retired_embartl

thanks for the kind words gents! Here's an update whilst I go revise Winner to be announced soon...

April

On April Fools Day the only slight joke was the defending that let in San Nazario for an equaliser, but God and Yahweh apologised to the fans for the bad taste in the joke, and also to Buddha who had no idea what had hit - and subesquently gone in off - him. Zeus scored either side of that goal in what was a very tough match with the visitors providing very feisty opposition in this one - refusing to lie down - and only a late goal from sub Jupiter really killed their spirits.

The youngster Andres Ortiz started the next match for a change and even scored, but in doing so he was taken off with a serious head injury. Hercules' powerful drive was deflected in off Ortiz but in the same move it also practically decapitated the young man, who rushed off receiving immediate surgery. Hercules did find the net as did two from Prometheus , but at the end a clash of heads incited a war of words as Satan and Mars Ultor enjoyed attacking their opposition mentally, despite picking up yellow cards. Mendiguren saw a long range shot bounce in as all Buddha could do was roll over on his side in a half hearted effort to stop it. He didn't both getting up until an hour past the end of the game.

The motivation to finish the end of the season was clearly lacking what with the invincibility of the squad defeating everyone. Real Union were close to holding them at the Casino Royale, but Athene then just lifted the ball over everyone's head and volleyed it smashing into the net, followed up by Aphrodite's strike and a half, with the pair celebrating far too cosily for public viewing, before Jesus killed off the game with a superb header. Satan missed a penalty though but given he did try to arse it in, it came as no surprise. The fine afterwards was ignored and promptly spend on a whole crate of beer.

The end of the month continued in fine vein as Hercules scored 4 goals in the two matches against Cultural and then Calaharra with a hat-trick in the latter - just rewards for a mesmeric display. Allah was all powerful as usual in his displays though his arrogance over the direction of the matches was annoying both sets of players. Prometheus and Achilles also getting on the scoresheet before a spendid 7-0 at Eibar B. With Satan having incited a rash tackle from their Ortiz, against 10 men it turned into a doddle as the Gods displayed a bit of showboating with plenty of early goals.

Before that another San Marino match away to Latvia saw a fantastic win for the tiny giants as they took another step closer to qualification for the World Cup 2002. A 7-0 victory saw a hat-trick from the imperious God who was smashing the pagan following defenders. There were two for Aphrodite , one for Mohammed and one for Athene right at the death.


Gods 3 Amurrio 1 Zeus 12, 37, Jupiter 60; San Nazario 16
Gods 3 Real Union Athene 45, Aphrodite 46, Jesus 89
Cultural 0 Gods 3 Allah 23, Hercules 41, Prometheus 63
Gods 4 Calaharra 0 Hercules 26, 30, 42, Achilles 44
Eibar B 0 Gods 7 Athene 8, Satan 11, Hercules 13, 67, Poisedon16 pen 20, Jupiter 57

retired_embartl

Just another story - with slightly different characters :p The title indicates I was a bit bored when I conceived this idea, and the insanity bit means I felt that it was a rather nutty tale.

Really going to have to stop messing up the coding too Anyway, got an exam on Saturday so, I'll try and get a few updates for Sunday

oh and for those wondering - yeah the 'father' has been guessed correctly by someone already

retired_mika318

So it was Dwight Yorke \o/

retired_embartl

b] May 2001 [/b]

The month began with renewed interest in the Elephant God, whose performances thus far hadn't all too great, barring the odd charge with the big clubs all professing an interest in the defender, but none were prepared to meet the 30million release and confidentiality clauses, so the God was back in action as a sub in the Gods rather nice 5-0 victory over Beasain. Poisedon threatened the ref into awarding him two penalties with his trident, the second because he wasn't happy enough with how far the net had bulged on the first attempt, whilst Athene, Prometheus and Aphrodite were all on the mark.

