forgot he could use his hands as he watched a ball go right past his nose into the net. With the match proving to be an even affair, Paul chucking Taibi on for Garcia halfway through and amazingly the Italian curled a free kick from 25 yards into the top left hand corner in the final minute. Top entertainment all round as it was agreed the lottery would be employed on a semi frequent basis until the end of the season, such was the fun enjoyed.

Away to [b] Gandia [b] the same system was employed, though it was a little more risky. Paul Ritchie had pulled out the goalkeeper gloves, whilst Buddha was supposedly the important holding man in midfield! Taibi was at left back, Kiko at right, whilst Fabbri was employed down the right wing. However, despite pressure from forwards Hercules and Poseidon there was no breaking through and when they finally had a shot on target - it beat Ritchie easily. Another goal after half time had the side a little worried, before a goal from centre back Athene renewed spirits. Yet, all they came away with was three yellow cards for petulant behaviour and a poor loss. Cockiness bit them on ass, and with Sporting Gijon retaking the lead at the top. It was agreed, they'd get a few wins playing regularly first before coming back to this little lottery.

The side did indeed respond better with a 3-1 victory over Tenerife which ensured their lead over the 4th placed side was now 13 points and a nice cushion to play with. However, lying two points behind Sporting Gijon there was clearly still plenty of work to be done. Andres Ortiz scored the first goa, before Athene made her nipples glow, distracting the opposition to walk through and two more to the scoreboard. The end of month saw another home win recorded against Levante . The first came from a corner with Poseidon tridenting it in, and the second was a late strike from Derek Boateg to clinch the points. van Gobbel made a welcome appearance, though only due to an injury to Carlos Puyol . Of note was the bizarre evil cloud formation that appeared when Paul made subs, with Satan claiming it was due to the changes being made after 66 minutes and 6 seconds.


Gods 3 Leganes 0 Poseidon pen 32, missed pen 32, Zeus 40, 76
Gods 2 Murcia 1 Buddha 24, Taibi 90; Castillo 35
Gandia 2 Gods 1 Riesco 45, 55; Athene 58
Gods 3 Tenerife 1 Ortiz 7, Athene 21, 37; Bidaurrazaga
Gods 2 Levante 0 Poseidon 38, Boateg 76

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God Watch

Valencia endured a bizarre January with a poor loss in the Spanish Cup, and then a home defeat to Las Palmas but it was soon followed by a 5-0 mauling of Valldolid and a 4-1 win at Alavez . Midfielder Allah was instrumental in both games, scoring twice and setting up 4 of them, whilst Yahweh and Elephant God ensured the defence were tight. The club still sit second behind Barcelona though they have closed the gap a point. With the Catalans having competed in and won the World Club Championship it was a busy month for Grishnu though in only 1 match out of 8 did he concede goals and that was a 2-1 loss to Cultural . In third spot, Real Madrid are falling away from the top two, with form still too patchy. Mars Ultor and Aphrodite are competing well, though there is an air of suspicion that they could do more.

Over in Italy, Atlas and Fiorentina are still leading the way. Four wins and two draws for the club mean they are just two points off top spot, although on a personal note Atlas has been more subdued, content to handle the tidying up jobs. One of those wins came against Juventus whose shocking form continued, with 5 losses out of 6, and just the win over of Sampdoria to cling onto. Jesus needs to get those miracles going if the Turin based club are to achieve anything this season. They are currently in the drop zone. Parma though have had a magnificent month, jumping from 14th to 6th spot after 4 wins and two draws. Prometheus has played a key role in this with several assists and a few goals to boot. A fiery temperament has helped motivate the side. Jupiter continues to work for peanuts ( 90 quid a week :eek: ) whilst smashing in the goals for a Hertha side with a keen eye on European qualification.