retired_bbcarr

I'll try, okkas

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My, my, aren’t Americans an arrogant people? More so, possibly, than both Australia and England combined. Their utter belief in their absolute right to win any sporting contest they enter continued to astound me, such was the public dismay at the ‘embarrassment’ of finishing third in the Gold Cup.

Our next match was a World Cup qualifier against Mexico, played at the Estadio Azteca. With Greg Vanney missing through injury – a hip problem would keep him out for four months – and Onyewu, Reyna, Dempsey and Beasley all suspended, I was struggling to see how things could go in our favour. I was even more panicked when the chairman of the football association walked into my office and threatened that, should we fail to return with a win, he would schedule a meeting for my forehead and the business end of a baseball bat and then, almost as if to emphasise his point, spat tobacco at my feet.

Twenty minutes into the game though, it looked as if I needn’t have worried. We had escaped the clutches of James Bell’s refereeing, and all twenty-two players remained on the field for the duration. We had gone in front through Twellman with not even sixty seconds registered on the clock, and had followed that up with a stunning strike from Landon Donovan to leave the home team stunned.

Arrogance can be costly though, and within sixty seconds, Bofo Bautista had pulled Mexico back into the game. We, apparently, forgot how to defend from that point, and Bautista had levelled the scores just before half time.

During the break I stated to the lads just how important it was to keep their cool, and make sure that they made no mistakes. All that went out of the window within a minute of the second period starting, Eddie Pope going missing as Juan Palencia strolled through our defence to give his nation the lead.

Just after the hour mark the game was settled, Antonio de Nigris firing home from long distance past a static Nick Rimando, and our ‘keeper was once again found wanting when Gerardo Torrado volleyed a limp shot towards him, that he somehow let slip into the net. All in all, I strongly considered taking refuge in Mexico, but in the end bit the bullet, and took my baseball style beating like a man.

Final Score: Mexico 5 – 2 U.S.A.
(Twellman 1�; Donovan 19�; Bautista 20�, 45+2�; Palencia 46�; de Nigris 62�; Torrado 82�)
MoM: Luis Ernesto Perez (10)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Russell, Pope, Whitbread, Dunivant; Donovan, Klein, Kovalenko, Nunez, Alvarez; Twellman
Subs: Grabavoy for Nunez (55) Karbassiyoon for Alvarez (55) Ching for Twellman (55)

retired_bbcarr

With the heavy defeat against Mexico still weighing heavy on the nation’s collective mind, we made the trip north to Edmonton to face Canada a month later. Defeat to our northern neighbours would be unthinkable, especially considering that I had recently been told by the national association that they were less than happy with the progress we were making.

Zak Whitbread and Dema Kovalenko were missing from the squad with minor injuries, not that either of them had been playing particularly well in the past few games. It’s extremely doubtful that either would have done anything to stop Tomasz Radzinski waltz through our defence and striking a fierce shot past Nick Rimando in just the third minute.

The fifty-odd thousand Canucks in the Commonwealth Stadium were going crazy at the thought of beating us again, and their frenzied happiness knew no bounds when Julian De Guzman rifled home a shot from thirty yards before the half time break.

I honestly couldn’t think of anything to tell the boys during the interval; how do you cheer up a bunch of guys who know with true conviction that they are about to lose to a big rival? I certainly had no clue, and perhaps that’s part of the reason why they looked so dreadfully lacklustre as they went back out onto the pitch for the second half.

Within seven minutes of the restart, defeat was all but confirmed when Pablo Mastroeni felled Rob Friend in the penalty area, and Michël Klukowski slotted the resultant penalty past the despairing arm of Rimando.

Canada were truly dominating the game. Not even a triple substitution after we went three down could pump any life into our deathly still body. Every pass we made went awry, every tackle we tried was useless. Never had I seen an American sporting side perform so woefully badly. Well, maybe their rugby team were a bit worse.

We gained a slight scratch of respectability in the final ten minutes when we finally conjured a chance on goal, Ante Razov curling a shot towards the top corner, only to see it tipped wide by the flying Pat Onstad. Not a minute later though, we did manage to get on the scoresheet, Arturo Alvarez playing a perfectly weighted ball between the Canadian centre backs and Razov timing his run excellently to meet it with a strong left foot and leave Onstad to retrieve it from the back of his net.

It was little consolation, if any at all, but it made me feel that little bit better about matters. With an almost guaranteed win coming up over Surinam three days later, we sat in sixth place in the table, already looking up a steep hill towards qualification.

Final Score: Canada 3 – 1 U.S.A.
(Radzinski 3�; De Guzman 36�; Klukowski pen 52�; Razov 83�)
MoM: Rob Friend (8)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Russell, Pope, Mastroeni, Dunivant; Donovan, Reyna, Zavagin, Alvarez, Beasley; Twellman
Subs: Grabavoy for Zavagnin (53) Klein for Donovan (53) Razov for Twellman (53)

retired_amyslack

Are you losing all these games deliberately to compensate for your success with Forest???

retired_aurie

I have the feeling that he's about to experiment with the "being on the sacking end of coaching"

I don't think he'll last long with them yanks

retired_swmchick2006

Ouch. I since end of the line.

retired_swmchick2006

(sense )

retired_bbcarr

that's a good reason, Bob. Yeah, I claim it's all deliberate. It is. Honest Cheers, axeman and attjen, hopefully the noose isn't being readied for me just yet

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The public and the press were once again calling for a huge scoreline when we entertained Surinam, and this time I was taking their threats of vengeance should sufficient goals not be scored a little more seriously; certainly the mini electric chair sent to my office got my attention.

Perhaps my desperation for a result got to the players and inspired them, or perhaps Surinam truly are that awful; whatever the reason, come the full time whistle there were distinctly fewer beads of sweat on my forehead than there had been after the last two games, and I made far fewer furtive glances around the crowd looking for any evidence of a gun barrel.

A few of the older guard had been brought back into the starting line up for the game against our no hope opposition; the young lads had finally tested my patience too far with their ineptitude. Ante Razov got us off to a fantastic start with goals in the eighth and eleventh minutes, Landon Donovan and Pablo Mastroeni doing the hard work to lay on the chances for the respective goals.

By half time we’d plundered a third, Beasley putting a superb cross into the box for Claudio Reyna to firmly head home, and Surinam had been reduced to ten men (though for once the referee wasn’t James Bell) when Adri Boulahrouz was sent off for a foul on Razov when the striker was clean through on goal.

On the hour mark, Razov completed his hat-trick, his fourth goal in just two games, when he pounced on a loose ball ten yards from goal, taking only a single touch before lashing his shot past Daan Spelbas in the Surinam goal.

Reyna was enjoying one of his finer games since I had taken over, and got on the end of another cross, this time from Klein, to score his second goal of the day with fifteen minutes left, and our scoring was rounded off when Klein knocked a Mastroeni free kick into the path of Eddie Pope, and the veteran defender stabbed a shot past Spelbas.

To say I was a relieved man would have been an understatement; I clearly owed Ante Razov more than a few pints. The win put us up to fourth in the table, just a place off the play-off position and with a game against the none-too-great Honduras next on our qualification calendar.

Final Score: U.S.A. 6 – 0 Surinam
(Razov 8�, 11�, 60�; Reyna 33�, 75�; Boulahrouz s/off 41; Pope 80�)
MoM: Razov (10)

U.S.A.: Friedel; Cherundolo, Pope, Agoos, Dunivant; Donovan, Reyna, Mastroeni, Klein, Beasley; Razov
Subs: none

retired_aurie1201

good gawd - getting punted twice on the bounce against Canadia! It's red arse time!! And don't think a 6 - 0 drubbing of Surinam is going to spare you any blushes. Head coaches stateside put food on the table by treading water with the Mexican's and keeping the Canadian's under.

so . . . who is this Dunivant character and why the hell is Nick Rimando 1st choice keeper - did I miss an injury there for any one of 3 other keepers that easily keep him out of the side (Keller, Howard, Friedel <--- although he is supposedly retired.)

That's it Terk! You get bounced, and I'm putting in my application for the job!

retired_bbcarr

to say I've been disappointed by results would be an understatement I've been expecting the sack every time I hit continue

Rimando is 1st choice for personal vendetta reasons. I don't like Friedel because he was **** at Liverpool (despite quite obviously being a good 'keeper, and as I'm totally narrow minded, I blame him completely ) I couldn't pick Howard because he plays for Man Utd, and Keller is just ****

Todd Dunivant is a left back for LA Galaxy. I'm assuming he's far better in FM than in reality.

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My selection policy baffled even me for our game against Honduras. Having brought back in some of the elder statesmen of the country’s game, and having won convincingly, even though only against Surinam, I decided to fling the young guns back into the side to see if they could be equally good in disposing of Honduras and keep me in the job for another game at least.

The signs were less than good when James Bell arrived at the ground for his refereeing duties, the hitman I had hired to take him out before he got to the Rose Bowl had, quite obviously, failed in his duties. And Bell didn’t look like he was about to forgive and forget as he awarded a penalty to Honduras inside four minutes, though to be honest, Zak Whitbread’s handball was pretty obvious.

Thankfully, Junior Izaguirre missed the spot kick, Rimando fooled into diving to his right, but spared as he watched the ball inch wide of the left post. Bell then seemed to take it upon himself to show that he was merely crap and not biased, as he ridiculously sent off Gerson Baca for two bookable offences in the 25th minute, and awarded us a penalty seven minutes later when even our most ardent supporters were left scratching their head as to where the foul only he had seen had actually taken place.