The league campaign officially ended with a stubborn clash with Binefar, who themselves were challenging in the top 4, and the cheeky bastards even equalised Aphrodite's delightful chip before a raging Jupiter put the match to bed in the second half leaving a delighted group of deities with a 100% record ahead of the promotion stage:

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Group 2Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1st Pl Gods 38 19 0 0 74 1 19 0 0 80 7 114 2nd Pl Burgos 38 13 1 5 36 17 12 3 4 37 19 79 3rd Pl Cultural 38 13 4 2 39 19 8 6 5 26 22 73 4th Pl Binéfar 38 12 5 2 37 18 9 4 6 32 24 72 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------5th Gimnástica 38 11 5 3 38 20 8 3 8 31 25 65 </pre>

With the bookies having stopped taking bets on Gods' promotion prospects they had been awaiting eagerly for news of the father - and it was the British tabloid, News of the World which broke the exclusive deal which revealed a rather shame faced Jesus admitting to it. He'd slipped Rophynol in the wingers drink at the New Year's party and done the dirty deed there and then. However, whilst the deities had all kissed and made up themselves, with Jesus having been forgiven, due in large part that he'd succumbed to Satan's temptations, the Christian world were left really quite horrified. Many followers were prepared to forgive him, but others were really quite depressed unsure of their faith, as many soon reverted to Buddhism rolling up a few in the process. It was the fastest growing religion across the globe, if only for the medicinal benefuts.

The Gods managed to push it to the back of their minds however, taking an anxieties out on Terrassa in the next stage of the promotion charge running out 4-0 winners, and followed up with predictable wins over the rest of the group, knocking in goals with ease. By now it was clearly getting boring for the neutrals. They're excellence was quite stunning but the competition was weak. Paul McGrath had spoken to some of the Gods themselves about it, and certainly once promotion was officially sealed, they would be discussing the future of the players - with a possible spreading of the wealth around mentioned to liven up the sport. With Atlas suffering a shock knock in one of the matches - a very jealous opponent kicking him directly in those crazily broad shoulders, once more the San Marino games didn't include the full allotment of stars.

Gods 5 Beasain 0 Aphrodite 3, Prometheus 19, Poisedon pen 23, pen 26, Athene 30
Binefar 1 Gods 3 Falcon 42; Aphrodite 29, Jupiter 49, 55

Gods 4 Terrassa Elephant God 9, Achilles 38, 45, Aaphrodite 41
Mensajero 0 Gods 2 Athene 32, 45
Linares 1 Gods 4 Perez Hurtado; Jupiter 9,25, Aphrodite 48, Elephant God pen 62
Terrassa 0 Gods 2 Hercules 21, Jupiter 85

retired_embartl

June 2001

With Paul and his on board Spanish coaches looking to pick up some regular players for the seasons ahead - San Marino were held at Croatia as there was delight taken by the neutrals as the Immortals were finally checked - this ending there ridiculously long winning streak - for the Gods themselves there was only frustration - Jupiter, Mars and Hercules were exceptionally ****ed off and accidentally caused several continental earthquakes across mainland eastern europe. FIFA fined them 50p each. They snuck a 1-0 home win over Belgium though which sealed their qualification although Jesus would be suspended for the final match having hand balled late on, with the nail accidentally puncturing the ball in the process.

Elsewhere Zeus was crowned World Footballer of the Year which though annoyed some ego's in the camp kept most of them happy. Achilles took third, though the shock of seeing Patrick Kluivert take second stunned some onlookers. They immediately decided to try and buy him, lodging a 50 million pound bid. Satan' won a great bet and in the next match in the promotion group they played for much of the match without a goalkeeper for the match and it did prove enjoyable as they actually lost the lead twice to Mensajero, before eventually using all their powers to run out 7-5 winners. It was a tactic that some considered employing for the rest of the matches, though McGrath said the 5 goals conceded was enough warning that they weren't completely invincible. Of all the goals Prometheus's 110 yard run and blasting finish was perhaps pick of the bunch. The final one was concluded with some ease played in 1st gear, as the 100% league run made it to the season, breaking ever more records in the league - to no one's surprise.

