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Old 01-31-2005, 10:54 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #11
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Press Conference Continued

From the side of Conference Room a man walks out and on to the Podium.

“Good afternoon every one I am Stephen Baxter and I am here to answer any questions you may have at all.

Now I'm in no doubt that quite a few of you recognise me from the media, mostly down to my role as Chief Executive and Chairman of the multinational conglomerate Carlisle Group. I have stood down as Chief Executive but I will be remaining as the Chairman which the board has accepted mainly as Carlos Querioz will be handling the day to day running of the team. Better news for the club is that I will not be paid to manage Manchester United and in actual fact the entire backroom staff wages is being funded via the Carlisle Group saving several million pounds a year.

I did enquire to buying the club outright but was blocked by the Government on dubious grounds of it being anticompetitive. Lord knows why, I know Carlisle Group owns a lot of smaller companies in the media and leisure industries but nothing that big.

Anyway the reason I was approached to be the manager is that I have been a fan of the club for a long time now and I was negotiating with the old board into ways I could invest into the club. It was mentioned a while ago now that perhaps a different type of manager was needed in the modern era, one who knows more about the financial side as well as man management side.

So that brings me to the hard part, answering your questions. I think you can take it in turns as I imagine there will be quite a few questions.”

Daily Mirror Question: How does someone with no football management experience expect to get things to work?

“Well to be honest managing a football team is no different to managing a company. It has the same general principles of getting the best from the people you have and if you have a area that is under strength you try and recruit someone who is capable of improving the area.”

Daily Mail Question: How exactly our you going to work with Carlos Querioz and the other coaches?

“Well Carlos is a very good assistant manager, who in fact is a more than capable manager in his own right hence him being in charge of day to day matters like training etc. He will be assisted by the other coaches and back room staff as if he was the manager. I suppose it is fair to say in effect we are sharing the managerial role. He is the training and coaching expert where as I am the general manager. We will be discussing the best formations and who to play for each match between the two of us and any input from the other coaches. I will be implementing a few new schemes though when it comes to selecting the squads.”

The Sun Question: What transfers are you likely to make?

“Well so far I've not had that much of a look at the squad but Ricardo has been sold to Barcelona for £4 million. Also pretty much the entire youth team is available for loan so they can gain experience quicker playing first team football, albeit at smaller clubs.”

Daily Telegraph Question: What exactly are these new squad selection schemes?

“Well basically if a player gets less than 7 as a rating from the media after the match he is dropped for the next match, even if the team is short of players. Also expect some of the youngsters to get a fair few games as subs to give them experience.”

Daily Star Question: What formation are you likely to play this season?

“Well I quite like the idea of 2 strikers up front with a man behind them even if it leaves the midfield a bit light. It's basically going to be a 4-3-1-2 formation although a straight 4-4-2 or even a 4-3-3 formation may well be employed during the season. One thing I will not be playing is the Christmas tree rubbish.”

David Gill steps up to the podium.

“Thank you for your time Ladies and Gentleman that draws this press conference to a conclusion for today but you'll get plenty more opportunities over the coming months. We'll see you all here back at Old Trafford for our first home fixture of the season against Everton on August 18th.”
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Old 02-02-2005, 12:22 AM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #12
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Meanwhile at a secret location in North London

Sir Alex is sat in a small room talking to someone else sat in the dark in the corner who for now shall be known as Mister X.

Sir Alex Ferguson (SAF): “Well then how shall I go about getting my job back then I'm sure you have a few ideas.”

Mister X (Mr X): “ Well I have a few ideas but don't you think it is best to wait and see what happens for the first few games before attempting to find a way back there?”

SAF: “I suppose you're right even if, I hate to admit it, it's coming from you. Do you think a media smear campaign will work? If so it will give me some time to dig out some dirt as well as prepare a few lies for the gullible press to gobble up.”

Mr X: “Yes that would be the way to do it at first undermine the board then press for their dismissal. You can use the same guy you used before when you were trying it on with the Irish goons over that horse”

SAF: “I sure can I'll go give him a ring and er don't you have a match to prepare for.”
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Old 02-02-2005, 11:51 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #13
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Wed 8th August Nikos Goumas Stadium Athens

AEK Athens Champions League 3rd Round Qualifer

MUTV Commentator

“Its the first game in charge for the new boss of Manchester United and with a few key players out namely Rio Ferdinand who is banned until September, Wayne Rooney out with a Broken Ankle for the next few months, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer out for the season with cruciate ligament damage and Roy Keane not fully recovered from his Groin injury picked up on the Japan tour its an interesting squad.

