Terk

Honestly, when will those upstarts across 'the pond' learn? In what they laughingly call football, the ball spends most of its time in someone's hands. At least we have the decency to call it rugby, give it its own name. Anyway, these yanks are pretty good at their sports. They win lots of medals at the Olympics (especially those shiny gold ones that British athletes seem so alergic to), they've pretty much got a monopoly on baseball (though I suspect that that's because only themselves and a few misguided Canadians and Japanese actually care). They even have the cheek to call their purely American based competition 'The World Series'. That's one way to make sure England win the next World Cup, don't let any other bugger enter.

But there's one sport in particular where they're lacking, and that quite obviously, is football. They may not be very good at Curling either, but that sort of thing's best left out of the way. It stands to reason then, that what they need is someone from the home of football to go and teach them how it should be done. That's where I come in. My goal: lead the US to World Cup glory. My realistic goal: not get shot in L.A..

Terk

When I entered the scene, in July 2004, qualifying for the 2006 World Cup had already begun on North American shores. My U.S.A. team had won themselves a place in the second phase with a 6-2 aggregate win over the Caymen Islands, hardly a result to shout from the rooftops about, if I'm honest. That placed us in a group with Canada, Jamaica and Panama. A six game stage from which the top two teams in each group would go through to the third (and I believe final) stage. Then you take an in depth look at the level of talent in American football. Not so bad. A few shining lights (Landon Donovan, DaMarcus Beasley) and some solid players to back them up. This was certainly looking like being an easier job than I had anticipated.


My first sojourn into international management came with a game against Jamaica at the Rose Bowl in L.A.. Wearing a bullet proof vest underneath my tracksuit, I walked out and watched as the players near wet themselves with pride as their national anthem (a truly uninspiring dirge) rang through the stadium. The game, however, was somewhat better, even though the midfield became crowded at times, with their 3-5-2 effective at cancelling out our 4-5-1.

Despite this, it was clear that we were the better side, and finally we took the lead five minutes from half time when Beasley took a Dunivant ball in his stride, skipped past three laid back defenders and fired his shot past Andrew Hue in the Jamaican goal. It was no less than we deserved, indeed in all honesty we should have been far further ahead by the interval, but some poorly placed passes from the midfield had cost us in some promising moves.

The second half continued where the first had left off, with us well in control, and the Jamaicans seemingly happy to take a backseat in the game. We knew that a second goal would kill the match as a contest, and it duly came just after the hour mark when Grabavoy cross for Donovan to head home from eight yards out.

There was plenty time left for Charlton striker Jason Euell to get himself in referee James Bell's book twice, ending in the inevitable red card just five minutes from the end. It had absolutely no effect on the game's result though, and we ended matchday one in second place after Canada unsurprisingly opened their account with a 3-1 win at home against Panama.

Final Score: U.S.A. 2 - 0 Jamaica
(Beasley 40"; Donovan 66"; Euell s/off 85")
MoM: DaMarcus Beasley (8)

U.S.A. team: Friedel; Hejduk, Pope, Whitbread, Dunivant; Klein, Grabavoy, Reyna, Dempsey, Beasley; McBride
Subs: Donovan for Klein (61) Wolff for McBride (61) Mastroeni for Hejduk (80)

Terk

With Landon Donovan, Brad Friedel and Conor Casey out of the squad for the away game against Panama two and a half weeks later, there was the chance for some of the younger to cement their place in the squad. The ridiculously arrogant American public were expecting a flood of goals, and it seemed anything less would lead to a riot.

So when, come half time in Panama City, the score was tied at 0-0, I had more than a few worries. We had already lost DaMarcus Beasley to a fractured arm, meaning that DC United's young gun Freddy Adu was on the pitch, and proving to everybody that, despite excellent club form and nation wide calls for him to be in the national squad, fifteen really is too young to be playing international football.

We had looked entirely anaemic in the first half, so I gambled and made my two remaining changes at the break, bringing uncapped players Brian Ching and Ramon Nunez on for Josh Wolff and Ned Grabavoy respectively. Thankfully, it proved to make something of a difference.

As the game ended its first hour, Nunez won a free kick twenty yards from the Panama goal, and veteran Manchester City midfielder Claudio Reyna stepped up to whip an effort straight past goalkeeper José Torres and into the top corner of the net. I knew once we were ahead that there was no danger of us failing to take the three points, Panama had been just as poor as us, if not even worse as they'd failed to even carve out a clear chance of their own.

The result was put beyond doubt eleven minutes from time. Doing the first thing that might have redeemed his performance, Freddy Adu darted in off his left wing and slipped a lovely weighted ball between Panama defenders for Ching to run onto and slam a first time shot past Torres. With Jamaica doing us a favour and taking three points off Canada, things were certainly looking good for third phase qualification.

Final Score: Panama 0 - 2 U.S.A.
(Reyna 60"; Ching 79")
MoM: Brian Ching (8)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Hejduk, Pope, Whitbread, Dunivant; Klein, Grabavoy, Kovalenko, Reyna, Beasley; Wolff
Subs: Adu for Beasley (28) Ching for Wolff (45) Nunez for Grabavoy (45)

Rojitoz

I love your steriotyping the Americans...haha. I guess we do the same with those "Cold hearted" Brits...haha.

Anyways, good to see a Team USA story up here, keep it up!

Terk

cheers, rojitoz i'm planning to have run out every american stereotype before the story ends :thup:

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Beasley's fractured arm called for three weeks of rest before he could take to the field again, meaning he was most certainly out of our game against Canada, just four days after we had put Panama to the sword. Naturally there was some animosity surrounding the game, those haughty Canucks like to thinkof themselves as the betters of their souther yokel neighbours. And, for the first half hour or so of our game in L.A., they were.

Felix Brilliant (how I long for the day when he lines up in the same side as Danny Invincible) was running the show from midfield, and even after the dangerous Dwayne de Rosario had retired injured, Tomasz Radzinski caused our defence endless problems. Nick Rimando held strong in goal, however, and as half time approached we managed to force ourselves in front, still completely against the run of play, when Zak Whitbread headed home Eddie Lewis' pinpoint corner.

Zak's goal seemed to have broken the spirit of the Canadians, they hardly put up a fight in the second half as we ran riot towards an easy victory. Within three minutes of the restart, Ned Grabavoy had latched onto Whitbread's flick on of Dunivant's throw in, and slid the ball past Pat Onstad in the Canada goal to double our lead.

Two goals in three minutes either side of the hour mark sealed the game and the points for us, keeping us well on top of the group. First, Fulham striker Brian McBride rose high to head home Landon Donovan's corner, and then a great run and cross down the left flank from substitute Arturo Alvarez gave Chris Klein the easiest of headers from six yards out.

There was even a fifth in the game for us before the final whistle. McBride's run into the penalty area was illegally halted by Michaël Klukowski, and Donovan stepped up to sidefoot the resultant penalty past Onstad. There was no doubt that I'd expected this to be our toughest encounter to date, instead it provided us with a result that basically made me a national hero, at least until the Jamaica game a month later anyway.

Final Score: U.S.A. 5 - 0 Canada
(Whitbread 43"; Grabavoy 48"; McBride 59"; Klein 62"; Donovan pen 72")
MoM: Chris Klein (8)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Hejduk, Onyewu, Whitbread, Dunivant; Klein, Grabavoy, Kovalenko, Reyna, Lewis; Razov
Subs: McBride for Razov (54) Donovan for Reyna (54) Alvarez for Lewis (54)

flipsix3

That's a lot of stereotypes to get through in five or ten posts!! :p

Just kidding of course, and an immensely enjoyable read here Terk. Looking forward to you doing a bit of yank... erm... spanking

Terk

cheers, flip i'm done promising a finish, that's never worked in the past, this'll probably just fall into a deafening silence like every other story i've written

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Jamaica had beaten Panama in Kingston whilst we nailed Canada, and a month later we faced the laid back, ganja smoking inhabitants of said island on their home patch. It was the first of a double header, we’d play Panama (complete with silly hats) back in the good old US of A four days later.

The game began well for us, as well indeed as it had when we had faced them in L.A.. In fact, it began even better, as we stumbled onto the scoresheet after a mere twenty-five minutes this time around. Landon Donovan, back in the starting line-up after benching against Canada, whipped in a wonderful cross which Klein volleyed past Andrew Hue.

Disaster then struck, however, as referee James Bell, who had sent off Jason Euell when we had played Jamaica at the Rose Bowl, decided it was time to brandish his red card again when DaMarcus Beasley tripped Fabian Taylor. Despite clearly not being the last man, Mr Bell considered it to be a professional foul (I’ve always wondered if there were such a thing as an amateur foul) and flourished a straight red card at our PSV winger. Brian Ching was moved out to the left wing to cover, our 4-5-1 nature leaving us without a striker as we tried to defend what we had.

That plan didn’t hold so well though, as in the final minute of the match, after we had repelled Jamaica’s numerous attacks throughout the second half, Kevin Lisbie found himself free of defenders and able to loft a cheeky lob over Nick Rimando. The American public had been demanding a goal-laden win over the Jamaicans (shows how much they know. Jamaica are good. Honest), so a single point tarnished somewhat the hero status I had accquired after the Canada win. Things would have to be put right against Panama.

Final Score: Jamaica 1 – 1 U.S.A.
(Klein 25”; Beasley s/off 33”; Lisbie 90”)
MoM: Landon Donovan (8)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Russell, Mastroeni, Whitbread, Dunivant; Donovan, Grabavoy, Kovalenko, Klein, Beasley; Ching
Subs: Dempsey for Ching (45) Clark for Kovalenko (75) Reyna for Klein (75)

Terk

The public again demanded not only a win, but a healthy one at that when we lined up to face Panama at the Rose Bowl. A change was made again to my unconscionably crap front line, the alliteratively named Taylor Twellman replacing Brian Ching. For once, we managed to placate the tobacco-chewing, gun-toting masses, thumping a massive victory past the Panamanian side.