Gods 7 Mensahero 5 Achilles 19, 30, Prometheus 50, Grishnu 64, Mohammed 79, Zeus 82, Martinez 88; Suances 26, 35, 39, Uriel Perez 56, 71
Gods 2 Linares 1 Poisedon 10, Achilles 73; Nacho Garrido


<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">============================================= ================================================== = 2000/1 Senior Club Stats============================================= ================================================== =No Name Apps Gls Con Pens Asts Yel Red MoM Av R--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Achilles 25 (12) 16 0 0 12 4 0 6 8.27 - Allah 30 (3) 4 0 0 10 0 0 0 7.88 - Aphrodite 29 (6) 19 0 0 16 2 0 4 8.57 - Athene 37 17 0 0 13 1 0 7 8.46 - Atlas 26 (6) 3 0 1 (1) 2 2 0 0 7.09 - Buddha 20 0 4 0 0 0 0 0 7.10 - Elephant God 18 (2) 4 0 1 (1) 0 2 0 0 6.75 - God 27 (7) 2 0 0 6 0 0 0 7.09 - González MartÃ*nez, Albert 2 (2) 1 0 0 2 0 0 0 7.50 - Grishnu 24 (1) 1 6 0 1 0 0 0 7.16 - Hercules 21 (14) 22 0 0 7 1 0 5 8.17 - Jesus 31 (4) 3 0 0 10 2 0 1 7.60 - Jupiter 20 (14) 18 0 0 9 0 0 6 8.29 - Mars Ultor 20 (12) 2 0 0 14 2 0 2 7.94 - Mohammed 23 (10) 10 0 0 12 3 0 4 7.85 - Ortiz, Andrés 4 (2) 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 7.67 - Poseidon 27 (5) 10 0 6 (6) 9 4 0 0 7.34 - Prometheus 25 (4) 12 0 1 (1) 8 1 0 4 8.24 - Satan 33 (2) 1 0 1 (0) 18 5 0 1 7.63 - Yahweh 15 (4) 0 0 0 2 3 1 0 7.11 - Zeus 27 (3) 26 0 0 8 3 0 4 8.57 </pre>

retired_hern1001

This is great stuff BoN, keep it coming

retired_embartl

cheers WLKRAS , oh and a belated congratulations to OMDave, by the way - it was indeed Jesus who got Athene

Post Mortem


With all the squad enjoying a quite magnificent season - with just a tinge of controversy, Paul and the matters that be were all joined together to discuss the future of the club and the players - what with the easiness of the title achieved - it needed spicing up considerably.

" Listen lads and ladettes, I've spoken to a few of you about this already - but we're discussing a concept of sharing the wealth so to speak - ie sending you off to other clubs - where you will of course be the star player -" he'd barely started before the interruptions started.

[i]" What? But this is fun! We're completely obliterating everyone in our path and reminding all the infidels of our status as supreme rulers of world!" Jupiter whined in a very dismayed fashion. Ah Jesus!"

[i]" Yeah?" [i/]

" Ah sorry, not you - just an expression you know?" Jupiter apologised to the Son of God.

" Well I think it could be a good thing," it was Allah who had spoken up." We have already shown what needs to be shown. The followers have had what they have known displayed to them - it is a chance to spread the wealth - equality - isn't that what we stand for?"

"Speak for yourself!" interjected Satan.

[i]" Yeah! Listen us Greco-Roman deities believed in a correct order to life! None of this everyone's on the same footing malarky!" Zeus cried out.

" Well I'm easy whatever happens man." Buddha replied - though in a very sober fashion.

" Well not all of you will go obviously - and we can all agree to reform in a few years once we've experienced various travails yes?" Paul offered this compromise to those still dismayed at not being able to smash to pieces their opponents for the next few years.

" I suggest that's a fair deal," said God. " Some will stay and look after the mortals here, whilst others can go on to spread the enjoyment to as many people as possible - and chances are it'll be the richer clubs bidding for us anyway..."

" Exactly God!" Allah agreed with his twin. " Some of you really need to grow up!"

As the debate continued, it eventually reached a sensible conclusion as to who would stay and who would leave - they all remembered they'd be re-uniting for San Marino anyway. Paul, having found it a tiring escapade persuading these supposed intelligent sentients to agree to it, soon put the word about - causing a mass media frenzy.


