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Old 02-09-2005, 10:09 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #21
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Daily Telegraph Match Report

It was a bit of a strange night for some players as they once more lived up to the expectations of them after a poor season the year before. Tonight John O'Shea reminded the footballing world just how good he can be. Both goals came form O'Shea assists and he spent the entire match flying up and down the left wing threatening to score at times himself let alone form his crosses.

The first goal started of from O'Shea charging down the left flank before whipping a cross into Keane who touched it on to Smith who scored from a sublime diving header. The 2nd goal was even better with O' Shea collecting the ball in his own half before heading of down the left flank once more. A pin point cross field pass to Ronaldo was quickly returned to O'Shea who had continued his run deeper into the AEK half, where a quick side step around the defender was followed by a pass to Van Nistelrooy who out jumped the keeper to score finishing off a very fast flowing move.

The second half saw young Kieran Richardson come on for Ryan Giggs with 30 minutes to go to get some experience at this level. Richardson had a good spell working well with O'Shea on the left showing the potential he has of becoming Gigg's long term replacement.

Manchester United 2 Smith 5, Van Nistelrooy 21 AEK Athens 0
Booked O'Shea
MOM Nikos Paedlidis

Attendance: 67631

Ratings: Howard 8, G Neville 7, Heinze 7, Brown 6, O'Shea 8, Ronaldo 7, Scholes 8, Smith 9, Keane 7, Giggs 7, Van Nistelrooy 9, Silvestre (Sub for Brown H-T) 7, Richardson (Sub for Giggs 63 Mins) 7, Saha (Sub for Keane 63 Mins) 7
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Old 02-09-2005, 11:21 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #22
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Your sparing use of the comma gives the text a certain breathless quality

Good start to the season :thup:
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Old 02-10-2005, 01:20 AM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #23
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Good stuff :thup:
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Old 02-10-2005, 08:50 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #24
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Dave: I've always had that problem or writing long sentences

Tyrone: Cheers plenty more to come

Post Match Press Conference

David Gill and Stephen Baxter are up on the podium preparing to take questions from the gathered media.

DG: “Good evening everyone welcome to this press conference. I'm sure you'll agree Stephen's start has been very good to date and I'm hopeful it will continue too. Now without further ado I'll pass over to Stephen and then we'll let the questions flow.”

SB: “Good evening everyone I think i start with a quick few words before I let you ask your questions if I may. I'd like to say the players have started of very well after the changes in the summer and I am looking forward to having Rooney and Ferdinand back in action and then the team will be flying.

On tonight's performance it is nice to see the John O'Shea of old is back after last season's blip. Also Gabriel Heinze has started very well for the club. It was very nice to beat Arsenal in the Charity Shield and it was also my first hand taste of the bitter rivalry between the clubs. Now it's time some questions I think.”

Daily Mirror Question: Are you enjoying the job so far?

SB: “Yes I'm enjoying myself and as of yet the fans haven't had a reason to complain yet either which is also good. I suppose that will be the easiest question to answer tonight too.”

The Sun Question: Are you going to stick with the 4-3-1-2 formation for most of the matches like you said or are you going to vary it somewhat?

SB: “Well my aim is to play it most of the time but injuries and squad selection will mean that other formations are more appropriate. Also a bit of variance keeps the opposition guessing.”

Independent Question: Tonight's win puts you into the Champions League Group stage but how far do you reckon you'll get in the competition?

SB: “Well I'd like to say we will defiantly win it but there is no such thing as a dead cert in Football. Yes I'd say we are more than good enough to win it but to do that we'll have to play well in a lot of games and one poor game could put us in a bad position, especially in the Knock Out stages.”

Daily Telegraph Question: So far you have kept to your word about under performing players being dropped but will this last all season long or is this some way of getting the players to give their all in each match?

SB: “Well I am intending to keep up this policy and as you rightly pointed out it does also inspire the players to play the best to avoid being dropped from the team. I imagine given a month or so I'll have a better idea at what the strengths and weaknesses of the squad are.”

The Times Question: Is there any substance to the rumour that at this early stage of the season the club are struggling to maintain enough money to pay off the loan?

SB: “Well David is the better person to answer that question really but as I am a businessman myself I can deny that rumour myself. It is the start of the first season since the loan was started and as all of the TV money and season ticket sales funds were used before I joined the club did start with a weaker financial position than normal. As the season progresses and the further we get in all competitions the more money will take in. Of course as we as a board were fully aware that the first season would be a little tight for cash we are prepared to go into debt a fair way with the promise of TV money and Season ticket sales to come in the summer. Also I must add that part of the agreement with the fans was that we disclose a quarterly financial statement and the first one of those is due at the end of September.”