Its the 4-3-1-2 formation tonight lining up as on screen.

GK Howard
DL Heinze
DR G Neville
DC Silvestre
DC O'Shea
MC Ronaldo
MC Giggs
MC Fletcher
AMC Scholes
FC Smith
FC Van Nistelrooy

Subs:

Carroll
Brown
Saha
Rossi
Spector
Bellion
Kleberson

“So it looks like it will be going for the kill tonight looking for the clear win. Nice to see some of the youth team squad on the bench this early in the season too. I'd imagine if we take an early lead one or two of them may make an appearance tonight.”
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Old 02-02-2005, 11:51 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #14
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Daily Telegraph Match Report

A dry warm night in Athens saw new Manchester United boss Stephen Baxter start his new career with a resounding win. From the start Manchester United were out for the win as after only 3 minutes Gary Neville crossed the ball into Alan Smith who had a fine shot saved. For the next 10 minutes or so it was all one way football with Manchester United finally scoring after a load of shots.

Ryan Giggs intercepted a loose ball before turning and dribbling towards the AEK goal before spotting Alan Smith in an ideal position in the box. Giggs exquisite cross was met by a powerful header from Alan Smith which went straight into the net as he scored on his début for the club. Lots more attacking play from United saw Ronaldo pick up the ball from his own half before weaving around 2 AEK players followed by a pin point cross field pass to Smith who whipped a first time cross into the box for Ruud Van Nistelrooy to head home.

The second half started pretty much the same way as the first with United attacking from the start. Gabriel Heinze, in his first competitive match too, picked up the ball on the half way line and tore down the left wing before unleashing a unstoppable shot past Alexis Manos making it 3-0. United took it a bit easier from then on and with 30 minutes to go young Jonathan Spector came on for Silvestre.

The game slowed down somewhat after that as United looked to consolidate their victory with Scholes replaced by young Giuseppe Rossi with 13 minutes to go. Both Spector and Rossi did well enough in their first senior games.

AEK Athens 0 Manchester United 3 Smith 17, Van Nistelrooy 32, Heinze 48
Booked O'Shea, Spector, Scholes
MOM Giggs

Attendance: 21227

Ratings: Howard 7, G Neville 8, Heinze 7, Silvestre 6, O'Shea 6, Fletcher 7, Ronaldo 7, Scholes 7, Smith 9, Van Nistelrooy 9, Giggs 9, Rossi (Sub for Scholes 77 mins) 7, Spector (Sub for Silvestre 57 mins) 6
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Old 02-05-2005, 02:55 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #15
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Sunday 12th August Millennium Stadium

Arsenal Charity Shield

MUTV Commentator

“Today's game sees a few changes from Wednesday's win over AEK. With the same players out injured as well as Djordjic it was a fairly limited choice and with his policy of not playing any one who scores a rating of 6 or worse it is a interesting team.

Phil Neville comes into left back with Heinze moving into central defence along side Wes Brown. On the bench Spector is swapped with Djemba and Fortune is taking Brown's spot. This one should be an interesting match and could even be an early indicator of this season's likelihood of winning the league as we face a strong Arsenal team.

GK Howard
DL P Neville
DR G Neville
DC Heinze
DC Brown
MC Ronaldo
MC Giggs
MC Fletcher
AMC Scholes
FC Smith
FC Van Nistelrooy

Subs:

Carroll
Fortune
Saha
Rossi
Djemba
Bellion
Kleberson
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Old 02-06-2005, 07:16 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #16
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Daily Telegraph Match Report

Two games played two games won. What a way to start your career by picking up a trophy at your first attempt. It wasn't a great performance from United as Arsenal were the better team on the day but a wonderful piece of Welsh wizardry by Giggs early on saw him weave and jink past both Ashley Cole and Kolo Toure.

Most of the match saw the Arsenal defence solidly withholding all the United attacks with Van Nistelrooy particular frustrated resulting in a yellow card for pushing Cole on the way to the ball. The Arsenal strikers suffered the same problem too though with Brown and Heinze making a formidable barrier in front of the United goal.

Arsenal 0 Manchester United 1 Giggs 10
Booked Heinze, Van Nistelrooy
MOM Heinze

Attendance: 72454

Ratings: Howard 8, G Neville 7, Heinze 9, Brown 8, P Neville 7, Fletcher 7, Ronaldo 8, Scholes 8, Smith 7, Van Nistelrooy 6, Giggs 8, Saha (Sub for Van Nistelrooy 71 mins) 6, Djemba (Sub for Fletcher 71 mins) 6
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Old 02-07-2005, 12:47 AM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #17
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Mister X's House

Mr X and Sir Alex are discussing things in the living room.