That was never going to worry us though, and Leeds United left winger, Eddie Lewis rifled the penalty kick past Noel Valladares for a totally undeserved lead. With a man extra on the field, we still made heavy whether of creating any sort of opening, and come the half time whistle we remained just the one goal in front.

Landon Donovan, probably the most talented player in our squad, and who had recently agreed a deal to join Newcastle when the transfer window re-opened, was clearly angered at the ineptitude of his teammates. During the second half, the diminutive winger took it upon himself to create opportunities for anyone who could make their way into the Honduras penalty area, and thankfully we managed to take two of them before the final whistle was blown.

First to benefit from Landon’s good work was Ned Grabavoy. The young midfielder had come on just past the hour mark for Claudio Reyna, who was playing with none of the verve that he had shown against Surinam. Donovan’s dancing on the right won him the space to deliver a superb cross, and Grabavoy was waiting to stab it past Valladares with a well-timed toe poke.

The clinching goal didn’t come until injury time was almost upon us, and to be honest the visitors had crafted more than a few opportunities of their own to wrest themselves back into the game. But for once, Nick Rimando was playing well in goal, and when Donovan’s cross was met by Klein’s sweet volley in the ninetieth minute, the points were finally sealed in our favour and we kept our momentum up the table, moving into third place and a play-off position.

Final Score: U.S.A. 3 – 0 Honduras
(Izaguirre m/pen 4�; Baca s/off 25�; Lewis pen 32�; Grabavoy 68�; Klein 90�)
MoM: Landon Donovan (9)

U.S.A.: Rimando; Russell, Onyewu, Whitbread, Karbassiyoon; Donovan, Reyna, Armas, Klein, Lewis; Razov
Subs: Mastroeni for Whitbread (62) Grabavoy for Reyna (62)

retired_bbcarr

I’m sure by now you have all come to realise my true hatred for a referee who goes by the name of James Bell. Everything he had done as a referee irritated me, his devoted love for his red card was perhaps the worst of his traits, but nothing he had done even came close to our match against Costa Rica at the Rose Bowl.

For seventy minutes this was merely a normal James Bell refereed game. One side were reduced to ten men in the early going and the rest were walking on eggshells for fear that they’d be next if they so much as sneezed. The man to be given his marching orders was our own Ante Razov. Without so much as a foul to his name, Razov had a few heated words with Bell in the ninth minute and was sent directly from the field.

That didn’t bother us too much though, we’d been expecting that one of us would be removed from the pitch before the first half hour was out, and much of the previous few days training had been taken up with 10 vs 11 to make sure we were prepared for the situation.

And indeed we flourished in it. Costa Rica looked nothing like the side who had beaten us in the Gold Cup semi final, and we had at least four clear chances before we finally took the lead in the 36th minute. Landon Donovan was proving a menace to the Costa Rican defence, and it was he who stole the ball off a sleeping Jonathan Rodriguez and fired the ball past Luis MartÃ*nez to give us the lead.

That was how it stayed until the seventieth minute. Of course, Bell had handed out his requisite flourish of yellow cards in the mean time, seemingly for as little as having the temerity to touch a fellow player, and they had a big part to play in the following seventeen minutes.

With twenty minutes of the game left, and innocuous clash between Todd Dunivant and Harold Villalobos saw both shown their second yellow card of the day and ordered from the field. If that wasn’t bad enough, debutant striker Jamil Walker jumped out of the way of a challenge from Rolando Fonseca, but Mr Bell thought it still worthy of a yellow card, and as it was Fonseca’s second, the numbers were levelled at nine apiece.

Everyone on the sidelines was left bemused, and were even more so come the eighty seventh minute when Bell found that his red card had resided in his pocket for too long, and chose Gilberto MartÃ*nez as his next victim. There were now only seventeen players left on the field, our nine to their eight, and we went on to seal the victory with goals in injury time from Jamil Walker and Claudio Reyna, both set up by crosses from Arturo Alvarez.

I was, quite simply, stunned. Yes, we had got the three points, yes that lifted us into second place and truly re-ignited our hopes of going to Germany, and yes, the win even lifted us up to 6th in the world rankings, but we had quite possibly just seen the worst refereeing performance ever witnessed by man or beast in the history of the game. It truly was something to behold.

Final Score: U.S.A. 3 – 0 Costa Rica
(Razov s/off 9â€�; Donovan 36â€�; Dunivant s/off 70â€�; Villalobos s/off 70â€�; Fonseca s/off 76â€�; G. MartÃ*nez s/off 87â€�; Walker 90+1â€�; Reyna 90+5â€�)
MoM: Arturo Alvarez (8)

U.S.A.: Friedel; Cherundolo, Pope, Bocanegra, Dunivant; Donovan, Grabavoy, Mastroeni, Dempsey, Beasley; Razov
Subs: Alvarez for Beasley (65) Reyna for Grabavoy (65) Walker for Donovan (68)