David Gill steps up to the podium.

DG “That's all we have time for tonight people but I'd like to reiterate the point Stephen just made on the finances. We are going to be revealing quarterly financial statements in September, December, March and June of each year to keep you informed. If you have any further questions please refer them to the press office. Good night and we look forward to seeing you here again in the near future.”
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Old 02-12-2005, 12:42 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #25
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Saturday 25th August Old Trafford

Middlesborough Premier League

MUTV Commentator

“Good evening and welcome to the prematch warm up before today's match against Boro. The only change in the starting XI is Silvestre for Wes Brown with O'Shea moving back into central defence along side Heinze with Silvestre out at left back. It's still the 4-3-1-2 formation for now and hopefully another win.

All this switching around at the back I suppose is Baxter figuring out who plays well along side each other at centre back. Don;t see much point really as once Rio returns he'll be there with one from O'Shea, Silvestre and Brown with Heinze probably going out on the left permanently.”

GK Howard
DL Silvestre
DR G Neville
DC Heinze
DC O'Shea
MC Ronaldo
MC Giggs
MC Keane
AMC Scholes
FC Smith
FC Van Nistelrooy

Subs:

Carroll
P Neville
Saha
Fletcher
Richardson
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Old 02-13-2005, 07:01 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #26
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Daily Telegraph Match Report

Another game another convincing win for Baxter, he's taken to his new job very well. It was the old classic tale of two halves today with a minor difference. In each half United were easily the best team their but in the first half nothing was going in, Alan Smith had 6 chances himself yet failed to score with any of them. In the second half it was pretty much the same before an inspired double substitution by Baxter.

Off came Smith for Saha and off went Scholes, who had also struggled to make a mark on the game, for young Richardson with Richardson going on the left wing and Ryan Giggs slotting in behind the strikers. Almost straight away from their introduction the first goal was scored. Richardson made a run down the left flank but ran out of space and crossed the ball back to Keane who let rip with a thunderbolt of a strike that Schwarzer somehow blocked. Not to worry for United as Gary Neville was well forward and smashed home the rebound, his first goal quite some time.

A nice run down the right wing by Ronaldo mid way through the half saw him break through the Boro defence to cross the bar to Saha who headed it home easily. To top it all of Van Nistelrooy made a quick break towards goal in injury time and managed to squeeze a pass off to Saha who slipped the ball past Schwarzer into the goal.

Manchester United 3 G Neville 66, Saha 76,90 Middlesborough 0
Booked Silvestre and O'Shea
MOM Saha

Attendance: 64700

Ratings: Howard 9, G Neville 9, Heinze 8, Silvestre 8, O'Shea 9, Keane 7, Ronaldo 9, Scholes 6, Smith 6, Van Nistlerooy 8, Giggs 7, Richardson (Sub for Scholes 63 mins) 7, Saha (Sub for Smith 63 mins) 9, Fletcher (Sub for Ronaldo 84 mins) 7
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Old 02-14-2005, 08:13 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #27
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Mr X's House in North London

Mr X's Living room

Mr X: “I see Baxter hasn't ****ed up yet then still getting the results.”

SAF: “Yep he even managed to get O'Shea back into form too but then I always knew last season was just a blip. I may be getting somewhere with the Irish goons too got some interesting information back today whilst you were out.”

Mr X: “Anything useful? Anything that will put some pressure on them?”

SAF: “Hell yeah my information says that they are involved in this race fixing scandal and another 'friend' has given me the contact details of someone who he described as a protege of Sir John Stevens if you know who he is.”

Mr X: “John Stevens erm he's that **** of a copper ain't he, the one who thinks he's god and can do whatever the **** he wants. Talk about corrupt cops he's the godfather of them I hear he's got a sideline in offing people too.... oh wait is this guy an offerer of people??”

SAF: “He sure is taught by known other than Sir John himself apparently he is very good and has taught himself a few more subtle techniques which to be frank isn't Sir John now is it. By the way you are sounding more like a ****ing Londoner every day what happened to your accent?”

Mr X: “**** off I am NOT a Londoner you Northern Twat. From what I have heard about Sir John he's as subtle as a bull in a china shop. So who is this protege anyway?”

SAF: “It's someone who goes by the codename of Bagpuss I know he's a Brit but thats it, probably ex SAS and dare I say alleged to be better than Sir John too. Anyway I don't think I can let you know any more as the less you know about him the better in case things **** up.”

Mr X: “Okey dokey whatever you say. Hey where's the ****ing pizza guy anyway I ordered it before we stared talking for ****s sake.”

