BarryLFC

lovely, just when I'm about to have dinner as well...

retired_amyslack

Sorry about that HD

The Road To Euro 2008

Germany had been drawn in Group 4 alongside Andorra, Latvia, Poland, Russia and Slovakia and would begin their campaign with two home games in quick succession. When the counterfeit Sammer took to the podium, still swathed in bandages, he could sense that the press was immediately sympathetic to him. The announcement he made to unveil his squad for the opening games soon put a stop to that.

“My predecessor made so many glaring mistakes in his time in charge, but in my opinion his biggest error came in his squad selection for the recent World Cup fiasco. His reliance on home-based players proved to be disastrous, culminating in an early exit from the tournament and his own demise. I intend to pursue a different course entirely by selecting only those players of German nationality that play outside of our homeland. In my opinion our top domestic players have become too comfortable on their inflated salaries and complacent in their approach towards the game. I have scoured Europe in search of Germans who have had the courage and the motivation to leave their native land in search of fame and fortune, and these are the players who will be rewarded internationally from now on.”

The squad in full
<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Name ClubKling,S ArsenalDhompirom,G AstonVillaHuber,E AustriaViennaSolga,D AustriaViennaLanger,M BlackburnLauth,B ChelseaErhan,A FenerbahçeHamann,D LiverpoolDiGregorio,B PerugiaHofmann,S RapidViennaHenning,R SportingZiege,C TottenhamJancker,C UdineseVolz,M ArsenalHasse,H AustriaViennaRost,T AustriaViennaKeidel,R BlackburnHuth,R ChelseaNiemeyer,P FCTwenteBerkant,G GalatasarayThomas,A Paris-SGNerlinger,C RangersWiese,T RealSociedadHitzlsperger,T TottenhamFederico,G UdineseDa Costa, N FC Twente</pre>


The response from the media was an instantaneous uproar as the implications of Stefan’s statement hit home. Trying to make like the invisible man, he made his exit and awaited the reaction to his team’s display in their forthcoming games.

Stefan was hopeful that the poor quality of his players would mean that he would not have to get too bizarre with his tactics or playing positions but when his team went into half time leading Latvia 1-0 he clearly needed a re-think. Too many of the misfits that he had selected were playing well – who would have thought that Arsenal’s Moritz Volz would make a decent right back! But despite three changes at half time the situation got worse – a stoppage time goal giving the Germans a 2-0 win.

Some changes in personnel saw an improvement against Russia until the Germans took the lead through an own goal with 20 minutes remaining. Fortunately, the visitors managed a very late equaliser to rob the Germans of two points.

The announcement by the bogus Sammer that he would no longer be considering home-based players had produced an interesting reaction amongst some of the senior German stars. Oliver Kahn and Jens Nowotny both announced their retirement from international football. Younger stars such as Ballack and Deisler made noises about moving abroad.

The German squad for the trip to Poland featured several new faces due to a number of injury withdrawals and Stefan was hopeful of securing a suitably poor result. He decided to deploy an ultra-defensive sweeper system modelled on the Italian Catenaccio style. With no natural sweeper in the squad Christian Worns was deployed in that position and performed as poorly as Stefan had hoped. His plan was almost undone by a superb performance from young Blackburn keeper Michael Langer but a swap with Tim Wiese of Real Sociedad and a second-half penalty did the trick, resulting in a 1-0 win to the Poles.

retired_amyslack

It’s Muller Time

There was a gap of several months before Germany’s next game, a friendly in Singapore, and at the end of 2006 the new FIFA Rankings were published. Stefan was delighted to see that the German national team had now fallen to 43rd place. He was keen to keep the decline in their fortunes going and thought long and hard about his next squad selection. He finally settled on his players and made his usual short announcement to the assembled press.

“We are about to undertake a long journey to the mysterious East, to the Orient, where we will represent our country with pride. I have decided on a squad selection that makes it clear to our hosts just where we are coming from, that we are German and proud to be so and proud to represent our fine country. And what is more German than that most German of names, Muller? Did not one of the finest goalscorers the world has ever seen not sport that very same name? So it seems entirely sensible to have selected 26 players who all share that fine surname.”

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Name ClubMüller, A OberhausenMüller, B SC FreiburgMüller, B NeuenkirchenMüller, C OffenbachMüller, C Jena IIMüller, C AugsburgMüller, D GladbachMüller, D LichtenbergMüller, D SiegenMüller, F Paderborn IIMüller, G AueMüller, G JenaMüller, H DüsseldorfMüller, J Wald-MichelbachMüller, K FC BayernMüller, K KarlsruheMüller, L UnterhachingMüller, L KarlsruheMüller, N VerlMüller, R AueMüller, S VerlMüller, S SC FreiburgMüller, S Dresden-NordMüller, S WolfsburgMüller, T EisbachtalMüller, T Jena</pre>

Stefan did not hang around to face the hostile press response but instead headed straight to the airport and flew to Singapore early to enjoy a little sightseeing before the team arrived. His team did reasonably well, winning 1-0 as Stefan resisted making any unusual tactical changes – the look on the faces of the reporters when he unveiled his team full of Mullers was reward enough.