SAF: “Well I hate to say it but so far Baxter has done well, although his team selection leaves a lot to be desired.”

Mr X: ”He did say he'd drop under performing players and he has done it so he isn't lying to the press yet. Picking up a fair few cards so far too but then they were both must win matches really and it is still early in the season.”

SAF: “Hmm I like that train of thought perhaps if the number of cards remains high I can get a media campaign going along the lines that they are a dirty team. Mind you it would have to be pretty bad as nothing ever happened to Arsenal about their dirtiness.”

Mr X: “Less talk about Arsenal please. Now how are things going on smearing the Irish twats?”

SAF: “Well so far there are one or two possible lines to follow as it appears they are mixed up in this horse race betting scandal to some level, which to be honest if it is as big as the police reckon they must have had some knowledge off being they are leading owners.”

Mr X: “Good good anything I can do to help you?”

SAF: “Yes you can go and fetch me some more food as I'm running out and its not yet time to reveal my location just yet.”
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Old 02-07-2005, 08:53 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #18
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Saturday 18th August Old Trafford

Everton Premier League

MUTV Commentator

“Welcome to the first home game of the season and its also the Premier League opener too. There are a few changes from the last match but the biggest change is to a 4-4-1-1 formation. The defence sees O'Shea return for Phil Neville but other than that it's the same as the last match against Arsenal with up front Smith as the sole striker with both Saha and Van Nistelrooy dropped from the team. Roy Keane makes his first appearance of the season after recovering form injury. The midfield today sees Giggs and Ronaldo on the wings with and Fletcher and Keane in the centre. Scholes is playing behind Smith as a kind of half forward where Sheringham played back in the treble winning season.

GK Howard
DR G Neville
DL Heinze
DC Brown
DC O'Shea
MR Ronaldo
ML Giggs
MC Fletcher
MC Keane
AMC Scholes
FC Smith

Subs:

Carroll
Fortune
Bellion
Miller
Silvestre
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Old 02-08-2005, 09:33 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #19
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Daily Telegraph Match Report

What an emphatic start to the season for Manchester United 3-0 up in under 20 minutes. Attacking from the start, as is their customary style, United were after a goal immediately with Smith having 2 shots saved inside 3 minutes. On the 11th minute an early cross from Giggs picked out Ronaldo who smashed home the volley.

A free kick shortly afterwards saw Giggs again turn provider with a well flighted ball being met by Keane's head straight into the top corner of the goal. Straight from the kick off Keane won the ball and crossed to Smith. Smiths header was saved but fell to the feet of Scholes who fired home easily notching up United's 3rd. United took it easier from then on but still threatened more goals if they were ever pushed hard by Everton.

Mid way through the second half a double substitution and a change of formation saw Everton get back into the game more. Bellion replaced Scholes to go up front with Smith whilst Miller swapped with Fletcher and slotted in behind the two forwards.

The last ten minutes or so saw intense pressure from Everton and with 5 minutes to go Kevin Campbell managed to score a late consolation goal for the Toffees. Overall it was a fair win but it could have been a bigger defeat for Everton as Ronaldo had hit the post twice and Martyn had made a load of very good saves too.

Manchester United 3 Ronaldo 11, Keane 18, Scholes 19 Everton 1 Campbell 85
Booked O'Shea
MOM Keane

Attendance: 67644

Ratings: Howard 9, G Neville 7, Heinze 8, Brown 8, O'Shea 7, Fletcher 7, Ronaldo 8, Scholes 8, Smith 8, Keane 9, Giggs 9, Bellion (Sub for Scholes 67 mins) 7, Miller (Sub for Fletcher 67 mins) 6
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Old 02-09-2005, 10:08 PM   Sir Alex Throws a Wobbler and Other Seedy Goings on Down at Old Trafford Post #20
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Wednesday 22nd August Old Trafford

AEK Athens Champions League Qualifier 3rd Round Second Leg

MUTV Commentator

“Good evening folks here we are at home for the Champions League qualifier second leg with a nice comfortable 3-0 lead on aggregate and a home game. Tonight's team news is that its back to the 4-3-1-2 and only one change on the starting XI. Ruud is back replacing Fletcher who drops to the bench.

GK Howard
DL O'Shea
DR G Neville
DC Heinze
DC Brown
MC Ronaldo
MC Giggs
MC Keane
AMC Scholes
FC Smith
FC Van Nistelrooy

Subs:

Carroll
Djemba
Silvestre
Saha
Fletcher
Spector
Richardson
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