Peacemaker7

Very well worked Bob. Wasnt Berti really a godsend when you think about

HD

no.

BobBev

World Cup Fever

As the opening game of the World Cup finals approached, there was feverish speculation in the German press regarding the squad that the Klinsmann doppelganger would announce for the most important tournament in the country’s history. As host nation anything less than an appearance in the final would be regarded as failure and Stefan was acutely aware of this.

By the time he made his squad announcement a new set of FIFA rankings had been produced and the Berlin Branch of the Tartan Army were delighted to see that Germany had dropped down to 29th place. The pressroom was a buzz of noise as Stefan approached the dais at the front of the room with several sheets of paper clutched in his hand. To the huge relief of the assembled media, Stefan’s squad for the World Cup was, by his standards at least, very conventional.

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">Name Club Caps Goals ValueBalitsch, H Leverkusen 4 0 €7.75MBallack, M FC Bayern 43 16 €41.5MBierofka, D Leverkusen 7 1 €4.8MDeisler, S FC Bayern 29 4 €32MFreier, P Bochum 11 1 €5.5MFrings, T Dortmund 25 2 €22MFritz, C Frankfurt 0 0 €2.4MHuth, R Chelsea 0 0 €6.5MJeremies, J Hertha BSC 49 1 €8.25MKahn, O FC Bayern 69 0 €3.4MKehl, S Dortmund 18 1 €10MKlose, M Schalke 04 38 21 €19MKuranyi, K VfB Stuttgart 11 1 €17.5MLauth, B Chelsea 5 1 €10.25MLeschinski, B HSV 0 0 €2.4MMetzelder, C Dortmund 24 0 €24MNowotny, J Leverkusen 45 0 €6.5MRahn, C HSV 10 1 €10.25MRau, T FC Bayern 13 1 €4.1MRost, F Werder Bremen 5 0 €4.7MSchindzielorz, S 1.FC Köln 0 0 €5MWörns, C Chelsea 56 0 €1.1M</pre>

However, in his short summary after the squad was revealed, there lay a hint of things to come.

“To be successful in a major international tournament it is necessary to deploy tactical flexibility. The modern game is a squad game and each member of the squad must be prepared to do whatever is necessary to ensure the success of the team. During the forthcoming tournament I will be taking tactical flexibility to a new level and I can assure you that there will be some surprises in store for our opponents and fans alike.”

BobBev

Thanks toby

The Tournament

The opening game against Romania started in conventional enough fashion – a strong team selection taking the field and a sensible 4-4-2 formation adopted. Then on the half hour, with the game still scoreless, Stefan received an unexpected bonus. Right back Hanno Balitsch received his second yellow card and Germany were reduced to 10 men. Sensing an opportunity he reshuffled his formation, moving striker Miroslav Klose to right back to the Schalke player’s obvious confusion. Romania scored what proved to be the winning goal a few minutes before half time and Stefan was spared the need to tinker further with his formation. In his post-match press conference he explained that moving Klose back into defence was an example of the tactical flexibility that he demanded from his team.

For the game against the USA Stefan raised some eyebrows when he replaced the suspended Balitsch with Dortmund midfielder Sebastian Kehl, once again citing tactical flexibility. With 60 minutes played and the game still scoreless, he made some tactical changes. Midfielder Jens Jeremies replaced striker Klose and central defender Jens Nowotny came on for left-winger Daniel Bierofka. This successfully reduced his team’s attacking threat and the game ended in a 0-0 stalemate.