Mike..

Every time I think that Jurgen/Mattias/Stefan can't produce a better squad... he proves me wrong

retired_embartl

The Mullers

*feels like eating a yoghurt*

retired_amyslack

Thanks chaps

A Right Mullering

Germany’s Euro 2008 group got back into action at the end of March with games in Slovakia and Andorra. Stefan decided to stick with his squad of Mullers and although he had several withdrawals because of injury he was able to draft in a ready supply of replacement Mullers. The game in Slovakia ended all square at 1-1 and there were 4 more withdrawals in the few days before the trip to Andorra. Stefan was now scraping the bottom of his Muller barrel but still managed to find enough players. A 1-0 win was obtained to maintain Germany’s 4th place in the group. When the squad flew back home Stefan made a short announcement to the waiting press.

“I am very happy with our performance in two difficult games. We were perhaps unfortunate in Slovakia not to have taken full points and I would single out the performance of Muller and Muller although Muller was perhaps a little disappointing. We looked more dangerous up front once substitute Muller came on and he took his goal very well. We were forced into some changes in Andorra with Muller, Muller, Muller and Muller all joining the squad to replace the injured Muller, Muller, Muller and Muller. Muller, Muller and Muller all impressed and it was the right decision to rest Muller initially, as we saw when he came off the bench to score the winning goal.”

There were two more vital games scheduled for June – first Germany would travel to Russia and then Poland would come to Berlin. Helped by an early sending off, the Muller bunch gained an unexpected 4-1 win in Russia and then the team drew 0-0 with Poland. After that match Stefan had the unusual experience of addressing journalists who were not all openly hostile to him.

“The result in Russia was excellent, especially considering that we lost captain Muller to an early injury. Muller was absolutely outstanding and his two goals were world class. Muller and Muller were once again an inspiration to their team-mates and the performance of substitutes Muller and Muller was very encouraging. Our performance against Poland was not quite so good but it was always going to be difficult playing the group leaders.”

Germany’s next action was in September with a trip to Latvia and a game at home to Andorra. The opening game finished scoreless leaving Germany’s qualification in the balance. With two group games left they were 4th place but could still secure a playoff place. Andorra were beaten 1-0 but the other results in the group meant that the top three teams all had 19 points, three more than the Germans, and it would take an extraordinary sequence of scores for Stefan’s team to grab the runners-up place.

Stefan sent out his team of Mullers for the visit of Slovakia in what would almost certainly be his last game in charge and watched them play out a goalless draw. But despite his failure to qualify for Euro 2008 he was amazed to find that the German FA did not sack him and he was retained to guide them to qualification in the 2010 World Cup.

retired_amyslack

Football – A Black And White Thing

Amazed that he was still in employment after failing to qualify for the European Championships, Stefan entered 2008 determined to take full advantage of his good fortune. Having a team full of Mullers was fun but for the World Cup qualification campaign he needed to be even more creative. The new FIFA Rankings showed that Germany had slipped just two places to 45th – not good enough by a long chalk. There was a friendly in Australia scheduled for March, which would give an ideal opportunity for a suitably poor result if he could come up with an appropriate squad selection.

“So before I formally announce my squad for the forthcoming game in Australia, I would like to explain my thinking behind the selection. Once again we find ourselves travelling to the other side of the world and it is extremely important that we keep our German identity to the fore. Now given that our team colours of white shirts and black shorts are known all over the planet I think that it is very appropriate to keep that theme amongst the players. You will therefore find that all of my squad share their names with either our white tops (Weiß) or our black bottoms (Schwarz).”


<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Name ClubSchwarz, D SC FreiburgSchwarz, D VillingenSchwarz, F LichterfeldeSchwarz, H SC FreiburgSchwarz, M Gladbach (A)Schwarz, M BraunschweigSchwarz, M FC BayernSchwarz, M GrimmaSchwarz, S TrierSchwarz, S Schalke 04 Under 23sWeiß, A Lübeck IIWeiß, C HordelWeiß, C SchwerinWeiß, D RatingenWeiß, F Arm. HannoverWeiß, H RheineWeiß, M 1860 München Under 23sWeiß, M VfB HülsWeiß, M ElmshornWeiß, M AhlenWeiß, M Aachen Under 23sWeiß, R ErfurtWeiß, S Aachen Under 23sWeiß, T LichtenbergWeiß, T Flensburg 08</pre>


Stefan was optimistic that his selection should produce the desired result – in his 25-man squad he had four goalkeepers, two badly injured players, a couple of 15-year-olds and only one player with any previous international experience. But once again his team confounded his expectations, and despite playing all four of his keepers in outfield positions they somehow produced a 0-0 draw.

Raptor

KPatterson

Absolutely superb, Bob. :thup:

BarryLFC

Magic.