Bagpuss

Coolmore Stud

JP McManus and John Magnier are having a discussion regarding recent goings on.

JP McManus (JP) “So it was a deliberate attack then was it?”

John Magnier (JM) “Yes. It was apparently a Russian strain of VEF but is also available in the US, UK and France, probably China too.”

JP “So it was Fergie right, unless we have other enemies that would stoop this low.”

JM “Aye it could only of been Fergie. He has the contacts too to find someone to get hold of and releases the VEF.”

JP “So what are we going to do to get our own back on him?”

JM ”Don't know perhaps we could investigate further and try and find out who is doing it for Fergie. I know just the right person to help us here. Ever heard of a Sir John Stevens?”

JP “The former Chief of the Metropolitan Police force in London?”

JM “Yep that's him.”

JP “Isn't he the guy who got a bit violent at the end of his career and started to partake it a spot of cannibalism.”

JM “Well yes he does have a certain reputation about him for killing and/or harming people. The baby eating incident I think you are referring too was unfounded allegations from some Dutch/German and has never been verified.”

JP “So when can you get in touch with him then?”

JM “Oh fairly soon I imagine with in a few weeks I'd say.”

JP “Good, I hope he has some ideas for us for revenge too.”

Bagpuss

MUTV Newsflash Tuesday 16th October 2001

Today saw the sale of Louis Saha to Schalke 04 for £9.75 million in a deal which will certainly remove a lot of the financial pressure from the club. Unlike the sale of Ricardo earlier this season this one was paid in full on completion. The club is now officially back out of Bankruptcy rules and will probably remain so for the rest of the season.

Louis Saha Played 9 Scored 4 Assists 1 and 3 MOM awards Ave Rating of 7.78. Charity Shield Winners Medal. Out for a few weeks with a twisted Knee too.

Also today Baxter bought a young striker from Torquay for £20k called Elias Dushku . This signing is seen as a player for the future and was bought now as he'd undoubtedly cost more in a few years time.

A little information on further transfer action was also released. The press release stated that with the sale of Saha the few other players were taken off the transfer list for now although their situation was subject to change. It was also mentioned that other players are being watched with the possibility of transfer bids being made in the summer.

Bagpuss

Wednesday 17th October 2001

Champions League Leverkusen Bayer Arena

MUTV Commentator

“Good Evening and welcome to Germany. During the week Stephen Baxter pulled of a bit of a coup in selling Saha to Schalke despite his injury proneness. This was probably down to Saha getting injured in the last match after returning from injury. Hopefully tonight the same thing won't happen to Wayne Rooney who gets a spot on the bench tonight.

Howard is back in goal with Carroll on the bench. Fletcher is swapped with Giggs and other than that its a pretty standard team. Rossi and new signing Dushku both get spots on the bench for this match.

If we win tonight we could get qualification for the next stage with two games still left to play. We would assume if this was the case the other two games might see fringe players getting some experince in a European competition.

GK Howard
DL Heinze
DR G Neville
DC Ferdinand
DC O'Shea
MC Keane
MC Ronaldo
MC Giggs
AMC Scholes
FC Van Nistelrooy
FC Smith

Subs:

Carroll
Rooney
Dushku
Brown
Miller
Fletcher
Rossi

Bagpuss

Daily Telegraph Match Report

Tonight saw United qualify for the second group stage of the Champions League with considerable ease. Ruud Van Nistelrooy opened the scoring near the end of the first half after Neville had broken free. A quick cross to Scholes saw Scholes flick the ball on to Van Nistelrooy who headed it home.

Ronaldo's quick turn of pace took him past the Leverkusen defenders for him to cross the ball to Giggs who volleyed home United's second. A penalty was awarded to United mid way through the second half but Heinze failed to get it past Butt. The loose bal however found its way to Keane who sqaured it to Ronaldo who smashed it homing making it 3-0.

Wayne Rooney made his first ever appearance for United with 8 minutes left as he came on for Smith. Rossi also got a few more minutes under his belt as he came on for Scholes.

Leverkusen 0 Manchester United 3 Van Nistelrooy 37 Giggs 40 Ronaldo 71

MOM: Ronaldo

Attendance: 25030

Ratings: Howard 8, G Neville 7, Heinze 6, Ferdinand 7, O'Shea 7, Keane 7, Scholes 8, Giggs 8, Van Nistelrooy 9, Smith 7, Ronaldo 9, Rossi (Sub for Scholes 82 mins) 6, Rooney (Sub for Smith 82 mins) 7

eScotty

Oooh transfer dealings, one of my favorite parts of the game ^.^ I usually sell Saha too, good move.