There is a knock at the front door and Mr X heads of to answer it.
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Old 02-16-2005, 10:53 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #28
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Wednesday 4th September 2001 St Andrews

Birmingham Premier League

MUTV Commentator

“Good Evening and welcome to all our loyal viewers. Tonight we see the return of Steve Bruce as Birmingham boss and Dwight Yorke on the subs bench for them too. Also tonight with the policy of dropping under performing players it's a bit of a different line up especially with Heinze away on International duty for Argentina.

Tonight will see the first start for Jonathon Spector replacing Heinze at Left back ahead of Phil Neville who only made the bench. Also Giggsy will be behind the strikers as Scholesy has been dropped after his last performance. Saha is in for Smith on the same grounds and Fletcher returns to the starting XI. Also tonight Roy Carroll starts his first match with Howard on the bench.”

GK Carroll
DL Spector
DR G Neville
DC Silvestre
DC O'Shea
MC Ronaldo
MC Fletcher
MC Keane
AMC Giggs
FC Saha
FC Van Nistelrooy

Subs:

Howard
P Neville
Bellion
Djemba
Richardson
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Old 02-16-2005, 10:54 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #29
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Daily Telegraph Match Report

Well today saw Baxter's first defeat and a poor defeat it was too. An early goal from Emile Heskey gave Birmingham the upper hand in the first half as the United Defence took time to settle. It was a better start to the second half for United, with lots of early attacking play culminating in a goal for Roy Keane via a Giggs corner.

It was a simple header and made up for a very dubious off side call a few minutes early, which had ruled out a perfectly good goal by Ronaldo. More bad luck for United was to follow as Heskey clearly fouled Spector before crossing the ball to Dunn for Birmingham's second goal. The third Birmingham goal followed soon after and this time Heskey didn't do anything wrong. Heskey went past both Spector and Gary Neville before slotting the ball easily past Carroll.

The game overall was a tale of two defence's, one who were excellent and one which was rather poor. United's defence looked out of place and not fully aware of where each other was. Birmingham's however where excellent and easily managed to contain all the United attacks.

Birmingham 3 Heskey 12, 77 Dunn 74 Manchester United 1 Keane 70
MOM Mario Melchoit

Attendance: 29972

Ratings: Carroll 6, G Neville 6, Spector 5, Silvestre 7, O'Shea 6, Keane 7, Ronaldo 7, Fletcher 7, Saha 7, Van Nistlerooy 8, Giggs 8, Richardson (Sub for Fletcher 61 mins) 7, Bellion (Sub for Saha 76 mins) 6, P Neville (Sub for Spector 79 mins) 6
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Old 02-19-2005, 09:15 AM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #30
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Mr X's House Somewhere in North London

Sir Alex is in the living room with a stranger discussing things.

SAF: “Good evening welcome to my hosts house I know its a bit of a shithole but beggars can't be choosers. Now I suppose you want to know why I asked for your services?”

Bagpuss (BP): “Well yes it would be useful to know what exactly you want doing. That way I'll know what my fee will be.”

SAF: “Its a simply job at first I just need you to 'rough up' a couple of people, I'll let you decide how yourself. The people I want 'hassled' are Magnier and McManus the horse owners.”

BP: “I think I can handle them quite easily, care to give me a bit of background an then I can give you a few options.”

SAF: “Well I presume someone with your skills and knowledge is aware of what's been happening in Manchester over the last year. Also I have no doubt you are also well aware of my little spat with the Irish bastards over some money they owe me. I think it is safe to say it was those two who got me booted out of the club.

All I want to start with is some pressure on them. I assume you have heard about the alleged bet fixing going on with the horses right? Well here is a nice little document my security advisers acquired for me.”

Sir Alex hands over a document folder stuffed full or information. Bagpuss has a quick glance through some of the sheets before closing the folder.

BP: “Cheers for this info I'll have a proper look later on and probably pass it on to my MI5 contacts for their info. Gotta keep an eye on the Irish too these days. Right I think a simple hassling of one or two of their staff should suffice for now. Naturally a message or two will be passed along too.”

SAF: “I'll leave it up to you what you do what sort of payment do you want for this or shall we leave it open for now as there will be more work afterwards no doubt.”

BP: “Well £25,000 will cover my expenses for now and for some time to come. I think that will cover things for now if it gets more involved I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement.”

SAF: “Ok thanks for doing this I look forward to hearing some progress in the next few weeks.”

BP: “See you for now, you'll probably read about anything I do in the papers before I get back to you personally.”

Bagpuss leaves the house and Sir Alex settles down with a chuckle and a quiet “I'll get you two ***** yet mark my words.”
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