Nb. I wanted to keep this going, so decided I needed a change of tack. Anyway, the Gods will be back along with Paxman and so forth in a few days when I get my copy of CM again

retired_embartl

back again!
--


Over the coming days, the wheels were working and to the highest bidders a few of them went. First to go was Elephant God who moved to Valencia for a cool 20 million and a few weeks later he was joined by his defensive chum Yahweh for 16.25 million quid - destroying Valencia's budget. Jesus moved nearer to what some extremists believed was his spiritual home and Italy even if it was to Turin for 15 million quid, whilst Mars Ultor's desire to be in another dominant team was granted with a 15 million pound move to Real Madrid . Parma were another club able to afford a deity as the brought in Prometheus for just over 18 million pounds, and Hertha Berlin acquired Jupiter for a similar sum - pushing Paul's transfer budget up to the 200 million pound mark. Satan was kept on by Paul who always liked a bit of the mischievousness in his squads, whilst God, Athene, Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Mohammed and Achilles were also kept on. The others were all made available for transfer - though Athene hated to be seperate from Aphrodite .

There were obviously incomings too into the side, and various players decent and random were very willing to join a club which had such an aura surrounding it. A Brazilian winger Alessandro joined for 110k, before striker Derek Boateg arrived for a 100k more. Aphrodite rejected the chance to move abroad, only joining Real Madrid for 15 million as she was able to maintain her blossoming relationship with the Goddess recently voted Woman You Would Quite Literally Die For. She was replaced by another Spaniard though and that was Kiko of Athletic Madrid . Having engineered their promotion from the Second Division last season, he returned to give it another crack with the Gods - along with another former Athletic start - Jimmy Floyd Hasselbank who arrived from Chelsea for 15 million quid.

Only a few days before the new season began the final touches to the transfer market arrived as Allah joined his friends at Valencia for 13.5million, whilst Hercules moved to Oviedo for a cut price 9 million pound deal -leaving the Gods with a somewhat small squad. Massimo Taibi came in for 5 million for a laugh really - he'd be back up goalkeeper and if he ever did play it'd be entertaining for fans all around. Also coming in really just for numbers, was Gary Pallister to bolster the defence, joined soon afterwards by the bewildered Scott Sellars to the club, after being picked up from the dole queue, with Nestor Fabrini following soon afterwards. A completely random Chinese fella Shengqing Qu and Luis Garcia from Valladolid soon followed, before the defence was bolstered with prime talent in Jamie Carragher from Liverpool and then Giampaoio Bellini from Atalanta as a total outlay of around 60 million quid was complete - creating a very different side.

retired_embartl

Paxman and the Gods

in the studio we have the poker faced Jeremy Paxman trying to stare out a Zeus complete with thunderbolts

JP: So on this weeks edition we have the self proclaimed God of the Gods, who happily brushes off accusations he rules his roost with brute force and violence. Now having read the Illiad yesterday in it's entirety in preparation for this interview - put that bolt down! - I have to say that I do admire the pro Trojan stance you take, but what in blue ******** is your war plan? It was a disgrace!

Zeus: Everything then was the will of the Gods - ie me. My choice, my battles my dead Hector, my war. If you have a problem with that, there's bugger all else you can do. Seriously, even Allah's on my side here on the whole destiny malarkey.

JP: Don't become another question dodging fool that's all I'm saying! Consider it a warning! Now, your treatment of Hera...

Zeus: She's a bitch. As everyone knows women were a punishment on mankind when Prometheus stole that f*cking fire. Listen to your Hesiod for Pete’s sake. Hera is always nagging, she and the others get what they deserve if they don't submit to my command. I love them all as family of course, but my rules must be kept. You saw what happened when we were p*ssed off.

JP: Ruling a strict line there, you complete psychopath. How do you expect socio-economic relations to improve under such a rule. You're a totalitarian, worse than Hitler and almost as bad as Margaret Thatcher!

Zeus: Your anger makes me laugh mortal. Continue the questioning.

JP: The new football season in Spain then. After smashing your way through the first season in a very easy promotion season, do you still believe that a weakened team sullied by the presence of mortals can gain a second promotion?

Zeus: Of course - it'll be a doddle.

JP: I despise arrogance. How can you be so confident?

Zeus: Well I have thunderbolts, all conquering brute force, Athene has wings, God is as expected he'd be at the back, with Achilles near invincible on the wing.

JP: .... Well you'll need more than that to win in this league I can tell you!

Zeus: Really? I'm so scared to be honest. No seriously, can I have a toilet break? You're intimidating words are affecting my bowels... or how about shut the hell up!

JP: Zeus, king of the Gods, everyone.

retired_tonytranbg79

Fantastic :thup: