The Life and Times of St Pete's Boys... (they'll need a miracle...)

Matt1010 · 08-10-2005, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by attjen:
Thugs Queue up Outside the Doors of Dinamo

Reports continue to come in that Jenski is sorting through any number of brutal youths with a minimum of football talent

Harsh, accurate but harsh. Are you in a position tho to be
a; picky, and
b; brave enough to risk the wrath of the ''Crippler'' in a dark alley?

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-12-2005, 11:23 PM

St Pete's Boys Announce Signings

Maximov Jenski today distributed a team sheet for the upcoming season of the 20 players that fans will be hoping, most likely uselessly, can scrap together some decent performances to save the club's already sewage quality reputation.

The club so far seems to be divided into thugs, recently released insane asylum patients, useless wasters, and idealistic busybodies who seem to think they can actually 'make a difference' at the club.

It is bit like watching a car plummet off the side of cliff isn't it?

Squad list:

GK: Bobski Berberov
GK: Hermanov Toothrotski
DL: Maxim Jenkov
D L/R: Vladimir Maximov Chrzipplerinski
D/DM L/C: Robert Raskolnikov
DC: Vladimir Tonerovski
DC: Georgiy Kharp
D/DM C: Stanovoi Khrebet Molotov
D/DM C: Mihkel Karlovitj Veske - "Misja"
D/S C: Garzon Moriz Abuzaglo
DR: Valentin Iliev
D/DMR: Biig Takehiski Pantsov
DMC: Mikhail Ramius Golovko - "Golo"
DM/F C: Golovanov Gubarev - "Bull"
AML: Sergei Powersov
AM/F L/C: Kopiteski Pravaya
AMC: Evanov Nicholas
AM/F C/R: Aliasander Anerdov
AMR: Alexander Korjev
SC: Georgio Georgiokov

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-12-2005, 11:33 PM

Summarized player profiles

Evanov Nicholas:

Quote:

Son of a German father and Russian mother. Father was a trades union organizer turned leftist political activist, and moved to Russia following the fall of the Soviet Union to be with Evanov's mother.

Evanov enjoys the classic films of Dolph Lungren and "dispensing currency" in hopes of attracting a model girlfriend--"I may not be best footballer yet, but that does not preclude me from having footballer lifestyle," Evanov says.

Georgio Georgikov:

Quote:

His Italian father Georgio George married a russian woman when he went for his holidays, who then renamed his son Georgio Georgikov. Turned to the unhelpful world of the mafia before he started to play football.

Is a tough hardnut of a striker. Likes long walks in the snow, sun rises and Gangster movies ie Godfather.

Mikhail Ramius Golovko:

Quote:

Born and raised in the far easterly port city of Vladivostok. He is rumoured to have many Mafia connections, the decsion between a life in the underworld and his boyhood dream of being a professional footballer was said to have been a hard one, a few pundits seem to think he may not of left that part of his life totally behind.

Mihkel Karlovitj Veske:

Quote:

Born in Tallin, Estonia, with an estonian mother and russian father (military). Due to tha fathers career the family first moved to Moscow, Russia, and after the fathers death to St. Petersburg at the age of 11. Intrests include football, girls and early morning fishing trips. Hopes of someday playing for his country.

Garzon Moriz Abuzaglo:

Quote:

Promising Moroccan native who was relocated to Russia under an international witness protection/relocation program involving testimony relating to the Italian mafia.

Wonderful ability to lose pursuit, Abuzaglo disappeared into the Russian countryside for ten years before resurfacing to testify with determination at the trial of certain unnamed mafia leaders.

His name now no longer a highly classified secret, Abuzaglo resumed his once promising junior career as a battle hardened striker for controversy-plagued Dinamo Peterburg in his newly beloved homeland of Russia

Kopiteski Pravaya:

Quote:

A giant (6 foot 6 inches) left sided player whose left foot is good for nothing but standing on!

Pravaya has a brilliant right foot, but insists that he is a natural left minded player(though logic would indicate otherwise)who doesn't mind playing at center occasionally. He can play on the right side, but trouble will soon follow as he is bound to start making a stink about it in the news, in the locker room, wherever it takes to be played where he is most comfortable.

Bit of a hard arse and prone to heavy bouts drinking, but only when things aren't going well, but otherwise a pretty reasonable guy. Fiercly loyal to his team, and so might go off on the ref and the other team when a call goes against them. Also, expect Pravaya to go ballistic when people start leaving the team for "greener pastures" Mad

In the youth team Pravaya played in Goal (as all 6'6" kids are when they are but wee lads!)but proved to be a bit of a liability there as he often pulled down oppositions players in the box for penalties and red cards -- but would be a great back up just in case all primary goalies get tossed or injured.

Pravaya is a little more mature for his age than most. He married his secondary school sweet heart the suprisingly pretty Ryanna Phillipovna just days after he signed on with the youth team, and were pregnant with twins just days after that. Unbelievably, it took just 3 months after the birth of the boys when they realized they were preganant again, this time to be twin girls. To support his family, Pravaya works part time at a music kiosk near the stadium, but hopes to put that in the past by signing a pro contract with the senior squad

Mrs. Pravaya is a miraculous wife, and usually does well on her own as Pravaya has to be away from home with the team, but will occasionally lose it if Pravaya starts in with the drinking. By lose it, think Frying Pan, or other large heavy object -- and some rather odd injuries!

Aliasander Anerdov:

Quote:

Being a speedy and pin-point passing player, Anerdov is a typical team player who runs himself to the ground. He thrives on making his teammates good. He`s the type who holds the team together.

Despite being a leader on the pitch he shakes with nervousity and bites his nails off before tough important matches. No bottle.

Outside the pitch he is devoted to taking care of his mother and NEVER gets into trouble. He also has problems when meeting new people from different cultures, due to more or less never being outside except when playing football.

Rumours from Anerdov`s mothers friends has led Matjinka (Mothers name) to believe that Aliasander has strong connections to the American military and political beliefs (including capitalism).

As a matter of fact, Aliasander WAS conceived after his mother was pregnated using an American officer`s seamen by Russian scientists working on a secret "research project" in the late 70s.

Matjinka herself now has serious doubts over her son, and their "Norman Bates"-like relationship is now in peril.

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-12-2005, 11:40 PM

Summarized player profiles continued

Hermanov Toothrotski:

Quote:

Eccentric goalkeeper born in a small village somewhere in the Siberian forest. Got his goalkeeping talents by playing football with a furcone using two trees to make up the goal. Signed recently for a football club when his family moved out to St. Petersberg.

Alexander Korjev:

Quote:

Alexander is the son of a russian soldier, he often went with him to the military front. Which made him angry and dirty, he played some soccer when he was younger, but got to many red cards, so he was kicked of the team.

Bobski Berberov:

Quote:

Bobski started his goalkeeping career as a small boy because he was too fat to run around with the outfield players. He found that despite his bulk he had a natural aptitude for the position. Although still slightly chunky most of his puppy fat has turned to muscle and he cuts an imposing figure between the posts. Regarded as an expert at saving penalties, he likes to dominate his area and is prone to wild rants of anger at his defenders if he feels that they have left him exposed. Standing at just under 2 metres in height, Bobski favours a "Kevin Keegan" style curly perm and is desperately trying to grow a "Jason King" moustache but not being naturally hirsute all the casual observer can see is a faint shadow on his top lip. Bobski never knew his father and he was raised by his mother and grandmother in a small village on the outskirts of St. Peterburg. An only child, he sometimes has difficulty relating to his teammates and can suffer the odd crisis of confidence from time to time. He is particularly sensitive about the size of his manhood and prefers to shower alone so that his teammates do not mock him. He has a pet goldfish called Rasputin who attends all of his games, transported in a specially constructed reinforced aquarium and taking pride of place just behind Bobski's goal. His goalkeeping hero is the Russian legend Lev Yashin and he consequently will only play in an all-black outfit, a habit that does not always go down well with the match officials, especially as he likes to use a whistle to attract the attention of his defenders.

Sergei Powersov:

Quote:

Young player who tends to keep to himself, but is always the first to the training ground and the last to leave. Not much is known about his past, other than the fact he was orphaned at the age 1. Although he tends to be a shy, modest guy off the pitch, he is the exact opposite on the field. A dribbling machine that learned to walk by dribbling a ball. His biggest drawback however is his horrible temper. Although he is incredibly talented at making people look foolish with his dribbling exibitions, he doesn't take kindly to being constantly fouled and will not be afraid to go in 2-footed on a player he feels deserves retaliation.

Gary Toner:

Quote:

Born in Moscow, this 6ft no nonsense defender takes no prisoners however this approach to his play has left him out in cold with the national bosses and on more than one occasion with his teammates especially as Tonerovski can't seem to curb his temprement even in training.

Being the eldest of 5 brothers and two sisters(there isn't much to do in Russia besides drink and fornicate) Tonerovski is a born leader although is this through fear or respect no one knows but with a grunt here and a grunt there that is all it takes.

If it wasn't for football he would probably be a boxer or in the military, either way he'd be kicking butt and taking numbers, Tonerovski knows only one way to play and that's playing to win first is everything, second is nothing.

Vladimir Maximov Chrzipplerinski:

Quote:

Born of unknown fatherhood to a local woman known only as Ludmilla Whorovski and abandonded at the age of 2 Vladimir changed his family name to that of his foster parents at the age of 6.

6 foot 3 and nearly 18 stone, shaved head with 'I am a bastard' tatooed on his skull Vladimir sets an imposing sight to foe and friend alike. Can honestly say he hates everybody

Poor at schoolwork but excelled at sports and soon developed an 'unusal' talent for football, being equally adept at maiming with either foot.

Set Moscow state schools records for yellow and red cards in a single season in both the under 7's and under 11's age groups, ''Vlad The Crippler'' was snapped up as an associate schoolboy by Lokomotive Smolensk at 15.

First season with Loko's youth side was cut short by a 8 month ban in his second game for punching a linesman into the seventh row of the stand.

A serious injury crisis at Loko in his second season (mainly caused by youthful exuberance in training where five team mates were hospitalized) meant a rapid elevation to the first team. Three yellows and a red card in 4 games set the scene but nobody was prepared for his recall following suspension for the local derby with Torpedeo Smolensk.

Released by his club with immediate effect Chrzipplerinsky has spent the last year in court saying his dismissal was unlawful as the game hadn't kicked off before he was shown the red card but the case is now settled and he is officially a free agent.

Details of the incident are still clouded in mystery but the facts that are known are that the Torpedeo centre forward suffered a broken leg in the tunnel, and apparently fractured his wrist, collar bone and skull in the freak fall that resulted from his collapse. The rumours of the nine hour operation at the Smolensk general hospital by a team of 5 surgeons to remove an Adidas Predator boot from his rectum still remain unconfirmed to this day.

And so the tabloid christened the ''Savage Of Smolensk''.

Stanovoi Khrebet Molotov:

Quote:

Stanovoi is a peculiar character decending from the Russian Tsar family branch from Vladivostok. He is halt Japanese and a upper-class snob with a living standard close to what one could expect of Roman Abramovich, or any other Russian with too much money. And the same awful taste. In fact Stanovoi bought the pink living room carpet (he did have this, honest) Andrei Kanchelskis had in his Man Utd-period just because is was expensive and "in his liking".

"Mr. Class" as he calls himself has newly bought himself way in to Russia`s best university and will probably also pay for passing all his exams. Therefore he need something to do all the time he`s not attending classes. Being 18 he thought that it would be fun to try the nightlife of St. Petersburg. In a hot-dog stand queue he met a bunch of raving drunk lads who were busy making up cheers and songs for a football team called St. Pete`s Boys. He thought the lads were funny.

He bought them all the food they could eat and took them all home for a afterparty with free drink and cheap women. "Strangely" enough the guys liked him and asked if he wanted to join their team.

Having always had a liking of the finer things he has a footballing role model of Johan Cryuff from Ajax and wants to be that kind of player. He has some way to go though.

On the personal side he befriends everyone, and is a social magnet. He often throws wild parties with all extras included. Though he has periods when he can go AWOL for no apparent reason, and his parents has always explained this as the "eccentricity" that naturally runs in a Tsar family. Others just thinks he has personal problems..

Golovanov "the bull" Gubarev:

Quote:

Golovanov is short (1,68 meters) stucky guy (85kg) and has the strength and stamina of an bull (which means he can run forever and can't be pushed around).
He was born in Murmansk in to a military family.
He' a quit guy who you don't wan't to step on the toes (either on or off the field). He's well known for his (often) brutal tackles (which as earned him some cards in his short time in football). His main objective on the pitch is to NOT let the opponent get past.
When he isn't playing football you'll most likely find at the gym or at the shooting range (he has a love for fire arms - which he most likly has picked up during his childhood).
He's extremely loyal to his friends and team (and people who harras his friends/teammates will discover this when they wake up in the hospital).
On the pitch he's what you could call technically challenged - in other words he can't hit the goal if his life depended on it and he only dribbles (if you can call it that) when he want's to cheer up his friends (which is never) but since his job is to stop the opponent he isn't to bothered with his lack of technique.

Robert Raskolnikov:

Quote:

Born in the suburbs of Moscow, Raskolnikov never was a tall boy (5 foot 11) nor one who could throw his weight around as he didn't have much. He never really excelled in school, albeit he was never particurarly dumb. He found in football what his estranged family could never offer him, acceptance he shone above the rest and showed excellent ability with the ball although he was always in defence/defensive midfield. left footed he was quite handy and played well in youth teams and was scouted several times by russian clubs ie CSKA Moscow but nothing ever came of it. He carried on, doing his best to get noticed by clubs and sticking at what he grew to only know.