Bagpuss

Pah if it wern't for the funds problem i'd keep him usually as having a bunch of strikers is usefull.

Mind you saying that in one game i had Robinho, Ronaldinho, RVN, Rooney, Smith, Cavenaghi, Mutu, some bloke from Atalanta who was ace, plus many of the kids had aged and were also damn good players.

Played a nice little 4-3-1-2 formation with that lot and even fielded 6 strikers for one game, need less to say that was a easy 5-0 win

Bagpuss

Sorry for the delay been busy switching to a shift job meaning more money but also less free time this last week

Fergie and Mr X Discuss More Things

Mr X's House

SAF: “Right then yer French Twat time for a bit of a discussion.”

Mr X: “What do you want now you Scottish Numpty?”

SAF: “That's the pleasantries over with I guess I think it is time I raised the stakes with the Irish oiks. I presume you have heard of this Horse Race fixing scandal that has been under investigation for the last year or so?”

Mr X: “Yes I'm aware of it. How exactly is that going to be of any use to you. Surely they'll of covered their tracks very well if they are involved in it.”

SAF: “Well one of my Racing sources says they are in it up to the eyeballs. Plus with my influence I'm sure I can get them implicated very easily. Should put the cat among the pigeons very nicely.”

Mr X: “Cat among the pigeons?? You Brits and your dodgy expressions. Anyway what you going to do once you get them 'framed'?”

SAF: “Oh that's simple. I'll demand they hand over their share of the club to me. Then I'd be calling the shots once more with a 40% stake, compared with RBS's 30% and the SU stake of 25%.”

Mr X: “Erm won't you have to actually pay for the stake plus your name will be bound to come out too.”

SAF: “You know nothing about the more dubious business world do you. Yes money will have to be given to them and I'll be haggling with them for that later. I'll certainly be paying a lot less than what the stake is really worth. As for keeping my name out of it I'll simply use a Shell Company. Shell companies being common practice these days and I'll just find a dodgy lawyer to represent us at the board level for the immediate future.”

Mr X: “You seem to have this all planned out already. What can this dodgy lawyer do for you anyway?”

SAF: “He'll do what I tell him to do if he wants to live. But basically he'll say that we want this done as well as that player sold etc..”

Mr X: “Oh right I get you, anyway time for me to head back over the ground got one or two things to sort out over there.”

SAF: “Aye see you later and see the whinging Brazilian, he's rubbish anyway.”

sherlock_springer

Never mind, as long as you make up for it

Bagpuss

Saturday 20th October 2001

Premier League Old Trafford Southampton

MUTV Commentator

“Good afternoon and welcome to Old Trafford. Today sees the Old Trafford Debut of Rooney and the return of Rio after his ludicrous ban. It looks a bit of a strange squad selection with several of the more key players rested or on the bench.

Hopefully with it being Southampton it will be fine but we'll soon see. The word is some of them have been rested as they were in danger of getting burnt out. Still with a squad as large as this one it shouldn't be too much of a problem to drop the odd key player now and then.”

GK Howard
DL O'Shea
DR Brown
DC Ferdinand
DC Silvestre
MC Fletcher
MC Djemba
MC Giggs
AMC Rooney
FC Van Nistelrooy
FC Smith

Subs:

Heaton
G Neville
Heinze
Scholes
Miller

Bagpuss

Daily Telegraph Match Report

It was a bad day for Baxter today as he saw United lose 2-1 to the Saints despite easily dominating the game. Two costly errors saw Beattie and Svensson score soft goals which clinched the 3 points for Southampton. It was a general defensive error in both cases, probably down to the swapping around of players.

You could tell things were getting desperate for Baxter when he sent on Scholes for Djemba late on turning it into a very attacking formation. It did work with United finally scoring through Rooney but it wasn't enough to get a draw as Southampton some how hung on for the win.

Manchester United 1 Rooney 84 Southampton 2 Beattie 36, Svensson 60

MOM: Van Nistelrooy
Booked: O'Shea

Attendance: 62375

Ratings: Howard 6, Brown 7, Silvestre 8, Ferdinand 8, O'Shea 7, Fletcher 6, Djemba 7, Giggs 7, Van Nistelrooy 9, Smith 8, Rooney 8, Miller (Sub for Fletcher 62 mins) 7, Scholes (Sub for Djemba 80 mins) 8