It was obviously important to secure a good start, something we hadn’t done that much of since I’d taken over. Chris Klein’s ball to Clint Dempsey, however, gave his fellow midfielder the opportunity to score early, an opportunity which he gladly took. Our lead was doubled soon after, Dempsey turning provider with a perfect cross that Reyna clipped past José Torres in the Panama goal.

The inclusion of Twellman, who had been in free scoring form for whichever franchise it was that he plied his trade (I can be woefully forgetful at times), was made to look an inspired choice when he headed Dempsey’s cross in for our third, and I was looking like a complete genius four minutes later when the same combination gave the debutant his second goal of the match.

When had a fifth before the break, Donovan swinging in a corner for Reyna to nod home his second, and three minutes after the break we were six to the good, Klein passing into the box for Dempsey to drill a shot into the net. The scoring was completed seven minutes into the second half when, fittingly, we scored our seventh goal. Klein completed his hat-trick of assists, cutting a ball back from the by-line for Liverpool defender Zak Whitbread to smack into the bottom corner of the net.

Fickle as football fans are, the fans were in full support of my reign after managing to batter a truly awful Panama side, though perhaps they were happier about the fact that Canada’s 3-1 win over Jamaica meant we had qualified for the 3rd phase of qualification, not only that but as group winners as well. The phrase ‘ya dancer’ came quickly to mind, but was dismissed just as fast when I realised I wasn’t, in fact, a chav.

Final Score: U.S.A. 7 – 0 Panama
(Dempsey 3”, 48”; Reyna 9”, 35”; Twellman 18”, 22”; Whitbread 52”)
MoM: Dempsey (10)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Russell, Mastroeni, Whitbread, Vanney; Donovan, Klein, Clark, Reyna, Dempsey; Twellman
Subs: Grabavoy for Reyna (53) Ching for Twellman (53) Dunivant for Dempsey (79)

Terk

Now, never would I be one to criticise a referee. They have a tough job made ver more difficult by players who show them little respect and try to influence them without a moment’s hesitation. But James Bell’s a git. He had refereed us twice before we faced Canada, both against Jamaica, and on both occasions had felt it necessary to remove a player from the proceedings. This time around, however, he seemed to have it in mind to do everything he could to guarantee a home win.

Having taken the lead through Landon Donovan, and then lost it thanks to Oliver Occean, we fell foul of Mr Bell’s first ridiculous decision, awarding a penalty when Tomasz Radzinski decided that standing up required to much effort, and flopped to the floor with no American within a foot of him. Michäel Klukowski gave us a reprieve by ballooning his penalty attempt into the stands, and seven minutes later, Taylor Twellman showed how thankful we were by driving a shot past Pat Onstad to put us back in front.

We were still ahead come the start of the second half, but six minutes in, Mr Bell thought it best to show a straight red card to Dema Kovalenko for his disagreement with a refereeing decision, despite having shown only yellow cards to the three Canadians who comitted the same offence in the first period. That, obviously, wasn’t enough though, and Zak Whitbread’s second innocuous challenge on Radzinski brought about his second unjustified yellow card, and the inevitable red that followed.

Things can get a little difficult when trying to defend a lead with only nine men on the field, and so they did. Felix Brilliant levelled the scores with twenty minutes remaining, and Rob Friend (apparantly a nice bloke) then pludered a late hat-trick to send us crashing to defeat. Needless to say, my yokel faithful entirely blamed me for the defeat, and discussions centred on whether to send me for a humane lethal injection, or simply render a hole through my being with a Mossberg Pump.

Final Score: Canada 5 – 2 U.S.A.
(Donovan 20”; Occean 24”; Klukowski m/pen 32”; Twellman 39”; Kovalenko s/off 51”; Whitbread s/off 66”; Brilliant 70”; Friend 73”, 81”, 87”)
MoM: Rob Friend (10)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Russell, Mastroeni, Whitbread, Dunivant; Donovan, Grabavoy, Kovalenko, Dempsey, Alvarez; Twellman
Subs: Clark for Twellman (51) Adu for Alvarez (51) Hejduk for Dempsey (66)

Terk

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">| Pos | Inf | Team | | Pld | Won | Drn | Lst | For | Ag | G.D. | Pts | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 1st | Q | U.S.A. | | 6 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 19 | 6 | +13 | 13 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 2nd | Q | Canada | | 6 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 16 | 12 | +4 | 12 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 3rd | | Jamaica | | 6 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 8 | 7 | +1 | 10 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 4th | | Panama | | 6 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 2 | 20 | -18 | 0 | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| </pre>