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-12-2005, 11:44 PM

Summarized Player Profiles continued

Valentin Iliev:

Quote:

Born in St. Petersburg without a vast amount of natural talent and without much interest in schooling, Iliev spent much of his time working on his technical skills and getting the most out of his potential. Fairly quiet but confident in his own abilities, had trials for a couple of clubs but never made the grade.

Georgiy Kharp:

Quote:

From the City of Kharp in siberia, Georgiy is the son of a miner. Growing up in such an evironment means Georgiy is a hard worker and tough.
However, he has a wild streak and can be undisciplined on and off the field. He is not one to handle to pressure of big games, and plays a visually unimpressive game, but gets the job done.

Maxim Jenkov:

Quote:

Jenkov is a last minute signing by Dinamo St Pete's, and while he would look to have a good mental approach to the game, he's pretty much a waste of a human body. He looks like a cross between an accountant and a mortician, only with less color to his skin. If he has any muscle on his frame it is well disguised by his long boney arms and legs, which are about as coordinated as a puppet on a string.

Actually, a puppet would probably be more use. Rumoured never to have set a foot on a pitch before, and only experience with the game comes from sitting at home playing video games.

Biig Takehiski Pantsov: (Unconfirmed report)

Quote:

The large panted fullback has only one determined thought when playing football which is to get the ball and run past everyone (including his teammates). He's a ballhog, but doesn't mind playing in the back. ("More room to run with the ball") It is said he has some family in Finland, and is used to long trips travelling back and forth between there and his home in St Petersburg, causing frequent periods where the player can't be found. This has created a very "go it alone" attitude for the player, who really couldn't care who he gets along with. Has no interest in criminal activity or politics ("bores the girls"), but has a tendency to return from his trips to Finland with "groin strains".

retired_aurie1201 · 08-13-2005, 04:43 PM

Dynamo St. Pete's Kopiteski Pravaya sat down with local fansite "Khrenovoye Govno" today ahead of their pre-season kick off to talk about the extension of his career at St. Pete's, and a little about his team mates.

XG: You've been with Dynamo Peterburg now since joining the youth team. How do you feel about signing your first pro-contract with the first team?

KP: It's actually been a huge relief for me. My heart has always been with St. Pete's, and it was quite worriesome at times to witness the changes going on at the club, always with the feeling that we'd all just be let go and we'd be forced to close up shop. It was also dissapointing to see most of the first squad leave. They were all hero's to me -- and now they are pathetic, money grubbing mercenaries. They are dead to me now.

I am very much looking forward to starting this season anew. When all of the final contracts are signed, I will be able to quit all the partime jobs that I have and will be able to concentrate fully on football. St. Pete's has never seen the best of me. I am a very young man, and must improve.

XG: Tell us a little about the team, the new manager and your team mates.

KP: In a way, it's nice to see so many of the guys picked up from the Youth Team. There was a lot of top quality there to begin with, and it's the blood of the youth team that has led to the resurgence of the First Team in recent years. Many of the guys were almost ready to break into the first team anyways, so playing at this new level may initially be a shock, but I am sure we will adjust soon.

We are a bit rough at the back, in more ways than one. But there is real talent there with Misha Veske and Vladi Tonerovski. Most of the new guys coming in are of the same tough sort. You'll hear alot of rumors about thier back grounds, but how they perform on the pitch will be most important.

There are many options in midfield - but you'll probably recognize some names like Nikko Evanov and Golo Golovko. Everybody will be eager to get forward and contribute offensively - including myself.

Up front we have lots of flair and a bit of foreign flavor in Garzon Abuzalgo and Georgiokov, but many other's will be willing to step in and take thier chances when given the opportunity.

KG: Are there any real leaders who have stood out on the team, and who will inspire Dynamo Petes to stay up this year?

KP: Well, we have not really begun to practice together yet - so it would be hard to say. To be captain would be an honor, and several of the guys could do well. We'll see how that plays out. But most important it how we listen and respond to Maximov Jenski.

KG: Do you see Maximov Jenski as the man to lead this team onward and upward in the Russian First League?

KP: Mr. Jenski is a confident manager. I am told he is a visionary, and has alot of work to do to weave the parts of the team into one living, breathing, unit. There is alot going on behind the scenes right now that I cannot talk about, but Mr. Jenski is sure to play a major role in that. We have alot to lose, more than you know, so we must all stick together on this even if we get off to a rough start.