Entering the final game against Ghana, Romania were already assured of qualification with two wins. The USA were second on 4 points and a draw would see them through. Germany had just one point and their fate was not solely in their own hands. Stefan decided to field an orthodox team and save any radical changes until he saw how the remaining group game was progressing. After half an hour Germany were two goals ahead and the USA were losing to Romania but still held second place. When Germany scored a third goal in stoppage time at the end of the first half Stefan decided that drastic action was required during the interval. Chelsea centre back Robert Huth was having a stormer, having scored twice, so he was replaced by attacking midfielder Diesler with Torsten Frings coming on for striker Kuranyi. A 4th German goal just after the restart prompted another change, a clearly bewildered Michael Ballack swapping places with keeper Oliver Kahn. Unfortunately the Ghanaians were so inept that even that change made no difference, the Africans failing to register a shot on target for the entire 90 minutes.

So despite Stefan’s best attempts his German team, aided by a 2-0 defeat for the USA, had staged a remarkable comeback to qualify for the second round on goal difference. The good news was that they would face the highly fancied France in their next game. Stefan made a brief statement to the press in advance of the game.

“I am delighted with the way in which my players have adopted to my mantra of tactical flexibility. By forcing players to operate in unfamiliar roles it enhances their tactical awareness and improves our capabilities as a team. I have been widely criticised for switching Ballack and Kahn in our last game but I believe that it proved to be an unqualified success, giving both players a taste of what may be necessary in extreme circumstances. And by the way, Der Drei Lederhosen continue to inspire both the fans and the players alike. I will be extending this Munich Beer Hall feeling even further by insisting that all of the players drink a large stein of finest Bavarian ale whilst the national anthem is played before the next game.”

Stefan’s cause was helped by injures to Huth, Jeremies and Nowotny, giving him ample excuse to adopt a more unorthodox lineup for the France game and he played reserve keeper Frank Rost in the centre of defence. An injury to Balitsch during the first half allowed him to bring forward Paul Freier on to replace the fullback but still his team reached the break with the game scoreless. That changed when Thierry Henry scored just after the restart and he was able to see the game out with no further changes. Germany were eliminated - and humiliated – the press were baying for blood and this time there was no escape for Stefan. Without even being given an opportunity to defend himself, he was fired.

flipsix3

Bah, the Press... so quick to jump on the manager after the slightest of blips :thdn:

BobBev

I know flip, but what can you do

Some People Are Never Satisfied

When the dust had settled Stefan made his way surreptitiously to the safe house where the real Klinsmann was being held. He expected that the kidnap victim would shortly be released and life could return to something approaching normal. The conspirators reasoned that even if Klinsmann did go to the authorities, no one would believe his bizarre tale, assuming that he was either completely mad or that he had invented it all as a way of avoiding blame for the entire fiasco.

But the Berlin Branch of the Tartan Army were not yet satisfied. Yes, the German team had been embarrassed, having to endure a humiliating exit in the most important tournament ever staged on German soil, but they wanted more. They wanted to leave a lasting impression and for that they needed to repeat their scam one more time. A week or so after Stefan’s sacking, the German FA appointed a new national team coach and the plotters wanted to continue with their Cunning Plan. After intensive discussions with Stefan he was somewhat reluctantly persuaded to go undercover for one last time. He would repeat his ordeal of surgery and would take on another identity – he would become MATTHIAS SAMMER.

Brian of Nazareth

poor stefan good fun bob :thup:

Brian of Nazareth

couldn't have waited until after I posted could you

bartley_m

ROFL

funniest story yet, the entire team from 14th in the second division = class

KUTGW, absolutely classic

BobBev

Thanks chaps

A New Man In Charge

This time the transformation was more difficult – having already endured extensive plastic surgery it was much harder to fashion Stefan’s tortured features into an exact facsimile of the new German manager. So an additional subterfuge was required. The real Matthias Sammer was kidnapped on 1st September 2006, just a couple of weeks before Germany’s first qualifying match for Euro 2008. A cover story was devised that Sammer had been involved in a car crash and whilst not critically injured, he had suffered facial disfiguration that would require him to be swathed in bandages for some time. Even when fully healed, he would bear the scars for the rest of his life. This deception would allow Stefan to take charge before he had properly healed after his cosmetic surgery and would also explain the less-than-perfect results when the bandages were removed.