KG: Well, thank you for your time today - Hopefully we'll have you back soon after the start of the season and you can talk about how things are going

KP: Thank you -- I'm excited just to be a part of this. Long Live DYNAMO PETES!!!

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-15-2005, 05:11 PM

Jenski announces non-playing staff

Maximov Jenski today released the names of the non-playing staff that Dinamo Peterburg will be calling up this season.

Eric Fleming, an American goalkeeper who has been coaching for the youth side, has been named assistant manager. Fleming made an apperance last year for the senior side, but as his contract was based primarily on his youth coaching commitments, he has stayed on at the club. It is not expected that Fleming will be needed on the pitch except in case of emergency.

Damon Wattsokov has been named Coach. The 38-year old has been with the youth club for a while, and is considered to have a very good overall approach to the game.

54-year old Kilti Buffrovko, a Russian-Scotch physio will take over physiotherapy duties.

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-15-2005, 05:14 PM

Schedule Announced

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> ************************************************** ********************************************** Dinamo St. Petersburg - Saturday 2nd March 2002********************************************** ************************************************** ================================================== ============================================== 2002 Fixtures========================================== ================================================== ====Date Opposition Ven Competition Res Attend Scorers-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------9.3.02 Dinamo Makhachkala H Friendly --- ----- 13.3.02 Dinamo Krasnodar H Friendly --- ----- 16.3.02 Dinamo Izhevsk H Friendly --- ----- 20.3.02 Dinamo Bryansk H Friendly --- ----- 24.3.02 Dinamo Barnaul H Friendly --- ----- 31.3.02 SKA Khabarovsk A First Division --- ----- 6.4.02 Fakel H First Division --- ----- 13.4.02 Amkar A First Division --- ----- 19.4.02 Gaz-Gaz H First Division --- ----- 25.4.02 Kristall Smolensk A First Division --- ----- 1.5.02 Rubin H First Division --- ----- 7.5.02 Lokomotiv Chita A First Division --- ----- 13.5.02 Spartak Nalchik H First Division --- ----- 19.5.02 Kuban H First Division --- ----- 25.5.02 SKA Rostov-na-Donu A First Division --- ----- 31.5.02 Neftekhimik H First Division --- ----- 6.6.02 Lada A First Division --- ----- 12.6.02 Tom H First Division --- ----- 18.6.02 Khimki A First Division --- ----- 24.6.02 Chernomorets H First Division --- ----- 3.7.02 Volgar A First Division --- ----- 9.7.02 Metallurg Krasnoyars H First Division --- ----- 13.7.02 SKA Khabarovsk H First Division --- ----- 24.7.02 Fakel A First Division --- ----- 30.7.02 Amkar H First Division --- ----- 5.8.02 Gaz-Gaz A First Division --- ----- 11.8.02 Kristall Smolensk H First Division --- ----- 17.8.02 Rubin A First Division --- ----- 23.8.02 Lokomotiv Chita H First Division --- ----- 29.8.02 Spartak Nalchik A First Division --- ----- 4.9.02 Neftekhimik A First Division --- ----- 8.9.02 SKA Rostov-na-Donu H First Division --- ----- 12.9.02 Tom A First Division --- ----- 18.9.02 Lada H First Division --- ----- 24.9.02 Kuban A First Division --- ----- 30.9.02 Khimki H First Division --- ----- 6.10.02 Chernomorets A First Division --- ----- 12.10.02 Volgar H First Division --- ----- 19.10.02 Metallurg Krasnoyars A First Division --- ----- </pre>

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-15-2005, 05:49 PM

Initial Screenshots Available Here

(Notea: If you notice that your key attribute is not as high as you requested, it isn't because I didn't change it with the savegame editor - I did. Because of our relatively low CA, your key attribute wasn't allowed to get that high by the game engine. In other words, your attribute may not be as high as you expected, but it is as high as it could be right now.

Any player with a minimum release clause, it is for 250,000 pounds.)

retired_swmchick2006 · 08-15-2005, 05:50 PM

A few scouts lingering at Dinamo Peterburg

According to those who have been watching St Pete's Boys practices there are a couple of scouts still watching the recent signing. Among those that we have confirmed:

(Player - Scouting Team)
Abuzaglo - Offenbach
Anerdov - Verl
Chrzipplerinski - Dinamo Perm
Powersov - Batika
Pravaya - Villareal

The Life and Times of St Pete's Boys... (they'll need a miracle...)

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The Life and Times of St Pete's Boys... (they'll need a miracle...)